Mansplainer

by Colleen Charles

  “That long, huh?” I pet her again. “I hope not. I’m really in love. Have you ever been in love before, Verdi? No, not with me. Of course you love me. I’m not talking about that kind of love. I’m talking about… let me stop talking to an animal before I go completely insane.”

  I wash my dishes and head back into the studio. I check on the vase which is almost dry. I grab some clay and make my way to the potter’s wheel. Then, I mold and shape it as “Fugue in G minor” plays in the background.

  Thoughts of Meadow occupy my mind, but I also think about the showing. The big day is approaching fast, and I’m determined to prove myself. I want to make a good impression on everyone, but only one person’s opinion really matters to me. I’m only doing this for her.

  I finish my vase and take it off the potter’s wheel to dry. I look out of the window and see a young couple across the street. They are walking hand-in-hand on the sidewalk. The man stops to kiss his date. Suddenly, I’m craving PDA and a whole lot more with Meadow.

  Chapter 15

  Meadow

  Morning stillness envelops me as I stand in the foyer of Pathways. While some people might not consider ten o’clock to be early, I’m dragging ass because I had a long night with my sexy artist. My lips curl into a smile thinking about Henry as I sip my coffee. I think it’s cute how he always remembers to check in with a quick call or text. It feels good to be wanted, and God knows I want him.

  In the bedroom, he’s a fast and eager learner. With a few pointers from me and a little bit of patience, Henry has caught on in record time. A smile tugs at my lips when I think of him touching me. Licking me.

  Shannon walks into the room. “What are you grinning about?”

  I throw my hands up in the air but I really know I’m caught red-handed. “What? It’s a crime to smile all a sudden?”

  “On a Monday? You bet your ass it is!” He laughs and claps his hands together, a knowing look on his face. “I know what this is all about.”

  “What?”

  Shan’s eyes narrow as his lips purse into a pout. “None other than Henry Garrison. And I can’t say that I’m not pissed because you’re tapping that ass instead of me. Is he as good as he looks?”

  I mask my expression with a look of innocence that Shannon would never buy in a million years. “What? Who said anything about tapping?”

  “What?” He mimics me. “Girl, please. It’s all over your face. You’re not just fucking him. You’re falling for him.”

  I shake my head. “I wouldn’t say all of that. But he treats me great, and the sex is… well, it’s off the chain if I must admit it to you.”

  He chuckles and looms in closer. “Really? I don’t understand how that’s possible since your vagina was growing moss on it like a roof in Oregon.”

  I roll my eyes. “There’s plenty in this life beyond your understanding.”

  “Ouch!”

  “I didn’t mean it like that… it’s just… things are different with Henry. He’s such a sweet and gentle soul. I really like him. And look…” I hold up my phone. “He just sent me an emoji.”

  Shan gives my shoulders a few squeezes like he’s pumping me up for the big game. “Look at you, blushing like a girl in junior high. Over a sex emoji.”

  I shake my head even as I lean into the quasi-massage. “I am not.”

  He gives my behind a playful swat. “Are too! So, tell me all about your hot date…”

  I start gushing before I realize how telling it sounds. It sounds like I am falling for him. But am I? Or is this just some novelty because I’ve never dated a sweet guy like Henry before? “He insisted on planning everything. He took me to this Thai restaurant with the most amazing food. And get this, he even ordered in Thai.”

  “Well, well, well. Looks like your little artist is worldlier than we originally gave him credit for.”

  A sigh escapes before I can swallow it down. “Among other things. There’s just something about him.”

  “That’s obvious.”

  “But there was a little glitch last night.”

  “Dear God, what was it?” Shannon’s eyes are wide.

  “I tried to pay for dinner and–”

  “He planned the date and you paid?” Shannon changes tactics. Instead of the shoulder squeezing, he grabs me around the waist, hoists me off the floor and shakes me a few times as if I’m full of loose change that needs to be extracted. “Girl, you done crossed the line.”

  “Shut up.” I reach back with my stiletto and give him a little jab to the shin until he eases up. “Anyway, I didn’t mind paying for him because he’s an artist. I know he’s not making a ton of money. I told him he didn’t have to be so damn prideful. But…”

  After he finally sets me down, he asks, “What happened?”

  “My credit card was declined. Can you believe it?”

  As my friend processes this information, his face grows glacial. “Something tells me this has everything to do with Jessie.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’ll never be rid of that douchebag. He’s like the white elephant gift that keeps on giving. My credit is still a mess, and every once in a blue moon, my cards get declined. Remember when he forged my name to buy that motorcycle? It figures that it would happen last night. I guess I should be grateful it happened with Henry and not with a famous client.”

  “So, what did you do?”

  “Henry paid for dinner. Of course. It was almost like the Universe wanted to shame me out of my Type A, independent woman ways and let a man lead for once. But Shan, it’s so damn hard. I’m not sure I can be the little woman he wants me to be.”

  “Nice. And as for your steamrolling-over-a-man ways, I’m not sure you can do anything but just be aware of it and try to soften yourself when you realize you’re doing it.”

  “You’re probably right. Good thing it was Thai food and not Nobu.”

  “Speaking of Nobu, when are you taking me?”

  I smile at him. Damn man is always jonesing for a free meal. With the way he eats, it surprises me he’s not bigger. Instead, he’s got a hollow leg.

  “On second thought, you need to get your credit card situation sorted out before you take this fabulous face anywhere. I couldn’t handle the humiliation of that little scenario.”

  “Tell me about it. I’ve been on the phone all morning with Equifax and Transunion.”

  “What did they say?”

  “The same shit they always say… they’ll file a complaint and follow-up with me. In the meantime, they flagged my account for fraud and I’ll have to manually approve my transactions via text. Thank God Jessie didn’t get his hands on my debit cards.”

  He fans himself with his hand. “Enough about your credit blues, tell me more about Mr. Garrison. Deets please.”

  “What exactly do you want to know?”

  “On a scale from one to ten, how much do you actually like the guy? I know you, you get bored quickly. A man has to jump through a lot of hoops to keep your attention. That, and if they try to stand up to you, you tend to run the other way. You got walls an Army Ranger couldn’t scale.”

  I rear back in mock affront. I’m a pain in the ass when it comes to romance. “Are you saying that I’m difficult to love and hard to hold?”

  “Not in those exact words, but–”

  “It’s a crime to have standards?”

  “There are standards, and there are walls.”

  “Henry is a ten, easily,” I say, nodding. “If he has faults, which I’m sure he does, everybody does, I don’t know about them yet.”

  “Wow.” Shan taps his perfectly manicured finger against his full lips. I hate the way he looks at me, like he knows better than I do what I need from my budding relationship. As if he knows how it’s going to go down.

  “I know, it totally took me by surprise. Everything about him has.”

  He catches my gaze again, and this time, he won’t let go until he gets his point across. “I think you more than ‘like’ him.”r />
  My head falls back, and I swallow down an exasperated sigh. He’s right, and I want to slap him across his smug face. I do know what I want from Henry. To take things slow and see where they end up organically. Not a dynamic push and pull that doesn’t stop gaining force until it turns into a crash and burn. Slowing down makes the most sense. Being led by my rational mind instead of my heart. Or my oxytocin flooded, constantly buzzing with lust, lady bits.

  “You’re known for over exaggerating.”

  “I’m known for calling it like I see it.”

  “There’s nothing to see here. I just like the guy and spending time with him. On top of that, he happens to be a very talented artist.”

  “And I’m sure his talents go beyond the potter’s wheel. I can only imagine how good he is with his hands.”

  I blush as my mind drifts back to the way Henry molds the curves of my body with expert precision. “Yeah, no complaints in that department.”

  “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

  “We have to make a ton of reminder calls and set up that email blast about the showing.”

  “Are you nervous?”

  Taking a deep inhale, I grab a bottle of water from my oversized bag and twist off the cap. “I have to admit, I had a little anxiety before I got to know Henry. Since he’s never done a real show before, he’s kind of a wildcard. And he doesn’t like large social gatherings. But I think he’ll be okay if he stays focused on the work. He was perfect at the restaurant last night. There’s hope for him in that arena.”

  “I have a feeling that he more than ‘likes’ you too.”

  I can’t tell Shan the truth of what I’m feeling inside. It’s too soon. And it sure as hell isn’t love like Henry spouts. But it is something deeper than like, if that’s a real thing. I wish I could tell Henry about it, but he’d just take it as a sign that I’m going soft.

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Call it an inclination.”

  “Fancy words on a Monday.” As we chat, I fire up my laptop to see if anything’s urgent.

  “Since you’ve been seeing Henry, you haven’t said one bad word about him.”

  “And?”

  “That’s a pretty freakin’ big deal in my book.”

  “I don’t have anything bad to say about Henry. He’s just different. Sensitive.”

  And cold-hearted me is probably the worst thing that could ever happen to Henry. I’m being a selfish asshole by moving things forward, no matter how slowly. I’m not sure I have anything left inside me that hasn’t already been shredded by ghosts of the past that I can give to him. Maybe it’s not fair. But I can’t stop.

  I want to be in the same vicinity as the air he breathes.

  “Okay. Do you think he’s ready for the showing?”

  I nod, clicking on an advertisement for overhead display lights. “Sure.”

  “Well, if he reverts to his reclusive nature, you can just take him in the back and give him a blow job for inspiration.”

  That one stops me short. “Shannon!”

  “What? A good blow job always keeps me inspired.”

  “Shut up. What if a customer chose right now to walk in here.”

  Shan twists his head only far enough to spear me with a frustrated glare. “But seriously, do you think he can handle the pressure of it all?”

  “Henry will be fine.”

  “It seems like you’ve found someone who sometimes gets you to remove the stick up your ass.”

  I stick out my tongue. “Rude much?”

  He laughs it off. “And if you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I just hope that your boyfriend is up for the challenge.”

  “Like I said, he’ll be fine, and Henry is not my boyfriend.”

  Is he my boyfriend? I can’t answer that question in all honesty. Not yet.

  “Then what is he exactly?”

  “Let’s not define it.”

  He snaps his fingers. “Well, you’re just no fun at all today, Debbie Downer.”

  My phone buzzes with a new voicemail. “I hope that’s one of the credit bureaus.” I pick it up and see a missed call from Henry. I take a deep breath.

  I listen to Henry’s message. The sound of his voice makes me smile, but I can’t call him back. I have way too much work to do. He usually calls at least twice a day. It’s sweet, but at the same time, I hope he’s not getting too clingy. I care about him, but this isn’t a real relationship. We’re just casually dating as far as I’m concerned.

  Shannon’s eyes narrow into slits. “There’s something you’re not telling me. I know it. I know that look you’re wearing.”

  “Okay, okay… the other day, he…”

  “What did he do? Come too fast? Don’t tell me he’s a two-pump chump.”

  “Not even close. Christ, Shannon. The man molds clay with his hands all day. Patience is his middle name. But the first time we… you know… the first time…” I take a deep breath and spit it out in a blurt. “After that, Henry kinda let it slip out that he loves me.”

  Shannon’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “You never told me that. That’s huge!”

  We stare across the space at each other, him laughing and me shell-shocked. I didn’t think Shan would have that wild reaction to Henry’s premature ejaculation of the L word.

  “I didn’t think there was anything to tell. It was obvious that he was confused because of the overflow of oxytocin.”

  “So, I guess you gave him the best sex of his life… yeah, and it also happened to be the only sex of his life.”

  I smile because it sounds so ludicrous when it’s verbalized aloud that there’s really no other sane reaction. “Guilty as charged.”

  “But what if that’s really how he feels?”

  I lift a shoulder and let it drop. Love at first orgasm is not a thing. It’s not even possible in Meadow Hughes’ world. “Come on, Shannon.”

  “I’m serious, some people know right away. Especially men. I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. You’re all warrior princess with your oxytocin crap, but that’s far more prevalent with women than it is with men. I’m not saying it’s true love, but if he didn’t have real feelings for you, I doubt he would have said anything. He would have just soaked up the post-coital glow and remained mum on the subject.”

  I slap a hand down on the table which causes my plastic water bottle to jump and shift. “That’s bullshit. And besides, you know how I feel about that l-o-v-e fantasy.”

  “I really wish Jessie was here.” He leans back in his chair, kicking his feet up on the table next to my laptop and gracing me with his superior gaze.

  “What? Why on earth would you mention his name?”

  “So I could kick that motherfucker in the nuts for you.”

  I groan, putting my head between my hands. Why are men trying to do everything for me all the time? “I am perfectly capable of doing that myself. With my best pointy-toed boot.”

  “Thing is, he’s the reason why you stopped believing in love. Well, between him and Rich and every single damn man you’ve dated. But Jessie was the worst. He’s the reason you’re not giving Henry a real chance right now. I agree that declarations after the first time doing the deed are a little out of the ordinary, but I also feel that not going with the flow would be a real shame.”

  “I am going with the flow.”

  “You can’t live in the past forever, girlfriend. Can’t you see that Henry is genuine?”

  He stares at me, his expectant gaze glued to my face. “How can you say that? I barely know the man.”

  “You’re gonna have to let your guard down one of these days.”

  I roll my eyes, annoyed by his response. No one, not even my bestie is going to tell me how to live my life.

  “I’m serious, miss thang. That’s no way to live. You’re only living half a life if you don’t have love. Love is all there is, sweetie. Get with the program.”

  I wag my pointer finger in his face. “
I do have love… for my career… for my family… even for you. Why does it have to be about a man?”

  “That’s not what I mean. I just think that you’re holding back for no reason at all when it comes to Henry. You could have just cut him loose the moment things became complicated, but you didn’t. That says it all. That you’d rather take all the challenges that come along with him and work it through because when you imagine him with another woman, you feel a stab of pain in a dark place you’ve never felt it before. Am I right?”

  I ignore the parts that hit way to close to home. “And I think it’s time for you to get back to work with your fabulous self.”

  “All right, missy. You just think on it a spell.” He heads into the other room.

  I take a deep breath and another sip of coffee. Shannon has always been so overdramatic. I’m not holding back when it comes to Henry, I just refuse to be delusional. As good as things are between us right now, I know it’s just a matter of time before something goes wrong… I just hope it’s not an epic shitshow like what happened with Jessie.

  Chapter 16

  Henry

  Just before six o’clock, I walk through the door at Pathways. Meadow stands near one of my favorite vases and nearly takes my breath away. She wears a fitted dark purple bandage dress that hugs her every curve. Her hair’s swept up in an elegant messy bun secured with rhinestone pins. Red strappy sandals complete her outfit.

  She smiles at me and waves. “Wow, Henry! You clean up nice.”

  “Thanks.” I grin, looking down at my fitted black suit. I decided to go without a tie and just leave the collar of my freshly starched white dress shirt open. “You look amazing.”

  Meadow walks over and wraps her arms around me. It feels so good to be close to her body. She smells so good it makes me want to lick the exposed skin on her neck. For a second, I forget the permeating anxiety. The heavy, dreadful, annoying feelings of not being good enough. More importantly, that someone will find my art lacking and let me know about it in no uncertain terms.

  “Get a room already.” Shannon pops his head out of one of the rooms.

  “Hey.” I wave at him. I don’t know the guy that well, but he loves Meadow, and that’s enough for me.