Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  “Well, no. Not exactly. I didn’t know the whole story. You should have seen Izzy though. She was ready to have a cage match to the death with the lady. I never saw anyone so enraged in my entire life. It was kind of scary. Once she explained why she was having a total meltdown, it all made sense. We also learned that Mrs. Henderson from next door is a spy.”

  “Nice. I think you should accidentally on purpose break some of Mrs. Henderson’s windows. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a warning and ask you a question. Number one, have your guard up around Trent if you meet him. He’s a giant dick of the first magnitude. Number two, your friend Spider sounds totally hot. I’m going to need you to hook us up. Get on that, ok?”

  “Yeah, that’s going to be one of my top priorities. What’s wrong with Trent? Why does everyone hate him so much?” Dane asked.

  “I’ll let Izzy explain that to you. Anyway, thanks for being there for Izzy when her grandma showed up. She loses her shit anytime that woman’s name is even mentioned. I’m glad she didn’t have to be alone. Make her feel better, ok?”

  “You know I will. We’ll talk to you later, Winter.” Dane handed me the phone and I hung up.

  “So Monica wants us to go to dinner tomorrow with her and Trent. I can cancel if you don’t want to go,” I offered.

  “Why does everyone hate this guy?”

  “He’s an arrogant prick who likes to think he’s better than everyone else. He only pays any attention to you if he thinks you can do something for him. Monica met him in college and she brought him home to meet us after they’d been dating for five months. Monica was the only one of us who went to college and we took every opportunity to live the experience through her. We were really excited to meet her hot frat boy lover. Until we actually met him. He looked down on Winter because she was Mexican. He looked down on me because I’m nothing special. To Trent, it’s all about who you know and being rich and powerful. Monica was desperate for him to like us so she foolishly told him who my grandmother was. I magically appeared front and center on Trent’s radar after that. He had the nerve to ask me for my grandma’s phone number so he could help her invest her money. My eyes bugged out and I started to hyperventilate. Fortunately Winter dragged me away and Monica took Trent aside and told him NEVER to bring her up again. He still does, but only if Monica’s not there. That’s the only reason he ever tried setting me up with his college friends. He wanted access to the wicked witch’s money. Otherwise I’m sure he wouldn’t have given me a second glance. The only reason he let Monica move back home to Oak Valley was because of her store. He would rather be in Bridgeport with the real money. Trent’s office is based out of his house and he travels a lot for work, so it really doesn’t matter where he lives. I just want you to know that he WILL look down on you and make snide remarks and act like you’re a piece of shit. Winter and I see him maybe three times a year. He’s a giant dick. We secretly think Monica only stays married to him because he supposedly has a nine inch cock.”

  “ARGH! You never EVER tell a guy how big or small another guy’s junk is. That’s ‘guy’ code. Hell, that’s ‘everyone’ code. I did NOT want to know that. Now I’ll just be sitting across the table from him thinking about that. I can’t go to dinner with that knowledge. Seriously! What the fuck, Izzy?”

  “I’m sorry! You’re just so easy to talk to. I forget that you’re a guy.”

  “You forget that I’m a guy? Maybe I should do something to remind you then,” Dane said as he grabbed me in his arms and started to explore up my shirt.

  Kitty jumped on the bed and started licking Dane’s ear.

  “This is NOT a threesome, sweetheart. Get off me!” he scolded her.

  She barked at him. Loudly.

  “Maybe she has to poop?” I offered.

  “Yeah, after that lovely conversation of dude’s pricks and dog’s poop…I’m going to take a shower and pretend this morning didn’t happen.”

  I laughed and took Kitty outside while Dane took a nice hot shower. By the time I got back in the house, he was already toweling off and half dressed.

  “That’s bullshit. I wanted to join you in the shower!” I complained.

  “Why didn’t you TELL me that? I would have taken longer!”

  “I didn’t get the idea until just now.”

  “Let’s go to the grocery store, find something good for lunch, and then this afternoon can be play time. How’s that?”

  “That sounds fantastic!” I agreed. Unfortunately that’s not how the day went.

  We took a shopping trip to the grocery store and loaded up on food. It was fun to go up and down the aisles and learn about all Dane’s favorite snacks. He grabbed another bag of Doritos and carried them the whole time, refusing to put them in the cart. I think he might have hugged the bag at one point.

  After we began our drive home, Dane made a face and turned off the car radio. He cocked his head and listened to the engine.

  “Izzy, your engine noise is getting worse. You really need spark plugs. I know I’ve been a major drain on your finances and I apologize for that. But do you have an extra forty-five bucks sitting around so I can change the spark plugs? I can buy them at the auto parts store. I’m pretty sure she’ll purr like a kitten if I can get them changed. I only have twenty bucks left to my name, but I can chip in for the plugs if you want. I have no idea how I can pay for dinner tomorrow with your friends,” he admitted.

  “I have the money for the spark plugs. I can also pay for dinner since I’m the one who invited you. And Trent is NOT my friend,” I said.

  “What kind of restaurant is this place we’re going to?” he asked. “Is it expensive?”

  “Yes. Only the best for Trent and Monica. They have steak and seafood. Just don’t get the most expensive thing on the menu and we’ll be fine. I owe you for putting in my spark plugs anyway. Consider me paying you back by buying you dinner.”

  “I’ll get the cheapest thing on the menu. You don’t owe me shit for doing your spark plugs. I love fixing cars. I miss working on MY car. I’ll take your engine apart just so I can put it back together again.”

  “Please don’t! Just buy the spark plugs.”

  We went to a car parts super store and that’s what he did. He only got the spark plugs, but I could tell by the gleam in his eye that he wanted to get more. He went up and down the rows of parts, inhaling like he was in a perfume store.

  “You’re really in your element here, aren’t you?” I asked.

  “Yes. My heart is made of gears and pistons,” he answered with a smile.

  “Good to know. Next time I want to get you hot and bothered, I’ll just smear some 5W30 behind my ears,” I said.

  “Now THAT would be a good idea,” Dane admitted with a dreamy look on his face.

  We bought the spark plugs and Dane was eager to get under the hood as soon as we got home. I unloaded the groceries and joined him in the garage. I wanted to see him work.

  I sat on the step in my garage while he leaned under the hood. I had a nice view of his ass as he bent over the engine. I could definitely get used to this.

  “Since I’m changing the spark plugs anyway, I’m just going to do a quick inspection to make sure everything else looks good.”

  “Ok, thanks. I appreciate it. Where did you learn so much about cars, anyway?” He must have had someone to teach him. No one can tear apart an engine without some guidance.

  “It was someone from a shop class at school,” he replied.

  Dane sighed and shook his head, not happy with his answer. “I guess I can’t keep giving you vague responses about my past since you opened up to me yesterday after the whole episode with your grandmother. I still haven’t told you much about my early years. I feel guilty for keeping everything bottled up. I just…it’s just hard. I don’t like talking about it. It’s not all warm and fuzzy, ok?”

  “Yeah, I get it. You don’t want to get into the details. You don’t have to. I’m no
t pressuring you. Whenever you decide you want to tell me something, I’m here to listen.” I was surprised that he was suddenly bothered about not opening up to me. I never forced him to tell me anything. I knew his past upset him. I didn’t want to bring up bad memories.

  “I feel like it’s not fair that you told me so much yesterday about who you are, but I don’t let you in to my head at all. Maybe I just need to get it over with and rip it off like a band-aid. I’ll tell you…but please understand that this is hard for me. I don’t want your fucking pity or your sympathy. I don’t want you looking at me like I’m the last kid picked for the kickball team. The kid that no one wants. So just let me talk and don’t ask questions and don’t make me turn around and look at you. Because I can’t. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I agreed. What was I supposed to say? I had no idea what he was about to tell me, but I assumed it was very bad if he got this uncomfortable.

  “As I already told you,” Dane said, pausing to take a deep breath, “My mother abandoned me when I was a few months old. So I went into the foster care system. I have no memory of my mother at all. I always wondered what I did wrong for her to abandon me. I know I was just a baby and couldn’t have really done anything. But what if I cried too much? What if I had been better? Maybe she would have kept me. Part of me kept waiting for her to show up and claim me one day, but she never came back. So I got sent to my first foster family. The mom loved me. At least I thought she did. She used to sing to me at night to get me to go to sleep. I remember that. The dad never paid much attention to me and he fought with the mom a lot. I remember that too. One night the mom packed up all my stuff and told me that she was not going to be living with the dad anymore so she had to give me to someone else. She cried. She said she might come back for me one day and that she’d never forget me. But she dropped me off at the case worker’s house anyway. I was four. I didn’t understand. I always wondered why they broke up and if I had anything to do with it. Maybe there were other reasons for their divorce. I never found out one way or the other. I went to another family and another family. I tried to be good. But some of them had kids that were mean to me and I had to fight back. Some of the parents were nice, but some just fostered kids for the paycheck that they got. Most of them simply viewed me as a number. Another mouth to feed. I was neglected and I didn’t get paid the attention that normal kids do. In most cases, I wasn’t good or bad. I was just there. I faded into the background. Other kids had birthday parties with games and cake and presents. I never knew when my real birthday was, so mine never got celebrated. Holidays came and went. The kids from school would talk about how their moms painted Easter eggs or had summer barbeques. I never got shit. Christmas was the worst. I got one present most of the time. Do you know what it’s like going to school after Christmas break and every kid is talking about what new video game or bike they got…and I was lucky to get a fucking pair of socks or a new shirt that wasn’t three sizes too small?”

  I didn’t know what to say. I got up to go to him, but he heard me and held up his hand. “No. Sit down. Please. Let me finish. When I was eight or nine, I went to a nice house with a very nice mom. She didn’t have any other kids and she spoiled me. I stayed there for six months and I tried so hard to be good. I wasn’t the problem this time. The dad was. He liked to smack the mom around. I liked her and I didn’t want her to get hurt, so I did the only thing I could think of. I told my teacher at school.”

  Dane stopped talking and put his head in his hands. “I told my teacher and she didn’t believe me. She thought I was lying to get attention. So I told another teacher and another teacher until I got someone to finally listen. The principal called my case worker and they went to investigate. They chose a day when the foster mom just happened to have a black eye. At first she begged them not to take me away. She promised that she would never let him hurt me. The case worker explained that the mom could go to the cops and get a restraining order against her husband and I wouldn’t be taken away and then she would be safe. The mom refused to listen and changed her story to cover her husband’s ass. She said that she loved her husband and she didn’t understand why everyone would believe my lies. She packed up my stuff and let me go. She chose an abusive asshole over the kid that she vowed she’d take care of. That wasn’t the first mom who had an abusive husband, or the last. I bounced around from family to family, never learning the meaning of that word until I met Spider. We were in school and we were both fucked up beyond belief and causing all sorts of trouble. Spider and I took care of each other, and to this day he’s the only true family I have. Like you and Winter and her mom. Family is who you meet along the way that doesn’t let you down. No one ever treated me like family. Not the lady who gave birth to me. Not the mom who gave me up when I was four. Not the mom who chose her abusive husband over me. I hoped and prayed that they would come back for me. That they would change their minds and miss me. That they would realize they made a horrible mistake and that I really did matter to them. I wanted desperately to matter to someone. I wanted someone to come back for me. But no one ever did. They never came back for me, Izzy. No one ever came back. They just opened the door for me to leave and then closed it after they tossed me out on my ass. Not one mother-fucker ever took me in without making me leave a little while later. That’s why I’m fucked up and hate to talk about my childhood. I never had one. That’s why it kills me to have no money right now. I don’t rely on anyone but myself. Because no one comes back for me.”

  Dane closed the hood of the car and softly said, “Please just let me go for a walk by myself. I want to be alone for a little while.”

  He walked out of the garage and I dashed back in the house to grab a coat and follow him. I know he told me to leave him alone, but I couldn’t. Not after that confession.

  I had to run to catch up to him. I was as quiet as possible but I’m in horrible shape since the only exercise I ever get is taking Kitty for her daily walks. I was out of breath and he heard me and turned around after about thirty seconds of me following him.

  “I didn’t want you to be outside without a coat and get pneumonia,” I said, as a lame excuse as to why I was following him. I handed him his coat.

  “You don’t listen very well, do you?”

  “No. It’s one of my many faults. Put yourself in my place. After I had my crying fit yesterday, would you have let me be alone?”

  “If you asked me to, then I would have. I can respect people’s privacy,” he said.

  “Well I guess you’re a better person than I am. We don’t have to talk. I just wanted to be with you.” I didn’t think he should be alone because he was obviously upset.

  “Why?”

  “Because I care about you. Because ever since I met you, I’ve been having more fun than I’ve had in a long time. Because you make me feel alive. Because I’m tired of the normal safe routine that my life has become and I like how I feel when I’m with you. Because when people are fucking each other and one of them feels bad then it’s the other person’s job to comfort them. Because I wanted to. That’s why.”

  “I’m pretty sure there’s no handbook that says just because people are fucking, they have to be nice to each other,” he said.

  “My handbook says that. And if it doesn’t, then I’ll write it in there.”

  Dane took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. He looked down at me and sighed.

  “I didn’t want to tell you all that back there. It just sort of came out. I don’t want you looking at me like I’m a cry-baby loser who no one loved. I’m fine. Is there any chance we can pretend that conversation never happened?”

  “No. It happened. I won’t bring it up again because it clearly bothers you. But I’m glad you told me so I can understand why you act the way that you do.”

  “How do I act?”

  “You’re very protective. Like when Jimmy the sleazeball grabbed me and you stepped in. Or when Barrett got all mouthy and you grabbed him by the sh
irt. I guess you get upset when a man treats a woman disrespectfully because you saw it so much when you were a kid.”

  “That’s profound, Izzy. Maybe you should be a shrink,” Dane noted sarcastically.

  “I’m not trying to psycho-analyze you.”

  “Good, don’t. I’ve had enough psychiatrists to last me a lifetime. This conversation is over. If you want to walk with me, fine. But we’re not talking anymore.”

  We continued our walk around the neighborhood with no one saying anything. It was awful. Every once in a while Dane glanced down at me and gave me a dirty look. I didn’t care. Ok, I did care, but I didn’t know how to snap him out of his funk. I had no idea how accurate the “Brick Wall” nickname would turn out to be, since he sure put up a wall around his feelings.

  As we walked, I considered his situation and how traumatic his childhood must have been. At least I had it somewhat normal until I was sixteen and my world imploded. What’s that phrase…it’s better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? At least I had a family who loved me for most of my life. Dane never did. I wondered if there was anything I could do to make it up to him. Some stupid gesture to show that I cared, but that I wasn’t trying to be pushy. Hmm. This would require some thought.

  By the time we made it back home, a plan was starting to take shape. I was good at forming plans.

  “Dane, is it okay to drive my car now? I need something at the store.”

  “Yeah, sure. Are you going to the store by yourself? Is it safe to leave me here alone? I might have an episode of sensitivity and need a hug.”

  “Eat shit. I know you can take care of yourself if you get the urge…I was a witness to that spectacle a few days ago. If you want to give your hand a rest, I won’t be gone long. Wait until I get back.”

  Dane’s mouth dropped open. He was not expecting that answer. I guess he thought I would treat him like a wounded bird for the rest of his life. That wasn’t going to happen. The only way to get him to let go of his mood, would be to shock him out of it. He seemed happiest when we had playful banter going back and forth. I liked easy-going Dane. Everyone was allowed to have periods of depression, but I think he felt uncomfortable with me now that he shared his story. We would never move past this if he thought I looked at him differently. I didn’t want things to change between us. I would take it upon myself to make sure that didn’t happen.