Losing Her

by Cori Williams

  He slipped it over my neck, his hands hesitating on my shoulders. “Campbell,” he licked at his lips, moving an inch closer towards me. It confused the hell out of me. I wanted him to kiss me but I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew it would change everything between us, but I did because I knew what it felt like to have his lips on mine, even if it had only happened once. He swallowed thickly and then shook his head before weakly smiling. “Try to have fun out there, alright? I’ll be looking for you in the crowd. Don’t try to hide.”

  “Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll be there.”

  “I’m holding you to it, yeah?”

  “Yup, good luck, Lawson. Don’t go breaking any legs.”

  “I’ll try.”

  * * *

  The show was great, and of course, the crowd loved Jensen Outlaws. I think it was pretty hard not to, really. I had fun out in the crowd by myself, and Lawson did make it a point to make eye contact with me on more than one occasion. Afterwards, Mack, their tour manager, yanked me out of the crowd around to backstage and kept a watchful eye on me, Lawson probably warned him that I would try to run back to the bus. He was probably right.

  But then the whole night shifted.

  Lawson was cold and dismissive when I met up with them, but he was sure happy to see his fans. Girl, after girl, after girl threw themselves at him and he gobbled up the attention as I stood waiting. I tried not to get mad. This was his life, right? It was one of the many reasons a relationship between us would never work out. When we headed out for the after party, Lawson was flanked by two girls. To say that I wasn’t hurt was an understatement. He didn’t even bother giving me a second glance.

  “Hey, why don’t you hang out with me tonight, kid?” Colton asked, slinging an arm around my shoulder. “Lawson’s being an asshole,” he muttered under his breath. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, right? Here, I think you need one of these.”

  He pushed a shot in front of me and Riley whooped loudly, egging me on. “Ah, she can’t handle it, Colt. I don’t think she’s got it in her.”

  “Really?” I picked up the glass and tipped my head back, wincing when the liquor burned my throat and my eyes watered, but I slammed the empty glass back onto the table. “I think I can handle it. Got another one?”

  “Uh-oh,” Riley smacked Colt on the back. “I think you started somethin’ that shouldn’t have been started. You’re in for a good night tonight, Campbell.”

  “Hell yes I am!” I shouted as another shot was set down in front of me. Shot after shot was handed to me and I ended up losing count, but I was having fun, so I really didn’t care. Lawson was nowhere in sight, but I didn’t really care about that either. The music was something good, not that country shit that I kept telling them I hated, so I climbed onto the table and danced right along. The crowd of crew members and friends that were gathered cheered me along, and I ate it up. I hadn’t felt that free in a long time, it was refreshing.

  And then more shots.

  “Girl, you better slow down,” Colton suggested with a shake of his head.

  “Leave her alone.” Riley elbowed Colton in the side. Someone handed something to Riley and my eyes widened when I realized what it was. A joint. I guess it really wasn’t that big of a deal, but I’d always been a pretty good girl for someone that really had no parental supervision; but when Riley passed it to me with a raise of his brows, I didn’t hesitate. That was pretty much the last thing I clearly remember from that night.

  * * *

  “Oh my God,” I groaned, my eyes glued shut as I hugged the cool of the porcelain. “I’m dying. I’m literally dying.”

  “You’re not dying, not on my watch,” a husky voice said in my ear. I twisted my head around, but it was too much movement and my stomach unloaded itself even more, even though I wasn’t sure how anything was still left in there. I was never drinking again.

  “C’mon, Cam. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

  Somehow I managed to get in the shower and clean myself up. A towel was thrown towards me when I turned off the water and I hobbled out of the compact space. “Keep your eyes closed.”

  “They are, I promise. Here, put this on.” Lawson’s eyes remained closed as he handed me one of his shirts, and I tugged it over my head. “Okay, now let’s get you to bed.”

  “How’d you know I was dressed?” I squinted my eyes at him as he stood up from where he had been sitting on the floor.

  “I just did, now let’s go.”

  “When did you get back?” I asked, but then winced, pressing at my pounding head.

  “I’ve been with you for most of the night.”

  “No you haven’t, you were with some skanks.”

  “That was only because…I wasn’t with them. Never mind, Cam. You won’t remember this conversation in the morning, now c’mon.”

  “Whatever.” He pulled me towards his bed and I attempted to climb to the top but I failed—miserably.

  “You’re down here with me.”

  “No way in hell, mister.” I waved a hand at him and he grunted.

  “You’re in no condition to argue, now get in.”

  “Fine,” I grumbled, climbing into the cramped space with him sliding in next to me.

  “Why the hell did you get that crazy?” he asked with a small smirk. “I’ve never seen you like that before.”

  “Sometimes it’s just nice to let go.” I sighed, hesitantly laying my head on his chest.

  “Yeah, well….” His chest rumbled with laughter. “Next time don’t let go that much. I’m pretty sure all of the crew are getting off from that little strip tease you put on. If those fuckers know what’s good for ‘em they better sure as hell never mention it.”

  “Strip tease! What?” I exclaimed. “Lawson Reynolds, you better be joking.”

  “I swear to God, Cam—I walked out from the bathroom and you were standing on the middle of the table in your shorts and bra.”

  “Oh my…I’m never going to be able to show myself around here again.”

  He laughed. “Well, you might want to wait a little while.” He grew serious. “I’m sorry about tonight, Cam. I didn’t mean to leave you to fend for yourself. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I smacked his chest. “You’re not going to lose me, just don’t be an ass and we’ll be all good. Now I need to sleep this hangover off.” I yawned. “Go to sleep.”

  “Alright,” he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I promise to never be an ass again.”

  Chapter 9

  Campbell

  “SO, WHERE’S THE WIFE?” I asked, three drinks in and feeling completely stress free. I watched in amusement as Lawson’s jaw tightened and the vein in his neck ticked. I always knew right where to hit, and I enjoyed doing it. I really shouldn’t have been so gleeful about it.

  “Megan is probably at her expensive ass house that she conned out of me with some prick. Not that I give a fuck.”

  I shook my head, popping the olive from my drink into my mouth. “Dude, you messed up so bad with that whole situation. What the hell were you thinking? Don’t you know that all Megan’s are bitches?”

  “He wasn’t,” Riley interjected. “That’s the problem. He was in a pissy mood because—”

  Lawson cut him off with a jab to the ribs from his elbow, and glared. “Shut your mouth, you don’t know anything about the situation. Now, can we please drop it, I’d rather have a good time with my friend than talk about shit that needs to stay in the past.”

  “Anything for you, Sugar.” I blew him a kiss and his lips cracked into a smile.

  “Alright, well then you and I are dancing. Right now.”

  I didn’t even have time to argue before he yanked on my arm and pulled me out into the crowd. Thankfully we chose a bar right near home, so everyone knew everyone here and no one was bothering the boys for autographs, pictures, or to be their baby daddy. Lawson had been around here so much he pra
ctically called it home, too. “So, you’re really serious about this guy? Conner?” He shouted over the music and I shrugged, bobbing my head.

  “I think so, yeah.” Conner had opted to go back to his place after the show, knowing that he had to work tomorrow. I was a little bummed that he wasn’t going to be able to hang out with Lawson and get to know him.

  “Well good, I guess I’m happy for you then.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  He squeezed my hip before twirling me around and dipping me low. “So how’s your dad doing?” he asked after flipping me back up.

  I pressed my lips together. Lawson knew this was a touchy subject but he still asked, that’s just how Lawson was—Nosey and pushy, and I was still putting up with it after all these years. “He’s okay, I guess. Not getting any better if that’s what you’re asking. Thank you, by the way,” I added in a whisper and Lawson pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me.

  “I’d do anything for you, Cammie. Just say the word.”

  “Just say the word, huh?” I muttered into his chest. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t say one word about Dad and you did it anyway.”

  His laughter vibrated through me. “That’s just how I roll, sorry.”

  “Oh yeah, I bet you are.”

  Lawson had poked and prodded so much when we were younger, he eventually found out the truth about my dad and had done everything he could to help, but it didn’t matter, my dad never changed and was where he was now because of it. I’d never dreamed of asking Lawson for help but he did it without asking and I forced my pride to take a backseat and let him.

  “I just wish I could be around more, to help you. Maybe one of these days things will slow down.”

  “Yup, when you’re old and ugly, and girls won’t chase after you.”

  “That’s gonna be a really long wait.” His smile was sad and I tilted my head back.

  “Are you serious? What’s going on in that hard head of yours? Are you thinking of leaving the band?” The question itself sounded so odd. The band had been everything for Lawson for so long, even before I met him. I never thought he would even consider doing something else and not being a part of Jensen Outlaws.

  “I don’t know. I feel like I’m not fully living and I want to be able to spend more time with Caiden. I feel like I’m missing him growing up.”

  I frowned, hating that he felt that way. Having Caiden come into his life was a huge change, but he was a great dad when he could be there.

  “I’m here whenever you need to talk about anything. Spill your guts, I’m all ears.”

  He laughed, tugging on my hand. “I don’t think that’s a conversation we need to have tonight, let’s get you another one of those girly drinks you’ve been chugging all night.”

  “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

  Chapter 10

  The night everything changed

  Campbell

  I WAS OFFICIALLY a high school graduate, it felt wonderful. Tess was throwing an extravagant after party and I was pretty sure she invited the entire graduating class; and they were all sure to come to see if they could catch a glimpse of her famous boyfriend. I was just as excited to see Lawson. We talked on the phone pretty regularly, but it had been a long time since I had seen him because of the band and Caiden. I still couldn’t believe he was a dad. I had yet to meet Caiden, but I knew everything about him, and Lawson sent me pictures constantly. Sometimes they were pictures with Chloe and I couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that I felt. What if Chloe hadn’t come along? Would things be different between Lawson and I? He said that they were just co-parenting, that there was no relationship between them other than that, but it didn’t matter. He was too busy for a relationship with me. Even if he was interested.

  “Cammie.” A husky voice with a hint of a southern twang whispered in my ear, one that I would recognize anywhere.

  I squealed when his hands landed on my hips and I was soon being twirled in a circle. “What? When the hell did you show up? How come you didn’t tell me you were gonna make it to the ceremony?”

  He set me back down on my feet and I straightened the hideous bag they called a gown that I was still wearing. He shrugged, his dark eyes twinkling, and I took a moment to appreciate the way he filled out the black dress shirt he was wearing; rolled at the elbows to reveal the ever growing amount of tattoos he kept on adding. “I wanted to surprise you, and I did, didn’t I?”

  I shook my head, knocking myself straight out of my Lawson stupor. Jeez, Cam. Were you drooling just now? “Well, thanks for being here.” My heart strings tugged at how good it felt to have someone here to support me. No one else had bothered.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Lawson slung an arm around my shoulder, pulling me tight to his body as I weaved in and out of the families that were gathered with their graduate, snapping pictures. I never thought I would be so jealous of someone getting their picture taken—I hated getting my picture taken—but I was.

  “Nothing, I just want to get out of here. You know how much I hate people,” my tone was light, but I struggled over the lump in my throat. I found my car, with Lawson tagging behind me, ripping the gown up and over my head before I hit the button to unlock my door.

  “Feel better?” he smirked, taking the gown from my hands and folding it. I shook my head and he held out his arms knowingly. I flung myself at him and finally the tears let loose, my sobs muffled against his leather jacket. “It’s okay, Cammie,” he murmured into my hair. “I’m right here.” He let me cry until the tears ran out, and when they were all gone, he was there drying my face and pushing my mess of hair away from my eyes. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been here. “Now do you feel a little bit better?”

  “Not really,” I grumbled. “God I hate crying, it doesn’t solve anything. I’m still alone, my own parents didn’t even bother showing up for my graduation. This should be a happy day, but I feel like a failure. What did I do wrong? Why didn’t they want to be here?”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, do you hear me?” he spat through clenched teeth, his grip tight on my hips. “Nothing at all and I hate that you feel that way. Your mom is a bitch and your dad…your dad is selfish, that’s the plain truth, Cam. I’m sorry. But you have me. And I know I can’t be around all that often, but you have me. Always.”

  “You don’t need to feel responsible for me,” I sniffed.

  “Yes I do,” he argued. “It’s one of the laws. I added it the day after I met you.

  I rolled my eyes at his laws. The boy would never give up. “I can take care of myself just fine. I’m sorry, I was just having a moment.”

  “A moment?” one of his lips tugged upwards. “That’s what you call that?”

  “Yup, that’s what we’re calling it.” I rubbed at my raw eyes, shaking the mess from my head. It was my graduation day. Why the hell was I letting myself drown in sorrow? Sure, I hadn’t talked to my mom since my dad and I left, but I thought she would still show up. What really got me was my dad not being able to sober up for just one day to support me. I had left everything behind for him so he wouldn’t be alone, and now I was the one alone.

  “Well, I need to head over and help Tess set up. I think she flew home the minute she walked off the stage. Are you coming?”

  “Of course, I’ll be right behind you.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek before turning and heading into the crowded parking lot. My hand lingered where his lips just touched as I watched him disappear. Lawson had been my go to for a while now, even with us being so far apart, and I couldn’t be more thankful. Sometimes it was hard for me to show or tell him, and I wished I could figure out a way to do that.

  * * *

  “We’re graduates!” Tess squealed, crushing me in a hug. Her curls poked into my eye and she giggled when I brushed her hair away.

  “Yup, we are.” I forced a smile, taking a long sip from my red plastic cup. Clearly Tess had snuck something into the fruit punch bowl.

&nbs
p; “And, now we’re adults,” she declared. “Are you really sure you don’t want to go check out New York with me? It’s going to be so much fun.”

  “I’m sure.” I smiled tightly. Community college was in my sights. I wasn’t thrilled about, it but I couldn’t leave my dad. He would end up drinking himself to death and my conscience wouldn’t let that happen. I loved my dad, I didn’t like him much lately, but I still loved him.

  Tess was soon swept away by the massive amount of people that showed up to celebrate, this was the place to be tonight. Colton stayed by Tess’s side the whole night, smiling casually at the girls that were ogling him, but only having eyes for Tess. That girl was so lucky she had such a great friend, and I got the two of them hooked up. I thought for sure nothing would come of it, Colton had way too much going on to have time for a girlfriend, but they somehow made it work. I wondered how it would continue to work after Tess went off on her adventure to New York.

  “Someone’s looking pouty over here.” Lawson dropped onto the spot of the wooden swing next to me, pushing his feet off the grass to swing us higher.

  “I’m not pouting,” I insisted. I drained the rest of my cup that I was holding and added it to the growing stack beside me. Actually I was feeling pretty good. No wonder dad drank so much, it helped to numb the brain. Unfortunately, it was temporary.

  “I’m having a wonderful time, in fact,” I jumped to my feet, wobbling slightly. “Let’s dance.”

  “Okay,” he grinned when I tugged on his hand and let me pull him upwards and over to a patch of grass that was away from everyone but where we could still hear the music clearly. I swayed my hips to the beat, laughing when Lawson started to move. “How in the world did you learn to dance like that?”

  He bit his lip, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  I giggled when he spun me around in a circle, my eyes blurring, and I felt myself start to tip over but Lawson wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me upright. “Probably not. I think I’m ready for bed.”