Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  Dane was pleased to discover that I was well on my way to being totally ready for him. After he made a few exploratory tongue passes back and forth, Dane reached into my nightstand and pulled out a condom. He ripped it open and put it on. He smiled up at me with a devilish grin. “Hop on. This is going to be better than any ride you’ve ever had.”

  I straddled him and he slowly entered me. It felt like he went even deeper than the last time. He put his hands on my hips and set the pace, gently guiding himself in and out.

  “If you start to get self-conscious, here’s what I want you to do,” he suggested. “I want YOU to close YOUR eyes. Just sit back and take in the sensation. Let the feeling wash over you and enjoy the ride. Notice how your pussy clenches around my cock and how it slides in and out. Take what you want, Izzy. Fuck me.”

  So I did. I started out a bit slow and tentative. After I got accustomed to his length, I began to pick up the pace. It felt incredible. I was going up and down and rocking back and forth. He reached his hands up to cup my breasts and slowly caress them, fingers gently teasing at the nipples. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, just like he told me to. I held onto his wrists and squeezed them. I needed something to hold, somewhere to put my hands.

  “That’s my girl,” he said as he returned his hands to my hips and thrust into me as I rocked back and forth, faster and faster.

  “Come for me, Izzy. Don’t hold back. You’re making me so hard right now.”

  I felt like I could actually come and it took me by surprise. The only way I ever got off before was with the guy on top. My orgasm came so fast that I wasn’t even expecting it. I completely shattered into a million pieces like a glass bowl that was flung to the ground. It was like an explosion as every part of me was ripped to pieces. I screamed his name as I let the blast flow through me. He kept holding onto my hips and continued to pump into me for another few thrusts until he lost himself and came with me.

  “Fuck, lzzy. You’re amazing. Absolutely perfect,” he mumbled.

  “Wow. I wasn’t expecting THAT,” I admitted breathlessly before collapsing on his chest.

  He ran his hands through my hair and wiped the sweat off my face.

  “I didn’t double the performance time. I apologize for that. In fact, I think it was actually shorter than last time,” he said, somewhat disappointedly.

  “No. That was just…wow. Yeah. No complaints here. You’re great in bed,” I said complimenting him.

  “Thank you. That makes today worthwhile. All’s well that ends well, right?” he asked.

  “Absolutely. I would suffer through today all over again if it meant I could replay the last ten minutes.”

  “That’s my girl, ever the optimist.”

  He was right. Fuck Nancy Negative. I was one happy camper!

  Tuesday, January 19

  It was much nicer to wake up after a full eight hours of sleep. It’s also easier to get to sleep when you’re completely wiped out after an explosive round of hot steamy sex. I could definitely get used to that. Now my only problem was dealing with Monica and Trent. I called Winter during my lunch break from work and told her exactly what had happened the night before. I left no detail out and she was absolutely livid about the part where Trent called her a whore. I debated whether I should tell her that or not, but I went with the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. If someone called me a whore, then I would want to know about it.

  “I can’t believe this, Izzy. We’re going to have to take drastic action,” Winter said.

  “I know. What’s the plan?”

  “We can strategize tonight. Remember I have that clothes thing at work that I told you about?” Winter reminded me. “We gave the customers a discount off their bills if they brought gently used clothes into the salon to donate to the less fortunate. We have to sort it because it all goes to a different place. It would be so nice if you wanted to come and help. Hint, hint.”

  “Does every business in the world accept donated clothes now? First Murray’s store and now your salon.”

  “Ours was only a one-time thing. We were trying to be charitable for Christmas and then figured people would be getting rid of their old clothes after they made room in their closets for the new stuff they got as holiday gifts. Can you come tonight and help? Dane will survive one night alone. He’s probably getting sick of you anyway.”

  “Gee, thanks. I love you too!”

  “See you tonight. Be there around seven-ish. Kisses!”

  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Dane was happy to have a night by himself, but only so he could practice all his stupid Nintendo games without me winning all the time. He made me promise I would play him at Mario Kart when I got back from helping Winter.

  Once I arrived at the salon, Winter wasted no time putting me to work. Customers dropped off bags upon bags of clothes, but they had to be sorted. The kids clothes all went to an after-school program for less fortunate kids, the women’s dress clothes went to a shelter for abused women that were trying to re-enter the work force, and the men’s clothes went to a program for soldiers that were returning home and also needed business clothes to help them look professional for job interviews. Anything that didn’t fit into these categories went to our local thrift store. It was our job to sort it into the four groups and also pick out anything that was stained, ripped, or missing buttons. It was fun. I liked helping out for a good cause.

  “So what are we going to do about Monica?” Winter asked.

  “What’s wrong with Monica? Are you talking about her drinking problem?” Carmen asked. Carmen was also helping us sort the clothes with another lady named Stacey. I didn’t know Stacey very well, since she just started at the salon a few months ago.

  “Who’s Monica?” Stacey asked. Stacey was a tall blonde with stick straight hair that went halfway down to her butt. It was currently filled with black streaks that matched the black eye shadow on her face. She wore a short white dress under a black leather jacket. Stacey had the body of a model and she chain-smoked like a nicotine addict. I wasn’t sure if I liked her or not.

  “To make a long story short,” Winter explained, “Monica is one of our best friends.” She pointed to me and explained, “Izzy and I have known her since we were all in middle school and we’re a very tight knit threesome. Anyway, Monica’s husband is a dick and she got drunk last week at the bar with us but she won’t open up about what the problem is. Izzy and her new man went on a double date with them last night and Monica’s husband morphed into an evil gremlin. We don’t know how to wake Monica up and get her to see that this guy is no good.”

  “Yeah, speaking of that night at the bar when Monica got drunk…I’m really sorry about my cousin and her behavior. She was very rude to you, Izzy. I apologize,” Carmen said.

  “What did your cousin do, Carmen? I feel like there’s all this fucking drama that I’m missing out on. Will someone PLEASE fill me in. I’m an expert at problem solving, but I can’t do shit unless I have all the details,” Stacey complained.

  Carmen told the story about Red Rover trying to hit on my man and I was laughing because she really made it sound way more exciting than it was.

  “Your boyfriend sounds super hot, Izzy. Got a picture of him?” Stacey asked.

  “No, we haven’t been together very long. I should probably really take one though.”

  “I have one!” Winter chimed in. “I took one from across the room at the bar when they were dancing. I wasn’t sure how long he was going to stick around and I wanted her to have a souvenir after he left.” Winter flipped through the pictures on her phone until she found the one she was looking for.

  “Let me see that,” I said grabbing the phone out of her hands. It was such a good picture. I’m staring up at Dane like he’s the only guy in the world and he’s looking back at me like he wants to have his way with me right ther
e on the dance floor. “Text me this,” I demanded. “And he’s not leaving anytime soon,” I added for good measure. I guess I had no idea how long he planned on staying. I hoped it was quite a while.

  Stacey leaned over my shoulder and said, “Damn, girl. That is one fine specimen. How is he in bed? Please tell me you got a piece of that.”

  “Oh, I nailed it. As a matter of fact, I rode it pretty hard last night!” I admitted with a wicked grin on my face.

  “Izzy! Who taught you how to talk like that? You bad girl!” Winter exclaimed. “I’m sure it was me. I could not be more proud of you right now!”

  “He looks even better in person,” Carmen added.

  “Thank you,” I said while bowing. “Please hold your applause for my awesome man-catching skills. I’m sure it’s just dumb luck. Now we need to return to the Monica/Trent issue. That is currently the main problem at hand.”

  “I think you should get Monica alone and confront her and see what she says,” Carmen suggested.

  “She’ll get all defensive and think we’re ganging up on her and she’ll clam up,” I replied.

  “I’ve been married three times already, and I might have a better take on all this,” Stacey advised.

  “How OLD are you?” I asked. She didn’t look a day over twenty-five.

  “I’m thirty-two. Why?”

  “You look so young for someone who chain smokes and has already been married three times!” I stammered. I wonder if that was rude to say? She did look young though.

  “I like you, Izzy. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, girl. Smoking doesn’t age you, it’s the men that put the years on your face. Let’s just say that I’m not opposed to having a little nip and tuck or Botox every now and then. I also use an exotic face cream from Guam that costs fifty bucks an ounce. There might be pygmy goat shit in it for all I know, but I don’t care if it keeps me looking young. Glad to know that you think I’m getting my money’s worth.”

  Ok. Now I made up my mind about Stacey. Add her to the “You’re freaking awesome” column. Winter looked at me and I gave her a thumbs-up. Stacey was my new bff.

  “So what should we do about Monica?” I asked her.

  “In my opinion, you just have to let this whole situation play itself out,” Stacey explained. “The girl knows her husband is a tool. She probably knew it before you guys did. She just doesn’t want to look like she’s weak and incapable of making a good decision. When the time is right for her, she’ll cut him loose. Do they have kids? Does she rely on him financially? Is he blackmailing her with some secret juicy little bit of information? If the answer to these questions is ‘NO,’ then I’m guessing she’ll ditch him sooner rather than later. She just doesn’t want you two trying to preach or lecture her. She needs to feel strong and empowered. No one wants to admit that they made a bad choice in life, especially when it comes to picking a husband. Be there for her, but don’t pressure her. Let her come to you. Try to do fun stuff to remind her of the good times you all had before her husband came into the picture and everything changed. A man should always add to the best parts of you, not take them away.”

  “That was some seriously profound advice, Stacey. How come you got divorced three times, if you don’t mind my asking?” I wanted to know the answer to this because she seemed to have her act together.

  “No, I don’t mind at all. I’m an open book. Maybe you can learn from my past fuck-ups. The first husband caught me screwing his best friend and his best friend’s wife. Not at the same time, mind you. My husband walked in on me and the wife in the morning, so I let him join in. He wasn’t as happy to see me with his best friend and the wife at the end of the day,” she said, while rolling her eyes. “I mean, really? Threesome’s are only okay if HE was the guy involved. So touchy! The next husband caught me stealing out of his stash of cocaine. I don’t see why he got all mad about it because he was just going to sell it anyway. We’re married…hello…what’s his is mine and all that happy horseshit, right? The third husband was my favorite of them all. He got arrested for assault and battery. We were at a party and some guy tried to grab my ass and my husband kind of stabbed him twelve times. If I had known that my husband had such a long criminal record, I would never have taken him to that party in the first place. He’s doing fifteen years but he might get out in ten for good behavior. We’ll have to revisit the relationship at that time. There’s no way I’m wasting my best years alone waiting for him. Fuck that!”

  “Wow.” I literally had nothing else to say to that. Maybe I was a bit hasty to add Stacey to my list of BFF’s.

  We continued to sort through the clothes and ended up finishing by nine o’clock.

  “It was sure nice to chat with you ladies tonight,” Stacey said. “I don’t have too many girl friends to gossip with. Ladies are usually jealous of this body and all that comes with it. I liked you most of all, Izzy. If you ever want to bring your man over to my house…I’m sure we could all find some trouble to get into,” she offered. Shit. How do I get myself out of this?

  “Thanks, Stacey. I’ll be sure to pass along your offer next time I see him.” What the hell else was I supposed to say to that?

  I sure find myself in some interesting situations.

  Wait until Dane heard about THIS one.

  Wednesday, January 20

  As I expected, Dane was completely shocked about our raunchy conversation at the salon. He was still talking about it the next day while we took Kitty on her morning walk.

  “I never thought girls talked like that. I know guys do, but I guess I just figured that you painted each other’s nails and talked about clothes at your little sleepover parties or whatever it is that you do. That lady sounds crazy. She really wanted a threesome? And she really did all that stuff that she said she did?” Dane asked.

  “She sort of looked like the kind of person who would do wild stuff. I don’t know about snorting crack and having an ex-husband who stabbed someone twelve times. But why would she lie about all that? I mean it’s really not something to be proud of.”

  “Maybe she’s looking for street cred among her new co-workers. Or she just wanted to sound cool. Or you were putting out a vibe that you wanted to get into her pants and she was subtly trying to convince you to take a walk on the wild side,” he suggested.

  “I was giving out NO SUCH VIBE,” I righteously declared. “She smokes cigarettes non-stop anyway. That’s not my thing.”

  “Would you ever have a menage?” he asked.

  “Seriously? I doubt it. I would never do two guys at the same time unless one of them was a movie star. That would be too much all at once. Two penises poking at me and four hands touching me all over. Not to mention two mouths on me and them both trying to shove stuff in my mouth. That’s just gross. I would have total sensory overload. I could not handle that at all. And if it was me and another girl and a guy…I’m not sure how that would work either. I’m an only child, I have no siblings. I’m not used to sharing my stuff. I think the other girl would try touching my man and I’d have to go after her or something. My passionate bedroom encounter would turn into a brawl after I pushed the girl off my dude and she punched me in the face.”

  Dane started laughing and said, “I love your honesty, Izzy. Tell me how you really feel. You’re a breath of fresh air after all the fake girls I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in my life. Don’t ever change, ok?”

  “What about YOU, smartass? How many threesomes have YOU had?” I asked.

  “None. I have enough problems getting one decent girl, let alone two at a time. However, I have had two separate occasions where I flirted with a woman at a bar and her boyfriend later walked over to ask me to join them somewhere a little more private.”

  “Maybe you’re giving off a vibe! What did you do?” I asked.

  “I politely declined. Oddly enough, in both cases the man looked like he was a sumo wrestler and he could have snapped me in half with one fist. Weird.�
�

  Dane reached out to wipe a snowflake off my nose. Even though we just suffered through the snowpocalypse at the beginning of the month, more snow was predicted all day today. We were only supposed to get another three to four inches though. Nothing too extreme.

  -----------------------------------------------------------

  As it turned out, our three inches turned into another six and we spent a good portion of the evening shoveling my driveway.

  “Izzy, I think this snow should be good for something else besides work. Do you have any sleds? Anywhere we can take Kitty to play and have a little fun ourselves? All this snow is making me stir crazy. I want to have some fun.”

  “I guess we could go to the hill by Thompson Pond. That would work,” I suggested.

  “The what by where? I’m not from here. Explain.”

  “There’s a giant sled hill by Thompson Pond. It’s a big area right outside of town that’s part of a park. Like any town property, it’s not open after dark.”

  “Rules were made to be broken, baby. Let’s go anyway. I like a little danger,” Dane said with an evil grin. Who was I to object to that? He could get me to do anything by flashing one of his sexy smiles.

  We shoved a red sled into my trunk and got Kitty loaded up into my backseat. She was excited. My girl was up for anything involving snow and adventure. I wore my hot blue abominable man snow suit and Dane had a giant hat and gloves. We were quite the sight.

  Dane killed the lights to my car as we approached Thompson Pond.

  “I’ll just park somewhere up the road and we can walk to where we’re going. I don’t want it to look suspicious if we park near the pond.”

  I walked Kitty on her leash while Dane carried the sled. After a minute of her nearly pulling my arm off because she was so excited for this new turn of events, we traded. The sled was much easier to handle than the dog.

  We climbed to the top of the hill and I unhooked Kitty from her leash.

  “How are we doing this?” I asked. I only had one sled. Were we taking turns?