What I Need

by J. Daniels

Riley does this a lot. She likes looking at my incision and making sure everything seems to be healing up nicely. And I appreciate her doing it. I appreciate everything she does for me, but right now, I don’t want this to be about my leg, my injury, or anything else besides us, what we just did, and what we’re going to continue doing as much as fucking possible.

  “Later,” I tell her.

  She cocks her head. “I'm your nurse, CJ. And I haven't looked at it today. I want to see it.”

  “Later,” I repeat firmly, watching Riley’s lips pinch together in surrender before she’s giving me a quick nod. “Come here.” I stretch out on my back beside her, then I roll up onto my hip and reach out, grabbing her knees and twisting her toward me so her shoulder’s pressing against my chest and her legs are bent against my stomach. I pull the sheet over us both, giving Riley more of it, then prop myself up to look at her, elbow on the mattress and head in my hand. “I want to make a few things clear before I go heat up your soup,” I say.

  Her eyes flick wider.

  I interpret that as her being worried about what I’m about to tell her and quickly shut that down. “I know we talked already, but considering how much you don’t remember of Friday night, I’m going to assume certain shit needs to be said again. It’s good shit though. Nothing bad.”

  She shakes her head immediately after I finish speaking. “No, I . . . sorry. I just got super hungry thinking about my soup.” Her hands press to her stomach. “I’m excited. I forgot about it.”

  I stare at her. She’s serious. Fuck. Laughing, I trail my fingers up and down her arm. “I guess I’ll make this quick then.”

  “I’d appreciate you forever if you did.”

  I shake my head.

  Jesus. If she keeps being this fucking cute about everything, I’m going to end up going through another condom, or three, and she’s not going to be eating anything any time soon.

  I cup her face, hold her eyes and get to the point. “Now that we’re here, babe, where you’re giving me this, we’re not ever going back,” I begin, gently moving my thumb over her cheek. Her lips part. “This is the beginning of us, darlin’. I get why you wanted to be friends and why you needed the time you took, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy being with you like that, `cause being with you in any way, babe, is something I’m really going to fucking like, but it wasn’t enough. It’ll never be enough. Now, you said you wanted me and you sure as hell acted pleased as fuck to be labeled my lady, and I hope you know how much I like hearing that. But babe, honest to God, I’ve been seeing you as mine for a long fucking time now. We were never just friends, Riley. Not to me. And I apologize for making you think I was okay with that, `cause I was never okay with that. I was just taking what you were giving me, babe. That’s it. If you’re mad, I’ll understand, but I want us moving forward so I gotta ask, is that something you think you can forgive?”

  Riley blinks, her eyes holding all kinds of emotion. A shuddering breath pushes past her lips. “Yes,” she whispers. “I can forgive that. Consider it forgiven.”

  “Do you understand what I mean when I say we are never going back to that?”

  She nods. “No more just friends,” she offers up. “Not even if something happens.”

  She gets it.

  I bend down and kiss her then, giving and getting tongue, but it’s gentle. Soft and slow. Her hands stroke my back and slide tenderly through my hair. I’m nipping at her lips and kissing down to her jaw, and when we’re both breathing heavier, I pull away, slide my grip to the back of her neck and roll us so we’re both on our sides, close and facing each other. Legs tangled together. Her body curling into mine.

  Riley Tennyson, claiming me in my fucking bed.

  “CJ?”

  “Mm?”

  “Tell me a secret. I’m staying in your room, aren’t I?” she asks. Her warm breath on my neck.

  I smile, lips curling against her forehead. “What do you think, darlin’?”

  She sighs. Her fingers dance across my chest. “I think I am. All of your stuff is in here. And that other bed is too small for you. Your feet hang off the edge.”

  “It’s my old bed from when I was a kid. I just keep it around for when Jake comes to visit.”

  “Isn't he too big for it too? In that picture, you guys seemed the same height.”

  “Oh yeah. He hangs off just as bad as me. I just think it's funny as shit when he bitches about it.”

  He's my baby brother. I'm allowed to torment him a little. It’s all out of love.

  “Well, I could’ve fit in it. I wouldn’t hang off the edge,” Riley informs me, giving up information I already know.

  “You fit better in this one,” I tell her.

  I feel her head move.

  “We fit better in this one,” she corrects me.

  “Not gonna argue with that.” I curl my hand around the back of her head and press a kiss to her forehead, breathing deep. My mind heavy.

  “What?” Riley asks, reading me. She leans back and looks up into my eyes, jumping between the two of them. “CJ . . .”

  “I never waited for anything like I waited for you,” I admit, watching her lips slowly part. “And I would’ve kept waiting, babe. Given you what you needed. I would’ve been the best fucking friend you ever had if it meant getting my shot with you, `cause you’re worth it, Riley. You’re worth so fucking much, including falling out of small as shit beds for, which, I’m gonna be honest, that happened more than once.”

  The sweetest fucking smile spreads across her mouth. Slowly. It’s fucking beautiful to watch. Then she drops her head and burrows closer. “Thank you,” she whispers.

  I wrap my arms tighter around her. “You don't need to thank me, darlin'. I'm just letting you know how it is.”

  “And I'm just letting you know,” her arm curls around my body and squeezes me. “Thank you.”

  I kiss the top of her head. “I’ll go get you that soup now.”

  “No thanks.”

  “You no longer super hungry?”

  “I am, but I’d rather you not move.”

  I smirk, liking Riley’s thoughts on keeping me close, but knowing she really wants that soup I brought her motivates me to say my next words. “I got the same thing you ordered. Best fucking soup I ever ate.”

  Riley clears her throat and shifts a little against me. “Yeah. They do a real good job with it,” she says. Her voice nonchalant.

  I know better.

  “Loaded with crab meat,” I tell her. “They don’t skimp. That’s for damn sure . . .”

  “Mmhmmm.” Her fingertips drum restlessly on my left pec.

  I go in for the kill.

  “I think they threw in a couple of legs for you. They were heavy too. It’d be a shame if someone didn’t—”

  “I’m good with you moving now,” she interrupts me, pushing a little against my chest.

  Laughing, I lean back, looking into her smiling face. I give her a wink. “Get my lady set up then.”

  Riley eats her soup in bed, her legs thrown over mine, her side against my chest, ass practically in my lap. She finishes up and relaxes against me again, both of us lying under the sheets. Eyes closed, I feel her touch move over my ribs, down my abs and lower.

  Lower . . .

  Wrapping around me.

  “This is the beginning of us,” she whispers, repeating my words when I settle over her again, condom on. Mouth finding hers in the dark, I push inside and feel her body open.

  Hands gripping. Pulling closer. Urging. “Cannon.” Her voice is like a plea in my ear.

  The beginning of us.

  The start. And already, I never want to find our end.

  Five Days Later

  SPRAWLED ACROSS CJ’S body, eyes closed, head on his bare chest, leg slung over his hip and arm curling around his waist, I think about how happy I am right now, laying naked except for a pair of panties on the couch in the middle of the afternoon while CJ watches baseball highlights.
r />   Do I typically lay around mostly naked? No.

  Do I enjoy listening to baseball highlights? It’s okay. I don’t hate it.

  Aside from the two days this week when I’ve had class, have CJ and I left the house at all? Nope.

  Coming to my conclusion and deciding it’s too important to keep to myself, I share it.

  “I don’t think I have ever been this happy.”

  CJ's arm around my back gives me a squeeze, then his warm breath is in my hair. “Me either, baby,” he murmurs in that deep, smooth as honey voice that feels like a touch moving over my body. And he means that. I know he does.

  Scratch that. Now, hearing his response, I am officially at my happiest.

  My reunion with CJ couldn’t have come at a better time. Due to my schedule change this week, I’ve been off three days out of the five, meaning we’ve had tons of time to spend together. And all of that time, whether we’re kissing and touching or doing nothing but this, has been amazing.

  We’ve talked. We’ve laughed and played. We’ve gone to bed together and woken up together.

  And we’ve had sex all over this house.

  I’m pretty sure the only place we haven’t done it yet is on top of the TV. It’s a flat screen so, otherwise, I think it would’ve been attempted.

  Never have I smiled this much with a guy. Never have I laughed and joked around the way I do with CJ. I know he said we could never be friends again, but I still kind of feel like we are. Just more. We’re lovers who became friends who became . . . everything.

  I wasn't lying. I have never been this happy.

  There’s just one minor issue we may have that needs to be discussed, and I’ve honestly been avoiding it. Not that CJ has been bringing it up, I've just made it a point not to. But I can't do that anymore. No more stalling. We need to talk about this today. Now.

  Reed cannot know about us.

  Turning my head, I press my lips to CJ’s pec and stare at his profile, relaxed and fixated on the TV. The side of my foot rubs against his shin. I’ve been doing that for minutes and he hasn’t said anything or moved the slightest. I think he might like it—me touching his injured leg when I’m not being medical about it. When I’m not rewrapping it or rubbing vitamin E on his scar or helping him do his exercises when he’s not at PT. I lift up and slide my hand under my chin, tapping my fingers rhythmically as I continue looking at him, and that draws his attention.

  His eyes search my face, then his brows pull together. “Riley.”

  “Mm?”

  “You got something on your mind?”

  “I don't want to talk about it.”

  Now his brows are lifting and nearly reaching his hairline. “Is it about tonight?” he asks.

  I blink. He knows?

  “It sucks that you can’t be there,” CJ continues, face tensing a little. “You don’t have PTO or anything you can take so you don’t have to miss out on it?”

  CJ thinks I’m sad about my overnight clinical rotation landing on July Fourth. And while it does suck that I’m going to miss all of the festivities, especially considering how much I love fireworks, that isn’t what we needed to talk about.

  I let out a deep sigh. “No, I can’t take off,” I tell him. “I’d get marks against me if I did.”

  “That’s fucking lame. They shouldn’t schedule you to work a holiday.”

  “When I’m a nurse I’m going to have to work holidays.” I shrug. “It’s fine. Hopefully I’ll be able to see the fireworks next year.”

  CJ’s mouth twitches. He looks like he knows something I don’t. And although I’d love to lay here for the next hour and pick his brain, I really need to get to my point before we get sidetracked.

  My nudity tends to lead to us getting sidetracked.

  “Everyone will be there tonight,” I begin, holding his eyes. “And I didn’t know if you were planning on saying anything, but I'm just worried that―”

  A knock sounds on the door, cutting me off.

  “Go away!” CJ hollers, his muscles beneath me flexing as he looks toward the noise. He meets my eyes again. “You’re just worried that what?”

  “Um,” I look curiously over my shoulder, then back at CJ. “Well, it's just that―”

  Three more knocks interrupt me, these being made with a heavier fist.

  CJ curses under his breath and glares at the door, face tense and angry, but he doesn't make any attempt at getting up to answer it.

  “Maybe you should check and see who that is,” I suggest. “They could keep knocking.”

  “They can come back,” he replies curtly, eyes cutting to mine. “You got something you want to talk about. That's more important than whoever's at the door. Don’t worry about them.”

  My lips press together as something wonderfully warm flutters in my stomach.

  Holy crap, that’s sweet. Those Publisher’s Clearing House people could be here, holding one of those giant checks for CJ, and he’d rather listen to me talk than collect his millions.

  I press a kiss to his chest instead of attacking his face like I want to do, knowing that will just lead to more sex, and we really need to have this talk. “Well, I didn’t know what you were planning, but I just think that—”

  The sound of the front door swinging open and a man’s voice entering the house halts me from saying anything more.

  “Fuck you. Go away. What . . . oh, damn. My bad.”

  I squeal as CJ curses under his breath, grabs onto me and flips us with lightning speed, covering me up with his massive body and shielding my nakedness from whoever just rudely walked into his house.

  Seriously. I mean, unless you’re family or something, why would you do that?

  “What the fuck, Jake?” CJ roars, head whipping around to peer over his shoulder in the direction of the entryway. “Goddamn it. You couldn’t wait a minute?”

  I suck in a breath. Jake?

  Oh, my God . . .

  “Oh, fuck you. Like you were going to let me in,” he replies, his voice similar to CJ’s in tone, but sounding rougher, as if he needs to clear it. “I would’ve been standing out there all night.”

  My arms are bent up between our bodies. I uncurl my fists from underneath my neck and press my fingertips to my mouth. “Your brother just saw me mostly naked,” I whisper.

  CJ looks down at me. “No, he didn’t.”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  My eyes widen. Worst family introduction ever! I cover my face with my hands and groan.

  CJ shifts above me. “Turn around and stay that way until I fucking tell you otherwise, you hear me?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Jake mutters. “God. Some welcome party.”

  “You didn’t tell me you were coming today, asshole.”

  “I said I was coming in a few weeks. It’s been a few weeks.”

  “You couldn’t give me a heads up? Let me know you were dropping in on the fourth?”

  “I didn’t know I was approved for leave until last minute. This is your heads up. Goddamn.”

  CJ lets out an exhausted breath above me. “Come on, darlin’,” he says, dropping his knee to the couch space between my legs. “Let’s get you to the bedroom.”

  “I don’t want to move,” I grumble from behind my hands. “Just stuff me underneath the cushions and leave me here to die. My butt was totally hanging out of my underwear.”

  I feel his body quake with a laugh. He kisses the back of my hand. “He’s not looking anymore. And if he does, I’ll kick his ass.”

  “You can try, gimp,” Jake counters. “Pretty sure I’ll have an advantage.”

  “Bro, for real? It's good to see you. Always is, but don’t make me embarrass you in front of my woman.” CJ pushes off me as Jake mumbles something I can’t make out over the sound of my nervous breathing. The couch dips and I hear Velcro being pulled, and I know CJ is putting on his boot. Then before I have time to protest moving from my burial spot, yet again, I’m being scooped up off the couch, cradled against CJ�
��s chest in a way my naked upper half is squished against his, and carried around the sofa and down the hallway.

  “Sorry about that,” he mumbles into my hair. His arm underneath my knees lifts me closer. “I really don’t think he saw much, babe. I had my arm around you and my hand on your ass, but even if he did see something? Jake wouldn’t get on you about it. He’s a good guy. He’s not a dick.”

  I open my eyes, thinking on that.

  Mm. CJ did have his hand on my ass. And he has big hands. Awesome hands. They cover a lot of surface. And it wasn’t like I was laying on my back. My boobs were pretty hidden.

  Okay. Maybe this isn’t so terrible.

  We enter the bedroom, and CJ kicks the door closed behind us and lowers me to my feet. He takes my face between his hands and looks at my eyes, my mouth. He runs his thumb over my cheek, assessing me.

  I know CJ is close with his brother. And I’d hate for their reunion to start off on a sour note. Besides, maybe Jake just saw a lot of leg? I can be okay with that.

  Smiling up into his serious face, wanting to ease him, I grip CJ’s hips above the waistband of his shorts and step closer. “It’s nice that he’s here for a visit,” I say. “How long has it been?”

  A deep-set V forms between CJ’s brows. He blinks, looking all kinds of confused. And all kinds of hot, too. “A little over a year,” he answers. “He just got finished with his third tour over in Afghanistan.”

  Wow. His third? I can not imagine that.

  “Then you better go out there and give him his welcome party. He deserves it.” I pop up onto my toes and give CJ a quick kiss, spinning around and slipping out of his hold to get to the dresser. “You go ahead. I’ll get dressed and be out in a minute. Oo!” I whip back around and clap my hands together. “Tell him about the fireworks celebration. Maybe he can go!”

  CJ stares at me for a breath, face expressionless, as if he is trying to play catch-up with his thoughts, then he closes his eyes through a shake of his head. His chest rattles with a low chuckle. “Jesus. You got over that pretty damn quick. I thought you wanted me to leave you out there to die?”

  “I’m just focusing on the positive,” I tell him, arms crossing under my chest, which apparently does something stareworthy to my boobs, because CJ drops his eyes immediately and blinks slowly at them. “And you seeing your baby brother after a year of not seeing him trumps my butt hanging out. This is important.”