Crime Does Pay

by Vincent Monaco

  "Paul, I think that you're insane! But I don't think that the sexual hound dog needs to wear a three-piece suit with a vest and bow tie as if its 1950, because the charm and charisma of the hound dog is more than sufficient to overwhelm any woman."

  "No big-titted stripper on the planet Earth can resist the irresistible charm, sexual charisma and animal magnetism of the sexual hound dog, because the hound dog is part man and dog combined! Bow-wow! Bow-wow! The meeting tomorrow begins at noon, so I'll be here at nine o'clock smelling good and expecting many long hours of sex and sodomy. If the sexual hound dog does not see you through the week, he'll see you through the window, ha, ha! The sexual hound dog will see you bright and early tomorrow morning at nine o'clock sharp! Bow-wow! Bow-wow! Bow-wow!"

  While Paul continues to bark like a big hound dog, with a gay spring in his skip he springs two feet off the ground with each skip taken as if he's playing hopscotch to skip out of my office as well as out of the dealership to continue his skipping in the parking lot and once he arrives at his car, Paul begins to skip in wide circles around his car while he continues to bark like a hound dog as he stares into my side window with a big smile and from the parking lot the elated sounds of "Bow-wow, bow-wow, bow-wow! I'm gonna get me some fishy poon-tang tomorrow, bow-wow, bow-wow, bow-wow! The stripper went over to the cupboard to fetch her hound dog a bone, when she bent over I took over and gave her a bone of my own, ha, ha!" is clearly heard throughout the dealership. When at long last, Paul enters his car to slowly but surely drive away while beeping his horn like a crazy hound dog sniffing glue. When, about fifteen minutes later Lauren announces over the loudspeaker that Paul is waiting for me on Line 2 and as I press the speakerphone button, Paul is already barking: "Bow-wow, bow-wow, bow-wow! At high noon tomorrow, I'm gonna get me some hot stripper pussy and I'm gonna sniff it like a hound dog sniffing his ass! Meow like a sex kitten You Pole Dancing Minx! Tonight, the sexual hound dog is going to skip sex so that I'll be real horny for hours of wild animal sex with the sexy but slutty stripper. Tomorrow that hot sexy stripper will be bent over on all fours while barking like a sexy schnauzer because I'll be spanking her fuzzy little ass and you Vincent, will hear the stripper barking bow-wow, bow-wow and then she'll say 'don't forget to fuck my ass silly Mr. Hound Dog'! When I finish spanking her ass, the stripper will be so horny, she'll beg for Mr. Sweet Dick Willy to fuck her asshole like a horny dog! Like a retriever, you need to find my big bone Jumbo Jugs! Like a husky, you can pull on my big sled anytime Baby! If you're a good little kitty, I'll make your pussy meow Baby? Bark bow-wow for me when Mr. Sweet Dick Willy pounds your tight little asshole into a bloody and painful pulp and then, there's no need to act out your howling because you'll howl like a Redneck taking a bath!"

  Will tomorrow bring the success of orgasmic relief for the sexual hound dog, or will the day end with sexual frustration with not even the bark of a single bow-wow?

  Bright and early on the following morning, it is now nine o'clock on the dot and I cannot believe what I am witnessing! The sexual hound dog enters my office with the look and swagger of a porn star and he is dressed to the nines with slacks and a very flowery shirt that one would only wear in Hawaii and he is overly adorned with jewelry that consist of many necklaces, rings and trinkets of all sizes hanging from his neck but most notable of all, the sexual hound dog smells as if he took a real long bath in a bathtub that contained at least one hundred gallons of powerful perfume, I mean cologne, because the sexual hound dog, Paul Maltese, smells like a Goddamn French Whore! With three hours to kill before his noon meeting with the stripper, Paul sits inside his old office to arrange the many candles and incense that he had brought with him to make a romantic ambiance and he now draws the drapes closed over every window and every ten minutes he repeats the drawing of the drapes by opening and closing them in a huff and after closing the drapes nine to ten times in a row, he then races to the next window to close those drapes nine to ten times as well; and every ten minutes this ritual is repeated. By 9:09 Paul is totally ready and fully prepared for his noon meeting to hopefully enjoy sex and sodomy. With nothing to do, after the drapes are drawn every ten minutes, Paul steps into the lobby and once my attention is attained, Paul begins a soft shoe dance routine that is marked with humor and overwhelming happiness as if inhaling laughing gas since his optimistic expectation of having hot sweaty sex with the sexy stripper is an ironclad certainty. In addition to the drawing of the drapes ritual, every thirty minutes on the dot a second ritual takes place as Paul pokes his head into my office to eagerly scream out the countdown of, "In two and one-half hours — The Sexual Hound Dog Meets The Stripper!" Thirty minutes later, "In two hours — The Sexual Hound Dog Meets The Stripper!" One hour and thirty minutes later, "Its 11:30, that means that in a short thirty suspenseful minutes —The Sexual Hound Dog Meets The Goddamn Stripper!"

  Thirty minutes after that, the countdown winds down to the zero hour as Paul runs from his office to the lobby windows to intensely stare at each passing car in wait of the stripper's arrival while Paul excitedly yells out the final countdown numbers of, "Where they be at Vince? Its finally noon time which means that in zero hours, zero minutes and in zero seconds — The Sexual Hound Dog Meets The Stripper! And I gotta get me some stripper poon-tang, because the sexual hound dog is Is — Horny!"

  While white foam bubbles from his mouth like a sexual deviate, Paul excitedly shifts from window to window hoping that the next observation through the next window will observe the arrival of Mary Wagner and the stripper but so far, they have not arrived as Paul begins to pant heavier while he stares at each passing car in dread of what is feared as — their nonarrival! But wait! what is he squinting at? As Paul squints harder and harder to see a faint image of a white car far off in the horizon, the car slowly approaches block by block and after many minutes of squinting, the white car leisurely comes within hailing distance and the faint image zooms sharply into focus and it is without a doubt, the white Mercedes Benz driven by that corrupt mortgage broker and pimp Mary Wagner who is more than happy to pimp out her ex-stripper employee who is sitting in the passenger seat and after Paul takes a long double-take to double-check his double-take by double-checking what he double- checked to then double-check his double-checking by double-checking his double- checking three more times and the glorious vision that his eyes behold finally sinks into his little brain and he excitedly shouts "Come to big daddy Bitch!" to then yell even louder: "There they is! My pimp Mary Wagner is driving my new stripper girlfriend here so I can fuck her wet cunt that drips for me! If that stripper does not give me pussy today, then I'll shoot my load of cum in Mary Wagner's fat saggy ass! Where the fuck is Mary Wagner going, why is that dumb bitch driving to the back of the Goddamn Dealership? That Dumb Bitch Is One Dumb Bitch!" With a big sigh of frustration while shaking his head in disgust of Mary Wagner, Paul does not hesitate to run at breakneck speed to the rear door of the back room to anxiously await at the doorway for Mary Wagner to enter the back room and as this occurs while Paul continues to foam at the mouth with the bubbles of sexual desire, he is introduced to the sexy and almost completely naked stripper and at this historic moment that will live in infamy — The Sexual Hound Dog Meets The Stripper!

  Immediately after the introduction is made, with the insecurity of having the sexy stripper stolen from him and with foam still bubbling, Paul frantically ushers both women down the hallway before any other man in the back room can move in to sweep his new stripper girlfriend off her feet, regardless of the fact that all persons in the back room are frozen in place who remain in total shock while staring at the naked stripper without blinking an eyelid and as Paul nervously leads them down the hallway and while I stand at the doorway of my office to look down the hallway, Paul excitedly gives me a smiling thumbs up gesture, which means that the hot sexy stripper meets Paul's full approval because he likes very much of what he sees since that sexy stripper is everything that a horny hound dog would want and as the two wo
men who are dressed like prostitutes halt at the doorway of Paul's office who are hesitant to enter since they seem afraid to go into the candlelit domain of Paul's love cave dimly lit by the flickering flame of romantic candles of various sizes carefully positioned throughout his office for the optimum effect and while they stand idle in the middle of the hallway discussing the pros and cons of entering Paul's office, I'm in shock of what I see! The hot sexy stripper who has a trim, yet voluptuous body is wearing a most revealing ensemble with only a stitch of thread here and there which is not nearly enough to cover her huge breasts with nipples protruding outward by a few feet as well as a circular patch of pubic hair not covered by panties since only a short skimpy see-through skirt hangs in front which is largely made up of some kind of fishnet embroidery that resembles lacy lingerie with large holes punched into the thin fabric to aid in the sightings of what lies beneath and with each movement the breeze easily blows the skimpy skirt and as it flops this way and that way with the slightest of movement, you can count her pubic hairs one by one and if you look a tad lower and if her see-through skirt moves to expose what it is meant to cover, the shaved crack of her vagina suddenly appears as if taking a big breath of air roughly every ten seconds and I cannot help but to wonder, is this a mobile home dealership or are we making a porno movie today? Not to mention that the skirt is wedged into the crack of her ass to expose the lower half of her round butt cheeks and if the light shines on her butt cheeks at the right angle, you can see the blonde fuzz on her sexy cheeks since the little blonde hairs on her ass seem to reflect light most easily, which means that the hot sexy stripper has a fuzzy blonde ass that sparkles in the light like an overpriced gem and I have a gut feeling that Paul will soon learn this lesson well. Her lacy ensemble is so slutty, that if one thread unravels and drops to the floor, the hot sexy stripper will be wearing nothing but high-heeled shoes. Its quite evident that this mobile home dealership has turned into a nudie bar and I need to get my dollars ready just in case she starts to pole dance in the lobby and with a customer sitting on the couch, I wonder what he'll be charged for a lap dance? But wait! there's more! Because I forgot to mention that below the hot stripper's see-through skirt is the erotic apparel of white stockings and a garter belt with attached garters on her legs and the lacy stockings stop halfway up each thigh to erotically expose the upper thighs with attached garters linked to the garter belt above and I must admit my friends, I do not know why this occurs but white stockings, garters with attached garter belt and with the skin of the thighs exposed, for some reason that look is so intoxicating that it drives me bonkers and it is almost impossible to resist the strong sexual attraction that stockings and garters produce, with one look its like taking a powerful hypnotic drug that controls your every thought and every thought is about stockings, garters and sexy legs. After looking at the stripper's enticing garters with white stockings that stop at the mid thigh, I'm ready to star in that porno movie.

  And to enhance the hot sexy stripper's arousing lingerie even further, the stripper stands upon four inch red high-heeled shoes that gives her that naughty prostitute appearance which is highly seductive to the opposite sex, of which is to Paul's liking. To state the obvious, the stripper's lack of clothing is inappropriate in the business world and to judge the stripper by her slutty and indecent appearance that is only appropriate at a nude beach, it looks as if the sexual hound dog's fantasy will soon become a reality and the odds are fifteen to one that he'll succeed with his schemes to coerce the hot sexy stripper into many perverted acts of sex and sodomy. Getting back to current events, as Paul and the two women still stand idle in the middle of the hall since the women are refusing to enter Paul's candlelit office because they sense that sexual perversion will prey upon them once the door is closed, so after a polite discussion between the women and Paul that heightens to a heated debate that escalates into a ferocious argument and after many shouts, swearwords and threats as well as pointed fingers being pointed inches away from the other person's face, at long last Paul finally wins the vicious argument and the two reluctant women slowly enter Paul's candlelit love cave and instantaneously, Paul slams the office door shut and then, his four fingers are repeatedly seen pushing the closed drapes closed and the drapes are pushed into a heaping clump of fabric on one side that creates a gap to peer in his office that makes his neurotic efforts, futile. In antithesis of the agreed upon plan, the pimp Mary Wagner does not leave the office as she was intended to do so, nevertheless, the razzle-dazzle of the sexual hound dog must be working its charm, since the two women have been in his love cave for just over two hours when in a very rough and violent manner, the office door is savagely flung wide open and bursting through the open doorway at a tremendous rate of speed, the two women run down the hallway and out of the dealership as if their life is dependent on it and as red high-heeled shoes kick high in the air to only leave the misty cloud of perfume behind, Mary Wagner and the stripper jump into Mary's white Mercedes Benz to quickly speed off with tires burning rubber and this is a clue, that something went very wrong during the meeting and I'll bet you eight to five, that the stripper never barked a single bow-wow. Which means that the sexual hound dog, is sexless! Two to three minutes after the fierce flurry of escape, with lethargic movements that are made worse by the dazed and confused expression on his face, the sexual hound dog appears in my office and as Paul plops his ass into a cushy chair opposite my desk to stare into space as saliva drips down his chin like a psycho ward inmate, Paul makes no attempt to stop his saliva from dripping as I initiate the conversation to find out: