Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  “No,” I answered. Of course Dane hadn’t told me any of this and I was shocked.

  “While I threw my guts up in the grass, Dane took the time to explain to me about his life in the foster system. He told me that if he could get up every day and deal with what life threw at him, then he’d be damned if he’d let anyone else give up. He really has a good heart. He got me to wake up a little and get my head out of my ass. I owe him my life and I’ve been doing the best I can to take care of him ever since. You have no idea what it’s like to owe someone so much.”

  Yeah, I actually did. But I wasn’t going to get into the whole story about Rita and my grandmother. I wasn’t in the mood for the whole “I’ll tell you about my mess if you tell me about yours” game. Even if I’d wanted to, I never would have gotten the chance. Our lovely conversation was interrupted by someone I hoped never to see again.

  “Hey, bitch. Long time, no see! I expected to find you here with a tattooed dumbfuck, but this is not the one I was looking for.”

  That voice belonged to none other than Jimmy the Sleazeball from the construction site! Holy shit. What was HE doing here?

  Spider immediately stepped in front of me and told Jimmy, “You’ve mistaken her for someone else. Get lost.”

  “No, I know EXACTLY who she is. This doesn’t involve you, asshole. I’m looking for Dane.”

  “If you got a problem with Dane, then you got a problem with ME,” Spider replied.

  “I don’t care whose face I have to fuck up tonight, I’ll be happy to mess you up, too. This is the last time I’m going to ask you. Where the hell is Dane?”

  “Right behind you, motherfucker,” Dane slurred from a few feet away.

  I stepped out from behind Spider so I could see what was going on. Jimmy and four of his buddies were standing in between Spider and Dane. Fortunately Ant and the rest of the ladies were making their way toward us. The odds seemed a bit better if Ant was here to help.

  “Dane, so good to see you,” Jimmy cackled like a super-villain. “Let me introduce you to my friends. You should probably know the names of the guys who are going to put you into a coma…or worse.”

  “Who IS this cock-sucker?” Spider asked.

  “This cock-sucker, who most definitely sucks cocks,” Dane explained, “is my old buddy Jimmy. I worked with him on my last job. He got me fired for no reason at all. He grabbed Izzy and I didn’t like that so I threatened him. He backed off like the little cry-baby douchebag that he is, and I’m the one who got fired. He might hold a little tiny bit of a grudge because I pounded his face in one time. Just one time. Once. It was fun. I’m glad I did it and I would definitely do it again.” Dane staggered a little bit. I’m guessing he wasn’t going to be too useful in taking out many of Jimmy’s crew.

  “Let’s see who’s having fun in a few seconds after I rearrange your face,” Jimmy said, glaring at Dane.

  “Wait a minute,” Dane said, holding up his hand in a stop gesture. “I have a question. You work out of Bridgeport. What are you doing here? Hmm? Fancy meeting YOU here. Strange coincidence. What brings you to Oak Valley on such a lovely night as this?”

  Was he flirting with Jimmy now? What the heck was he doing? Was this some secret strategy? I looked at Spider but he seemed just as confused as I was. Maybe this was good cop/bad cop? Dane was definitely the good cop in the scenario.

  “This is no coincidence, jackass. I’m in Oak Valley for the sole purpose of getting my revenge,” Jimmy explained. “I went to every bar in town and told them I was looking for a moron with a very specific set of tattoos. I gave them your description and promised to pay dearly for anyone who tipped me off to your whereabouts. After I got a phone call tonight, I rounded up some friends and we’re all here to have some fun.”

  I studied the faces of Jimmy’s friends in case they killed Dane and I had to pick them out of a line-up. They were your average bunch of big, burly tough guys. Nothing remarkable at all. I wondered how much Jimmy had to pay them to do his dirty work.

  Ant walked up and made his presence known. He cracked his neck back and forth and got into the action.

  “Let’s go then. It’s about time something decent happened in this shit-ass town.”

  “Hey!” Stacey said, clearly taking offense at Ant’s implication that she wasn’t decent.

  “Not you, baby. You’re smoking hot,” Ant clarified.

  Jimmy’s buddies looked around nervously. Clearly they were told this would be a situation of five on one and they had not expected this turn of events.

  “Jimmy,” one of his buddies said, “Why don’t you just fight this Dane prick and smash his face in. We have no beef with these other guys. I don’t want to get arrested.”

  Oh this was beautiful! They were already pissing their pants and the fight hadn’t even started yet.

  Before Jimmy had a chance to reply, Winter opened her mouth and put her two cents in.

  “What’s the matter, big guy? Don’t want to fight anymore? How about if I fight you instead of one of the other guys? Think you can handle me? I’ll hold one hand behind my back if that helps you out,” she kindly offered.

  “You’re not helping,” Spider growled at Winter.

  “Neither are you. Why don’t you actually DO something, tough guy?” she taunted him.

  Dane took a few steps, stumbled, and said, “I would be happy to do something. Someone come at me and then I’ll punch you with my fists. In your face.”

  I rolled my eyes. This was turning into the lamest fight I’d ever seen in my life. I was not the only one to hold that opinion.

  “Are you all kidding me right now? The fight last week between Izzy and the redhead was more interesting than this…and that’s really NOT saying much. Will somebody do SOMETHING? I’m not getting any younger here!” Monica complained. “Hell, if it will get things rolling, I’ll even put my foot in the ring. Who wants a piece of me?”

  Jimmy and his posse were looking around like they were on Candid Camera. I honestly did not blame them. Everyone was waiting for someone else to make the first move. Finally someone stepped up.

  Jimmy made a quick hand gesture to one of his henchmen and they both attacked Dane. That got the ball rolling. Ant and Spider each took one of the remaining guys. The fifth man backed up with his hands raised and quickly made his exit. Evidently he didn’t want any part of this whole scene. I can’t say that I blamed him.

  Spider flattened his opponent with a quick combination of jabs and strikes. His fight was over before it even began. I would have been impressed, had he not been paired with the weakest looking member of Jimmy’s group. Ant had a bit more of a challenge. Fists were flying and I think Ant took a couple hits before he got his attacker in a headlock and punched him in the stomach.

  That left Dane, Jimmy, and Jimmy’s buddy.

  Spider and Ant immediately assessed the situation and went to help their friend. You would have assumed that drunk Dane could not have taken on two men at once. You would have assumed wrong. Although the odds were not in his favor, Dane was doing remarkably well. He managed to take out Jimmy with one blow to the face. Jimmy clutched his mouth and I saw blood coming out between his fingers. If I had to guess, I’d say the man was going to be missing some teeth. His buddy wasn’t looking too good either. Dane pummeled him in the side, one punch after the next.

  Spider pried Dane off the man about three seconds before a handful of bouncers came over to break up the fight and kick us out.

  Jimmy’s fifth man, the one who was too cowardly to join in, acted as the group’s driver and quickly hustled his friends into their van and got them away from further damage. At least he was good for something.

  That left my rag-tag group of weirdos all looking around as though they couldn’t comprehend what happened back there. Everyone seemed to speak at once.

  “Who were those guys again?” Ant asked.

  “Does it matter?” Spider replied.

&
nbsp; “That was hot. Why don’t you come back to my place?” Stacey purred to Ant.

  “I need another beer. Why are we in the parking lot?” That came from Dane.

  “Is anyone hurt? Broken bones?” Of course that was me.

  “Why did you want to fight that guy? You could have gotten hurt. What the hell is the matter with you?” Spider asked Winter.

  “Don’t worry about me. I can handle myself,” Winter replied dramatically.

  Monica was looking up at the stars and not paying attention to anyone. Either she was wishing for aliens to come and abduct her, or she was trying to find the big dipper. Who knew at this point?

  I started poking at Dane to see if anything made him flinch to signify that he was wounded.

  “Ooh. I love it when you touch me. Why are you jabbing my arm? All my good parts are LOWER than that, Izzy. L-O-W-E-R,” Dane said in confusion.

  “THAT IS ENOUGH!” Ant yelled. “I can NOT handle one more minute with any of you.”

  “Even me?” Stacey asked with a pout. She literally stuck out her lower lip and made sad puppy-dog eyes at him. Please tell me he wasn’t going to fall for that?

  “Not you, baby. Not you at all. You’re the only NORMAL one here.”

  Whoa. Did he realize what he just said? Obviously he did not know this girl one bit. Ant was in for one rude awaking.

  “Spider, take my keys,” Ant directed. “Drive my car back to Izzy’s house and nowhere else. I mean it. I’m going with Stacey. I’ll see you later. Much later.”

  Ant and Stacey took off for greener pastures.

  “I guess I’m leaving too,” Monica declared as she walked over to her car and left.

  Winter and Spider stared at each other for thirty seconds that felt like three hours. No one wanted to make the first move.

  Dane did it for them. He picked me up, went to Ant’s car, sat in the front seat and started beeping the horn. Winter threw up her hands in frustration and stalked over to her car. Spider got behind the wheel and drove us home. Thus ended the strangest bar fight I’d ever seen.

  Sunday, January 24

  I woke up some time around eight in the morning and looked around. Kitty was sleeping next to me with her paw in my face, but Dane was nowhere to be seen. It’s strange that I didn’t hear him wake up and get out of bed. As soon as we got home last night, he carried me off to the bedroom, shut the door, and promptly passed out face first on my bed.

  He snored loudly all night, but I didn’t mind. I was glad he was alive and breathing and showed no after-effects from the fight with Jimmy. I wanted to ask him where he learned to fight to the point that he could subdue two attackers while he was clearly drunk. That was impressive.

  After taking a peek into the bathroom to make sure Dane wasn’t in there, I ventured out into the living room. I was dying to find out what happened with Ant and Stacey. I bet that was going to be a great story. I hope he got home alright. Maybe he wasn’t even home yet? Only one way to find out.

  Hmm. No one was in my living room either. I looked at Kitty and asked her, “Where is everyone, baby girl? Do you think they went out early to get breakfast? Maybe they’ll surprise us with some donuts.”

  Kitty went on patrol, sniffing around like she was a bloodhound. She ran into the kitchen, so I followed her. I was completely unprepared for what I would find there.

  Dane’s cell phone sat on my kitchen counter next to a rumpled bright blue sheet of paper. It was an advertisement for a snow removal company that I had thrown in my recycle bin. Someone had turned it over, smoothed it out, and wrote on it.

  As I read it, my heart sank and I had to grab the counter to steady myself.

  “My Dear Izzy,

  Please don’t freak out. I have to go back to Chicago with Spider and Ant. You need to understand that you mean more to me than any words I can put on paper. I have to handle a few things back home and get some stuff straightened out. I promise you that this is not goodbye. You know I always keep my promises. Please trust me. This is for your own good.

  Dane

  P.S. I have to leave my phone here. If you called me, I would have turned around and came back.

  Monday, January 25

  I don’t want to go to work today. I really don’t want to do anything but stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. The best part of my day is over anyway. Those first two seconds of peace after I woke up were amazing… until my heart ached once I remembered the letter and all the pain it caused. Don’t get me started on the nightmares I had. It wasn’t pretty.

  I didn’t do much yesterday. I took the letter over to the kitchen table, sat down, and read it again. I read and re-read it at least thirty times. So many questions flooded my brain.

  Is this some twisted joke and he’s really going to walk through the door and laugh that I fell for it?

  What was so important back in Chicago that he had to leave without saying goodbye?

  What things did he have to handle? What stuff needed to be straightened out?

  Why couldn’t he talk to me and tell me what was going on?

  Did he know he was leaving or was it something that was a spur-of-the-moment decision?

  When would he be back?

  Did he think so little of me and our time together that he couldn’t be honest with me?

  WHY?

  It all came down to “why?” and I had no answers. Well, I did have one answer. I’m pretty sure that he knew he was leaving ahead of time. It explains why he got drunk and clung to me on the dance floor. It explains his weird mumbling when he stared at me so intensely and told me that I would understand someday and not to hate him. At least I knew what he was talking about now. I didn’t hate him, but I was pretty pissed off. I just wanted to know when the day would come that I would understand.

  It hurt the most that he couldn’t come to me and tell me what was wrong, why he had to leave so suddenly. A thousand scenarios ran through my head, but I dismissed them all.

  I was pretty sure there wasn’t another woman. Spider and Ant gave no indication of that. Ant even said that Dane wasn’t bored with me at all, quite the opposite. I racked my brain to think of some obvious clue that I missed. I came up blank.

  Was he in some kind of trouble back home? Maybe money problems or someone blackmailing him or threatening him in some way? If he would have told me, I could have tried to help. I’m supposed to trust him, but he couldn’t trust me?

  His stupid note was so vague. When he is coming back? Does he expect me to just sit and wait by the phone, hoping he’ll call? Am I supposed to be okay with all this? I’m not okay. I’m the furthest thing from okay that I could possibly be. I just don’t understand.

  Winter called me at noon yesterday. And again later in the afternoon. I ignored both calls. I didn’t want to talk to people. By the third call, she left a message that she would go to the police if I didn’t call her back within the next ten minutes. So I called her. I told her they were gone and I read her the letter.

  She let out a string of curse words, the likes of which I’d never heard before. It was bad, even for her. She raged for at least five minutes before she asked how I was doing. I meekly told her that I didn’t want to talk about it. She got mad. I explained that Monica’s husband of several YEARS cheated on her, causing the collapse of her marriage and her world. Some guy that I had no commitment with, who I just met two weeks ago, and who I barely knew, walked out of my life as quickly as he walked into it. I had no cause for complaint. Not after comparing my situation to Monica’s. I had no right. I explained this to Winter hoping that she would understand. She told me that pain was pain, and that it wasn’t a contest to see whose was more justified. She ended the conversation and I went through the motions for the rest of the day. I did routine things such as laundry and house cleaning, but my mind was in a daze and I don’t remember doing any of it.

  Now the joys of a Monday morning were upon me. I had to drag myself out of be
d and get dressed. I half thought of calling in sick, but I knew it wouldn’t be any better tomorrow. How had someone changed my life so completely in such a short time? Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted him. Maybe I was a fool. Maybe that’s what happened when you opened your heart and let people in. Polly Positive can eat shit. Nancy Negative is even a step up from where I am now. Just call me Cindy Cynical.

  I forced myself to go to work. Of course every sad song on the radio reminded me of Dane because that’s what kind of mood I was in. I was utterly distraught and yes, I cried as I belted out the tunes along with whoever was singing away their heartbreak. I guess ‘wailed’ is more appropriate than cried. I hated myself as I walked into Kharmma Cosmetics because I knew my red, puffy, swollen eyes were sure to attract attention. I was right.

  I trudged in to work like I was walking on death row. My clothes were wrinkled and I didn’t care. Unfortunately, Libby did care. She cared a LOT.

  “Good morning, Izzy,” Libby called out in a sing-song voice. “You’re looking a bit under the weather today. What could possibly be wrong? Does it have anything to do with your boyfriend? Is he parking his car is someone else’s garage? Was he ever really your boyfriend at all or did you just pay him to pretend he liked you? I can’t imagine anyone ever actually dating you for real!”