Past Transgressions: A Russian Roulette Love Story

by Janae Keyes

  The sounds of car alarms startled me. The yelling of Alexei’s name and the smashing of windows. With each bang, crash, and yell, I shook. Alexei’s arms held me to his chest as I silently cried.

  “I keep safe,” Alexei whispered to me. His hands rubbing my limbs, trying to calm my incessant shaking. He kissed my temple before he listened to the now silent room. They must have left.

  The moments of silence seemed to go on forever, the only sound was my rapidly pounding heart. Alexei then made a motion for me to stay quiet as he barely popped the trunk open. I practically held my breath as he opened it slowly and the room kept in silence.

  “It is safe. Get in seat, we must leave,” he whispered as he held out his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me from the back of the SUV. The moment my heels touched the floor and I was standing on my feet, I doubled over and vomited, bile splattering everywhere. Vodka filled my nostrils as I continued to release the contents of my stomach onto the floor.

  When the only thing left was stomach acid, and I could only heave, Alexei helped me into the backseat. He’d somehow gotten a blanket and put over me as I laid down over the large backseat. There was so much to process and there was so much going through my head. The questions I had staked up with each passing minute.

  I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep. When my eyes fluttered open, I felt myself wrapped in warmth. The blankets around me were thick and comfortable and I’d obviously been expertly tucked in. My mouth though, tasted sour, a mix of vodka and bile. My head also pounded something intense.

  Moaning, I opened my eyes, and it struck me I was somewhere I’d never been. I was in a large bedroom, the bed king sized and covered in thick blankets. There was a fireplace across the room from the bed with a roaring fire. The walls were all wooden planks, but everything around was luxurious, like some fancy cabin.

  I lifted myself up to notice I was no longer in my short silver dress, but in a large t-shirt. Afraid to move, I kept in the bed, not knowing where to go or what to do. I wasn’t familiar with the place, and as the memories of the night flooded me, fear kept me hostage.

  The door creaked open, and I grabbed the blankets to myself as if I would hide, but before I could cover my head, I saw him come through, Alexei.

  Unable to control myself, I jumped out of the bed as fast as my body and feet could take me and I sprinted to him, into his arms. My sobs choking me as I buried my face into his chest. Nothing I’d seen was comprehensible. My best friend was dead at the hands of her boyfriend, none of it made sense.

  “Shh, I am here. I will not let you hurt,” Alexei said as he rubbed my back and held me close.

  Alexei picked me up into his arms and carried me to the large bed where he sat down, I curled into his chest, just the feel of him made me feel safe, and that’s what I needed, the feel of safety.

  “I don’t understand,” I cried, looking up into his eyes.

  “There is big story, now, I want you to have rest before I take to embassy.”

  “The embassy?” I didn’t understand, why did I need to go to the embassy.

  “At embassy you will have safe. Those men bring danger, and I will not have you in grave with Katya,” he insisted. What did those men have to do with anything? Why did they show up after Igor shot Katya?

  “I still don’t understand. Alexei, who were those men? What do Katya and Igor have to do with them?” He would answer my questions before I went anywhere. “And where are we?”

  Alexei took a breath before he sat me on the bed and pulled the blanket over my bare legs. He was in deep thought, as he worked in his mind how to answer my questions. I watched him intensely, ready to know the truth. After seeing my best friend’s brains splattered on a brick wall, the truth wouldn’t be hard for me to take.

  “This place, it is my home.”

  “But your apartment abov—”

  “Apartment is home from home. I allow people to think of it as home, but this is real home. Only family knows. We come last night, you were asleep,” he explained. It made sense to me, him having a place above his club, but also having a place he could escape to.

  “Why did Igor kill Katya? What do those men have to do with it?”

  Chapter 16

  Alexei

  I never wanted to explain the intricacies of my past life to Rae, but there would no longer be a choice in the matter, Rae needed and deserved answers. The trauma was still in her eyes after having seen Katya gunned down by Igor. His words still echoed in my head.

  “Alexei, brother, know I tried!” he screamed as he pointed his gun at Katya, I saw the tears burning in his eyes, he worked to fight them away, but I still saw them. No matter how hard the mob had made him, he’d reached his breaking point.

  “Don’t do it, you know you don’t have to do it. We can fight Vadim together!” I yelled back as I moved toward him, but still kept my distance.

  “He wants the blood of those you love, or he will have mine. Your deadline was up, and the price is to be paid.” With that, he turned to Katya. “I love you, kitty.”

  Those were his final words, devotion to my cousin, the one who’d been like my sister since I was a child. I saw the moment the light left her beautiful eyes. That was one witnessed death I’d never forget, my flesh and blood.

  Rae was waiting for the answer to her questions, and I was prepared to actually give them to her. I knew telling her meant I could lose her love forever, but if she ever absolutely needed something, it was the truth.

  “My life in past, I was killer for mob. Everything I did was for mob. Igor and I we had brotherhood in the family. My family, mama, did not have happiness with life I picked. I changed it, for mama, I left mob life in past. Vadim, he was man on elevator first night in club, he is the father of family. Vadim wants my return and I have said no.” There were almost no emotions shown on her face as I spoke. Her brown eyes only stared directly into mine, not giving away her thoughts whatsoever.

  “Understand, no one says no with Vadim or death will come. I tried to put him off, but he wanted my blood. He not just want blood, he want my suffer. I never think he would have Igor do it, have Igor kill—” I choked up the moment her name was going to slip my lips. I couldn’t try, that wasn’t going to happen, I had to stay strong for Rae, to get her through it.

  “It’s okay to cry, Alexei,” she’d finally spoken. I looked up from my lap and directly into her eyes where I saw the warmth that dragged me in, that made me fall in love with her. That was the moment I broke all my walls, and my tears fell from my eyes.

  I hadn’t realized that my head ended up in her lap and I was weeping like a child. I’d wanted to be strong for her, but it ended up being the other way around, and she was showing strength for me.

  Never once in my time as a hitman had I ever cried over the people I murdered in cold blood. Never once had their life mattered to me in some form. Those lives should have mattered, and I should have felt something because what I felt with the death of Katya was an overwhelming sense of grief.

  “I’m angry at not knowing, but I can’t fault you. I’m trying to, my mind is working overtime trying to find fault. Fuck, Alexei, I want to hate you. My best friend is dead. It makes no sense to me, and I’m in pain, but I can’t not love you.” Her hands were stroking my hair as she spoke.

  I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. Nothing made sense, how did she still love me through it?

  “What happens now?” Rae asked me, I saw her anxiety.

  “I take you to embassy. In care of government United States, Vadim can not give hurt for you. Then I—”

  “No, I’m not going, I want to stay with you,” she insisted right away.

  “Rae, Vadim wants to give hurt to me. He knows of you, he will hurt you. With you hurt, I cannot live. I beg you to leave me, I bring danger to you.”

  “No Alexei, you bring love to me. You’re hurting too, and I won’t abandon you while you’re in pain.”

  “Fucking listen!” I shouted
as I grabbed her by the shoulders. “Go, leave, go to America, do not look back for me!” The fear I saw in her eyes at my outburst and my grip on her shoulders. I let her go and her eyes searched mine for only a split second before her hand came across my cheek, slapping me.

  My feet carried me into the living and to my liquor cabinet. I yanked out a glass and bottle of vodka. I poured the clear liquid into my tumbler and shot it down my throat. I’d drink it away, all the pain. The pain I caused myself, my family, and Rae.

  She’d hit me, but I wouldn’t expect less. Rae was still experiencing the trauma of what she saw and what I’d told her could have been easy to handle, though she made it look easy. She was in mental toil.

  I wandered into the kitchen where my phone was charging. It had died during the night, and I knew it was important to make contact with my family. My breathing was shallow as the line rang and I awaited an answer, which I received, with the panicked voice of my mother.

  “Alexei, Alexei, oh thank God,” she was practically screaming in my ear. “She’s dead, Katya. There are rumors you killed her. Please tell me they aren’t true. I know you’d never kill her, not Katya. Not—”

  “Mama, mama, please calm down. I did not kill Katya. You know...you know I’d never do that.” I was once again fighting with my emotions. That was one person I had to be strong for no matter what, my mom. She remained a pillar for me after my father’s death, and I would hold my strength for her. I swallowed down my tears. “It was Igor, he killed her for Vadim who wanted it done.”

  “Christ.” A silence hung between us, mostly on my end as soft sobs came from my mother. “Where are you?”

  “The cabin house, Rae is with me. No matter what, I have to keep her safe, and you safe. Vadim will come for you, Mama. He wants me to suffer, and for that to happen, he must hurt the people I love. Go to the other house, you have the key.” I was begging her to go into hiding.

  “I cannot leave my sister and my mother.” Mom was stubborn, what was it with the stubborn women around me?

  “Please, I’m not losing someone else. Go,” I demanded, knowing my mother, she wouldn’t and would keep put with my aunt and grandmother as they made final arrangements for Katya.

  “What will you do, Alexei?”

  “I’m going to make things right.” That was it, that was my plan, I could only make things right as best I could.

  I’d never bring back Katya, I never could, but I could use what power I did have and take Vadim down. I’d give my dying breath to do so. There was one thing I would never stand for, my family being dragged into my problems and hurt. Normally those who were faced with Vadim’s consequences would cower to him, I was the opposite, Vadim had picked the wrong one.

  “Be careful, this family doesn’t need two deaths. And please, get Rae to safety. Katya would just want her friend safe,” she told me, and I nodded as if she could see me. She’d already refused the embassy, but I’d have to force her there, or at least hoped I could.

  Hanging up with my mother, I made another call, to an old friend from prison. He and Vadim were never in the same circles, and Vadim had crossed him years back. Maxim lived underground, but I’d kept in contact with him. When I first thought of breaking free, Maxim offered his services, but that wasn’t the route I wanted to take, yet now, I needed Maxim more than ever.

  Finishing my phone call with Maxim, I was confident and a little frightened of what the future might hold for myself, my family, and most important—Rae.

  I left my phone in the kitchen and strolled toward the bedroom where I’d left Rae earlier. She would need to eat soon and I wanted to apologize for my outburst before leaving her alone.

  Once in the room, I saw the bed empty but heard the sound of the water running in the bathroom. Going inside, I was greeted with the steam filled air and the sounds of Rae’s whimpers. I hated myself. She cried because of me. I never knew what heartbreak felt like until hearing the woman I loved crying—because of me.

  “Kisska,” I called into the steam as I ventured deeper into the large bathroom.

  My hands took the handle of the shower door and opened it to find her, sitting on the floor, bawling like a lost child. There was only one thing I could do for her, was hold her. Fully clothed, I rushed to her, the warm water soaking through the fabric of my clothing, but that wasn’t a care.

  I sat on the tile floor and pulled her naked body into my lap. Her face to my chest, I allowed her to cry out all of the emotions she had rushing through her as I felt them. There was anger, sadness, betrayal, and the strongest one, a profound love.

  We sat on the floor without many words. I wanted to allow her to grieve without my influence and interruptions. She had to grieve in a way that was unique to her. I remembered when my dad was murdered. I was a young boy. I didn’t know what grieving was and how to do it, I had to learn in a way that was for me and nobody else. It took years and in a strange way, joining a life of crime was my way to do it.

  “Come with me, Kisska,” I finally said as I pulled her up and out the shower.

  I turned off the water and worked to undress before taking a towel and drying Rae’s body. In the bathroom was a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that Rae could wear for the moment until I had other things for her to wear.

  Redressing myself, I led Rae into the kitchen and made us sandwiches with the bread I’d taken from the freezer. We ate in complete silence. There was nothing I could say to make it better, or to bring Katya back. I always had answers, and for the first time, I didn’t.

  “I’ll need to call my mom tonight, I haven’t talked to her in a few days,” Rae said, speaking for the first time since I’d left her alone in the bedroom for the first time after my outburst.

  “Okay, have no worry, you will call,” I said quickly as she finished her sandwich and pushed her plate away, her gaze on the table.

  “I am sorry. My yelling was not good. I don’t want you to have hurt.” I reached out my hand, almost afraid to try and touch her. She didn’t move and allowed me to take her hand. My thumb stroked the back of her hand. “I have old friend, he will help. He is coming late in day. We will work on plan to end it all.”

  “Okay,” she answered, giving me a single glance.

  I took to my feet, and pulled her up as well. My arms tightly around her, I needed her to know that she would always be safe, I wouldn’t allow any harm to come to her before I could do anything about it. She was too important to me.

  I checked on Rae, she was curled in the bed and fast asleep. We didn’t talk much during the day, she was still processing, and I didn’t want to push anything on her. Our very situation was something I’d wanted to save her from. Rae shouldn’t have been locked away in my house because of my inabilities to take care of my business.

  The knock at the door signified one thing, it was Maxim. I knew his knock, very secretive and in the same pattern. He didn’t spend much time out and preferred to keep hidden, in the shadows.

  Careful, I checked through the peephole and the security cameras, it was indeed Maxim. I unlocked all of the locks that kept Rae and I safe inside before I allowed in the man I hadn’t seen in a number of years. He still remained the same, very tall, though his dark hair had begun to gray in parts.

  “Alexei Stepanov,” he greeted me with my name.

  “In full flesh,” I acknowledged as he extended his hand for a shake that I promptly returned. If anyone knew how to take down Vadim and his organization for good, it was Maxim, a former underground arms dealer that had come across Vadim many times. I’d met him in prison, and we met again later when I was in the hunt for some heavy artillery.

  “The girl?” he asked, referring to Rae as he held up a duffle bag. I knew it was clothing as I’d asked him for, I knew her days in my t-shirt and oversized pair of sweatpants were numbered.

  “She is asleep, but thank you.” I took the bag and sat it next to the entrance to the hall. I would check on her after the visit as she wanted to call her mo
m.

  Maxim and I were silent as we took seats in the living room. We’d spoken a bit on the phone, and he knew the gist of the conversation, plus news in the underworld got around fast.

  I sat across from the large nosed man. I remembered in prison, the joked were always about his large and hooked nose. He was reminiscent of a villain in a cartoon with that nose. Honestly, he was a trustworthy guy and worth having on your side, unlike Vadim.

  “I know a man, he is in Moscow, which works in your favor. Word is that Vadim left for Moscow early this morning. This man will be able to help you, but he needs information,” Maxim explained as he tapped the arm of the couch with his index finger.

  “What kind of information?”

  “The kind of information to bring down Vadim. This man has very powerful allies and you will be rewarded. They will get you extracted and out of harm’s way. I have contacted him and he assures me this is the truth. You need to get to Moscow as soon as possible and the girl must be surrendered at the embassy.”

  Saying goodbye to Rae, I knew it would happen and the worst part was it might be for the last time. I wasn’t sure if Rae wanted to continue a relationship and once I took down Vadim, it might be impossible. Vadim had men all over the world and sure as hell in the US, he’d have her killed there just to spite me. Letting go of her would be a real possibility.

  “This is the phone number of my contact.” He handed me a white business card with a phone number jotted down on it. I nodded as I placed it in my pocket for safekeeping.

  “I cannot thank you enough,” I said as I expressed my gratitude.

  “Anything to bring down the pile of shit that is Vadim. He’s gotten too much power and it needs to be snuffed out like a bad cigarette.”