Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2)

by Rebecca Barber

  A moment later I stepped out into the sunshine feeling lighter than I had in weeks and headed for the tram stop. I wanted to get home and cleaned up, maybe even have a nana nap before I headed to Zoe’s. It’d been a confusing few weeks, and it felt like my head was in the clouds most of the time. Like I was caught in a fog and I couldn’t fight my way out. It was annoying as hell. Between Derek’s vague messages and Josie hiding from me, I wasn’t having a good run. Right now though, I was determined to push all the negativity aside and deal with one thing at a time. Tonight was all about having fun and laughing. My problems would still be there tomorrow, I’d deal with them then.

  It was almost midnight. We’d polished off half a carton of ice cream and two bottles of wine. I’ll admit I was more than a little tipsy. We’d drooled over Channing Tatum’s G-string clad booty and giggled our way through dating horror stories. It was perfect, really. Exactly what the doctor ordered.

  “Zoe! Zoe! Hey Zoe!” I snapped my fingers in front of her glazed over eyes. She was having more than a little trouble focusing.

  “Yeah?”

  “Come on. Let me help you get in bed, then I’ll get out of here.”

  Zoe didn’t say a word. Instead she wobbled to her feet, her shin connecting with the corner of the glass coffee table. As quick as I could manage on my unstable feet, I dashed to her side and wrapped my arm around her waist, half carrying, half dragging her towards her room. We made it. Just. With our arms draped around each other, we made it to her bed and both fell with a squeal onto the soft mattress.

  “Ugh!”

  “You all right now?”

  Her answer was muffled and incoherent. Yanking the blankets over her, I fell back against the wall and heard a loud, unladylike snore echo through the room. She was out for the count. Knocking my elbow against the door frame, I stumbled out the door. I dug my phone from its hidey hole in my bra.

  “Whatta ya doing?”

  “Tinkerbell?”

  “Heya sexy.”

  “Sexy, huh? You been drinking, Mia?”

  “Maybe!”

  “Maybe? Where you at, pretty girl?”

  I looked around the room. It took a minute for me to figure out where I was, and then I felt the smile tug at my lips. “Standing in your bedroom.”

  I heard the coughing fit down the phone. “Shit, Mia! You can’t say stuff like that to me,” he groaned.

  Moving aimlessly around Derek’s room, I could smell him everywhere. I trailed my fingers over his shirts where they hung in his closet. It was wrong. I knew that. I shouldn’t have gone in there without him. Uninvited. I was intruding on his personal space.

  “Well, I gotta go. Just rang to say hey.’

  “Wait! Mia, how are you getting home?”

  “Tram.”

  “Tram? Are you fucking kidding me, Tinkerbell? You are not getting on a tram this hour of the night. Not alone.”

  “Derek, I’m fine.” The protests that came from me sounded like a wimpy, whiny little girl. “I can take care of myself. I’m tougher than I look, you know. Besides, it’s only a couple of blocks to the tram stop―”

  “No!” His deep voice broke through. “Mia, climb into my bed and go to sleep.”

  “Derek, I can’t!”

  “Tinkerbell. Put your drunk ass in my bed and sleep it off. If I find out you didn’t, I promise I won’t be happy!”

  “You’ll never know…”

  “Don’t test me. Now, get into bed and sleep. I’ll call you in the morning.”

  Chapter 31

  Derek

  I hated that I wasn’t home right now. Especially knowing there was a beautiful blonde curling up on my pillow. I tossed in the too small bed, my feet poking out the bottom, wishing I wasn’t in this shitty motel. The truth was I was more than ready to get back home. With a heavy sigh, I laid back and closed my eyes, letting my mind drift off. As I fell asleep, dreams of my Tinkerbell filled my head.

  My phone buzzed, pulling me from my sleep daze. Groping around the nightstand, I knocked the glass of water onto the floor, causing it to splash all over my arm. The cool water wasn’t the wakeup call I wanted. “Shit!”

  It took a minute, but I managed to pry my eyes open and check the time. It was just after eight in the morning. I had two more appointments today before could get out and head home. It shocked me that I had a message. No one messaged me. Opening it, my jaw dropped. The sexy minx had sent me a selfie. She was lying back in my bed wearing what appeared to be one of my t-shirts. Only one of my shirts. Nothing else.

  “Fuck me!”

  The semi I’d woken up with instantly tented the sheets. I needed a cold shower. And I needed it now.

  Derek: That was just mean. 

  I ran my hand over my face, feeling the three days’ growth there. As my tongue rubbed over my teeth, I tasted the fur. Disgusted, I jumped from the bed. At the very least I needed to wash my face and brush my teeth.

  With the toothbrush hanging from the corner of my mouth, my phone beeped and I bounded out of the bathroom, not really caring I had foam all over my face.

  Mia: Thought you might like it. 

  “Grrrr,” I growled. I actually growled.

  Derek: I do.

  Tossing the phone down on the middle of the bed, I stepped out of my boxers and strode naked across the room, heading for the icy water. I spent the next twenty minutes taking care of business. Twice.

  Derek: You’ll pay for that, Tinkerbell.

  Mia: Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

  Derek: Wish you were here.

  Mia: You do?

  Derek: Yeah. I do.

  Derek: When I get back, you need to be there.

  Mia: Be where?

  Derek: My place. My bed.

  Mia: Bossy much?

  Derek: You have no idea, Tinkerbell.

  Derek: Eight sharp.

  Derek: Don’t be late.

  I sounded like an ass. A bossy pain in the ass. But Mia had me so wound up I didn’t know what to do. My whole life, my plans, everything was shot to shit. The problem was I didn’t have time to make sense of it right now. Skipping the underwear, I tugged on my jeans and pulled a black shirt over my head. Today was the one appointment I didn’t want to keep but couldn’t break either. Seeing Jenna after all this time was going to be hard. I hadn’t seen her since the funeral. We’d both left town as soon as it was over. I’d kept my eye on her Facebook account, but even her updates had been scarce.

  The truth was as much as I didn’t want to see Jenna, I needed to. I didn’t want the first time I saw her to be at the awards. Fuck, I didn’t even want to be at the awards. Guilt was a bitch, though. I needed to be there. I owed it to Jenna. To Spencer. I mean, after all, he wasn’t here to see the trophy which now bore his name. Rolling my shoulders, I tried to force some the tension from them as I scooped up my wallet, keys, and headed out.

  I pulled into the driveway and stared at the house. My heart was pounding beneath my chest, physically causing me pain. I could feel the sweat gathering between my shoulders. This was my greatest fear about coming home. All the shit I’d been running from was here. I couldn’t hide from it. Not here. Everywhere I turned, there it was. Reality. And it sucked ass.

  “You coming inside or you just gonna sit in the car and stare at the house?”

  I hadn’t even seen Jenna approach. She scared the shit out of me. I’d hoped I’d have a moment to breathe before I saw her, but there she was, in worn denim shorts, a flannel shirt, and dirty smudges across her cheeks. She looked exactly like I remembered. But old. Jenna had never been old. Now her hair had greyed and the wrinkles around her eyes seemed deeper somehow.

  “Derek Cartwright, get your butt out of that truck and get inside. I’m not going to tell you twice.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I climbed from the car feeling better than I had in weeks.

  We talked for hours, and by the time we finished up, I was so emotionally exhausted I was ready to collapse
. By the time I walked out of the house, I’d learnt all about Jenna’s life since everything had fallen apart, and I’d shared my secrets. Not once did she judge me or call me a disappointment. If anything, she seemed to understand. Perhaps better than I ever had. She’d called me out on my bullshit and didn’t let me get away with anything. Her domineering made my heart swell. I’d always known Jenna was strong, but this woman in front of me, she was fucking inspirational.

  The moment I’d tried to weasel out of attending tonight’s dinner, she’d informed me, not so nicely, that I’d not only be attending, but I’d also be picking her up and acting as her escort. She left no room for argument. As much as I loved Jenna, she wasn’t the woman I wanted beside me. A certain feisty blonde in a worn grey shirt was still on my mind.

  Derek: Thinking about you.

  I know it was needy and pathetic, I just couldn’t summon the energy to care.

  When the invite had arrived almost two months ago, I’d opened it and instantly regretted it. A moment later it went flying across the room and I hadn’t even realized that I’d thrown it. It took me a week to pick it up and reread it. It had laid on my bedroom floor like an IED that would explode at any second and destroy the world. Or at least my world. I wasn’t shocked I’d been invited, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was Spencer. Once again, the mere mention of his name upended my life into something I didn’t recognize. And yet again, I couldn’t be pissed at him. He was dead. It wasn’t his fault. It just fucking hurt. It hurt like a bitch. The MVP award had been renamed in his honour.

  That wasn’t the worst part, though.

  What I did next, what I couldn’t stop myself from doing, was inexcusable. I’d hidden Zoe’s invite. I know it was wrong and I shouldn’t have, but I was afraid. I couldn’t be sure how she’d react. I was a chicken shit, there was no secret there, but the moment the image of her cutting herself flashed in my memory, I couldn’t shake it. It wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. Instead I hid it away, hoping she’d never know. ’Cause God help me if she ever did, she’d kick my ass so hard I wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month.

  Chapter 32

  Mia

  “Mia, I don’t think this is a good idea,” Zoe complained. It had taken some convincing and a hell of a lot of fast talking, but somehow I’d managed to convince Zoe to take this chance with me.

  When I’d found the letter on Derek’s bedside table, once I got past the shock, I didn’t know what to do next. I’d woken up feeling so happy, so ridiculously horny, and very at home in Derek’s room. Then I stumbled across the invitation. For ten minutes, I’d sat, perched on the corner of Derek’s bed, debating what to do. I didn’t know. I knew I shouldn’t have snooped, and I really did regret doing so, but once I’d found it I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t seen it.

  When I’d stumbled into the kitchen, Zoe was looking worse for wear as she shuffled about the kitchen organizing the amazing coffee I could smell filling the air. Slumping onto the stool at the breakfast bar, I offered Zoe a slight smile as she pushed the biggest mug I’d ever seen filled full of steaming coffee into my hands.

  “Thanks.”

  “How’s your head?”

  “Attached, unfortunately. Yours?”

  “Next time I think this is a good idea, remind me how I feel right now. Okay?”

  “Yeah,” I agreed as my head pounded.

  I sipped my coffee, burning my tongue. It was strong and bitter and I hated it, right now though, I needed it. When she flopped onto the stool beside me I noticed that Zoe looked as bad as I felt. Her long hair was everywhere, her eyes were barely cracked open and were crusted over with sleep. She was creeping around the apartment, almost as if a sudden movement would have horrific consequences.

  “Did I hear your phone going off earlier?”

  I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to tell Zoe, either. The invitation was weighing heavily on me and I was praying for a sign to tell me what the right decision was. Nothing was coming to me, so I went with the truth.

  “Yeah, sorry. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  “No, not at all. I’d already been up for a while.”

  “Good.”

  There was a strange silence that settled over us and my eyes fell closed. A moment later, Zoe grabbed my hand, dropping two white capsules in it. “Aspirin.”

  “Lifesaver.” Quickly I swallowed the tablets and hoped they’d kick in soon.

  “So, how’d you sleep?” Zoe had this mischievous grin dancing on her lips and her eyes lit up. At least her caffeine hit was kicking in.

  “Fine. Why?”

  “Just thought it might have been weird.”

  “Why would it be weird?”

  “You know, sleeping in Derek’s bed.”

  “I’ve slept there before.” It came out before I could stop it. When I lifted my head and met Zoe’s eyes, she winked. She fucking winked at me. Bitch! Needing to divert the conversation away from my sleeping arrangements, I broached the invite. “So…any idea what Derek’s up to while he’s away?”

  “No. Why? Do you?”

  I shrugged. The words were itching to come out but I didn’t want to hurt Zoe. Or Derek, for that matter. Knowing him, if he had hidden Zoe’s invite, there was a damn good reason. Even though I’d only known her for a short time, from where I was standing I could see how far she’d come. From that first day when Derek had almost dragged her through the gym doors while she hid behind him shaking to now, when she strode in, head held high, and she worked there. Geez, these days she was basically running the place and I was so thankful for that. For the first time since the doors had opened, I felt like I could have a holiday. A break. A couple of days to myself. Something I was seriously considering. Thailand was calling me.

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you know where he went?”

  “No. He just said he’d be out of town for a couple of days to take care of some things. I didn’t ask.” Zoe seemed blasé. A small part of me felt relieved. With one simple statement any concerns I had about Zoe and Derek being more, even the worries I hadn’t wanted to admit, faded away.

  “He went back to your home town.”

  I watched as my words settled over Zoe and she took them in. I saw her square her shoulders and suck in a deep, fortifying breath. “Why?” she squeaked.

  Guilt was a bitch. The knowledge that I was responsible for putting the frown on her face didn’t sit well with me, but I had to push through. “Wait here.” I slipped off the barstool and dashed into Derek’s room and retrieved the invite, tightening the drawstring on my sweat pants before I went back out. Zoe’s eyes tracked my movements across the room. She was nervous. Understandably so. “Here.” I handed her the unopened envelope.

  Minutes felt like an eternity as Zoe read and reread the invite. A silent tear slipped over her cheek undisturbed. Feeling like the tears were my fault, I reached out and placed my hand on the small of her back. I felt her tremble beneath my fingers. Needing a moment just to breathe, we sat together.

  “Do…you…think…Derek…went?” Zoe hiccupped.

  “Yeah.”

  “Why did he hide this from me?”

  I gulped. I think deep down, this is what I was most afraid of. I didn’t want Zoe to be pissed with Derek. I hadn’t had the conversation with him, but I felt like I knew him well enough to be sure that he didn’t do it to hurt her. He’d do anything not to. I’d bet money that’s why he hid it. “He probably didn’t give it to you to protect you, Zoe,” I attempted to assure her as I rubbed my hand up and down her back, in what I hoped was a comforting gesture.

  “Asshole!”

  “Asshole?”

  “Derek! Grrr, that man’s going to be the death of me. He keeps treating me like I’m a kid. Like I’m fragile. I’m broken.”

  “I don’t think―” Zoe was working herself up. I watched as she huffed and struggled for breath. She was upset. The truth was though, I don’t think she was re
ally upset at Derek. Really, I think she was just blindsided by the whole thing.

  “I’m not going to fall apart again. Not like before. I’m stronger now. It’s not okay, but in a way, it is.”

  I hadn’t planned on it. Until the moment the words fell from my lips I hadn’t given it a thought. “Let’s go tonight.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “To the awards. I mean, come on. You got an invite with a plus one. I’ll be your plus one.”

  It took some convincing, but here we are, a handful of hours later stuffing our faces on potato chips and drinking more energy drinks than was recommended, as we drove through the vast countryside. I was driving. Zoe had started out behind the wheel, but at the last stop I realized how nervous she was. It wasn’t the shaking hands that gave her away but the terrifying silence that settled over us. Part of me was excited to see Derek, but I was a bit afraid what I’d find when we got there. This wasn’t a happy homecoming.

  “We’re staying at Jenna’s,” Zoe announced, breaking the heaviness in the car.

  “Who’s Jenna?”

  “Jenna is Spencer’s mum. She’s amazing. She’s tough, and strong, and gentle, and when she hugs you, everything just feels better. Jenna has this uncanny ability to see the world from a different angle. I don’t know why, I don’t think I ever will, but Jenna, well, Jenna’s the mother I don’t have.”

  Glancing across at her, Zoe’s face was alight. Maybe this Jenna was a miracle worker after all. In all the time I’d known Zoe, I’d never her seen this relaxed or happy. “You’re pretty incredible yourself, Zoe. Don’t forget that.”