[Bad Blooded Rebel Series 06] - Deeper

by Mellie George

  “I don’t know,” he answered, rubbing a hand through his hair. “I have no fucking idea what to do.” Tears welled up in his blue eyes and my heart broke for him.

  “Well I’m here for you. We all are. Don’t forget that, okay? Anything you need at all and it’s done.” I answered, wrapping my arms around him again.

  “Okay. I’m…” he said, stopping for a moment to collect himself. “I’m so glad you’re back, Jessie. Kris isn’t the only one that’s missed you, you know.”

  I sobbed harder in that moment. In the year and a half I was away from Kris, I hadn’t realized that I’d let my friends down too. The pain I felt was tripled as I glanced at Jude and Beau who both wore similar expressions on their faces.

  “I know, Ryder, and I can promise you that I’m not going anywhere ever again. I love all of you so much.”

  “Good,” he mumbled, burying his face into my hair.

  “We love you too, pretty girl,” Jude sniffed.

  “Listen, I don’t want you to worry about anything, okay? I am here and will do whatever you need me to do as far as arrangements. I know that this will be just about impossible for you and Rose to deal with so I don’t want either of you to worry. However you need me, I’m here.”

  “Thank you Jess,” he replied and from that point on I just held onto him while he grieved for his father.

  Three Years Later

  The next few years were some of the best and worst we’d ever had both personally and professionally up until that point.

  Once Alan had been laid to rest, we were all still numb over his passing. Rose was a zombie and needed someone to tell her how to do everything; when to eat, what she should wear, all of it so it had been pretty clear early on that she needed a “maid” to move in full time and help take care of her.

  Ryder tried his hardest to plan the funeral but was struggling not only with how his mom seemed to have mentally checked out, but was crumbling under the weight of his own grief and needed help with everything. Being true to my word, I stepped in and helped arrange everything that needed to be done. I had a lot to make up for and offering my help to make this hard time easier for everyone was the least I could do.

  As time marched along, we all had no choice but to move on with life but it was extremely hard. Kris had been amazing during that time and we’d grown so much stronger as a couple. We’d found our way back to each other at a time when we both needed someone the most and I was so thankful to have him. With as many hits as we’d taken personally, he was the one bright spot in a dark, gray world without much light.

  In the midst of all of that, I’d also graduated from community college and had received my degree in business administration. I didn’t attend the ceremony because the guys were on tour at the time and I felt I was needed there with my guys, but that didn’t stop them from throwing me a party to celebrate (even though none of us felt like being all cheery).

  Professionally, the guys were like an unstoppable force and their first album had been nominated for several Grammy Awards. They had contributed to several movie soundtracks as well and were getting ready to start touring again the following summer in another big budget headlining tour. Personally on the other hand, we were all terrified for Ryder’s well being.

  He’d not only been hitting the bottle more and more, but one night when we were all at a party at his house I’d walked in on him having his own little party and I was terrified for him. He was having sex with not just one girl but three and I’d noticed that there was a little mirror, a razor blade, and the remains of what looked like cocaine on the little coffee table in his room. I didn’t need to do drugs to know what it was because I was raised in a house where there drugs of every kind all over the place.

  I’d confronted him once he’d come down and he of course denied everything. When he screamed at me to “mind my own fucking business”, Kris got in his face and if Jude hadn’t stepped between them, I’m sure there would have been an altercation. I’d tried my hardest to talk him into getting some help but he refused to listen to anyone.

  When it was coming close to a year since Alan’s passing and things with Ryder still hadn’t gotten better. Everyone was just tolerating him because he wasn’t just the lead singer of the band, but he was family to us and you don’t give up on your family when they need you (even if they are too proud to admit it). Little did I know that it would take another tragic loss to finally get him to slow down.

  When I received the call that Rose had died, I was terrified to tell Ryder about it, knowing this would just send him even further off the deep end. Surprisingly when I sat him down to tell him, he was instantly calm and simply asked how it happened. When I told him that she’d overdosed on a combination of anti-depressants, strong pain meds, and alcohol, he just took a deep breath and said, “Okay. I’ll plan the funeral this time.” That was it…he said nothing more about it and had barely spoken to any of us until about a week after the funeral.

  When Ryder did finally decide to speak to someone, it turned out that I was the one he opened up to. He told me that losing his father had broken him, but losing his mother was what made him open his eyes. He didn’t want to go out the way she did, mixing drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of Alan’s death. I wish he’d decided to get help from a treatment program, but he was stubborn and tapered off the drug use on his own (which I still think was dangerous and he is damn lucky he was able to do it on his own). The drinking and whoring around with different women every night, however, had become his full time hobby and he and Jude were constant competition with Beau to see how many notches they could make in the bed post night after night. When we went to New York City and Ryder had gotten his memorial tattoo for Alan, they’d become friends with a tattoo artist named Jake Riggins (who happened to be cousins with Eternal Down’s lead singer Jagger) who quickly became another competitor in their group. I really did like Jake and he was very talented at what he did, but he was about as big of a whore as Jude was and sometimes he didn’t know when to not try and turn on the charm. I had to make it clear pretty early on that I was in love with Kris and that if he tried to pull any shit with me, he’d be eating his food through a straw for a while.

  Things now were about as normal as they could be and they guys were getting ready to embark on yet another tour. It was also going to be a long one and we would be gone for the better part of a year. Even though this was huge for them, I was disappointed we’d be gone so long for two reasons.

  Pretty much since we’d gotten back together, Kris had told me that he wanted us to have our dream house built but had never seemed to find the time to make plans. We had been leasing a beautiful home for the last year and a half and we had an option to buy it. Even though we loved it, we wanted to have a place that was ours from the time it was built, so once we found the property we liked, we’d planned on taking time to hire a contractor and a crew to build the house we’d always dreamed of. With Bad Blooded Rebel going on tour again our plans would have to be put on hold once more.

  The other reason I was disappointed? I wanted to marry Kris like yesterday.

  I’d wanted him to propose for so long and was honestly surprised that he hadn’t yet. I mean, hell, we’d been in love for years and loved each other more and more every single day. I didn’t understand what was taking him so long. Surely he knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I planned on talking to him about it once we were on the tour bus and we had endless time to discuss it. Of course, when things in your life seem to be slowly getting back on track after being knocked down, life has a fucked-up way of forcing you to take a hard right turn.

  As I was in the bedroom packing both of our suitcases, my cell phone rang. I picked it up off the night stand table and looked at the caller ID on the display. It was a number I didn’t recognize and the name display wasn’t showing who it was. Usually I send those kinds of calls to my voicemail because most of them were journalists or crazy fans that had gotte
n my cell number somehow and wanted an in with one of the guys in the band. I don’t know what made me pick up the phone this time but against my better judgment I answered the call.

  “Hello?” I asked, throwing a few rolls of socks into Kris’ bag.

  An automated voice message started playing and said, “Hello. An inmate in the Ohio Reformatory for Women is trying to contact you. If you accept the charges, please press one. If not, please press two or simply hang up.”

  I felt my stomach drop and my hands started to shake as I gripped my phone in my hands as the automated message began to replay. After everything that she’d done to me, Crystal was trying to contact me.

  Oh hell no.

  “Okay, I got everything we needed from the bathroom and I didn’t forget our toothbrushes this time,” Kris said light heartedly as he walked into our bedroom. “Oh yeah, make sure you pack that sexy pair of panties with the leopard print on them because they are my fav-Jess? What’s wrong?” I looked at him and I could feel tears stinging my eyes. He rushed over to my side and tossed the bag of toiletries on the bed before putting his hands on my arms. “Baby? What’s wrong? Who’s on the phone?”

  I held the phone out to him and whispered, “Crystal.”

  His green eyes blazed with fury as he took the phone from me. He ended the call and tossed the phone on the bed.

  “That fucking bitch,” he grumbled. “Did you talk to her?”

  “N-no, it was just a message that told me someone from the Ohio Reformatory was trying to call me. I didn’t speak to her.”

  “She’s got fucking nerve trying to contact you after what she’s done.”

  “I know,” I answered, still shaking. “Why the hell would she bother to call me now? She made it clear that she hates me and blames me for her life turning to shit. How can she think after everything she’s done that I’d want to talk to her?”

  Kris pulled me into his arms and rocked me back and forth and I instantly felt safe. However, I was still shaken by the call.

  “I don’t know Jess, but I will make sure it never happens again. I’m going to find out how that bitch got your phone number and after I rip the prison a new fucking asshole, we’re putting a block on your phone.”

  “Okay, thank you. I…I don’t want to talk to her, Kris.”

  “You don’t have to. I’ll always protect you from everything that hurts you, Jess. Always,” he replied as he held onto me.

  “Thank God. I just hate this…one fucking phone call. That’s all it took to completely shake me.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jess,” Kris answered and kissed the top of my head.

  Just then we heard the front door open and Jude’s voice boomed through the house.

  “Hey lovers, put your clothes on! I’m coming through!” he yelled. When he found us in the bedroom, his mood went from light to concerned really quickly. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”

  “No man, Crystal just fucking tried to call her,” Kris answered.

  “Are you fucking shitting me? Why in the hell would that cunt try to contact her?”

  “I don’t know man but I’m going to make sure she never tries again.”

  My eyes roamed to him and I noticed he was holding a stack of envelopes in his hand.

  “What are those, Jude?”

  “Oh these?” he answered, holding them up in his hand. “I just thought I’d grab your mail on my way inside. I’ll just set them on the bed.” He tossed them onto the comforter next to Kris’ bag and there was an envelope that caught my attention. When I squinted through my glistening eyes I noticed the address on the return label…

  Ohio Reformatory for Women.

  What the hell was going on? This woman told me every single day for the first eighteen years of my life that she hated me and wished I’d never been born. Now after she’d beaten me unconscious, killed my unborn daughter, and caused me to probably never be able to have children, she was trying to contact me.

  “Jude, hand me that letter,” I said, letting go of Kris and moving closer to the bed.

  Kris’ eyes followed mine and when he saw the letter he growled.

  “Jess, no. Whatever she has to say in this isn’t fucking important.”

  “I just want to know so I can move on.”

  “I’m with Kris on this, Jessie. There’s nothing in there that will change anything and will only fuck with your head even more,” Jude answered.

  “Give me the letter, Jude. Now,” I demanded. With uncertainty, Jude looked at Kris and then sighed. He picked it up and handed the letter to me.

  “I don’t like this Jess,” Kris stated. “I don’t want you to be hurt anymore by this fucking cow.”

  “Whatever is in this letter can’t hurt me any worse than she already has,” I answered and tore the envelope open. With shaking hands, I opened the letter and began to read.

  Dear Jessica,

  I’m sure you are wondering why in the world I am writing to you and probably won’t even read this. That’s okay because I know I deserve none of your time after everything I’ve done to you. I know I’ve made your life horrible from the moment you were born and that everything bad that’s ever happened to you is my fault. I know I don’t deserve it, but the reason I am writing this letter to you is to ask you for two things; to be able to see you and to have the chance to say I’m sorry.

  When I first got here, my health was really bad from all the drinking and drugs I did for so long and with the help of the doctors and psychiatrists here I have been through a rehab program and I’m completely clean for the first time since I was thirteen. For the first time in my life I am clearly seeing what a terrible person I am and what a horrible mother I was to you. I’d love a chance to say sorry but not just for me. I think you deserve the chance to finally say to me what you want to say. You are a wonderful girl and deserve that peace and as your mother that is the only gift I can give you now.

  Please consider visiting me. If you decide you want to come, I will be quiet and let you have your say. If you choose not to, I will understand. I know I deserve to be here and have no place in your life anymore, but I just want one chance to try to make things right.

  Love,

  Mom

  “Oh dear God,” I breathed out.

  “What does the letter say, Jess?” Kris asked.

  I raised a shaking hand to my face and wiped my tear stained cheeks.

  “She wants me to visit her.”

  “Hell fucking no!” Kris said loudly. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you anywhere near that fucking bitch!”

  “Jess, what are you thinking?” Jude asked, stepping closer to me. “No matter what she wants to say, she doesn’t deserve to even be thought of after what she did to you and your baby. I’m with Kris. I say no.”

  I looked at both of them and narrowed my eyes. “Look, I get that you guys are trying to protect me, but this isn’t either of your decisions, it’s mine. Besides, what is she going to do to me in jail?”

  “You’re not actually thinking of visiting her, are you?” Kris asked angrily.

  “I don’t know. I don’t want to see her but she says that she’s clean for the first time in twenty-five years. She says she wants the chance to say she’s sorry.”

  “She doesn’t fucking deserve the chance to say it,” Kris grumbled.

  “She also said that I should have the chance to tell her everything I want to and won’t bat an eyelash if I decide to unleash all of my anger at her.” I took a deep breath and sighed. “I think I want to go.”

  “What? No, Jess. I’m not letting you go there alone,” he declared furiously.

  “So come with me then,” I suggested. “That way you can be there in case I lose it and you can have your say too. She killed our daughter, Kris, and as her father you should be there to confront her too.”

  After a few quiet moments, he nodded his head and angrily said, “Okay. I’ll get it set up tomorrow.”

  “Thanks for understanding,
Kris. I know you don’t want to do this but it means so much that you’re willing to go with me. I won’t be able to get through this without you. I love you,” I answered.

  “I love you too, Jess. I still don’t like this, but I’ll do it for you. I’ll do anything for you.”

  I wasn’t going to admit this to Kris, but I was nervous as hell about seeing her. The only good thing about this visit was that I was finally going to be able to tell her everything I’d always been too afraid to say and I was so grateful that I was going to have Kris by my side.

  Chapter 13

  Kris

  I didn’t fucking like this. I didn’t want Jessie anywhere near Crystal and had already written her off for dead. But now because of that damned letter, I was sitting in a visitors’ room in a prison next to my girlfriend as we waited to confront the woman that was responsible for the death of our baby girl.

  I reached out to squeeze Jessie’s hand as the inmates started coming into the room one by one. I could feel her tensing even more and I leaned in to her ear and whispered, “I know I am beginning to sound like a broken record but you don’t have to do this, Jess. We can turn around and leave right now.”

  “I’m okay, Kris. I need to do this not just for me but for us. I have to have my say.”

  I sighed and nodded at her. I understood but I still couldn’t help my feelings on this. Sitting across the table from the woman that ruined my girlfriend’s life was the last place I wanted to be.

  I looked up and when my eyes landed on Crystal walking toward our table, they narrowed in hate. She looked like shit and that made me feel a tiny bit better about this whole thing. She looked like she’d not only gained some weight but that she was almost swollen and her skin was tight and had a slight yellow tint to it. The bitch probably had shot her liver to oblivion from years of hard liquor and even harder drugs.