Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  I got in the car and went to the grocery store.

  My errand took longer than I had anticipated and it was time to start supper when I got home. Dane was watching TV, so I yelled into the living room to tell him to stay out of the kitchen. He grunted in reply, still in a pissy mood.

  I made a nice dinner of pasta with shrimp and broccoli. In hindsight, this was probably not the best idea since I loaded it with garlic and that was not helping my breath for the hot make-up sex I planned later. Oh well. I loved shrimp. That’s what mouthwash was for.

  I set the table and called Dane when the food was ready. I was careful to make pleasant dinner conversation that was neutral and not rambling unproductively. I finally got him talking about the Zombie TV show that would be on later and it broke the ice a little bit.

  After we were done eating, I left the dishes in the sink and excused myself to start a project in my room. Once I had my presents wrapped and ready, I went into the living room to put my plan into action.

  “Dane, could you please come into the kitchen. I picked up a special dessert at the grocery store.”

  “I’m not really hungry right now,” he mumbled without looking at me.

  “I don’t care. Get your ass off the couch and get into the kitchen.”

  Dane’s head snapped to attention and he gave me a questioning look. He wasn’t used to me giving the orders. I pointed to the kitchen and he followed me.

  “Just shut up and listen,” I ordered. “You can’t change the past. I understand that. I also understand that you regret telling me about yours because you think it changes things between us. It doesn’t. You’re still the same person you were this morning. You’re still my Brick Wall. You always will be. That being said, I got you something at the grocery store. I can’t go back and make your childhood a happy one. However, I can try my damnedest to make sure that this moment right now is as enjoyable as possible.”

  I went into the refrigerator and got out a birthday cake. It already had candles in it, so I began to light them. It had eleven candles in it, one for each day that I knew him. I’m so romantic!

  “Happy Birthday, Dane. I’m sorry I wasn’t around to celebrate any of your other birthdays and I’m sorry that you don’t know when your real one is. But I’m here now and this cake is pretty fucking real and so am I. Now make a wish.”

  Dane stared at me for a good minute before he spoke.

  Without taking his eyes off mine, he said, “My wish already came true.”

  Dane blew out the candles and smiled at me. Now came phase two of my plan.

  “You didn’t think that was it, did you? You can’t have a birthday without presents,” I said as suggestively as possible.

  “Oh, really? There’s more?” he asked curiously.

  I pointed to the kitchen table, which held two beautifully wrapped gifts. There was a large box and a small box.

  “You didn’t have to buy me anything, Izzy. I owe you too much already.” His face immediately fell and he began to look uncomfortable.

  “Who said I bought you anything? The small box is the one that you have to open first. It’s meaningful. It will need to be explained. The large box is NOT TO KEEP. It is to USE while you’re here. It does NOT leave the house. Do I make myself clear? You can’t have it. It’s yours to use on loan.”

  “Wow. I didn’t know birthday presents had so many rules.”

  Dane picked up the small box first and shook it. It made no sound. It was about the size of a bar of soap. Actually that’s the exact box I used to wrap it. My mom always did that. She knew I would shake my presents and inspect the size of the box, so she always used fake boxes to wrap stuff in. I can’t tell you how many boxes of macaroni and cheese I opened that were really earrings or gift cards. It got to the point where I expected a macaroni box for every holiday. I miss those.

  Dane carefully unwrapped the package to reveal a soap box.

  “Do I stink?” he asked.

  “No. It’s a decoy box. Open it up,” I prompted.

  He picked off the tape, opened the box, and peeked inside. He pulled out a Monopoly game card and read it out loud.

  “Get of jail free. I don’t get it. What is this?” he asked.

  “When my mom and dad first started dating, they got into a big disagreement over something stupid that my mom said. I guess she unintentionally offended him and she felt really bad about it. She was still learning how to talk to people and not come off as an arrogant spoiled rich girl. In order to apologize and try to prove to my dad that she liked him and she felt bad for hurting his feelings, she gave him one of these. She told him that he could use the card whenever he wanted as a free pass to get out of trouble. She explained that it was a one-use only type of deal and he should save it for something important. She told him that no matter how mad at him she was for whatever reason, all he had to do was show her the card and she would forgive him. He was so touched by her gesture that he kept it in his wallet. As far as I know, he still had it with him on the day they died. It’s probably floating in the Caribbean right now. Or a fish ate it.”

  “Really? He never used it?” Dane asked.

  “Nope. He pulled it out sometimes when she was mad at him, but he always put it away again. He said that he was saving it for when he really needed it one day. I think he just liked keeping it as a reminder that my mom made mistakes too. We all make mistakes and we all need forgiveness sometimes. So I’m giving that card to you. Because I like the idea of redemption and forgiveness.”

  “You said your mom started the fight with your dad. But you didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t need forgiveness.”

  “I know. But I’m sure I will eventually. I’ll say something stupid without thinking first. Or I’ll follow you after you tell me not to. Just keep the card. You never know when you might need it.”

  He nodded his head thoughtfully and put it in his pocket. I could tell he wasn’t very impressed. I guess it mattered more to me because of my parents.

  “Open the second box.”

  Dane unwrapped the second box and he smiled once he saw what it contained.

  “Video games?”

  “Yes. You never got video games for Christmas, so I’m making that up to you now. These are the games I played when I was a kid. My dad loved video games but he hated all the 3D first person shooter violent games. He preferred the old 2D Nintendo games. So this is what I was stuck with. To this day I can’t play the new video games now because they’re all in 3D and that’s not what I grew up with. I’m old school, baby. If it had Mario in it, then I was a fan. Why don’t you hook this up to my TV and you can get your ass handed to you. I fancy myself a bit of an expert.” You know what? NEVER challenge a man to anything. They can’t stand to lose. I was hoping his competitive nature would come out and I was absolutely right.

  “You think you can beat me at video games? Really? Spider bought a Playstation from someone that may or may not have been stolen and we played that thing constantly. I’m a king at Grand Theft Auto and all Assassin games.”

  “Yes. Listen to what you just said. Those are current 3D games. I’m talking NINTENDO. These are vintage. I have countless hours of practice. You can NOT beat me.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  “Yes. For every game I win, I get a point. Whoever gets to ten points first has to go outside with no clothes on and run around the house. You’ll be naked in ten minutes, crying like a baby,” I predicted.

  “You’re on, your highness. I’ll show you who’s boss. This will be the easiest bet I ever made,” Dane said with a smug grin. “If you get cold from having no clothes on, I might be nice and let you wrap a blanket around yourself. After all, it IS January.”

  Ahh. He was back to calling me “your highness.” Mission accomplished. There was my happy, playful Dane. Victory is sweet.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------

  “Son of a bitch! You’re a
fucking CHEATER!” Dane complained as he was one point away from a nude sprint. Yeah, that’s right. Mr. Gamer-Expert was down nine points to zero.

  “Didn’t you realize I wouldn’t make a bet that I couldn’t win?” I asked him. “I’ve spent years playing these games. I know all the secret places to warp Mario so he gets to the next level. Give up!”

  “No. Maybe we just need to pick a different game besides Super Mario. Don’t you have anything with race cars? I can handle that!” Dane said, clearly upset over his losing streak.

  “Well, I guess in order to be fair we could play Mario Kart. It’s a racing game. That was never my favorite, but if it will give you a sporting chance, then why not?” Let’s see if he fell for that. I felt like a pool shark conning a rube. It was SO much fun.

  Dane jumped at the chance to play it. The poor guy had no idea what he was doing.

  “Dude, you picked Bowser. He’s the slowest racer. My Princess is kicking your ass!” I teased him.

  “Did you cheat AGAIN, Izzy? This is bullshit. Just let me keep my underwear on. I don’t want to give your neighbors a heart attack. Double or nothing. I demand a rematch!”

  After three hours and countless rematches, Dane was finally getting the hang of it and he was able to beat me half the time.

  “I have to go to bed. It’s eleven o’clock and we have to work tomorrow. Let’s call it a night.” I suggested.

  “No, I’m into this. Just let me play a little while longer. I think I can beat you all the time if I just get a bit more practice.”

  “Okay. You stay up and play against the computer opponent. I’m going to sleep.” I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

  Dane pulled me into a giant hug and wrapped me up in his arms. As I breathed in the scent of him, he whispered in my ear, “Thank you.”

  He rained a trail of kisses down my neck and then moved back up to my earlobe. “I know I kind of freaked out on you today, but I appreciate what you did for me. The cake and the Monopoly card and the video games.”

  Dane nuzzled my cheek with his nose. His hand reached up and gently caressed my neck. “Thank you for trying to erase the sorrows of my troubled past.”

  “I’m not trying to erase anything,” I explained. “Who you were before…what you went through…all that crap made you who you are today. I like who you are today. You remind me of a piece of coal that went through a lot and now you’re a diamond.” I really like analogies. I try to use them whenever possible.

  Dane pulled away enough to rest his forehead on mine. “I must be doing something right if fate led me to you. It’s about time I got some decent luck for once.” He kissed me so gently on the lips, like I would break if he wasn’t careful. I kissed him back, pouring all my emotions into it. I wanted to convey that I thought he was amazing, a combination of danger and beauty and kindness all rolled into one. I needed him to understand that I didn’t think less of him for sharing details of his past, I respected him more for what he’d been through. He came out of the fire, even stronger on the other side.

  Eventually I broke away from the kiss and looked at him, wondering what he felt.

  “This was the best birthday I ever had,” he said.

  Monday, January 18

  My alarm went off way too soon and I smacked it right off the nightstand. I’m too old to stay up so late playing video games. I nudged Dane with my elbow and told him to wake up. I had no idea what time he eventually came to bed because I was fast asleep. Evidently he was addicted to Mario now.

  “Hit the snooze button. I’m not getting up yet,” he said.

  “What time did you come to bed?”

  “Three? I don’t know. I’m tired. Let’s call in sick to work and go back to sleep.”

  “We can’t. Today is going to be awful. Don’t forget we have the stupid double date with Monica and Trent,” I reminded him.

  “Hmm? Maybe we can skip dinner and they can come over here instead? I can kick Trent’s ass at Mario.”

  “I’m pretty sure Trent doesn’t play video games,” I said. “But that would be hilarious to watch. If I talk to Monica today, I’ll float that idea past her!”

  We grudgingly got up and got our asses to work. It was a long day. I was so tired but I had to field questions all day about my Friday night date with Dane. The ladies from the order department wanted a play-by-play of the evening. Of course I never confessed the fact that he was living with me and we had sex. I said that the movie was great and I went into details of the plot. Luckily Sheri had a grandson who was a major fan of science fiction, so she was all ears about any plot points. I guess she felt like she had nothing in common with her grandson and now she could have something to talk about with him. I was happy to help her out. Also it was a nice change of subject into movies we’d recently seen instead of my naughty weekend behavior.

  Dane looked pretty rough after work from lack of sleep, but he insisted he’d be ready for our date if I just let him take a quick catnap. He ended up sleeping for an hour until I woke him up at six-thirty.

  “Oh shit. I barely have time to get ready!” he sputtered as he jumped off the couch.

  He was a guy, how long did he actually need? While he showered, I put the finishing touches on my outfit. I wore a black and gray pencil skirt with a dressy white shirt. The shirt had ruffles on the cuffs and fancy sleeves. I added black high heels and some diamond stud earrings. Normally I would not dress up so much for a Monday night date, but it was necessary when going anywhere with Monica and Trent. Trent usually wore a tie every time he stepped out of the house. Monica was a bit more casual, but not much. I knew what I was getting into from the start. I hope Dane survived this.

  “Hey princess, you almost ready?” I called out, while knocking on the bathroom door.

  “Yes,” he said, “I just need to…holy shit. You look amazing!”

  I did a twirl for him and then stopped to check him out. He was equally fine. A cloud of tantalizing scents followed him out of the bathroom. His shower gel mixed with cologne almost put me over the edge right then and there. Why had we waited to so long to have a repeat performance of Friday night?

  “Dane. You smell like a fantasy. When can I get you naked again?”

  “Isn’t that my line? Is it really okay if I wear this? It’s just jeans and a sweater. You look so much better than I do. I feel like a scrub.”

  Dane had no dress pants, so he was wearing his new jeans from Thrifty Mart paired with a black V-neck sweater from Murray. He was going to have to start spending some money on clothes or he was going to get a major inferiority complex pretty soon.

  “It’s a restaurant on a Monday night in Oak Valley. It’s not a state dinner with the president. Besides, Trent always wears a tie and no matter what you have, he’s going to out-do you. I’m still sort of concerned about you meeting him. I don’t want him to say something rude that offends you, but he probably will. If he does, I’ll step in and kick his ass,” I explained.

  “Izzy, you will NOT step in and kick anyone’s ass. Promise me that, okay? It’s bad enough I’m wearing shitty clothes and everyone makes this guy sound like the King of all Pricks. If you have to jump in and defend me like you’re a cage fighter and I’m a delicate little flower, it’s going to be extremely embarrassing. I know I sounded like a pussy yesterday, but I have no problem defending myself. Trust me on that. Whatever happens, just let me handle it. I’m not leaving this house until you give me your word that you will not go apeshit on his ass.”

  “Fine.”

  “No, not fine. You will hold your hand up and solemnly repeat after me,” Dane ordered.

  I held my hand up and waited to hear what I had to pledge.

  “I, Izzy, do solemnly swear to NOT make Dane look like a fragile twat who can’t defend himself. If this Trent guy is a cock, I will let Dane handle things and not jump in like a lunatic. I will not have an episode. I will trust Dane to behave accordingly and I promise to fuck D
ane wildly just as soon as we get home.” Dane waited for me to repeat his words.

  “I can’t remember all that. I promise to let Dane man up and handle his own shit and I will not be a psychopath. I solemnly swear to ride him like a bucking bronco as soon as we get home,” I pledged.

  “Damn. That’ll work fine. I like your version better.”

  “I wasn’t serious about the part of riding you. I don’t like to be on top,” I confessed.

  “We’ll see about that. Now I just have to get through this dinner and then the real fun begins once we get home. Don’t order dessert. That would be YOU.”

  We met Monica and Trent at the restaurant. Bilson’s Grille was a quiet little steakhouse right on the edge of town. It didn’t look like much from the outside, but that all changed once you stepped in the door. Dark solid oak tables were carefully spaced to give diners privacy from one another. The tablecloths and napkins were linen. Candles lined the walls in elegant sconces and also acted as table centerpieces so as to give off gentle mood lighting. Piano music played in the background at the perfect level to drown out the clinking of dishes, yet allow the customers to be able to hear one another without having to raise their voices. Every detail was seen to and every effort was given to provide an enjoyable experience. I didn’t come here very often because of the price. They had excellent shrimp and I couldn’t wait to order them. I hoped that Trent could keep his mouth shut until the food came. If he pissed me off and I had to leave before dinner was served, I would have a fit.

  As soon as we arrived, I spotted Trent and Monica sitting at the bar. I was not surprised in the least once I took in their appearance. Trent wore his prized Rolex in addition to a white dress shirt with monogrammed cuff links, black pants, tie, and suitcoat jacket. He looked ready for a meeting of young republicans instead of a casual dinner. Monica was dressed in a knee-length belted red dress with black buttons. It had an oversize folded collar with a brooch pinned to it. She looked like someone about to attend the Kentucky Derby. All she needed was her fancy hat to match.