Crime Does Pay

by Vincent Monaco

  The following day which is on the late afternoon of Tuesday, while driving his Mack truck Sergeant Parke calls in for an update on Brother Brent's latest answer in regards to resolving the desecration of the American flag issue, but once I relate the disrespectful answer of Brother Brent, it infuriates Sergeant Parke to the utmost, so much so that he can only say this before discontinuing the phone call, "That does it! That's the last straw! What an aggravating Son of a Bitch! Tell that stupid bastard that me and my Mack truck will be down there tomorrow at one o'clock sharp and if Brother Brent continues to be a traitorous rebel, his dealership will be flattened to the ground!" As the hours slowly tick by to wind down into the morning hours of Wednesday morning and as the appointed meeting that is set for one o'clock today ticks closer and closer with each tick of the second hand and as my interest grows in respect to finding out what the result of this meeting will be, as the clock on my wall strikes the hour of ten o'clock and with only three little hours remaining before the appointed time of the big meeting, Brother Brent nonchalantly stumbles into my office and once the door is closed, he plops his rebel ass into a maroon chair opposite my desk to sit in absolute silence while he sighs many times with large amounts of hot air as if blowing on Brother Barry's pink little male member. As he continually stares at the wall above me in utter silence except for the expulsions of hot noisy air, after six to seven minutes of sighing loudly, the weak-kneed Brother Brent inquires, "Please make it perfectly clear to me of what this one o'clock meeting is all about?"

  "You are once again Brother Brent, provoking the wrong man who is not going to tolerate your disrespect and abuse like everyone else seems to always tolerate what- ever crap you shovel their way and Sergeant Parke would rather die fighting than to yield to your bias policies as well as to your blatant disrespect of the American flag. My advise to you is, in less than three hours Sergeant Parke will be here to resolve the desecration of the American flag issue and if this meeting goes awry, for your own sake do not steal his sixteen hundred dollar deposit that rightfully belongs to Sergeant Parke if he buys his mobile home elsewhere, so if you do not want an all- out war that you can not win, I advise you to make peace with Sergeant Parke. And since Sergeant Parke is in the right and is on the moral side of the issue, it makes good sense to appease him by adopting a nice respectful policy toward the American flag and to do what ever makes the customer happy, especially when the customer is in the right and in due time, the Sergeant Parke Deal will close and you will profit greatly from it. Doesn't it make more sense to profit on the deal than to loss the deal over an argument about shredded American flags? One other thing Brother Brent, can you please stop causing heated arguments with many of my customers, agreed?"

  "Okay, for your sake Vince since your commission is based on closing the deal, I'll try to find a middle ground so we can arrive at a peaceful conclusion and hopefully, this will also eliminate the bad dream that reoccurs in my dreams every night, cause this scary and vividly colorful nightmare has clearly shown me that somehow, I got tied down to the surface of a road while in slow motion the gigantic spinning tires of Sergeant Parke's Mack truck spins closer and closer and closer and yet even closer to spin up and over my sexy body until I'm flattened like a flat little pancake! So without me showing fear of him, I'll find a way to make that violent veteran happy."

  Is the satisfactory response from Brother Brent and with the final expulsion of hot smelly air, he exits from my office to casually mosey down the hallway back to his office from whence he came. But thirty minutes prior to the appointed time of the big meeting, Brother Brent pokes his head into my office to pridefully boast: "After speaking to the great Mr. Wayne Frier, I changed my mind and Sergeant Parke is the one who needs to kiss my Redneck ass to make peace with me —Because I'm The Bad Ass! If Sergeant Parke puts up his dukes to fight me, he'll lose the fight 'cause I once wrestled in High School And It Has Turned Me Into A Tough Little Cookie!"

  With that said, Brother Brent hastily and most secretively exits from the dealership by way of the rear door and is not seen for the next two days, to then claim that he had two lengthy all-day meetings with Wayne, Matt and Todd Frier at the infamous Wayne Frier Headquarters in Live Oak. Boys and girls can you say, Brother Brent Wainwright skedaddled from the dealership to hide from Sergeant Parke like a big pansy-ass coward? As punctual as always, at precisely one o'clock Sergeant Parke rolls into the parking lot without his huge eighteen-wheeler Mack truck, to only sit and relax in my office with a few six-packs of beer as we discuss various things since the big one o'clock meeting has been unfortunately, cancelled. Between the eleventh and twelfth can of beer, we decide that the meeting will take place during next week with a pop-in visit that will be without a scheduled appointment, is the only way to catch Brother Brent before he runs for the hills again. When, eight days later on a Thursday evening just before six o'clock, Sergeant Parke returns to the dealership and just as Brother Brent opens the front door of the dealership to leave for home, Sergeant Parke steps forward and grabs Brother Brent's arm and he is not going anywhere except into my office to attend a big unscheduled meeting. While Brother Brent squirts diarrhea into his pink lacy G string, the big meeting commences. And imagine my surprise, when the first words out of Brother Brent's mouth is to claim:

  "I I I, I already ordered the new new American flags from the the catalog last week and and the catalog people tell me me, that my new flags should arrive here within a two week period, so next next week, I'll have twenty new flags and all shredded flags will be thrown in the trash because its disrespectful to fly shredded flags. And my new flags will be taken in before it rains as well as before nightfall falls into nightfall, because my new American flags will be honored and respected by all employees, is is what I thinks is best to do."

  "That sounds honorable Brother Brent," as Sergeant Parke clenches his left arm to continue with, "lets you and I go outside for a while, because I have many things to show you so you can fly the new American flags honorably. I also wish to point out the disrespectful desecration so you can see it for yourself, this way you will know what to do and what not to do with the new flags. Do you understand me Brent?"

  "Yes yes, because that would be a big help to know what to do and what not to do with my brand-new American flags. Look at what I have here, see what I have?

  I already bought new white rope to hoist my new American flags up the flagpoles. See what I did already to prepare for my delivery of my new flags? Methinks I'm doing things very very properly and respectfully I do a-thinketh! And I do a-thinks that you thinks that I'm doing a lot of this patriotic stuff very patriotically and I'm serious about being patriotic and I am so serious, that I'm seriously serious about it! I'm so serious about it, that I would love if you would teach me everything that you know about the American flag and I ask ya, what is the best way to fly the sucker?"

  While holding Brother Brent by the left arm, Sergeant Parke leads Brother Brent where he wants him to go which is out of the dealership to point him in the direction of the first flagpole and then, the succeeding nineteen flagpoles after that and as fate has it, I have three telephone calls waiting so I need not tagalong from one flagpole to the next as Sergeant Parke gives Brother Brent a big thorough lecture on all flags, which takes an hour and forty-five minutes to accomplish the twenty flagpole tour. And I must also make the comment of, I never saw Brother Brent so nice, respectful and amenable at any time before or after this incident and since Brother Brent was not lying to Sergeant Parke, the twenty brand-new American flags arrive by special delivery at the dealership a mere five days later. On that day, Brother Brent orders his brother-in-law who goes by the Redneck name of Blair Bigelow (530-25-4303), to exchange the shredded flags for the brand-new American flags along with the new white rope to hoist the flags high above and within mere minutes of Blair Bigelow finishing with this flagpole task, with a big spring in his step and a smile on his face Brother Brent steps into my office looking for a big congra
tulatory pat on the back from Sergeant Parke by commenting to me with his self-praising commentary of:

  "Vince, thanks to the great me, make sure that you call up Sergeant Parke immediately to tell that violent psycho the good news! And the good news is, that I kept my promise to Sergeant Parke by exchanging the old shredded American flags for the brand-new American flags that were just delivered today, so call Sergeant Parke and tell that raving psychopath what I just did to make that Crazy War Hero Happy! Also tell that loony bastard, that I do not expect to see his giant Mack truck driving through my dealership at any time now or in the future because I did what that crazy lunatic wanted me to do! Tell that violent veteran that there is no need for him to remain on the war path, because my flags are very patriotic and are in conformity to his instructions and demands. Everything is set up exactly like he said to do it. In fact, tell that crazy wacko that I never want to see his giant Mack truck driving on Highway 19 again, because he is no longer allowed to drive his Mack truck within a one hundred mile radius of my dealership, is the Order that the great me, has issued upon that war hero to obey, or he'll be killed! So let it be said by me, so let it be done by you! For this is the word of me! I want you to know Vince, that it was very embarrassing to the great me to tell the great Mr. Wayne Frier that the great me, was unfairly forced to buy twenty new American flags because of all of the mentally disturbed veterans driving through the streets and the most crazy and most violent veteran of them all, was on the verge of driving his gigantic truck directly through my valuable dealership and when I heard Sergeant Parke say that, I'll admit, I panicked like a ten year old boy taking it up the ass for the very first time!"

  As Brother Brent stands to exit from my office and with one pace forward he swiftly turns to add the closing lines of: "I'm such a tough little cookie, that normally I'd normally beat the hell out of Sergeant Parke like a bloody stepchild, but this time he got real lucky, because I was wearing my new bra and panties and I didn't want to get them dirty, which simply means that I would have fought Sergeant Parke to the bitter death, I'd fight him but I got my new bra and panties on! Sergeant Parke got lucky that we didn't fight, because I would of given him the choking full nelson so strongly, that he would be begging me for a half nelson! I'm bad! To practice my wrestling moves, tonight I'm going to have a pillow fight with a vicious drag queen!"

  After that attempt to restore his manly dignity, Brother Brent vanishes in his office to dangle tiny fishing lures in his fish tank to see if he can catch his own little fishes. After relating Brother Brent's final commentary to Sergeant Parke, we both have a hearty laugh and to all intents and purposes, the desecration of the American flag issue is now and forever considered not only victorious, but is considered — Closed! But wait! there's more! As the owners of the dealership skillfully, torturously and methodically apply The Stretch Out Principle with always great success, of which is a fundamental principle that slows down the slow progress of the deal in an effort to stretch out the customer to make the customer even more desperate to close on their deal, for which gives the owners of the dealership increased leverage to attain full control over the customer in order to steal every last penny without any resistance from the customer due to the desperate situation that the desperate customer has been methodically and deceitfully placed in and with plenty of spare time to spare, The Cash Conversion Smoke Show can lackadaisically commence as pre-planned. Sergeant Douglas Parke's required down payment of eight thousand five hundred dollars ($8,500.00) is first set by Conseco Finance and then, is also set by IndyMack Bank, who, is the second bank who in due time closes on the Sergeant Parke Deal by providing a mortgage. The bank's required down payment of $8,500.00 minus the actual down payment of $1,600.00 equals the cash conversion of $6,900.00 needed to satisfy the bank's requirement of a $8,500.00 deposit and this only means one thing, that the bank must be defrauded with phantom numbers that do not exist and this is the fundamental essences of The Cash Conversion Smoke Show. And it all begins as Brother Brent fills out his own "Check Request" form in the amount of six thousand nine hundred dollars ($6,900.00) as well as to sign the form to then send the form to the Wayne Frier Headquarters in Live Oak and after a phone call with Wayne Frier so that Brother Brent can explain the details as to why this money is needed, Wayne Frier then approves this illegal scam by attaching his signature to the form and the issuance of a check in the amount of $6,900.00 is made payable to Brother Brent's corrupt dealership in Homosassa and on its arrival on the following Friday, Brother Brent instructs his personal secretary, Lorraine M. Waldeck (061-58-1026) who is a ready-made whore of crime, to cash out the $6,900.00 check for cash and then, to redeposit the cash proceeds of $6,900.00 into the Frier Home Sales, Inc., depository account with account number of 0030 6497 3057 at the Bank of America, of which frankly means that Wayne Frier has issued a check that was exchanged for cash and then was deposited back to himself, which is an illegal, corrupt and defrauding scam that upon Lorraine's return from the bank, enables Brother Brent to write out a paid in full receipt in Sergeant Parke's name for a six thousand nine hundred dollar ($6,900.00) cash deposit to the dealership to meet the bank's full requirement of a eight thousand five hundred dollar ($8,500.00) down payment and "Poof!" boys and girls you have just witnessed the magical trickery of The Cash Conversion Smoke Show! What is more, the customer is kept in the dark since this felonious smoke show takes place without Sergeant Parke's knowledge or involvement of any kind. With the down payment requirement met and with piss and vinegar, Brother Brent excitedly enters into a telephone conversation not with a fat Conseco girl looking for love in all the wrong places, but with the Vice President of the mortgage department in an effort to push the Sergeant Parke Deal forward since "The great me, Brother Brent Wainwright, just now I just now received in my own hands, the cash balance of six thousand nine hundred dollars ($6,900.00) from Sergeant Parke who has as of just now, met his total down payment requirement of eight thousand five hundred dollars ($8,500.00) as a mandatory requirement set by you Conseco guys. I swears, that me myself in my own hands, have just received his second cash down payment and as the owner of this dealership, I swears this to be truly true and what I a-says, is truthful because I swears it to be the truthful truth! Its the truth I tells ya! For a known fact Mr. Vice President, the great me is the pardner of the great Mr. Wayne Frier and since I'm the most powerful person in this large dealership, this truthfully means that I'm the be-all and end-all because the great Wayne Frier is me pardner!

  I wrote out the customer receipt to the Sarge by using my cute little fingers to do it."

  But as compelling as Brother Brent's whopping lie is, the Vice President does not buy into Brother Brent's cash conversion smoke show and without another word said who obviously questions the authenticity of Brother Brent's deceitful story, Sergeant Douglas R. Parke's mortgage application is immediately declined by the mortgage department of Conseco Finance. With the arrival of the decline letter on the following morning by way of the facsimile machine, fuming in a seething rage in which is mostly due to his bruised ego, Brother Brent immediately gets on the telephone with the mortgage broker known throughout the far-reaching lands as Big Larry "the Fucken Bank" Kelner from Associated Mortgage Services to bring Big Larry up to speed with all of the details on the Sergeant Parke Deal, of which is also followed by a multipage fax to initiate the mortgage process at IndyMack Bank. After witnessing the negative reaction of Conseco Finance, Brother Brent dreams up the next illegal and defrauding scheme and it is to use Sergeant Parke's paid-off pickup truck as collateral to fill the six thousand nine hundred dollar ($6,900.00) void that was created by The Cash Conversion Smoke Show, but before the deal can close, the relentless pursuit of crime compels Brother Brent to try every dirty trick in the book to steal Sergeant Parke's truck with false pretenses, methodical deceit and outright trickery. And it all begins as Brent proposes his verbal agreement of:

  "Vince, to make this Sergeant Parke Deal close and without
taking any more chances of the bank catching me red-handed in a bad crime or two, we need to tie up all of the loose ends in this deal just in case the bank digs deeper in the paperwork of the deal, of which rarely occurs but we need to prepare for it anyhow, just to be on the safe side. Tell Sergeant Parke that he needs to provide me with the Title to his paid-off pickup truck for my safekeeping that will be kept safe in the title book known simply as — The Dealership's Title Book! My agreement to Sergeant Parke is this, even though that the Title to his truck will be signed over to me and is stored in The Dealership's Title Book, Sergeant Parke can remain in possession of his truck that is at this time, technically owned by me. And then, after the closing of his deal, a week or two later he can meet me at anytime to pick up the Title to his truck since it will only be used as collateral to fill the six thousand nine hundred dollar ($6,900.00) vacuum created by his second cash down payment that this dealership falsified for him, so I need his truck to cover my naked butt."

  After I relate this to Sergeant Parke, it is decided that a meeting between the three of us is necessary to answer all questions as well as to successfully transfer the Title of ownership of Sergeant Parke's truck to the dealership as well as to store it in The Dealership's Title Book that is always locked in a wall safe inside Brother Brent's private office. On the appointed day and time, the big meeting occurs and concludes without a single problem and all parties are on the same page as far as what Brent's proposed plan has proposed and is agreed upon. However, unbeknown to me at this early time, that does not mean that many sinister schemes to steal Sergeant Parke's truck will not be attempted day in and day out which extends to the very last minute on the day of closing. Once again, as I walk down the long hallway of the dealership toward my office on the day of closing the Sergeant Parke Deal, at breakneck speed Brother Brent runs from his office to catch up with me to then walk with me to beg: