Crime Does Pay

by Vincent Monaco

  "Vince, I'm begging you for the last time, all that you need to do is to invent some kind of a believable lie that Sergeant Parke will believe and then, I'll give you a secret cash gift of one thousand dollars ($1,000.00) if your white lie allows me to rob Sergeant Parke's truck after the closing of his deal? So, we need to rob his truck because that truck is worth many more thousands than the one thousand dollars that I'll give to you to make the arrangements that allows me to rob his grey pickup truck without the bad complications of starting an all-out war with that violent veteran, just figure out some kind of lie to rob his truck and after you tell that white lie to Parke, then come in my office and I'll give you one thousand dollars in cash today, okay? We have a deal, right? Me and you have a deal, right? Its a deal between us, correct? Me and you can get even with that crazy bastard by screwing him out of his beloved truck that he has restored by investing lots of money into that truck, so I say lets screw that crazy war hero real hard, so lets rob his truck, okay? If you help me to steal his big pickup truck, you'll be in good graces with the great Mr. Wayne Frier who has already approved the stealing of his truck? Wouldn't it be real nice to go home today with your pocket filled with one thousand dollars of tax free cash, because it will be our little secret, okay?"

  "The answer to your sinister scheme is — No!" I strongly protest, "your word is your bond and you have given your word to Sergeant Parke at our prior meeting, that the Title to his grey truck will be returned to him within two weeks after the close of his deal and you need to keep the word that you have already promised to him without inventing some type of robbery to steal his truck. Brother Brent, you can keep your cash gift of one thousand dollars because I do not want it! And the clear Title to his pickup truck must be given back to the Sarge as your agreement had guaranteed."

  "Your refusal to help me steal his truck will not bode well for you when I tell this to the great Mr. Wayne Frier who has given you a direct Order to help me steal it! So Come On! Help me in the robbery of Sergeant Parke's truck and me and the great Mr. Wayne Frier will give you one thousand dollars in cash within the next fifteen minutes, don't you want the large sum of cash that we are willing to give to you? So come on Vin, lets rob his truck because he deserves it, since he's a violently unstable war hero like all the rest of them crazy bastards! And I also guarantee this to you Vince, that if the excuse to steal his truck comes from you, Sergeant Parke will never suspect a thing if your white lie is a good believable excuse that one can truly believe since it makes good horse sense to believe in it. Since you know that crazy war hero extremely well, so its very easy for you to make him believe in your little white lie. If you help me to rob his truck today and since we knows that only you can accomplish this great feat without provoking a big war, Wayne Frier will call you up tonight to give you many priceless compliments from The Grand High Mystic Ruler himselves! Won't That Be Great? After all, Sergeant Parke is only a worthless veteran and all veterans are worth less than the steam that rises from my morning shit! If you want the great Wayne Frier to trust you, then you needs to get some dirt on ya? So follow the easy step by steps of our program and you will accumulate gigantic heaps of dirt and trust! Giant heaps of dirt is what is needed and expected to become a manager of one of Mr. Wayne Frier's dealerships and you, haven't got any dirt on you to be trusted. So help me to steal Sergeant Parke's truck and this will be your first step to dirty yourself up so someday soon, you can be promoted as a trusted manager of a Wayne Frier dealership and then, you'll learn the secret teachings from The Grand High Imperial Wizard Mr. Wayne Frier himselves!" Is Brent's persuasive rebuttal.

  "Brother Brent, what you're doing is so criminally wrong," carefully worded and demanding in tone I persevere with, "what you want to do is not right at all Brother Brent. Sergeant Parke is a war hero who fought in combat under enemy fire and after he went through all of that, you want to steal his beloved truck, where is your code of conduct? how can you even entertain such an idea of stealing a war hero's only vehicle especially when this idea comes from a person who has done nothing to preserve truth, justice and the American way? Your answer is — No! So there will be no stealing of Sergeant Parke's truck and in one week, the Title to his truck will be given back to Sergeant Parke as it rightfully should be given to him as per your prior agreement to him, so there will be no stealing of the Sergeant's truck, period!"

  Brother Brent then turns tail to scurry back to his office from whence he came like a pouting fat rat and within minutes of reaching my own office, I decide that its best to make contact with Sergeant Parke by way of the telephone to apprise him of the situation in which "Brother Brent has greedy intentions and plundering plans to rob your grey pickup truck, so to prevent this stealing from occurring, get down here on Saturday as early as possible and I'll go in Brother Brent's private office with you and your girlfriend Tammie to make sure that you receive the clear Title to your truck as it was promised to you way back when, otherwise Brother Brent will not hesitate to steal your truck." Its the first weekend after the closing of the Sergeant Parke Deal and bright and early on Saturday morning, according to plan Sergeant Parke and his new girlfriend Tammie arrive at the dealership and the three of us, then enter Brother Brent's private office without an appointment and as Brother Brent looks up from threading fishing line into the tiny hole of a fishing lure and with horrific horror on his horrified face Brent only stutters to pronounce a single birdlike chirp, so to relieve a degree of fear to allow him to at least function so we can accomplish this task, with a soothing tone of voice I begin this meeting with the opening line of, "Brother Brent, look who popped in for a visit, its Sergeant Parke and his girlfriend Tammie who wish to retrieve the Title to his truck in accordance with the agreement of our prior meeting." With the dramatic acting of a Hollywood starlet that runs through an entire gamut of frowning expressions along with the wild shaking of his big hideous head to signify to us that he has a bad memory lapse, but knowing that he will not get away with the old loss of memory routine, Brother Brent's memory miraculously improves as if he has suddenly overcome amnesia:

  "Oh yeah! I I remember now! Because its all coming back to me in the form of a memory that I remember! Its in my big black Dealership's Title Book if I remember correctly. I believe that my memory remembers it near the rear of my big black book, so just give me a minute to find it and 'Yes!' here it is! Here is the free and clear Title to your valuable pickup truck that I kept safe and sound for you Sergeant Parke, since I kept the promise that I've made to you and my promise to keep the Title safe and sound is a promise that has truly kept the Title safe and sound like a young naked virgin chained to the large pipes in the boiler room that no one but me can enter to have the fun of sodomy! Firstly, I need to put my John Hancock on the Title in order to sign the Title over to the newest girlfriend of Sergeant Parke because in my opinion which is an opinion that has many years of experience in these very delicate matters, its my opinionated opinion that you Tammie, need to keep this free and clear Title in your name for one week of time and by the end of next week, its my correct opinion that it will be safe at that time to transfer the name on the Title into Sergeant Parke's name, but make sure that you wait the seven days before doing that, just in case the bank checks up on the Title of your truck and that's the correct opinion of my opinionated opinion. If you should have any confusion, do not hesitate to call me for my opinions. Just remember this, its very very important that you wait the full seven days before you get antsy to put Sergeant Parke's name back on that Title, 'cause we do not want the whole darn thing to blow up in our faces, okey-dokey?"

  To prove my point that all veterans are Crazy Bastards, I visited my travel trailer that Sergeant Parke is renting from me so he has a place to live until his new mobile home is ready and do you know what I found on the kitchen counter Vince? With the pages spread wide open my poor virgin eyes saw for the first time, naked girls in many Playboy Magazines! You Vincent, need to tell Sergeant Parke to throw out his X-
rated magazines because I will not allow that horny war hero to view naked girls inside my new travel trailer and I don't care that he's paying rent to me! Because viewing big naked breasts as well as viewing those hairy pink parts below, is not allowed to occur inside my new and expensive Solaray travel trailer that I stole for free from a dumb customer who used it as a trade-in asset. One girl had her legs spread so wide apart, that I thought that I was her gynecologist! I'm very afraid that Sergeant Parke is doing very naughty things while staring at the naked girls in his nudie magazines. In those dirty Playboy Magazines, I saw many private parts that are so private, that only my mommy would show me those private parts. There were so many naked girls exposed on the kitchen counter and maybe its my imagination, but I swears, that my travel trailer smelt exactly like the fish market!

  Brother Brent Wainwright, co-owner of Family Home Center of Homosassa

  When my wife leaves the house, I always wonder what kind of lace panty, hot go-go boots and embroidered bra I should wear? And should my lace panty have a panty panel or should it be crotchless?

  Brother Brent Wainwright, with social security number of: 593-12-9671

  After Brent furnished his opinionated opinion, as one happy group we egress from his private office to disband for the remainder of the day until the late afternoon, when Sergeant Parke returns with a couple of six-packs of beer to celebrate his long awaited victory of home ownership and in my office, we become drunken!

  But wait! there's more! Because the sexual hound dog will soon meet the stripper!

  At the dealership that I'm posted to which bears the name of The Family Home Center of Homosassa, is a dealership that primarily sells new mobile homes that are manufactured by Fleetwood Mobile Homes, however, one-quarter of a mile down the highway is another mobile home dealership owned by the same owners (who are Wayne Frier, Matt Frier, Todd Frier and Brother Brent Wainwright) that bears the name of The Ironwood Dealership, of which is a smaller dealership that primarily sells new mobile homes that are manufactured by Pioneer Mobile Homes, of which are mobile homes not to my liking for a number of valid reasons. The Ironwood Dealership with which is also laughingly known among the owners as The Ironwood FHA HUD Factory Of Manufactured Documents To Close All Fraudulent FHA Mortgages, of which is a dealership that was purposely designed to do as the chosen nickname given by the owners of the dealership describes. A small select group of salesmen who have the vital experience of many successful years of manufacturing fraudulent FHA loan documents are selected to run the day to day operations of The Ironwood Dealership and the peerless manager who is selected to run this ultra Top Secret dealership is Christopher Cramer, who is assisted by Terry R. Spell and his wife Karon, who, is the secretary for her husband Terry. After Chris Cramer is put on the black list by the banks for the crimes of submitting too many fraudulent loan documents to eventually be terminated as the manager of the dealership when then, Terry R. Spell is promoted as the next manager of The Ironwood Dealership. As the new manager and without another capable salesman to take over his position who is half as qualified as he is in falsifying documents, like a shark Terry smells the blood in the water and seizes the opportunity to successfully apply great pressure on Brother Brent to increase his draw each week as well as to increase the salary of his wife Karon for an unheard of combined weekly income of, one thousand dollars! Of which this immense weekly income of Terry Spell and his wife Karon does not at all include a twenty-five hundred dollar ($2,500.00) bonus paid to Terry for the closing of every single fraudulent FHA mortgage as a sort of hush hush bribery money for which is known as The $2,500.00 Administrative Funding Fee, but then again, Brent steals more than sixty thousand dollars of commission owed to Terry. Months later, upon the closure of all fraudulent FHA mortgages and without a single mortgage to process, Terry Spell and his wife Karon are no longer needed and Brent terminates their employment to steal a sizeable sum of Terry's unpaid wages and at this point, the falsifying of FHA mortgages at the sole location of The Ironwood Dealership is discontinued and I am offered the position of manager of The Ironwood Dealership, that of which is a position that I without pause or reflection or time to sleep on it, is a quick unwavering refusal to Brent's repeated offer that he constantly tries his best to appeal to my ego by selling me on the idea of becoming the prestigious manager and his constant begging occurs daily over a six week span of time and his annoying and ceaseless begging is always met with the same three words of — No Thank You!

  For the many times that I repeat my valid reasons for not accepting the prestigious position of manager of The Ironwood Dealership, it goes in one waxy ear and out the other and Brother Brent pays no mind to my valid reasons which are as follows: With more than three hundred customers to look after as well as to keep each deal advancing until the happy day of the closing of each deal and to consider, that all of my customers were sold a Fleetwood home on this lot and in this dealership and if I transfer to another dealership many customers for one reason or another will be lost in the transfer regardless of my best intentions to inform them of the reasons and location of my transfer, which truly means that I'll make more money as a salesman in this dealership than to be a prestigious manager of Ironwood and since I'm here for the money and not for the prestige of a title, the choice is quite clear and I must stay here at this dealership to close out every customer deal that I have before a big promotion can be thought of as favorable. Also, this Fleetwood dealership that I'm posted to attracts a hell of a lot more new customers in comparison to The Ironwood Dealership and exactly where I'm at, draws the most amount of action and I need to be where the action is the heaviest; this is where the action is, so why transfer to a dead dealership? Also, at The Ironwood Dealership the junky inventory of Pioneer mobile homes are dull and dreary and even the inside color schemes of the Pioneer homes are awful in comparison to the attractive color coordinated Fleetwood homes and from a banking standpoint, the Fleetwood homes provide a much larger square footage of living space at a cheaper price and a larger mobile home with additional square footage is easier to squeak through a mortgage approval and usually, its at a lower interest rate, so from a banking standpoint it makes no sense to transfer from selling a large Fleetwood mobile home that the banks like, to selling a small and very dreary Pioneer mobile home that the banks are not as fond of. And it always makes good profitable sense to always sell whatever the banks like best, pure and simple. Therefore, I prefer to remain the top salesman at this fast-paced and action-packed Fleetwood dealership, than to become a prestigious manager at a dying dealership. After six long weeks of Brother Brent nagging me to take over the reins as the new manager of The Ironwood Dealership and after refusing his best offer at least three hundred times, the next salesman in line to be offered this prestigious managerial position is Paul D. Maltese who proudly and anxiously accepts the position at the first offering. However, unbeknown to Brother Brent, the insatiable sexual appetite of Paul quickly transforms The Ironwood Dealership into, The Ironwood Bordello! Boys and girls can you say — Perverted Sexual Acts Of The Pornographic Kind? After Paul transfers his tiny sum of customer files and a heap of office knickknacks to his new office as the new manager of The Ironwood Dealership, he immediately hires his live-in girlfriend Sandra as his personal secretary to increase the combined income of the household and little does Brother Brent know, that the hiring of his girlfriend Sandra will not only increase the number of afternoon delights, but also the number of all-day delights that act out Paul's most perverted sexual fantasies!

  Boys and girls can you say — sex and sodomy on the lobby couch is a daily ritual?

  I am so overwhelmed with customer deals that consume my every split-second and without Paul flinging my office door open to interrupt my work in order to keep me abreast of the current scuttlebutt, scandals and crimes that are going on around me, upon Paul's promotion he takes a long three week hiatus from entering my office to enlighten me of all scuttlebutt and events and during Paul's absence, I
truly learn that Paul is my eyes and ears to the outside world. When, three weeks after his big promotion and with a spring in his step and a big grin on his face as if he swallowed the canary, Paul enters my office and with the door closed to gain privacy and as his toothy grin spreads wider and wider and just as his face is near to burst apart, Paul sits without uttering one word and while the suspense of this jaw dropping drama grows with more suspense, I can't hold back any longer as I blurt out the inquiry of, "Is it that good over at The Ironwood Dealership, is it really that good at Ironwood? The way that you're grinning, means that something truly awesome is going on at Ironwood, what could be that great to make you grin like that? Fill me in with the good news, so what's so good over there? Stop grinning and tell me what's so good about being over at Ironwood, what could possibly make you grin like this?" With a big goofy grin, Paul leans back in his chair and while giggling, he spills the beans:

  "Oh man! Its better than good, because its fucken excellent over there and I fucken love it! For me, I definitely made the right decision to move over to Ironwood as the manager and now, I'm the big boss of the dealership and I have nobody looking over my shoulder any more because I'm the top dog and I fucken love it! During most afternoons, my girlfriend Sandra loves to give me a long blow job while I lie on the lobby sofa and when she swallows my tasty load of cum, it makes me feel like a mighty Roman General during the antiquity era! I feel exactly like a great conqueror who has conquered, because I feel like Julius Caesar! I not only have an entire afternoon of hot sweaty sex as an afternoon delight, but I've been having kinky sodomy as an all-day delight as well! Just to push my luck to see if I can get away with it without a customer walking into the lobby to see me lounging naked on the sofa and while my naked girlfriend drops green grapes into my mouth, she calls me by my Roman name of — Julius Caesar! As the big perky tits on my naked girlfriend bounce up and down to entertain me, she drops the green grape into my mouth while she fans me so I can remain cool and most times, she stands directly over my face so I can observe and study every movement of her pussy that has big moving wet lips and I love the way they talk to me! Sandra has the prettiest pink pussy with the largest of labia lips that I have ever seen! When her giant labia lips are held open, her vagina looks like a pink Venus's-flytrap that is always leaking hot liquids. During the very first time that I stared into her spread-eagled pussy, I fell in love with it at that moment and there is no girl in the world who has a prettier pink pussy than my Sandra and I only wish, that I could enter her wet pussy into a contest to prove how very pretty her pretty pussy is, because her pretty pink pussy will always win first place. What's great about The Ironwood Dealership, is that Brother Brent never comes down to my dealership and I can do what I want without a nosy douchbag like Brother Brent looking over my shoulder to see what I'm doing or not doing, I love it because there is no adult supervision at my Ironwood Bordello. There is only me and I'm a kinky little sex fiend who needs to stare into the spread-eagled pussy of my horny Sandra all day long! Vince, if you ever look inside Sandra's seducing pink pussy that has a tasty wet hymen and above that is a gigantic two inch clitoris and in a flash, you'll fall madly in love with it too and I'll have to fight you off because you will not be able to live without it! Sandra's wet stinky cunt is so beautiful, that its a lot more beautiful than her face. And to prove how beautiful her pink lippy vagina is, tomorrow I'll come back here with Sandra and I'll tell her to sit on your desk with her feet on your shoulders so you can look inside her gaping gash and as you look in it while you smell the romantic fragrance of her tuna-scented snatch, you'll fall madly in love with it, this I guarantee will happen because you won't be able to control yourself once you lay your eyes on her large pussy lips that will latch on to your face like a giant squid. I just love to eat a pussy with a fishy stench because it clears my sinuses like vapor rub! Her pink lippy vulva is so pretty, that it should be on a postcard for everyone to see it, admire it and wish that it was theirs! I love Sandra's fishy fumes so much, I wish that I could put my head up her pussy because I would wear her scent as my spicy cologne! I just love the fishy stench of Sandra's smelly snapper because it puts hair on your chest! I even love to watch the way that the blood gushes out from her pussy during her period and sometimes I get so horny, that I need to lick it like a wild animal! When my horny love log gets free from its denim prison my dirty talking girlfriend talks dirty with 'Eat my pussy like a horny lesbian You Sick Son of a Bitch! Eat me! Eat my bloody and fish flavored cunt You Goddamn Sick Pervert! Put your face in that wet stinky pussy and eat me You Fat Fucken Bastard! Lick my sopping wet beaver and tell me that you love it You Crazy Bastard! Lick my wet juicy snapper and inhale my feminine fumes You Insane Idiot! Lick my dirty asshole clean You Big Shit Eating Shithead! Tell me that you love it while you eat my fish fragrant pussy You Deranged Motherfucker!' and it turns me on so much, I don't care what it smells like because don't you just love pussy when it has that strong fish odor? We already had sex and sodomy in a model home and if you come closer, you can smell her fishy dried up juices on my face because I ate her pussy like a hungry hound dog! You need to come a little closer to smell her yummy tuna stench on my face. If a perfume company bottled the fish fragrance of her pussy, it would be a huge hit and everyone would splash it on in the morning, noon and night! I'm not in love with the whole Sandra person, because I'm only in love with her vagina! Since her pink vagina is so perfect, big pictures of it needs to go in the medical books and charts so all other women will know what a perfect pussy looks like. Earlier, while I was sitting naked on the lobby sofa and as Sandra sucks on my throbbing little love log for her own tasty treat, I had a big supernatural envisioning, that I am the real reincarnated Julius Caesar! Because I saw her pussy; I came in her pussy; and I conquered her pussy!"