Show Me the Sun

by Miriam Shumba

  “Yes,” she said breezily, though inside she was knotted up with tension. It was hard to act nonchalant when just his presence turned her knees to butter and she wanted to pull him close to her and give herself to him. She wanted to do things to him that his ugly wife wouldn’t even know how to spell. And when she was done with him she wanted him to keep begging for more, and she would gladly oblige.

  “When I can’t get to the movies this is just as good, and my family loves camping out in here.”

  “It’s cool,” Amari commented, then walked and picked up the remote. He pressed a button and the curtains began to open slowly, revealing a dark screen. “This would be great for the center. The kids would totally love this.”

  Lexie walked towards him and, while he still held the remote, she pressed a button and the screen came on. She didn’t want to talk about his center and then his wife.

  “It’s custom-made. It has surround sound and other features that I specifically asked for. Here, press this.”

  Before dinner Lexie had taken a long, luxurious silky bath that left a soft fragrance and made her skin soft to the touch. Her hair stylist and makeup artist had all been called to work on her as if she was going to the Oscars. Her perfume was discreet, but with each turn she hoped he would be seduced, especially now that they were alone.

  The music came on from all around the room and Amari turned around, impressed.

  “I see you like your technology,” he said gruffly.

  Lexie took the remote from him then put it on the ground as jazz wafted from around the room. She pressed herself against him.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, holding her elbows. Amari leaned back from her.

  “This,” she whispered, looking at him, then pressed her lips against his. He was shocked for a moment and just remained still. When he recovered he moved her back, but the way her legs were somehow tangled with his they both fell against the couch with Lexie on top of him, her eyes filled with desire. Somehow Lexie knew that she had to get him the first time she tried or he would put up his guard, and tonight was perfect for many reasons. She was going to do everything in her power to get him, and she had a lot of power.

  “Lexie,” he began, then stopped when he felt her hands touch him intimately.

  “Shhh,” she said, her lithe body straddling him. Her explorations were deft and expert and when she slid down his chest, Amari lost all control.

  Lexie was disappointed that Amari didn’t stay the night. He had left with a barely audible excuse an hour later. Her success in seducing him left her with a glow that could surpass any frustration she might have at him for leaving so quickly. When she lay in her bed she thought of him and wanted him with her. She knew from the moment she met him that he was the kind of man she could love. Seeing him for the first time had sent electric waves through her body. She had never felt like that about anybody. For the first time she wanted a man for himself and not what he could do for her, and she would do anything to hold on to him.

  Chapter 24

  Staying home and hiding from the public was making Raven feel worse, not better. Even the kids at the center knew about Amari and Lexie. They regarded her with sympathy and the curiosity usually reserved for animals at the zoo. Despite all the uncomfortable questions, staying home was just as bad. She was haunted by feelings of insecurity, anger and loneliness. And to make matters worse, she missed Amari.

  “What’s gonna happen with you and Thomas?” Jalen, who was now a sixth-grader, asked when Raven braved a visit to the center. Math was still his difficulty, but with the support at the center he was able to maintain good grades.

  “We’re fine.” She smiled broadly, her head hurting with the effort.

  “Is he having a baby?”

  “No. No. That’s just lies,” Raven blurted out, then calmed down when she saw Jalen’s confusion. “Here, why don’t you focus on this problem there? I’ll be right back.”

  Raven walked up to a fellow instructor in their small media center.

  “I think I’m gonna go home. Will you be okay on your own?”

  “It’s going fine, Ms. Thomas. There are only ten of them today, and we’ll be done soon.” Raven thanked the young man and walked into her office. Her cellphone rang just as she picked up her purse. She didn’t recognize the number but pressed the talk button anyway.

  “Hi, Raven, it’s Juanita.”

  Raven searched her mind. Juanita? Who was Juanita? “I’m sorry, who’s this?”

  “Juanita. Blake Williams’s wife.”

  “Oh.”

  Raven recalled the story about Juanita’s husband and the affair he had. She couldn’t remember the details and she felt a mixture of emotions, but the one that stood out the most was dread. Was Juanita calling to welcome her to the club? They’d met a few times. Juanita was beautiful and classy, and still she had been cheated on. And what did the statistics say? About half of all marriages had infidelity, and half of those ended in divorce.

  “How are you?”

  Raven sat down, preparing to hear the worst. “I’m fine. Fine.”

  “I just wanted to call you to support you. I also had a very public situation.”

  Raven smiled, but the tears filled her eyes. Yeah, public was the word. The whole world knew that she had been betrayed and would probably lose her husband with a huge audience. In bold headlines and glossy magazines.

  “Thanks. It’s a nightmare,” Raven sniffed. “I can’t escape it.”

  “I know. I had women laughing at me for staying with Blake after the story broke. They obviously assumed I was a gold digger wife of some sort, but what about the woman who had tried to steal my husband? I lost my respect, but you know what, I held my family together.”

  “Good for you.”

  “I had kids. I couldn’t break that up. But sometimes as women we tend to put each other down. I wanted to support you because out there our husbands are being preyed upon. Now the problem is it’s not just all the millions of single mothers and sistas we have to worry about taking our men, but the white girls, too. They are after our men! They have to be that much stronger and we are just unfortunate because our thing was so public but it happens to many people not just professional athletes.”

  “I guess,” Raven said, not sure how to respond and still not sure what Juanita really wanted to communicate to her. Everybody had something to say. Her family, friends, enemies and even strangers.

  “You should forgive him. That’s what I did when my husband left me. I forgave him and then the healing could begin. What I want to say is, don’t let Lexie win. She’s a homewrecker. Don’t let her break up your family. I know her personally. She’s a vulture, and Amari’s too decent for her.”

  As Raven listened to Juanita’s husky voice, questions ran through her head. How did she get my number? How does she know Lexie? Is Lexie pregnant? If so, what was the point of fighting?

  “And Raven, have a baby. Why haven’t you had a baby with your man?”

  “We were…” Raven was about to tell her that they were going to start after the movie wrapped, but what was the use? That sure was water under the bridge.

  “It’s okay. You can still save your marriage. Women like Lexie can’t go around thinking they can just wreck homes and go on to live happily ever after with our husbands. She thinks she’s something special, but she’s not, you hear me? Look at the woman who had an affair with my husband. Well, where is she now? Nowhere. I am still Mrs. Williams and we are a family. She was just trash and belongs in the garbage where she is.”

  Raven listened to Juanita’s strong, authoritative voice, frozen. She finally forced her voice to reach Juanita’s ears. “Thanks, Juanita. I appreciate your help, but I need to go.”

  “You are welcome. I’m praying for you. I support you. Don’t worry.”

  “Thanks.”

  Raven put her head on her desk and cried.

  Chapter 25

  Philip finished writing some notes for his serm
on, and then picked up the phone after the third ring.

  “Dad, it’s Amari.” Philip leaned back into his chair and glanced at the picture of his children on his desk. Raven stood next to PJ, smiling into the camera, looking very different from her other sisters. He pushed the thought that came into his head aside. Now was not the time. The reason he had been thinking of the past so much was because of Clare’s words the night before. She was the one who had him second-guessing everything.

  “Good evening, son. Are you in town?”

  “Yes. I just flew back from visiting Ma. She says hello.”

  “Good. How’s she doing?”

  “Fine. Wants me to fix the mess I’ve made.”

  “I see,” Philip said, wishing he had not answered the phone.

  “Is Raven home?” Amari said.

  “No. She just left.” Philip sighed. He listened to Amari’s sigh.

  “She tell you to say that?”

  “No. She just left,” Philip insisted. “That’s the truth, son.” There was silence on the other side. He imagined Amari thinking of something to say. After a while Amari spoke.

  “I wish she would speak to me. It’s hard not seeing her and not having a chance to ask for forgiveness in person. I miss her.”

  “Give her time. She’s still hurting and needs time to process.” He also wanted to add that she was carrying her anger around like armor, but kept quiet.

  “I’m just worried that the longer we stay apart, the harder it’ll be for us to work things out.” Philip digested Amari’s words and came to an instant decision.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m staying in a hotel. Not far from there. I was going to try and come around later.”

  “Well, if you want to see her why don’t you go to your house?”

  “You mean in Lake Point?”

  “Yes. That’s where she’s headed.”

  “She’s moved back in?” Amari said. His pleasure filtered to Philip’s ears.

  “Don’t get excited yet, Amari. She went to get some more of her stuff.”

  “I wish she’d move back in. I better run then. Thanks, Dad. You’re the best,” Amari said and hung up the phone.

  “Who was that?” Clare poked her head around looking like she had just stepped off a fashion magazine. How did she manage to tantalize his senses after all these years?

  “Amari.” Philip watched the look of distaste on his wife’s face.

  “What does he want?”

  “To make things right with his wife,” Philip said.

  “I hope you didn’t tell him where Raven was, did you?” The look on Philip’s face was the answer she needed. “Oh, you foolish man. He will just hurt her again. Why are you giving him a chance?”

  “We all deserve second chances. Don’t we, Clare?” He saw her eyes widen and her lips curl. He had touched a nerve. He wished he had never had to bring up the past, but now Clare with her negative attitude was forcing him to open up that Pandora’s box.

  “That’s low and you know it,” Clare said, folding her arms in front of her chest.

  Philip got up and rushed to her quickly.

  “I’m sorry, Clare. It’s just that this whole thing is beginning to weigh on me. I think these children need to see each other before making any serious decisions.” He held her arms but Clare remained stiff and cold. What he had opened up was no laughing matter, and he would have some work cut out for him getting back into his wife’s good graces.

  * * *

  The house looked the same. Just lifeless and deserted. A house was nothing without the people inside to make it breathe and fill with memories. The pleasure it once gave was gone. Raven closed the front door and looked up the stairs leading to her bedroom. Her pulse quickened when she recalled how countless times after seeing Amari after a long road trip they never made it up to their bedroom but would ravish each other right there on those stairs before taking the passion up to their bedroom.

  Shaking her head vigorously to clear the images she walked into the living room. She used the remote to turn on the stereo, and one of the twenty CDs loaded and began to play a Luther Vandross ballad. She clicked again until an upbeat praise gospel compilation came on. She couldn’t handle any love songs right then.

  Glad that the silence was wiped out by the incredible voice of Fred Hammond, she walked up the stairs to the bedroom she and Amari once shared. It looked neat as if nobody lived there, as if it was used for display not for making love and sharing a life with a man that you loved. She walked up to the bed and ran her fingers over the silk bedding that matched the window treatments then proceeded to her closet.

  Once there she pulled up a chair and reached for the velvet box next to her hat box. This box held important letters and cards, mementos she held dear to her heart. She always used to tell Amari that if there was a fire she would grab that box and run. She dragged it to the bedroom and sat on the bed. The first thing she picked up was a magazine featuring a story on Calvary Worship. Her father’s church was named one of the ten biggest churches in America, with a membership of close to twenty thousand. In that issue there was a picture of Amari and her, arms around each other. She put that down then picked up ticket stubs for events they had attended or invitations she had designed for fundraising projects that Amari and her worked on in their first year of marriage. Looking at everything she couldn’t believe that they wouldn’t be making any more. That this box would be it.

  “Raven!” The voice from the door made Raven scream and drop the velvet box to the ground, spilling its contents. Relief replaced her fear when she saw Amari walk towards her, but immediately her anger took over.

  “What on earth,” she cried, standing by the bed with her hands over her chest. Amari could see the fierce expression on her face.

  “Sorry. I’d been calling and wasn’t sure where you were,” Amari apologized and picked up the basket. She swatted his hand away and grabbed the basket from him with so much force she fell against the bed.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine. You scared me.” She stared at him, trying to control her breathing. She felt weak and nervous at the unexpected sight of him. “What are you doing here?”

  “Looking for you,” Amari said.

  “How did you know where I was?”

  Amari wanted to lie but instead he just gave it to her straight. “Your dad told me.”

  “Oh, I should never have told him,” Raven muttered under her breath, picking up the scattered papers, glad for the diversion.

  “Let me help you,” he offered bending down and picking up their wedding invitation and looking at it. She quickly snatched it from him.

  “It’s fine. I don’t need your help,” Raven maintained angrily. Her heart was now racing for a totally different reason. Amari stood up and she looked at him from her crouched position. He looked so good it unsettled her. It was bad enough he had just barged in without any warning. The first time she saw Amari again she had wanted to be looking gorgeous, not dressed in sweats and her hair tied up in a ridiculous green scarf! The thought of how ridiculous and pitiful she must look to him made her blood boil.

  “Listen, can we talk?” Amari asked, standing a few feet from her. She glanced over his clothes, taking in the casual loose fitting pants and a crisp blue shirt. He smelled good, too. Her desire for him was instant. She missed the feel of his lips on hers, his hands on her body, but she would rather die than let him know it.

  “Just leave, Amari,” Raven begged instead.

  “I’m not gonna leave until we talk,” Amari promised firmly. “This silent treatment’s gone on long enough.”

  “All right. Fine!” Raven said, one hand holding her velvet box like a shield and the other one raised to stop Amari from speaking again. “Just wait for me downstairs. I’ll be there soon.”

  “Five minutes?”

  “Ten. I just need to gather my things and I’ll be there,” Raven said, now holding the box with both hand
s. Amari ran his eyes over her body, then nodded and stepped back.

  “Fine. See you down stairs.”

  Raven stood on the spot until the door was closed, then quickly returned the box into her closet and grabbed her purse. She was not going to talk to Amari today.

  Who does he think he is? She fumed looking around for a way to escape. She looked at their balcony and slid the door open. She stepped outside and closed the door. Looking down she realized there was no way she could get away from him without him seeing her. She felt foolish wanting to run away from her own husband, but with the way her heart was racing when she was in front of him there was no way she could talk to him without losing her mind. When she saw him it would be when she was ready, on her terms. She was as ready to face Amari now as a person ready to face a pride of lions.

  Just go back and tell him to leave you alone, Raven tried to reason with herself. She walked to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn’t budge.

  Oh, no, I’m locked out, Raven thought, fighting with the handle. She looked down at the ground and realized the only way she could get back in was by calling Amari, even though he was the last person she wanted to call for help. She stood on the balcony looking at the beautiful view of the driveway, and then walked ’round the back to look at the lake. She had no way out. She could stand here forever in the heat and still Amari would be the one to save her from her stupid plan. After a minute she took her phone out of her purse and dialed the house number.

  “It’s me,” Raven said when he picked up.

  “You still coming or what?”

  “I’m locked out,” Raven mumbled.

  “What?”

  “I said I’m locked out, come and open the door for me,” Raven said, and then snapped her phone shut.

  In a few minutes Amari stood in their bedroom, then burst out laughing at the sight of her standing on the balcony holding her purse.

  Chapter 26

  Raven glared at Amari. That stopped his laughter quickly as he unlocked the sliding doors. He stood close to the door, and that made her edgy. The uneasiness annoyed her. She had been so certain that he no longer affected her, and to find that he did angered her.