What I Need

by J. Daniels

  “You can’t act natural. You were just staring at my boobs. If that's natural for you, we're going to have major problems at this shindig.”

  I cock my head. “We're alone, darlin',” I remind her. “Unless you go in there and tell your brother I was just checking out your killer fucking rack, he won't know I was doing it. I can be discreet when I need to be. Right now, sitting with you in my truck is not one of those times.” I give her a smile, take my hand out from behind her shoulder and brush my knuckles along her cheek. “Riley, babe, I think you’re worrying a little too much about this,” I tell her. “It'll be fine. Trust me.”

  Seriously. What does she think I’m going to do? Bend her over the table and fuck her right there in front of everyone?

  I mean, obviously, I'd wait for Reed to step out of the room.

  Riley leans back, blinking. “You won’t have a problem keeping things friendly in there?”

  “I think I can handle it.”

  “Well, I might have a problem,” she’s quick to say, eyes widening in panic. “I'll want to kiss you. I know I will. You'll do that thing where you look at me . . .” Riley’s voice trails off, then she drops her head and turns away, shyly tucking her hair behind her ear as her teeth rake across her lip.

  “Where I look at you?” I chuckle. Riley jerks her shoulder. Holy fuck, she’s serious.

  Just me looking at her gets her going? Nice.

  Grinning, I unlatch her seat belt, wrap my arm around her waist and yank her against me so she’s pressed to my side. I drop my mouth beside her ear. “Maybe we should get it out of your system then. That way you’re not fighting it too much,” I murmur, pinching her chin between my thumb and finger and turning her head. My lips graze her cheek. I want Riley to take this opportunity. Take what she needs from me. “Nobody’s out here,” I remind her. “Nobody will see us.” I press my lips to the corner of her mouth. Her jaw, when she tips her head back. I hear the quickness in her breath. “Kiss me,” I say.

  Riley leans forward on a gasp and seals our mouths together, moaning like she’s desperate and dying for this. Her hand curls around my thigh while mine cups her cheek. I tilt my head, taking what I need from her too. I can’t help it.

  I told her I’ll be able to handle this but the truth is, I don’t want to have to. I want to kiss Riley whenever the fuck I want, in front of whoever I want. I want to put my arm around her and hold her hand and watch her from across the room. I want people assuming we’re going to sit together because we are together. I’ve been keeping this shit to myself for what feels like a goddamn lifetime, and I really don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to go in there and pretend I’m not completely insane for this girl. I don’t want to act like we’re nothing. Fuck that. I think I can handle it? That’s a damn lie. `Cause I have no fucking idea how I’m going to get through this.

  Riley pushes up, pressing harder as her tongue flicks inside my mouth. She tastes like the peppermint she sucked on before we left the house.

  She tastes like she’s mine, and I gotta go in there and act like she isn’t.

  “Fuck,” I rasp. “Let’s just tell him. Let’s just fucking say we’re together.”

  Riley shakes her head, murmuring against my lips, “No. No, we can’t. Not yet.”

  “Riley—”

  “We can’t,” she insists, pulling back an inch to look at me. Her eyes jump between mine, and she grabs my face, begging with an anxious voice, “Please. We can’t tell him, CJ. Not today. Not here.”

  I pull in a deep breath. My jaw clenches beneath her palms. Fuck. That’s not what I want to hear.

  Riley must see my bitter disappointment, because her eyes soften and her lips pull down. “This will be the first time Reed is seeing us together since I told him I’m living with you,” she reminds me. “I want to see how he reacts to that first, you know? I want to make sure he’s okay with it, `cause the first time he saw Richard and me together, he wasn’t. Reed acted like he couldn’t stand either one of us. And I just . . . I want to make sure he’s good with seeing us together, okay?” She drops her hands to her lap and shakes her head. “I don’t like this either,” she says, sounding defeated. “I don’t. But Reed . . . he said he’s not going to be shy about hating the next person I date. He actually said that to me. And I just think easing him into this might be better. I’m sorry, CJ. I want to go in there and tell everybody. I do. Please don’t be mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad at you,” I tell her, understanding why she wants to feel him out. I watch Riley give me a weak smile in response, still looking just as sad and fuck, I feel like a dick. Could I bitch any more? Why am I pushing this with her? I don’t want Riley apologizing to me.

  Her hand smooths down the front of my shirt, and she opens her mouth to tell me something, probably another sorry I don’t need to hear, so I grab the back of her neck and bend down, pressing my lips against hers again. I kiss her hard and quick, then jerking back, I end the kiss before I can’t.

  “Come on. Let’s go,” I say, pushing my door open. I hop out of the truck, turn back and watch Riley hesitate getting out, looking at the dash and smiling behind her fingertips.

  A real smile. One I know well. She gives it to me a lot.

  And when a man has a woman giving him a smile like that—daily, the way Riley does with me—he’s one lucky motherfucker.

  And he damn sure shouldn’t be bitching, having what he’s got.

  Riley finally gets out of the truck and meets me around the driver’s side. I’m still strapping on my boot after grabbing it out of the back seat.

  “How’s your leg after driving?” she asks.

  I’m prepared for this question. I knew Riley was going to ask it. I haven’t driven us anywhere together yet, and she was reluctant letting me do it today.

  “Same,” I answer. And that’s the truth. I don’t feel a difference after driving. I don’t feel much of a difference after doing anything anymore. Not after PT. Not after walking on it. Not after doing shit she doesn’t think I’m supposed to be doing. But I don’t tell Riley that. Tipping my head up as I fasten the Velcro, I squint in the sun and watch her lips pull between her teeth. “What?”

  “Maybe I should drive us home,” she suggests.

  “Did I just say my leg was killing me?”

  “No, but it might start bothering you if you push it too much,” she explains, her shoulders jerking. “I don’t mind driving. Really.”

  She’s adorable. I stand tall after finishing with the straps. “Don’t take this the wrong way, darlin’, but the only person driving this beauty is me,” I tell her, lowering a heavy hand onto the lip of the bed and then stroking it lovingly. “I don’t care how much you kick ass at everything you put your mind to. You’re not driving my truck. I’ll drive us home.”

  Riley cocks her head. “I know how to drive a stick,” she shares.

  “Oh, I know you do.” I give her a wink, smiling at her.

  Might as well get all of my innuendos out of the way now. I won’t be able to say shit like that in front of Reed.

  The sweetest look of confusion passes over Riley’s face. “Uh, you’ve never seen me drive a stick,” she says. “So how do you . . .” Her eyes widen, then she rolls them away, shaking her head and mumbling, “Oh, my God. I walked right into that one,” before turning around and heading up the driveway.

  Laughing, I follow behind, weaving in between the other cars. It looks like we’re the last ones here. When we step up onto the porch, Riley knocks on the door and I stand beside her. I place my hand on her ass and give it a squeeze.

  She gasps. Blush reddens her cheek. “CJ,” she warns. Voice low and worry filled.

  I drop my hand and fold my arm up behind me when the door swings open. See? I'm like a goddamn ninja.

  And she’s stressing.

  “Hey, you two,” Mia greets us, smiling and stepping back to allow us room to enter. “Just in time. The burgers are almost ready.”

  “
Were we supposed to bring anything?” Riley asks, stepping inside the house. “I couldn’t remember if you said to.”

  “Nope. Beth brought the sides. We’re good.” Mia grabs Riley’s hand, gives me a knowing look when I enter the house, then takes off down the hallway with my girl, whispering close and acting like she’s in a hurry.

  I close the door behind me and head in the same direction.

  Everyone is outside gathered on the deck, the guys standing by the grill and Tessa standing at the opposite end by the table, looking out into the yard. Kids squeal below; Nolan and Chase. I'm guessing Beth is down there with them since she isn't up here.

  When Riley gets close to Tessa, Tessa grabs her, gives me the same look Mia gave me over Riley's shoulder, and then smiles and turns away, engrossing Riley in conversation.

  I don’t know what the fuck I’m getting looks for.

  Do the girls know about us? Has Riley been talking?

  Christ. Whatever. If I keep looking over there this shit is going to seem obvious, and Reed’s out here, so I don’t. I cross the deck and step up next to Luke.

  “What’s up?” I say, looking around and getting acknowledged by Reed and Ben. My eyes land on some young guy I don’t recognize. I couldn’t see him when I walked up. He was being blocked by Luke.

  “Beers are in the cooler,” Luke shares, then he tips his bottle at the guy. “Meet your new partner. This is Grayson. He just got hired on.”

  My brows lift. I look from Luke back to Grayson. “No shit,” I say, offering out my hand to him. “Did you just graduate?”

  He grips my hand firmly. “Yeah. Damn, is it obvious?” he asks, sounding a little nervous. He releases me and pushes his hand through his short blonde hair.

  I chuckle. “Rookies are pretty easy to spot. Plus, you’re still sporting that Academy haircut. So’s Luke though, so it’s all good.”

  Luke side-eyes me while Ben laughs under his breath and continues flipping burgers.

  “Christ. It’s about time,” I continue, pulling my arms across my chest. “I’ve been waiting for them to assign someone to me. My last partner was a fucking dickhead.” I give Grayson a look. “You’re not a fucking dickhead, are you?”

  I’m just messing with him, but Grayson looks like he might shit his pants. The kid is actually sweating.

  “I’m kidding, man,” I tell him. “Relax. You seem cool.”

  “CJ likes to joke around,” Reed announces, speaking up finally and wearing a smirk. “He thinks he’s funny.”

  “I am funny. Ask your sister.”

  His brows pull together and his face hardens.

  Fuck. Why’d I say that? I’m baiting him. Next he’s going to ask me when Riley thinks I’m funny, and I’m of course going to answer all the time, except for when we’re making sweet, sweet love . . .

  “I heard about what happened to you,” Grayson throws out, drawing Reed’s attention and then my own, taking the heat off me. I like this kid already. He points at my boot. “Are you gonna be coming back soon?” he asks. “Do you know?”

  I want to say yes. I want to say I don’t even really need this fucking boot anymore, but I don’t. Not with present company twenty-feet away.

  “I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m getting there,” I tell him, risking a glance at Riley. I watch her press her hand to her chest and drop her head back with a laugh. We’re not where I want to be yet, I think. Then I turn my head, knowing I can’t be looking long, and when I catch his eye, Grayson tips his chin in understanding and takes a swig of his beer.

  Good fucking idea.

  Five minutes here and I’ve already made Reed suspicious. On top of that, I’ve noticed how fucking hot my woman looks when she’s just hanging out with her girls. That’s something I’d like to sit back and stare at. And since I can’t, there’s no way I’m getting through this without alcohol. I move to the cooler. “Anyone want another?” I ask, flipping back the lid.

  “Grab me one, will you?” Ben requests. He takes the bottle I hold out, then looks over his shoulder across the deck. “Angel, you wanna bring out the rest of the food and get the table set? Burgers will be ready in two.”

  “Sure thing, babe,” Mia replies.

  I straighten up, twist the cap off my beer and take a swig, watching as Mia and Tessa head inside the house. Riley walks over to where the guys are all standing, meeting my eyes briefly before looking toward Reed. She steps up between Luke and Grayson and smiles. “Mia said I didn’t need to help, but I want to. Is there anything I can do?” she asks, directing her question at Ben.

  He finishes sliding a burger onto a plate and turns to look at her. “Yeah. You wanna help Beth get my boys up here? They’re probably covered in dirt.”

  “Sure. Absolutely,” Riley replies with enthusiasm. “I can do that.”

  “Appreciate it. Thanks.” Ben turns back to the grill.

  Grayson holds his hand out to Riley before she is able to move away. “Hey. I’m Grayson.”

  “Riley. Hi.” She shakes his hand and smiles friendly. “Nice to meet you.”

  He gives her a lingering look, grinning after they separate. They got to be close in age. “Florida Georgia Line,” he says, pointing at her top; the words That’s How We Do It Round Here written in black and gold lettering. “Right?”

  Riley nods, briefly looking down at herself. “Yeah. They’re one of my favorite bands,” she reveals.

  “Me too,” Grayson shares, looking really fucking happy about the two of them appreciating the same music. Really fucking happy about it.

  Ah, Christ . . .

  “Easy, man,” Luke mumbles behind his bottle, speaking low enough I’m the only one hearing him.

  I shoot him a look, then realize the expression I had watching my new partner hit on my girl is the exact same expression I’m hitting Luke with. Didn’t even realize I was wearing one, but I am.

  Arms across my chest. Mouth tight. Brow furrowed. Jaw clenching hard. And hand threatening to smash this beer bottle if I don’t ease up with my grip.

  Luke and Ben don’t know shit about Riley and me except that we’re living together. And that we had sex at the wedding—that information coming from their women, which they wasted no time busting my balls about when they both saw me on the Fourth. They don’t know any more than that. I haven’t said a word, and Riley hasn’t either. But I’d be shocked if Luke wasn’t at least suspicious now. And if he’s suspicious . . .

  I cut my eyes to Reed, meeting his narrowed ones.

  Fuck.

  Inhaling a deep breath, I try and relax, putting my attention back on Grayson as he keeps at it.

  “I saw them live last year when I was living in Huntsville. They were awesome,” he says. “They put on a real good show.”

  “Yeah, I heard that. I heard they were really good live.”

  “They might be coming to that South Will Rise festival in August,” he shares. “I’m trying to get tickets. I could—”

  I know exactly where this conversation is going. And over my dead body is it going there.

  His too.

  “Maybe you should hold up buying tickets to something like that,” I interrupt, my suggestion sounding more like a fucking command he needs to follow.

  Grayson quickly looks over at me, blinking like a deer in headlights.

  I glance at Riley before I say any more and watch the blush warm her cheeks and her lips press together. “I’m just saying,” I continue on a shrug, voice firm and eyes slicing back to Grayson. “We work a lot of weekends. I don’t want you wasting your money.”

  Or your fucking time, which is exactly what you’re doing here.

  He nods slowly, thinking it over. “Yeah, that’s true. Good idea. I’ll probably wait,” he agrees, seeming to genuinely appreciate the heads up I’m giving him. Grayson turns back to Riley.

  I do the same.

  Her eyes jump from him to me.

  “Don’t you gotta be helping with the boys?” I ask before
Grayson opens his mouth first and suggests they go to fucking prom together. “Food’s ready.”

  Riley’s eyes widen and briefly land on the back of Ben, then she spins around and hurries to the stairs like she’s worried he’ll say something to her about not helping out yet.

  Luke laughs under his breath, the all-knowing bastard. I’m sure his dumb ass is enjoying this.

  I chug half of my beer and wonder what Jacobs—my old partner—is up to.

  “Hats off to whoever built this deck,” Reed says, grinning proudly. He leans his elbow against the rail and surveys his work, looking across the length of it. “Fine quality craftsmanship. I don’t think I’ve seen better.”

  “Thanks,” Ben smugly replies. “I remember doing most of the work myself.”

  Reed glares at him. “You did most of the work yourself? You helped, Ben. And I use that word lightly. The only real thing you did was bust my balls about Beth.”

  “`Cause you were fucked.” Ben takes the last burger off the grill and slides it onto the plate. He laughs at Reed. “Don’t try and deny it, man. We all remember how pathetic you were.”

  “Yep,” Luke throws out, grinning.

  Reed scowls, looking between the two of them. “Oh, like you two didn’t act like a bunch of pussies when it came to your women. Fuck you,” he says. His head turns just as Beth emerges from the stairs, then he straightens up, watching her smile at him. “Yeah, I’m pathetic. For her? I’ll be pathetic all damn day,” he mumbles, stepping away to get to his wife.

  Luke and Ben laugh while walking over to the table. Grayson moves around me to get to the cooler, freeing up my line of sight.

  I watch Riley step up onto the deck. She’s carrying Chase, smiling at him and poking his stomach, making him giggle. My chest expands as I stare at her sweet dimples and the way the sun reflects off her hair.

  “Hey, CJ.”

  I look down at Nolan after he speaks. He’s got dirt smeared on his forehead and sand in his hair. “What’s up, man? How you doing?”

  “I’m okay.” He stuffs his hands into his front pockets, keeping his head lowered. “Ms. Riley said she had to carry Chasey and couldn’t carry me,” he shares, looking disappointed.