Mansplainer

by Colleen Charles

  “I’m sure I will. But can’t you give me a hint?”

  He flashes a wide smile. “No way. You’ve been planning all of our dates. You have to ride along for the surprise.”

  “I like to be organized, if you haven’t figured it out, Henry. I keep things in boxes for a reason. Life flows easier that way. Right now, I feel like a little bit of a hot mess, and I’m not sure I can handle this newer more adventurous version of Meadow Hughes.”

  “I like this version.” He kisses my cheek, and I lean into the soft tenderness of the gesture. “I like it a lot.”

  I look at him, more certain than ever that Henry is the sweetest guy I’ve ever been with. I haven’t been this happy in a long time, although I admit that it’s hard to give myself permission to be. For me, it’s hard to choose between the other person and your life’s passion. But I’m trying, I really am.

  When I think about all of the alpha males that I used to be so head over heels for, I realize that I’ve been missing out. Henry actually sees me… unlike those lawyers and day traders who often looked right past me on dates to get a peek at a young chick’s ass.

  After the cabbie slides to the curb and Henry pays him, he gets out and holds the door open for me, then holds my hand as we walk down the sidewalk. “Meadow, promise me something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Let me take you out tonight.”

  I nod. I think about saying something like, “You don’t have to be so damn prideful. I know how much you make and I’m not with you for your money.” But I keep my mouth shut.

  We stop in front of a quaint Thai restaurant. “Here we are…”

  I smile up at him, genuinely pleased. “I love Thai. I like this surprise already.”

  He holds the door open for me, and I step inside. There are a few customers scattered throughout. The hostess, a middle-aged woman with dark gray hair grins at us. “Welcome.”

  “Table for two please,” Henry says.

  “Right this way.”

  We follow her to a booth in the back of the restaurant. Beautiful paintings line the walls in a cacophony of vibrant colors. As we sit, she hands us two menus. “Enjoy.”

  “Would you mind if I ordered for both of us?”

  I feel that prickly feeling again when I think he’s about to overstep. Something about leaning back and letting him lead just seems wrong to me. Like I’m not capable or intelligent enough to do for myself. “I know how to order.”

  “I know. You’re the queen of getting things done. It’s just… how about if I at least order the appetizers for us? I want to do something for you for a change. Why won’t you let me?”

  “Okay.” I nod, taking a deep breath. “As long as you don’t go into mansplaining mode again about every item on the menu. I’m agreeing to this because I want to… not because I can’t.”

  He smiles wide. “I love… I love spending time with you, Meadow.”

  “Same here.”

  A stocky man approaches our table. “Good evening, my name is Kiet, and I will be taking care of you. Can I get you started with something to drink? Our wine menu is on the back.”

  “Yes, please, Wine.” I say. “Pinot Grigio if you have it.”

  “Okay.” Kiet turns to Henry. “And for you, sir?”

  “Can you just bring out a bottle, please? For appetizers, we’ll have the miang kham,” Henry says. I stare at this handsome man. It wasn’t so long ago that a restaurant like this would have been overwhelming. Now… he’s flawless. Perfect in every way.

  Kiet smiles. “Very good Thai, sir. Very good. I put in your order right away.” Kiet makes his way toward the kitchen.

  “I’m impressed. You sounded like a natural there.”

  Henry takes my hand, tracing the lines on my palm. “I try to learn my favorite foods in every language.”

  “That’s good, but what exactly did you order?”

  He forces a swallow, and his face falls a little bit. “Be patient.”

  I bite back any reply as Kiet returns with a bottle of wine and fills our glasses. I glance over at a couple eating dinner.

  “The food looks scrumptious.”

  “Yeah, I love it here.” Henry takes a hesitant sip of his wine. “I get take out from here all the time, so it’s the best Thai restaurant in the city, if you ask me.”

  I sit back and struggle to let him handle things. Handle me. Emotions bubble to the surface – I can’t really articulate them, but I know they’re there. I’m not quite sure why I can’t just let go.

  “That’s a pretty high bar.”

  Kiet approaches us and puts a large plate in the middle of the table. The delicious smell wafts toward me. “Enjoy!”

  As Kiet walks away, I try to figure out exactly what Henry ordered. “Looks like a giant salad or something. What is this?”

  “Miang kham.”

  “And what exactly is that?”

  Henry smiles and points. “This is a broccoli leaf. And these are cashews, ginger, chili pepper and coconut.”

  “Chili pepper?” My eyes widen as I stare at it.

  “You’re not afraid of a little heat, are you?”

  “Not at all. The hotter the better.”

  “And here is the sauce.” He grabs a leaf and uses the spoon to make what looks like a makeshift taco. “See, you have to put it all together like this.”

  I sip my wine. “I think I figured it out. The all-important need to order this particular appetizer above all others.”

  “What?”

  “It requires directions to get it right. You ordered this to mansplain to me.”

  He laughs, and I love the way his eyes crinkle. I kind of love everything about him.

  I shake my head, ridding myself of those traitorous thoughts. Love? No fucking way. I like everything about him. For now.

  “Okay, maybe I wanted to feel like I had something to contribute for a change,” he concedes, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. “Want me to make one for you?”

  “No, thank you. I’m perfectly capable of making my own.”

  “Like I said, you’re perfectly capable of any and everything, Meadow Hughes.” He looks deeply into my eyes. “But I want to make one for you.”

  I actually allow Henry to make me a miang kham, realizing that I’ll probably never be able to pronounce it. He offers it to me, but instead of taking it from him, I just take a bite as if he meant to feed me. Time stands still, the moment suspended in the electric air as the flavors explode across my tongue. As I chew, I gaze into the depths of his eyes.

  “Mmm.”

  “You like it?” His triumphant grin slays me, and I want to reach out and poke my pointer finger in his dimple.

  I chew and swallow. “It’s very good. I’m kinda glad you ordered for us.”

  “And I’m glad it meets your high standards.”

  “Whoever said I had high standards?”

  “Everything about you says that.”

  Kiet walks over to us. “I hope you like the appetizer. Are you ready to order now?”

  Why not just jump in with both feet since things are going so well stepping outside my comfort zone. “Go ahead, you can order for me too. I trust you.”

  Henry orders food in Thai. Kiet grins. “Very good, sir.”

  “Thanks.” Henry turns to me. “That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Thailand?”

  “What?”

  “For us to travel to a foreign country together. They say you can tell a lot about a person by traveling with them.”

  As much as I like Henry, I’m pretty sure that it’s way too soon for this conversation. I keep it safe and say, “I’m sure Thailand is beautiful.”

  “Yeah, but I’d go with you anywhere, Meadow. Even Queens.”

  A spontaneous chuckle escapes at his teasing. I know he means it, but it’s a little strange to hear a man be so open with his feelings so soon. I look into his eyes. It’s obvious that he’s looking for much more than a casual fling. I don’t
want to break his heart, but there’s a pressure to being with him that I don’t want either.

  Kiet brings out vegetable pad thai, red snapper, and an assortment of soups. “I hope you both enjoy.”

  My eyes widen to the size of ice cubes. “You ordered enough food here for a week.”

  Henry laughs. “What can I say, this place has big portions. I wanted us to share everything. It’s an adventure to try new tastes, don’t you think?”

  We both dig in. The dishes are spicy and full of flavor. I’m in love from the first bite… with the food. Henry’s heeded my warnings, and he hasn’t broached the subject since the first time we slept together. I’m grateful for his restraint. There’s plenty of time to talk about love down the road, once we get to know each other better.

  “This is amazing!” I say.

  “I’m glad you like it.” He forks up a bite of snapper and chews. “How am I doing so far on planning this date?”

  “You want my honest opinion.”

  “I’m scared now.”

  “You shouldn’t be, it’s probably one of the best dates I’ve been on.”

  “Probably? That’s all I get?”

  “Excuse me for a sec, I’ll be right back.” Henry makes his way toward the men’s room. “Too much wine.”

  I wave at Kiet. He smiles and walks over to the table. “Is everything okay, miss?”

  “Yeah, everything is perfect. I was just wondering if you could bring me the check.” I hand him my credit card before Henry can come back and stop me. It feels like paying for the meal might stop the rush of uncomfortable feelings flowing through me. Couple feelings.

  “What are you doing?” Henry approaches us, and as I glance up, I notice the muscles of his chiseled jaw clench, and I know I’ve done it again my only intent being a force of habit. With all the wining and dining I do with clients, it’s habit to pick up the tab. And most of my dates… well, they’re the kind of assholes that like to go dutch.

  “Paying for dinner.” I have the good grace to look contrite as I’m busted being Type A again.

  “Meadow, I think we need to have a talk about this. I feel like my boundaries are being violated. My man boundaries.” Henry slowly sits down. “And you don’t have to pretend to be some big spender with me.”

  Kiet walks back over to us and hands me my credit card. “I’m so sorry, miss, but your card was declined.”

  “What?” I blink as my mind races. This is my Pathways American Express, and I pay it off each and every month in full.

  Henry hands Kiet his card. “Please, use this one.”

  “I’m in shock.” I frown, grasping at straws. There has to be some logical reason why a card with a zero balance would be declined. Maybe the card reader is broken, or it couldn’t recognize the chip. In my usual go-getter fashion, I’m dying to run outside and get on the phone with the credit card company right now. Then it hits me, but I sweep the outlandish thought away.

  No, it can’t be him again.

  That was all straightened out years ago. My heart does a little dance inside my chest.

  “It’s okay, Meadow.” Henry reaches out and clasps my hand again. As he thumbs my wrist, a little bit of my anxiety wanes. He’s good for me. Kind of like Shannon.

  “You don’t understand.”

  “What?”

  “This happens to me sometimes, I…” I shake my head, trying to make all the flying thoughts process in my rattled brain.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I… uh… the credit bureaus were supposed to have this straightened out by now, but I guess something’s wrong again.”

  “Meadow, what are you talking about?”

  “My ex-fiancé stole my identity and charged up all of my credit cards to the max. I ended up losing my first art gallery because of him, and I had to rebuild everything from scratch. And the worst of it is, I couldn’t even file fraud charges because we lived together at the time and–”

  “Oh God! I’m so sorry.”

  I hiss out a giant sigh. Since the lid’s been blown, I might as well stick my hand in the boiling water. “That’s why I don’t believe in love.”

  “After what happened, I can’t blame you. That’s terrible.” He reaches out and places his hand on top of mine. “But Meadow, you can’t let him stop you from believing in–”

  I jerk my hand away. “Don’t tell me how to feel. I’m the one who suffered through the worst kind of betrayal.”

  He holds up his hands, surrender style. “You’re right. I just want you to know that I’m here for you… whatever you need… Thai food, a shoulder to cry on, you name it.”

  “Thanks.” I smile and look into his eyes. I’m still pissed about my credit card and the mess waiting for me with Transunion, but Henry’s words make me feel slightly better.

  Chapter 14

  Henry

  I wake up in bed alone. Last night, Meadow was in between my sheets, making love to me, but now she’s gone, leaving a hole behind her. It seems like she never wants to spend the night. But at least now I understand why she has intimacy issues after the shit that happened with her ex-fiancé.

  Betraying her.

  Stealing from her.

  Turns out, on top of taking her money, he also had an affair while they were still together. I wanted to shout out, “Hey, I’m not that guy. You can see that, right?” But I didn’t think it would do any good. It’s clear that Meadow hasn’t moved beyond her painful past.

  And as someone who has a painful past himself, I’d be ten times a hypocrite if I didn’t understand and accept her darkest shadows.

  Right now, my dick is rock hard, just like it is every morning. I really wish Meadow was here to hold me and kiss me. I feel like I might explode just thinking about how good it feels to be inside her. I wonder if she’ll ever stay the night…

  I’d like her to stay for the whole weekend. Better yet, the rest of our lives. But I know if I start talking like that I’ll just scare her away. I have to be patient. Just like the clay I mold into a beautiful piece of art, it will take time for her to become the woman she’s meant to be.

  I can wait.

  The bright sun comes through the window as I stand up and stretch. It’s almost eight o’clock, and I’m pretty sure that it’s too early to call Meadow, but I’m dying to hear her voice again. Talking to her recharges my battery and sets me up for an inspirational day of creating.

  I make my way to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. Verdi slowly opens her eyes. I walk over and pet her. “Hey, girl. How’d you sleep?”

  Verdi yawns and tosses me the superior kitty blink.

  I laugh. “Still need your beauty rest, huh? Well, when you wake up, I’ll tell you all about my awesome date with Meadow. I really think she might be the one. But… shhh… don’t tell her that.”

  Verdi has already drifted back to sleep, leaving me high and dry in the unconditional love from my pet department. Guess I’ll just have to have a conversation with myself. I wash my hands and pour myself a cup of coffee. I’m overwhelmed thinking about my to-do list. I can’t believe the show is right around the corner. It feels like time has sped up, especially because Meadow has occupied most of it… in person or in my thoughts.

  I head to my studio and turn on a little Bach to get me going. I sit at the potter’s wheel as “Magnificat” plays in the background. The music is always inspirational, but today, my mind drifts away from the music to the woman who’s more like a concerto. As I mold the clay, I think of her smile and her witty sense of humor. I think about the way her skin feels against mine.

  This burst of sexual energy pushes me to the finish line, and I now have a perfect vase as well as a hard-on like I haven’t had since I hit puberty. If Meadow was in the room, I would pull her close to me and take her right on the floor. We’d both be covered in clay, which would be so messy and so beautiful.

  I snap out of my fantasy and remove the vase from the potter’s wheel to dry. I head back into the ki
tchen and wash my hands. I’m starting to get hungry, but instead of cereal, I heat up some of the leftover Thai food from last night.

  As soon as I sit down to eat, my cell phone screen lights up. I notice a winking emoji from Meadow. Not a love sonnet, but she initiated so I’ll take it. My skin tingles like she has just kissed me a hundred times and a knowing smile tugs my mouth upward.

  I take a bite of my food and grin. Verdi wakes up and walks over to me. She rubs against my leg. I look down at her. “What is it, girl?

  She blinks and purrs.

  As I stroke her silky head, I say, “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about Meadow… I know for sure that I love her, but if I tell her that again, we both know what will happen, right? Her asshole ex really did a number on her. But then again, if he hadn’t fucked up, I’d never have a chance with Meadow in the first place, so maybe I should be thanking the guy. She’s kinda like… I don’t know… she reminds me of a wounded bird.”

  Verdi looks up at me.

  “I know you like birds, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m just now starting to understand why it’s so hard for her to open up to me. I don’t know how I would feel if that happened to me. But then again, I don’t have much money worth stealing, do I, Verdi?”

  Verdi continues to purr, oblivious.

  “So, like I was saying, Meadow is hurting on the inside, and that’s why she has trust issues. At first, when she told me she didn’t believe in love, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I thought she was just being facetious. Now, I get it. I really do. I think that deep down inside, she does believe in love, she just needs to be shown the way. But I know I’m gonna have to take it slow. Really slow. In the meantime, I get to see her and have great sex. That’s the upside. I shouldn’t complain about that even though I want more.”

  I stare out the window at the blazing sun.

  “But I love her. And it kills me that I have to keep it inside. But I know I can’t go shouting it from the rooftops. I have to let my little wounded bird come to me… in her own time. No matter how long it takes.” I take a deep breath. “How long do you think it might take?”

  Verdi stares at me with her huge eyes.