Let Me Be Your First (Music and Letters #1)

by Lynsey M. Stewart

I found it beautifully intimate to watch him lean back against the headboard with his eyes firmly watching me as I rolled the condom down his thick cock. He pulled me towards him and put his hands on my behind, gesturing for me to sit. He held the base in one hand and my hip in the other as he pushed the tip towards me.

  When I lowered myself onto him, I couldn’t help but suck in a breath. God, I felt so full. Even without any movement, I could feel the pulses deep inside where it felt so insanely good. I moved up and down, slowly at first as we both acclimatised to the feeling until his small moans spurred me on to go faster as our bodies joined seamlessly as one.

  ‘I didn’t know it could feel this good,’ he hissed into my ear, gritting his teeth. ‘You feel amazing.’ He increased his pace and our bodies moulded into one as we both felt our orgasms building together. I could tell he was close but holding back. I knew he was waiting for me. He wanted me to come first. ‘Are you close?’ he asked breathlessly.

  ‘Yes.’ I slowly moved my body down and then back up onto his cock as he held me in his hands. His eyes were wide and he looked deep in concentration. I laughed as he started counting under his breath. ‘What are you doing?’ I said, circling my hips causing him to swear quietly.

  ‘I’m holding out. I heard counting helps. I’m going to come too quickly if your pussy keeps squeezing my cock like this,’ he smiled. ‘Come for me. I want to feel you.’

  My body erupted, overwhelmed by his words and his cock. I shook as his fingers continued rubbing my clit. His hand kneaded my breast, and his lips kissed the ticklish skin on my neck. Perfection.

  ‘I can still feel your orgasm tightening around my cock. That was the most amazing feeling.’

  I nodded, satisfied with lust, my head still buried in his neck.

  ‘Touch me. Touch my nipples,’ he encouraged.

  I delicately brushed them with the tips of my fingers. He moaned like it was the most intense feeling he had ever experienced, flipping us over and directing my legs around his waist as he pushed himself into me with one thrust. He moved steadily, increasing his pace. I loved to watch him. He was so completely turned on and lost in the moment.

  Tiny beads of sweat shimmered down his chest as his orgasm overtook. His hips jerked and he shouted my name in a breathless pant before wrapping me up against his chest in a tight embrace.

  There is something so incredibly intimate about watching someone come. Both of you at your most vulnerable, letting go of control and connecting you together so personally.

  Ben’s tiny groans and deep, uncontrollable moans were fast becoming my favourite sounds. My new screensaver was sorted, and so was my ringtone.

  I didn’t doubt him anymore. I just took him in and accepted the part of us I had held off from for so long. Now, there was no dispute. No uncertainty. He was mine, and I was his. Together we could master anything.

  I realised that when we’d met, everything had changed. Doubts, worries and second-guesses no longer existed. I wanted him and everything he wanted to offer me. He didn’t belong to anyone else. We were so much a part of each other now.

  ‘You aren’t doing a great job of taking things slowly,’ I said, still breathless as I stroked my fingers through his hair, restyling the now damp strands.

  ‘If this is how slow you want to take it, I’m willing to take it slow.’

  Chapter Forty-Four

  As I lay in his arms, I felt Ben rubbing the tip of his finger down my back, following the pattern of moles that trailed down my arm. Being blonde with fair skin and blue eyes, moles, freckles, beauty spots, whatever you call them, were a hazard for my skin type. I had always hated them as a shy, insecure teenager, but grew to accept them as a defining characteristic as I got older.

  I looked at his perfect hands as he ran his finger across the distinctive heart-shaped mole on my forearm. ‘Do you see this one here shaped like a heart?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes,’ I laughed shyly.

  ‘It’s mine. It belongs to me.’

  He leant down and kissed it softly, taking the opportunity to lap his tongue over my nipple when he sat back. The movement reignited my passion for him and we kissed a beautifully frantic, desperate kiss. I felt the loss when he removed his mouth.

  He straddled me and moaned loudly when I reached down to stroke the tip of his already hard cock with the pad of my thumb, spreading the wetness across the head.

  ‘Open your legs for me,’ he said as he settled back onto his knees and placed his hands on either side of my thighs, pushing until he spread my legs wide open. He kissed me anywhere but where I needed him to, teasing me, flicking, licking, and sucking the sensitive skin around my pussy. He was so close to my clit but purposefully missed the sweet spot every time.

  ‘Damn it, Ben,’ I cried out, needing to feel him. Desperate to feel him.

  ‘Tell me what to do,’ he moaned, still kissing the inside of my thighs. ‘Tell me what you want and how.’

  ‘I want your mouth.’

  ‘Where?’ he panted.

  ‘On my pussy.’ I heard a low growl as he moved his head to kiss my clit.

  ‘Does that feel good?’ he asked as he started licking his tongue in long, lazy strokes causing my back to arch off the bed. His hands worked down to my behind and he raised my body closer to his mouth, digging his fingers hungrily into my hipbones. ‘You taste sweet. Must be all that chocolate,’ he laughed.

  ‘I knew I’d eventually find a good excuse for eating it.’

  I moaned as he returned his tongue. He knew exactly where to lick, suck, stroke and taste to make me cry out for more.

  ‘There, oh God, there!’ I stammered, making him laugh at my whimpering and encouraging him to apply more pressure, mixing the strokes of his tongue with the strokes of his fingers.

  ‘Do I make you this wet?’

  I nodded my head, unable to form intelligent words.

  ‘Tell me what feels good.’ He growled and sighed, then smiled when I directed him. He didn’t need direction. He was instinctively there before I could tell him what I wanted or where his tongue should be.

  I felt the moment and was rewarded with the gradual fizz and burn of the start of another orgasm deep within me. Ben inserted his finger cautiously, watching me as he took in my moans to memory, laying out plans to reach this perfect spot again and again. He quickly found the amazing spot of nerves that threatened to push me over the edge. Combined with the fast flicks of his tongue, I grabbed on to his head as I started to shake and cry out in pleasure.

  Time went annoyingly fast as we lay entwined together on his single bed, a bed that wasn’t designed for rigorous activity. Hell, it wasn’t even designed for sleeping in. At one point, I was sure I draped my foot out of the window as it was the best position to chase my orgasm.

  ‘That was the best thing I’ve ever done,’ he said as we both lay still, staring up at the ceiling. We untangled our limbs as he pushed himself up from the bed to look at me. His gaze sparked lust and love, and something else. Satisfaction? A splash of modesty?

  ‘I feel like I’ve developed a super power I never knew existed,’ he said with a trace of a smile across his lips.

  ‘Here we go.’

  I laughed as I rolled onto my stomach and rested my head on my hand.

  ‘No. Really. I want to take full advantage of this. I could do fifty press ups, or break out into a gymnast routine full Jeff Goldblum style.’

  ‘Didn’t he turn into a fly shortly after?’ I asked teasingly.

  ‘You’ve seen The Fly?’

  ‘It’s one of my favourite films.’

  ‘I’m beginning to think we were made for each other,’ he said as he pulled the Blu-ray out of his wardrobe.

  ‘Sex and horror films! What a perfect night in.’

  ‘I can do one better,’ he said, pulling out a multipack of Mars bars.

  ‘There’s a song I’ve been listening to recently. It reminds me of you. Well, it reminds me of us.’ Ben wiggled his mouse around, waki
ng up his computer to search through his music files. ‘Listen with me.’ He flicked his head, indicating that he wanted me to sit beside him. ‘This, pretty eyes, is the soundtrack to this particular chapter of my life.’

  Snow patrol, ‘Chasing Cars.’

  We sat cross-legged on the floor facing each other as the music filled the space. I wanted to get closer to him. So close that the tiny pin pricks of his stubble pressed into my cheek leaving a rash all over my face. It stung, but I would rather have the sting than move my body away from him. It was one of those moments where the pleasure outweighed the pain.

  ‘He’s saying that they can do whatever they want if they’re together on the journey. He wants her to illuminate his life before it’s over, and he wouldn’t be who is now, standing before her, without her love.’ He smiled as he took my hand. I watched our laced fingers and his heated eyes as he moved our entwined hands onto his lap. We both studied them to avoid the tension of our unspoken sexual desire. I let that desire take over. As I reached over to kiss his soft, full lips, I did something that I never usually allowed myself to do: I didn’t second-guess.

  I just let my natural instinct guide the way.

  The kiss was long and intense, and it satisfied all of my needs. I felt the wash of love, his love, cleansing my damaged soul.

  He smiled at me.

  I saw everything in that smile.

  The truth was obvious. I had fallen in love.

  ‘Listen, my mum is a feeder. There’s likely to be a lot of food. She puts a shit load of butter on sandwiches. Seriously, it’s an inch thick. If we stay together, you’ll probably have a heart attack by the time you’re thirty,’ he said, nervously wiping the insides of his fingers with a wet wipe.

  ‘I’ll take the risk,’ I laughed as my stomach flipped at the mention of his mother.

  Waiting outside the large house with an expansive arc of brick driveway, I contemplated contorting my body into the foot well of Ben’s car and pulling my coat over my head like a child playing hide and seek, happily assuming that if you can’t see them, they can’t see you.

  Ben reached over and started stroking my knee, the movements turning into a firm grip until he was squeezing it tightly. ‘Why are you nervous?’ I laughed, prizing his fingers from the flesh that had turned a stark white.

  ‘Firstly, my family are crazy. Secondly, I’ve never taken a girl to meet my family. And thirdly, my family are crazy.’ He offered a small smile and my thoughts returned to the foot well idea.

  ‘Don’t look at the window to your left,’ he said, staring straight ahead and grabbing my hand as I tried to discretely look out the corner of my eyes. ‘Don’t look! Shit, too late! My mum is at the front door probably wondering why we’re still sitting in the car when they’ve been looking at us out of the window for the last five minutes. Come on. We need to face the music.’

  The smile on my face hurt my cheeks. At the window stood an elderly woman, a man with bright ginger hair holding a child with hair the exact same hue of red, and a petite blonde haired woman smiling at me with a knowing look of sympathy. That look conveyed I’ve been there and I’m so sorry.

  ‘Ooh, look at you! Have you been eating? You look like you’ve lost weight. Then again, it has been exactly twenty-one-years since you last visited me.’ Ben’s mum opened her arms to catch him in a long embrace. She stepped back, clutching on to both of his arms and studying him like she couldn’t quite believe he was standing in front of her.

  ‘Mum, I want you to meet Elle,’ he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and gently pushing me forward.

  Her smile made me feel instantly at ease.

  ‘Elle, look at you. He said you were beautiful, but he really didn’t do you justice.’ Her hands were now on my arms and it was my turn to be studied. ‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am to meet you. I’m Susan.’ She gestured for us to come in. ‘Ben, you know the drill. Shoes off. Elle, you’re a guest, so please don’t feel bullied into taking yours off. Love them by the way. Love your outfit.’

  I followed Ben’s lead and removed my shoes, putting them next to his and everyone else’s. I carefully stepped over the imitation shoe shop at the doorway, taking care not to break my neck falling over them in the process.

  ‘Look who’s here, everyone. This is Elle. Elle, meet Paul and his wife, Nicole, and my beautiful little firecracker of a grandson, Sam.’ I smiled and stood awkwardly with my hands behind my back.

  ‘Nice to meet you. I was beginning to think my brother was batting for the other team.’ Paul laughed as he started punching and jabbing Ben in his shoulder and hip. Ben deflected the punches with skill, and I smiled as I imagined them as scrappy, fighting brothers.

  ‘You don’t need to try to be funny. You never manage it anyway,’ Ben replied, looking slightly flustered.

  ‘Pack it in, you two,’ Susan said as she swatted their hands away from each other in typical mother mode.

  A voice in a chair at the far corner dominated the room, forcing me to look over without hesitation.

  ‘What does an old lady have to do to get some recognition around here?’ Ben’s grandmother was settled into a large comfy chair with her feet propped up on a stool. She had dark curly hair in a similar style to the Queen’s, as most women her age seemed to emulate. The beautiful dark tone betrayed her years, making her look strikingly different to other women her age. She fiddled with a simple gold chain fastened around her neck and pulled her pink cardigan around her front.

  ‘Elle, my darling, come here. I’m old and I’m blind, so I need you to step closer.’

  I instinctively moved towards her chair and crouched down on the floor next to her. ‘You must be Ben’s grandma?’ I said, speaking loud and clear as I brought my face closer to hers.

  ‘Mum, you are not blind. Ignore her. She likes to tease,’ Susan said, her voice full of warning.

  ‘I needed a better look. She’s beautiful. Far too good for Ben.’

  ‘Mum!’ There was that warning voice again. I had a feeling I was going to hear a lot of that this afternoon.

  I felt a familiar arm snake my waist as I stood up and adjusted my skirt. Ben shook his head and smiled reassuringly.

  ‘Come here. I have something I want to say. See that boy there,’ she said, pointing her long, bony finger towards Ben. ‘He’s always been my shining star. He’s had it hard at times, so cherish him. That’s all I’m going to ask of you.’ She patted my hand softly and smiled over at Ben, who was now tickling Sam on the floor, laughter spilling from the cuteness that was spread across the carpet.

  ‘I’ve put on a small buffet in the dining room if you would like to come through.’ Susan put on her posh hostess voice. Ben laughed when he saw me cover my mouth to stifle my own laugh. Susan pulled up a dining chair and sat me next to Ben’s grandma. I wanted to suggest I sat next to the relatively sane looking Nicole so that we could compare notes, but thought better of it.

  ‘He looks at her likes he wants to devour her. I thought he was a computer nerd?’ Ben’s grandma said questioningly.

  ‘He’s not a nerd, Mum,’ Susan replied as she breezed in and out of the dining room fetching more chairs.

  ‘Let me tell you, by the look on his face and the look of lust in his eyes, my grandson knows good sex. I wouldn’t be surprised if I caught them at it in the bathroom after scones. He gets it from his granddad, God rest his soul. Never walk away from a man who looks at you like that. Rampant, passionate sex counts for a long lasting and happily satisfied marriage. I know he’s blessed—’

  ‘Mum!’ Susan gasped in shock.

  ‘What? You forget I changed his nappies. Even then, I knew he wouldn’t get any complaints when the time came. He has girth and length, a deadly combination. Elle, you are a lucky woman. Length is good, but girth guarantees you the good orgasms, you know, the what spot orgasms?’

  ‘G spot?’

  ‘That’s the spot.’ She nodded her head in satisfaction. ‘Have you had a orgasm?’ she
asked, genuinely and absolutely serious in her tone.

  ‘Erm, maybe. I’m not sure.’ I couldn’t believe I was answering this question at the dinner table surrounded by Ben’s family. I watched as Ben’s mum’s shoulders slumped. She mouthed sorry in my direction, but failed to meet my eyes.

  ‘You would know, dear. You would know.’

  ‘Mum!’

  ‘Trust me, once you get used to each other’s bodies and let go. Have you got a vibrator?’ she asked innocently, but her mischievous eyes betrayed her.

  ‘For fuck’s sake,’ Paul mouthed as he stood up, purposefully striding into the kitchen with his plate in his hand.

  ‘Mum, can we not have vibrators at the table?’ Susan said firmly, her face getting so red she started had to waft it with a copy of Woman’s Own.

  ‘What? He can have a fuck at the table but I can’t bring a vibrator?’

  I could see the pure enjoyment in her face at winding her daughter up. She winked as she caught me laughing.

  ‘Can we not talk about vibrators and the size of my son’s penis?’ Susan asked as she dropped a slice of quiche the size of a small kitten on my plate.

  ‘Don’t tell me you aren’t secretly proud of his package, Susan. He gets it from his dad.’

  ‘How would you know?’ She stopped in her tracks and looked around the room as if she was checking who had overheard her.

  ‘I have eyes! It’s all about the bulge. I have a Pinterest account dedicated to all things bulge.’

  ‘You are brilliant!’ I laughed, trying not to give Susan eye contact in case she spontaneously combusted on the dining room carpet.

  ‘Have you met him yet?’ Ben’s grandma asked.

  ‘Sorry, who?’

  ‘Ben’s father,’ she said in pure exasperation.

  I couldn’t keep up.

  ‘No, not yet.’

  ‘Lovely man. Elusive, but lovely. You know, his heart was always in the right place,’ she said.

  ‘Elle, let’s go upstairs so we can have a chat away from the madness,’ Susan said.

  Climbing up the stairs, I looked at the old photographs on the walls. I smiled at a picture of Ben and his brother fishing and obviously arguing over something long forgotten. Pictures of people I couldn’t place were mixed in with Ben’s graduation photo and Paul’s wedding pictures.