Loving Rowan

by Ariadne Wayne

  “How are you, Rowan?” David asked as I passed him on the way to the front door. I ignored him, twisting the door handle and stumbling through the doorway. My crappy day had just gotten even worse.

  “Mum,” I called, walking down the corridor that led to the kitchen at the back of the house. She stood there, ironing Dad’s clothes. I never understood why she did that; he worked outside all of the time. Creases didn’t matter, but they did to her. In a random moment of clarity, I suddenly understood where some of my eccentricities came from.

  “Rowan? Oh, love, it’s so good to see you.” She stepped around the ironing board, holding me tight as I burst into tears in her arms.

  “What’s wrong, love?” She looked at me, her eyes sad as if she felt what I was feeling.

  “Everything is just so screwed up.” I sniffed. I heard Dad come in behind me, and sit at the dining table.

  “What’s going on, sweetheart? We love seeing you, but not this way,” he said.

  “Kyle left me. His dad implied that I was going to lose my job, so I packed up and left.”

  His face dropped. “We can do something about that if it’s related to you and Kyle breaking up.”

  I shook my head. “I told him what I think. That’s enough for me.”

  “You’re too kind-hearted,” Mum said, “I agree with Dad.”

  I growled, taking a seat next to Dad at the table. Mum sat opposite, looking at me like a wounded child.

  “What happened with Kyle? He seemed like such a nice boy.”

  “It was Andrew’s fault.”

  At that, they looked at each other.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Rowan, this whole thing with Andrew. It’s gone on for far too long.” Dad said.

  “It wasn’t my fault. He came over all upset about Charlie, and I tried to help him. He made it look like we had slept together, and Kyle got the wrong idea. I can’t talk to him; he’s gone underground rather than speaking with me about it.”

  Dad put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, love. I wasn’t blaming you. It’s just that you were hung up on that boy for so many years, and he wasn’t worthy of you. He’s a sneaky little bastard. I don’t know if you remember, but he used to get you in trouble quite often when you were younger.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t remember that. Though, while we’re on the topic of sneaky bastards, why do you have David working for you again?”

  Guilt crossed his face. “I had trouble finding workers for the season. He showed up and had the experience. I’m sorry, Rowan. It was a few years ago, and he’s got a wife and kid now. I thought I’d help him out for the season and with you not living here, I didn’t think you would run into him.”

  “So now who’s too kind-hearted?” I said, cocking an eyebrow.

  He smirked. “I know. I think you have your father to blame for that trait. We can work something out. Maybe you could find a job around here, or help your mother out while you work through this. You don’t have to be out in the orchard.”

  I shook my head. “It’s okay, Dad. I’ll do whatever I have to. I’m not the same person I was four years ago either.”

  He smiled. “I can see that. I’ve always been so proud of you, sweetheart.”

  ~

  Being back in my room was weird. The last time I was there was the wedding, when Kyle had told me he loved me, turning my knees to jelly when he’d kissed me. He was so sure of himself, and for the first time I’d felt as if someone was really being honest with their feelings toward me. Everything was ruined now.

  Andrew. It all came back to him. My unrequited love; my ruin. I’d loved him my whole life, and now I regretted ever meeting him. My heart was still broken over Charlie’s death. They’d both kept their relationship a secret from me, but she was the one who had voiced her regret over it. Not Andrew. I don’t think he even cared.

  I wish I knew where you were.

  Checking my phone for the millionth time, just in case Kyle had messaged me, left me feeling empty. There was nothing but all the text messages I’d sent him.

  I unpacked the car into a space my dad made me in the shed near the house, bursting into tears at the sight of that damn console. Kyle had bought that to apologise, but now I saw it was his way of getting to know me. I’d been so blind to his intentions, and now I had nothing of him, not even his friendship.

  After dinner, I crawled into bed to feel sorry for myself. Mum tapped on the door, entering with a cup of cocoa in her hand. “Here you go, love. Just like you used to have it.”

  I sat up, clutching the mug to me. “Thanks, Mum.”

  She sat on the bed, stroking my leg. “You okay??”

  I shook my head. “I love Kyle. I hate this.”

  Her brows furrowed. “What was Andrew thinking? That poor girl has only been gone a short time, and he’s causing trouble for you?”

  “I know. I told him he was disgusting.”

  Tears rolled down my cheeks, and Mum frowned. “I’m so sorry to hear it. Tell you what, though, I truly believe that if you’re meant to be with Kyle, you’ll find a way back to one another.”

  “I hope so,” I whispered.

  “Did I ever tell you the story of how I ended up with your father?” she asked, a wistful smile spreading across her face.

  “No. Didn’t you two go to school together or something?”

  “We did. We were friends, but not close friends. I had a thing for your uncle, Alan.”

  I nearly spat the cocoa out over the bed. “You had a thing for Dad’s brother?”

  “He was older, and he had a car of his own. I was star struck, though. I knew your Dad had a crush on me. He was so sweet, but Alan was exciting. Then, Alan asked me out.”

  “Did you go out with him?”

  She nodded. “Honey, it was as boring as watching paint dry. All he talked about was himself. We saw a movie, and he drove me home, stopping outside the house and unzipping his pants.”

  I knew I was gaping, but I couldn’t help it. My mother never talked about sex. It had been Dad who talked to us girls about the birds and the bees, and even then the discussion was mostly thrusting a book about it at us and telling us we could go to him if we needed any more information. Of course, none of us ever did.

  “You and Uncle Alan?”

  She shook her head. “He indicated that he wanted me to …” She looked around as if she thought she was being watched.

  “Go down on him?”

  “I guess that’s what it’s called.”

  “So Uncle Alan wanted a blow job. And you said what?”

  “I told him no. That I wasn’t that kind of girl. He told me to get out of the car.”

  I smiled at her. My mother was quiet, like me, and I was so proud that she’d stood up for herself.

  “I was upset at how everything had ended, and went around the back of the house so I could sneak in and not have my mother see.

  “Your father was sitting on the doorstep. I don’t know how long he’d been there, but he had a handful of apple blossoms that he’d picked for me. He knew, Rowan. He knew what his brother was like and he waited to pick up the pieces, because he knew I wouldn’t like what I saw. We were just meant to be, and we still are perfect for each other. You and your sisters are testament to that.”

  I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the blanket.

  “So you see, Rowan, if Kyle is the right one for you, you’ll find a way. Maybe one day he’ll be sitting on the doorstep with apple blossoms in his hand, maybe he’ll pick up the phone and call you when he’s ready. Whatever happens, he’s an idiot for walking away from my perfect girl, but I think he’ll work that out soon enough.”

  She stood, bending over to kiss my cheek. “Don’t settle for anything less than perfect. You deserve that much.”

  I watched as she left the room, pausing at the door to wink at me before leaving. Looking down at my cocoa, I sighed. I’d have given anything to be with Kyle right this minute. In his arms, in his b
ed … But I couldn’t push him. He had to work it out for himself.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Rowan

  Down a row, picking apples, I heard a low wolf whistle behind me. Rolling my eyes, I stepped down off the ladder to find David walking towards me, a stupid grin on his face. I’d managed to avoid him for the first week, the orchard big enough for me to tuck myself away. My luck had run out.

  “Looking good, Rowan. How have you been? First time you’ve stood still long enough for me to talk to you.” His blue eyes twinkled, as if we were friends or something.

  “I’m fine. And busy.” I turned back towards the tree.

  “Didn’t expect to see you back here. I thought you’d got all high and mighty and found a real job.”

  “Yeah I did, but I’m back for a short time.”

  “How come?”

  I turned back towards him. “Not really any of your business. I just want to help my dad out.”

  “He had real trouble finding workers this year. I think he’s really struggling.”

  “It’s always up and down. He’ll be fine. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get on with what I’m doing, as I’m really close to finishing.”

  He took a step closer, and I swallowed hard, uncomfortable in his presence.

  “We never got to finish, sweetheart. Maybe you’d like to revisit that this time around?”

  “That would be a no. Dad said you were married, anyway.”

  He grinned that charming grin that had gotten me into trouble so many years ago. “So you asked about me?”

  “Uh, no. I was surprised Dad hired you again, that’s all. I don’t care what you’ve done with your life.”

  “Whatever.” He leaned forward. “I still remember you on your knees with your lips wrapped around my …”

  “Rowan.” Dad was calling from another row. He was out of sight, but maybe his Dad radar was going.

  “I’m over here, Dad,” I called back, smiling at David.

  “Lucky,” David whispered. “I was about to ask for a repeat performance.”

  “Well, let’s just say that unless you learn to suck it for yourself, no one around here will be doing it.” I grinned, and moved around him towards my father, who was looking at me curiously. David stared at me open-mouthed. I would never have said anything like that to him the last time we saw one another, but then, I wasn’t that girl anymore.

  “Everything all right here?” Dad asked.

  “Everything’s fine,” I said.

  He put his arm around my waist. “Your mother is cooking a pork roast for dinner tonight, and I reminded her that you knew how to get the crackling just perfect. Do you want to go in early?”

  “Sure.” I pecked him on the cheek. That was as good excuse as any to get me out of this situation.

  He eyed up David and grabbed my arm, leading me back to the house.

  “Was he being difficult?” he asked, when we were a distance away.

  “A little. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

  He frowned. “If it does bother you, I’ll get rid of him.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Dad. Get the season’s work out of him. You need the staff. I’m not going to interfere with that. It can’t be that hard to stay away from him. I think he got the message.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Rowan

  David had stayed away from me since the day I slapped him down, and he looked terrified when I smiled sweetly at his wife when she brought him his lunch one day.

  The satisfaction that I got out of that moment was the only solace I had in what was one of the most difficult times of my life. As the days ticked by, being reunited with Kyle grew less likely, and after trying to reach out to him for three weeks I realised I needed to come to terms with it being over.

  For such a short time, I had known what it was to be loved. To find perfection in a world surrounded by lies and deception, uncertainty and fear. Now, the only man to ever truly love me was gone, no calls returned, not a word from him.

  I knew he was acting childish, that he should have stayed and talked to me, but I understood why he freaked out, knowing everything he did about my past, and my feelings for Andrew.

  I just really missed him.

  Dad kept me busy. It had been a bumper crop, and he was going to do well this year. I was glad that I could help. There were so many memories tied to this place, though, not just of Dad, but of Andrew. In many ways this was the best and the worst place I could have come.

  There were only a few days left of picking, and I looked at the tree in front of me, sighing at the thought of having to find another job. None of this was fair.

  Slowly, I climbed the ladder. Somewhere in the distance I heard a wolf whistle. Rolling my eyes, I ignored it, climbing the rest of the way until I was at the right height to pick the apples.

  Someone grabbed my leg a few minutes later and I squealed, turning around to see who I was about to kick. “I told you to leave me alone, you dirty …” I swear to God that my heart stopped. It was Kyle.

  “You haven’t seen me in a while, and you’re calling me names?”

  “I … It’s complicated. I didn’t know it was you.”

  “Well, surprise.” He grinned that perfect grin that made my heart ache. I wanted more than anything for him to just kiss me.

  “What are you doing here? After you walked out and ignored me, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

  Now he looked sheepish. “I was pretty childish. It hurt seeing you with Andrew when I thought we had a thing.”

  “It wasn’t what it looked like.” I came back down the ladder and stood facing him. Despite everything, all I wanted was for him to take me in his arms and love me. The whole job thing didn’t matter. I’d work in the orchard forever if it meant he was part of my life.

  I’d dithered for so long, not realising he felt the same way I did. Now, all I wanted to know was why he was here, and if this meant we had a chance. All these thoughts ran through my head, but I couldn’t find the words to speak. If I did, I’d start crying, and telling him how much I’d missed him.

  He wasn’t helping. He just stood there, and looked back at me. An eternity passed as we stood in silence.

  “Rowan, I …”

  “What are you doing here, Kyle? I thought that you were well and truly finished with me after I basically lost my job.”

  He put his hand to his heart, the one I hoped still belonged to me. “I had no idea that had happened. After that day at your apartment, I left town for a while. I ignored your messages, that much is true. It hurt too much to think about it all. When I came back, I found out what Dad had done. I’m so sorry.”

  I looked over his shoulder, too afraid to meet his eye. Regardless of that, I could feel the tears building after I’d been sure I’d cried all the tears I had over him.

  “I came after you that day, you know. When it sunk in what had happened, I ran out, but you were already gone. I was such a mess.”

  He took a step towards me. “I understand. It caught me by surprise. Here we were, ready to move on with our relationship, and next thing, I think you’re with Andrew. It threw me, Rowan and I screwed up big time, not knowing how to handle it.”

  I took a deep breath. Was this really it? Either he was here to tell me to my face that it was over, or he wanted me back. It sounded like the latter; I hoped more than anything it was the latter.

  “If you’re going to put me out of my misery, just do it,” I whispered, choking back the tears.

  “I love you, Rowan. That’s all there is to it. Can you forgive me? If I’d been there, I would have stopped Dad from that stupid restructuring. He did it for me, thinking it would be what I wanted, but nothing could have been further from the truth. All it did was give Ross what he wanted, and to hell with him.”

  Gasping for air, I let go of the tears as the words sunk in.

  “Rowan. Please?” He moved closer. I could smell his aftershave now, that subtle,
sexy smell I had come to love. He loved me, despite me keeping him at arm’s length for all that time.

  “I love you too. I was so stupid, holding onto the past for so long when what I needed was right in front of me. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  Before I could take another breath I was in his arms, and he kissed my tears away before he kissed my lips. He was so loving and tender, I began to cry all over again.

  “Stop crying, baby,” he said.

  “I thought … I thought I’d lost you.”

  Kyle picked me up off the ground, spinning me around until I laughed. “Never,” he said, kissing me again and again.

  He smelt so good and I clung to him, terrified it would all turn out to be a dream.

  “Rowan, I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”

  I closed my eyes, feeling his strong arms around me. These past weeks I’d tortured myself not knowing if I would ever see him again. Now everything was as it should be.

  “Is everything all right, Rowan?” My father’s voice came from behind me.

  I turned towards him, my arms still tight around Kyle, and I nodded. “Things are fine, Dad.”

  Kyle stiffened, and I felt it as he extended his hand. “Mr Taylor.”

  Dad nodded, and I could see his uncertainty at shaking Kyle’s hand. This was, after all, the man I’d been crying over the past few weeks.

  “Kyle and I are sorting things out. Everything is good now.” I smiled at him. I must have lit up like a Christmas tree, as my father’s expression showed he understood completely.

  “That’s good. Come up to the house, and we’ll have a coffee. Rowan’s mother has made a cake, if I’m not mistaken, from the smell.”

  “That would be great, Sir,” Kyle said.

  We watched my father walk away. I looked up at Kyle. He had the same silly grin on his face I was sure I had.

  “You know, Rowan, one day I’m going to marry you among the apple trees,” he said.