Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2)

by Rebecca Barber

  She just shrugged at me.

  I wanted to slap her. This girl couldn’t take a compliment. Surely she’d received her fair share over the years. Hell, I couldn’t imagine anyone who spent any time at all with Derek that he wouldn’t have inundated with them.

  We turned off the highway and crossed the rickety old bridge and I held my breath. I felt the tension in the car. It almost sparked. Without looking, I reached over the console and wrapped my palm around Zoe’s trembling hand. Here we go.

  Chapter 33

  Derek

  My tux was hanging on the back of the door, taunting me. I had to leave soon, but my feet felt like lead. There was nowhere I wanted to be any less than standing here in this dinky, stale smelling motel room. Walking in the bathroom, I held my breath as I pulled back the mould-speckled shower curtain and stepped under the barely warm water.

  I rolled my shoulders, wishing the tension would ease. I don’t know if it was spending more nights than I would have liked on the horrid mattress, complete with a spring or two poking through, or the anxiety, which was crushing me. This whole trip, coming home had been harder than I could have ever envisioned, yet in so many ways it had been successful. Well, as much as it could have been. Everything was in place for me to return to the job I was born to do. A job I wanted to do more than anything. A job I was looking forward to getting back into. The only bit that sucked about this was I had to tell Mia. And Zoe.

  “Shit!” I smashed my hand against the tiles before letting my head drop. I had to tell Zoe. She wouldn’t be coming back with me. She couldn’t. I couldn’t ask her, and I’d be fucked if I let her. It would be a mission in my life to ensure she never had to set foot in this town. I’d go to her. Whenever or wherever she needed me. Telling her though, well, that was going to suck. I wished there was someone I could pay to do it for me.

  The tension I’d been willing the water to wash away doubled under the weight of my heavy thoughts. Now was not the time to be worrying about this shit. First, I had to get through tonight. It was going to be hard enough. One problem at a time. Telling Zoe, breaking her heart, that was future Derek’s problem.

  Stepping out, I quickly dried off and shaved. As I was pulling on my pants, my phone beeped. Pushing the door open, I stepped onto the threadbare carpet and grabbed my phone from the charger on the night stand.

  Jenna: Running late. Don’t need a lift. You go. I’ll meet u there.

  That was strange. I knew how nervous Jenna was about going tonight and I couldn’t blame her. If I was feeling awkward I couldn’t begin to imagine how hard this would be for her.

  Derek: U sure???

  Jenna: Absolutely!

  Trying not to read anything into it, I finished dressing before looking in the full-length mirror. Last year I’d barely ironed my shirt and showed up late. This year, it looks like I wouldn’t only be arriving on time, but also dressed in my Sunday best. Fuck this, I needed a drink. Swiping my keys and wallet, I headed out. I was making a pit stop before I dared show my face tonight.

  Ten minutes later I was perched on a barstool at the end of the scarred bar sipping a cold beer. It was perfect. Cold, refreshing and relaxing. Exactly what I needed to take the edge off. After ordering my second, I looked down and noticed the pile of paper in front of me. I couldn’t even remember shredding the coaster, but there was no disputing the evidence.

  “Another?” the guy behind the bar offered. I shook my head. I couldn’t walk into this event drunk, though the idea appealed more than it should. I needed to pull myself together and face everyone. The thought alone was paralysing. Since driving back into town I’d laid low. I knew I could have stayed with people I knew, even Jenna had tried to get me to crash in her guest room, but I needed my space. This was hard enough. Dealing with people twenty-four seven, being in their home…that was too much. Too normal. Part of me needed to be alone. The space to take this in. The space to fall apart if I needed it. And boy, did I need to. More than once I’d completely lost my shit as I stared at the blank walls.

  “Nah.” I downed the rest and set my glass down before pulling on my jacket and heading out.

  It looked like a party store threw up in here. There were blue and white crepe paper streamers hanging from every nail and hook. Balloons were everywhere. The noisy chatter drowned out periodically when another one burst. The round tables were draped with white tablecloths with a bunch of cheap flowers in the middle, flowers that looked like they’d seen their best a week ago. Hundreds of shiny, silver bits of paper covered the tables. I pitied the poor sucker who had to clean this place tomorrow.

  “Derek! Is it really you?”

  The voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Every hair on my body stood on end. I’d know that voice anywhere. I hadn’t missed it. Sighing heavily, I spun around and came face to face with a clown. Well, she wasn’t really a clown, but the ton of makeup caked on her face would lead you to believe otherwise.

  “Oh, hey Katrina.” There was no enthusiasm in my voice. I couldn’t even summon the energy to fake it.

  “Oh, Derek, sweetie. Don’t be like that. Aren’t you happy to see me?”

  I wanted to yell Fuck no! The only thing stopping me was the simple fact that while I might have been an asshole, I wasn’t that big of a prick. “Of course,” I lied through my clenched jaw. I wanted another beer. I needed one. Or possibly something stronger. But Katrina had wedged herself between me and the bar. If she continued much longer, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. I might be forced to physically push her out of my way.

  When her talon-like nails bit into my arm, I yanked back a little too hard, causing her to wobble on those ridiculously high heels. Her low cut, skin-tight red dress left her boobs spilling out the top. Usually it was a sight I’d appreciate, what red-blooded guy wouldn’t, but with Katrina it was a trap. One thankfully I’d never been ensnared by.

  “How long are you in town for?”

  Glancing around, I looked for an escape. A saviour. “Tonight,” I replied bluntly. Spotting a group by the bar, I waved, hoping they’d notice and help me out.

  “So soon?” She pouted. Like a frigging child, she pouted. It wasn’t attractive at all. Instead, from the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of blonde hair, and immediately my thoughts were elsewhere.

  “Yeah. Look, Katrina, there’s some people I have to go say hi to. So…” I hoped she’d take the hint.

  Forlornly, she shrugged before folding her arms across her chest, thrusting her boobs even further in my direction. The urge to cover them up was overwhelming. It took a moment, but she stepped out of my way, allowing me to pass by. “Come find me later?” she cooed.

  A shiver raced through me. “Maybe,” I offered noncommittally as I took off, not wanting to risk another second.

  Reaching the bar, I needed a moment. And a drink. A strong one. After downing two gin shots and grabbing a beer, I felt better. Like relief settled over me. Maybe it was the alcohol flowing through my body or maybe it was the moment to just breathe, the truth was I didn’t care. Anything to make surviving this night easier.

  “Going to buy me one of those?” a feminine voice came from behind me.

  Catching the hazel eyes beside me, I felt the warmth from her hand on the small of my back. Without hesitation I ordered another beer and handed it to Jenna. For an old girl she scrubbed up all right.

  “Hanging in there?”

  “Hanging’s definitely the word for it.”

  I just nodded. I didn’t have the words. I didn’t need them. If anyone was going to understand my lack of vocabulary skills right now, it would be Jenna. Taking a long pull from my beer, I let everything settle. All we had to do was get through the rest of the night. It wasn’t going to be easy, it wasn’t even going to be very enjoyable, but it would get easier.

  “You going to tell me about the girl whose got you twisted up in knots?”

  “What girl? Zoe?”

  Jenna chuckled as she picked a
t the label on her bottle. “Zoe’s always going to have you wrapped around her little finger. You’re no more immune to that girl’s brand of crazy voodoo than my boys were. But she’s not the one for you.”

  “No. She’s not.”

  The confession felt dirty. I loved Zoe, I always would, but she wasn’t my girl. My life. I prayed one day she’d find someone again who made her his world, but I wasn’t the guy for her. We both knew it. It still didn’t make it any easier to admit, though.

  “But the blonde is.”

  “Blonde?”

  I was sure I hadn’t mentioned any specifics about Mia. I may have mentioned her in passing, but if I was describing her I’d talk about her tight ass and those legs before I mentioned her hair colour. Jenna smirked, her whole face alive with mischief. She took a swig from her beer before pointing over my shoulder. Turning around, I spotted something that stole my breath.

  The girl who had occupied almost every single one of my waking and sleeping thoughts was standing in the doorway. The floor length black dress she wore had a deliciously dangerous split up her leg, allowing a sneak peek of her creamy thigh. My blood boiled in my veins. This woman was going to be the death of me. Adjusting myself as discreetly as I could, I heard Jenna’s giggle felt the warmth of her breath on my neck.

  “Go get your girl.” I felt a nudge in my side, and before I knew what was happening, my feet were propelling me through the crowd towards the one person who had a chance at making this night bearable.

  Chapter 34

  Mia

  I saw Derek stalking towards me and suddenly my knees were weak and my mouth was dry. I was shitting myself. I was convinced he was going to kick my ass for showing up uninvited. He obviously didn’t want me here. If he did, he would have just asked. It was that simple. For some reason, I’d convinced myself coming, driving for hours, lying to Zoe about this being a good thing, was right. Swallowing down my nerves, I glanced behind me, hoping Zoe was right behind me, but I was alone.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” Derek teased, stepping in front of me.

  “Just tell me, good surprise or bad surprise?”

  The clutch purse got squished as I clenched my fists. The butterflies in my stomach were crazy out of control. The truth was I was barely holding it together. My nerves were killing me. In that moment I’d changed my mind. I wanted nothing more than to turn and run as fast and as far as these stupid stilettos would carry me. Yet my fucking feet wouldn’t budge.

  Derek had this panty-melting grin on his face. He didn’t say a word. I saw his hungry gaze devour me. It felt like it took forever for his eyes to travel from my hooker red toenails up my legs before getting momentarily stuck on my chest. When I’d picked out the dress, I thought it would grab his attention…not once did I pause to consider that it would incite his inner Neanderthal.

  He took another step towards me into my personal space. He didn’t say a word. His huge hand slipped behind my neck as he pressed his lips against mine. At first his kiss was soft. Tame. Emotional. It didn’t last long, though. He deepened the kiss and I heard myself groan.

  He pulled back, breathless. Dropping his forehead against mine, he panted, “That answer your question?”

  I felt my cheeks burn under the scrutiny of his stare. I had no words. The man stole my breath and scrambled my thoughts. He made my knees weak and my pulse beat like a drum. I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to. I plastered myself against his side and wrapped my arms around his waist, taking the opportunity to breathe him in. His scent alone was enough to have me imagining what he tasted like.

  I hadn’t planned this. I really hadn’t. Now that it was happening though, now the time was here, I couldn’t stop it. There was nowhere in the world I’d rather be.

  “Did you drive all day?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “How’d you know?”

  “Well, you know how I slept in your bed last night?” I felt him tense in my arms barely a moment before the pained groan escaped. “I may have accidentally knocked over the pile of crap on your nightstand and found the invite.”

  “And here you are.”

  “Here I am.”

  “Honestly, I’m glad you are.” His voice was deep and rough, just the way I liked it.

  “You may not be when you hear…”

  “Hear what, Mia?” Derek pulled back but didn’t let go.

  I shivered. This could go one of two ways. One, he’d want to kick my ass, or two, he’d want to kick my ass. I deserved either. Or both. “Derek, I didn’t come alone.”

  He dropped me quicker than he could he take his next breath. “You brought a date?”

  His words stung, like a cut spliced open with lemon juice poured in. He actually thought I’d bring someone tonight. I refused to let the hurt show. “Yeah, I did. And she’s gorgeous.”

  “Gorgeous?”

  I laughed. My whole body shook. “That’s what you got out of what I just said?”

  “What?”

  I felt a soft hand slip into mine. “Derek, meet my date for the evening.” I pulled Zoe forward, refusing to let go of her hand.

  I watched as his face fell. There was no disputing his shock. His eyes darted back and forth between us. Without a word, he set his beer bottle on the table behind him before losing the distance between himself and Zoe. A moment later I felt her hand slip from mine as she was wrapped in the protective cocoon of Derek’s warm, safe arms. Part of me was jealous. Viciously so. I wanted back in those arms, but the moment I looked up and my gaze locked with his, the envy vanished. As quickly as it’d appeared, it was gone. He had silent, undisturbed tears streaming down his face as he rubbed Zoe’s bare back. Over the incessant chatter, I could hear the sniffles and knew I should look away. Let them have their moment. Their very private moment. I knew I should, except I couldn’t. I was mesmerized. It was heartbreaking and lovingly sweet in the same moment. I wasn’t going anywhere.

  When Derek mouthed two simple words over Zoe’s bare shoulder, I felt the tears I was fighting to hold onto break free. A simple ‘Thank you’ broke me. It wasn’t lost on me that we were standing in a crowded room, filled with Derek and Zoe’s childhood friends, yet we were completely alone in that moment. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

  Swiping at my eyes delicately, I tried not to wipe the mascara I’d spent forever applying across my cheek. Taking a deep breath, I held it, praying the emotional overload would pass. I shouldn’t be surprised at what was happening. Even in the short time I’d come to know Zoe and Derek, I knew their connection was deeper than anything I’d ever witnessed before. It was something born a lifetime ago and strengthened through the storms they’d faced together. What hit me like a ton of bricks wasn’t the jealousy―that I was used to…almost―what almost flattened me was the simple realization that this was something I wanted more than anything in this world. It was my thing. The one thing I’d give up everything for. Even my gym.

  Feeling my legs wobble beneath me at the internal confession, I fell backwards into a chair, suddenly grateful it was so close. For years the gym, my gym, had been my lifeline. It had given me meaning. Purpose. On those days when I didn’t think I could get out of bed, those days where even getting dressed seemed too hard, the gym was the one thing in my world that forced me to get up and fight harder. Push the black dog aside and fight. I had to. It was mine and mine alone. If I didn’t fight to make it a success, no one else would. I couldn’t just close the doors and leave the lights off because I didn’t feel like it today. Doing that wouldn’t pay the bills. But now something else had taken the number one priority in my life. I wanted love. That type of love which swept you off your feet and made your heart race. The type of love that made you stupid and irrational and completely crazy, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. I wanted someone to love me as if I was their world. Like they couldn’t breathe without me. Like I mattered. I wanted what Zoe and Derek had.

  For a few quiet moments I sat with
my head in my hands and sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. Letting my eyes fall closed, I just needed a moment. Just a second that was mine. When a large warm hand settled on my exposed shoulder, I shot to my feet.

  “Are you all right, Mia?” Derek’s voice was filled with worry.

  It took a moment for my eyes to settle and fully take in the scene in front of me. Derek and Zoe’s hands were clasped together tightly, while his other was wrapped around my arm, holding me steady on my traitorous feet. I opened my mouth to reply but the words stuck. Snapping it shut, instead I just nodded softly.

  “What are you girls doing here?” Derek asked, his voice soft and anxious. It felt like a warm hug as his words settled around me.

  “I…w-we…” I was stuttering like an idiot. I hated myself. Why did he leave me breathless? Maybe it was because he looked so damn sexy standing there in his tux, or maybe it was seeing him so emotionally vulnerable that it broke my heart. Whichever it was, I knew one hundred percent I wanted this man. The cost was inconsequential.

  “I had to be here, Derek.” Zoe’s voice was so meek I barely caught her words. Nevertheless, there was the truth. It didn’t matter how much this night destroyed them both, it was a fact. Zoe needed to be here. She didn’t need Derek to protect her from that, she needed his support, and probably his shoulder to cry on, but she didn’t need him to hide it from her.

  “Zoe…”

  “Please, Derek. I know you’re worried about me, and honestly, I’m worried about me too, but right now, right now I have to do this. And not for Spencer, he would have hated all of this…”

  “You’re right about that, Zoe,” Jenna added as she stepped to Zoe’s side and wrapped her arm around her waist, holding her close. “He hated these types of events. And he hated nothing more than being the centre of the attention. Now he has a damn trophy named after him.”