Losing Her

by Cori Williams

  Conner’s hand slipping inside my pants brought me back to reality and my head tipped backwards when he slid his fingers inside. It had been a while since we’d been intimate, life had been too stressful. It felt good and familiar to have him touching me like this, like everything was back to normal. The kitchen was soon filled with light moaning and body parts slapping as I wrapped my legs snug around his waist and he pounded into me, finishing in record time, and I was right there behind him. “Should I start calling you the one minute man?” I sassed, and he grinned at me before bending down to pull up his jeans.

  “Quiet down, woman. It’s been a while. I couldn’t help myself.”

  I laughed and smacked at his chest as he slid back in between my legs. He raised a brow, “Ready for round two? I promise I can last much longer this go around.”

  The doorbell ringing tells me that Lawson’s already here and I can’t believe I lost track of time. I shook my head and scurried off the counter, pulling on my discarded pants and running a hand through my hair. “Can you get that? I’m going to go cleanup.”

  “Yeah, I’ll get it. We’ll pick up where we left off later,” he winked, a smug look on his face, and there was a nagging thought that he did that on purpose right before Lawson was to show up, a way to stake his claim on me or something—Which he didn’t need to do. I was all his. I just wished I could make him see that.

  * * *

  I shifted in my seat, smiling slightly. Lawson and Conner seemed to be getting along while we cut away at our steaks. When Lawson first showed up, I came out from the bathroom and walked in on Conner and Lawson silently glaring at each other. After that, things seemed to calm down a bit. The two of them started talking about sports and they both loosened up.

  “So, I have a favor to ask of you,” Conner said to Lawson, tipping his glass of water towards him. I sat up straighter, having no idea what was about to come out of Conner’s mouth. A favor from Lawson?

  “What’s up?” Lawson took a sip of his beer and eyed me over the bottle. I shrugged my shoulders.

  “I have to go out of town next week, some mandatory training. I was wondering if you could keep an eye out for Campbell? I get worried leaving my girl home all alone. My mind never stops racing with all of the different possibilities.”

  Lawson cleared his throat and fiddled with his fork. “Well I’m sure that’s normal with your line of work. Of course I can watch out for her.”

  “I’m not a child,” I grumbled under my breath, rolling my eyes. It was news to me that Conner was going out of town, and I wasn’t really sure why he just brought it up. He wasn’t the only one that worried. Before every shift when I kissed him goodbye, there was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, the thought that it could possibly be the last time I kissed him or saw my husband. There were a lot of crazy people in this world, and my husband had to deal with them on a daily basis.

  “Good,” Conner ignored my grumbling and patted my hand. “You want another beer Lawson?”

  “Yeah, sure. I think I could go for another one.”

  As soon as Conner got up from the table and headed into the kitchen, Lawson pounced. “Why were you trying to hide this from me Campbell? Don’t you think there’s a reason? Do you really want to live your life ashamed? You don’t need to go through this shit again. I won’t allow it.”

  “You won’t allow it?” I perked one eyebrow. “You and I both know that is complete and utter bullshit, Lawson. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself.”

  “Clearly,” he countered and I scoffed, looking at my half eaten plate of food.

  “We’re working on things, he’s doing a lot better, he is not my father, that much I know. But I won’t deal with it if the problem gets worse, he’s aware and he’s doing his best to make sure it doesn’t. What more do you want me to say?”

  “That you’ll leave him,” he answered flatly.

  “That’s not happening,” I shook my head and Lawson sneered before mumbling something. Conner came back with a beer and handed in to Lawson before sitting down next to me, grabbing my hand to kiss it. I ignored the snide look Lawson gave me before digging back into his food. I knew where Lawson was coming from, but he had no business telling me how to live my life. My marriage was with Conner and we were working on things. I wasn’t just going to give up like my mother did when it came to dad. She had completely destroyed him with her betrayal.

  Chapter 25

  Campbell

  “TAKE GOOD CARE of my man, Justin.” I smacked a kiss on Conner’s lips and waved at Justin, who snorted.

  “You know Conner isn’t to be controlled.” I pursed my lips, knowing Justin didn’t mean anything by it, but he was right. This trip had me nervous – It was the first time Conner would be out of my sight, and without me there, there was no telling what he would do. What if he started drinking again? What if he drained our bank accounts again? That was almost as bad as the drinking.

  I took a deep breath in and then pushed it out. I was going to have to trust him, that’s the only way our marriage would work. “Maybe I’ll call Della and we’ll get together while the boys are out of town.”

  “Awesome, she’ll love that. See ya.” I waved at them both and watched as Justin backed out of the driveway, when panic started to set in at a rapid pace. I was heading into the house when I heard a car pull into the driveway and I was hoping beyond hopes that it was Conner, saying the trip got cancelled. Instead, I saw Lawson.

  “Already checking in on me?” I raised a brow as he hopped out of his truck, baring his boyish grin at me.

  “Naw, I just wanted to come hang out. Chloe isn’t giving me Caiden this weekend.” His face turned dark. “Some bullshit with this soon to be husband of hers. I don’t like the guy.”

  “I’m sorry, Law. I know you were looking forward to it.”

  “Well, it is what it is, for now at least. Chloe’s got another thing coming if she thinks I’m just gonna let some other guy father my kid, that’s not happening.”

  “Let me know if I can help, you’re the best dad and Chloe knows it, it’s not right.”

  He shrugged, pushing a sad smile onto his face. “So anyway, I figured you needed some Lawson time since you haven’t had any of it lately.”

  “You are way too full of yourself.” I poked him in the side, but the truth was, I was glad he was here— One, because he was a distraction, and two, because I really had missed Lawson. I’m sure when he moved here, he figured we would be able to hang out, not that I would completely ice him out. But I knew exactly what would happen if I had told Lawson what was going on, he would have gone into instant protect-Campbell mode. I was a grown woman and I didn’t need him interfering in my life or my marriage.

  “Well I have some work to do, I guess you can hang out while I do that.”

  “How ‘bout we get some work done together? I’m guessing it has to do with our breakout client, Chase?”

  “Well you guessed right. I really like him.”

  “The girls do too.”

  “Even though he’s happily married with a family. It’s strange. Most of the times the fans like the single guys.”

  “He’s got some good pipes on him, no denying that.”

  We headed into my office and worked for a few hours before Lawson suddenly got up and spun my chair around. “Alright, we’re done for the day. Time for dinner.”

  “If you insist.” He pulled on my hand and yanked me right out the front door, only allowing me to stop to grab my purse. “Where are we going?”

  “To dinner.”

  “Thanks for clearing that up,” I grumbled, as he headed the opposite way of town. Right away I knew he was taking me to Nashville, even though it was hours away; but that was fine by me. It was my favorite place in the world. I loved the energy of the town. The best part was probably the people watching— Everyone seemed so carefree, as if just for that small amount of time you were there, you didn’t have a care in the world; which was
exactly what I needed right now. My mind hadn’t strayed much to what Conner was possibly doing, but now that it was getting later, and from his text earlier saying they were done for the day, worry had set in.

  “So, now that your husbands not around and we’re not busy with work, you’re going to tell me how exactly you got those bruises on your stomach and how that could have been an accident.” I snuck a glance at Lawson who was clutching the steering wheel, his jaw ticking. I was wondering when he was going to bring this up again. I knew he wouldn’t let it go.

  “It was an accident,” I replied sternly. “Conner had too much to drink and I got in the way.” Saying it out loud made me cringe. I knew how it sounded, and from a person looking in, especially Lawson, it sounded pathetic. “I was trying to stop him from leaving, he was drunk off his ass and thought he was going to drive somewhere. He pushed me and I ran into a chair.”

  “That’s not okay, Campbell,” he bit out, his eyes dark. “He shouldn’t have ever put his God damned hands on you. Not acceptable.”

  “He’s better now,” I argued quietly, hoping that was the truth.

  “For his sake, I hope so. No more hiding things from me Campbell. If he starts having problems again, you need to come to me right away. Don’t avoid me, don’t try to hide it. I know you’re married to the guy and you love him, but it’s not okay. I’m not losing you to something that I can fix. I won’t let that happen.”

  “Conner wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt me that way, Lawson.” I bit down on my lip, hoping that was true. I had dealt with an alcoholic for most of my life, I never thought I would be married to one. I had seen the rage on his face and it scared me, but the man I married and loved was back and I intended on keeping it that way.

  “Well let’s go have some fun for a change, shall we?”

  Lawson pulled into a parking spot, twisting a hat low onto his head to try to disguise himself a bit. It happened in Nashville a lot more than people thought. He jogged around the front to open my door and I slid out, looping my arm through his.

  “So I have a little bit of a surprise for you.” He grinned adorably, his eyes twinkling under the low bill of his hat.

  “A surprise? For little ol’ me?” I fluttered my lashes.

  “Yup, and here she is.” He held his hand out and I squealed when I saw Tess racing in our direction down the sidewalk. Colton was tagging along behind her, a hat almost identical to Lawson’s perched on his head.

  “Tess!” I ran at her and crushed her in a hug, squeezing her tight. It had been too long since I had seen or talked to my best friend. There was been plenty of guilt over that, but I knew it was for the best. I was sure she didn’t see it that way, though.

  “I’m mad at you,” she said after we finally pulled away from each other. “Why didn’t you call me? Conner’s a bastard.”

  “He’s not a bastard, Tess,” I sighed. “I take it Lawson called?”

  “Yes,” she hissed. “You don’t need to take that shit. Come move in with me. We have plenty of room.”

  “Tess, I’m fine. Conner is my husband, we’re working things out. He’s better.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just trying to fix him because you couldn’t fix your dad?” She squinted her eyes and I held up a hand.

  “I don’t want to talk about this, if you can’t drop it, I’ll just leave.”

  She puffed out a breath, her shoulders sagging. “Fine. Did Lawson not tell you where we were going?”

  Her eyes bounced up and down from my head to my toes. “No, not really. Men, right?” I had left the house in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.

  “Well we can fix that easily. C’mon,” she tugged on my hand and waved at the boys. “You two find a place to eat and order us a pitcher of margaritas. We have some shopping to do.”

  “Tess, I don’t—”

  “Ah, no arguing. I’m not allowed to talk to you about certain things, then fine, have it your way—for now. But I’m taking you shopping. You’re going to let me buy whatever I want to buy for you and I don’t want to hear any of your stubborn bullshit. Got it?”

  “Alright.” I threw my hands in the air and followed her. She was on a shopping war path, this should be fun.

  * * *

  “I’m liking this dress.” Lawson’s hands fluttered over the hem of the lacy sundress Tess had picked out for me, and I smacked at him. “How’d she talk you into it?”

  “In case you didn’t notice, I am a girl. I wear dresses.”

  “Not that often. I like it, shows off those legs of yours.”

  I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my margarita, wincing at the amount of alcohol. I was pretty sure Lawson and Colton told the waitress to go heavy on it, and she sure did. “Well you’re not seeing too much of my legs with these cowboy boots.” I poked my feet out from underneath the table. “Are you jealous of my boots?”

  “You know I am. Now, let’s put those boots to good use.” He tugged on my hand and I yanked it back, shaking my head. “You know this isn’t my kind of music.” I made a face when the song changed, a twangy voice filling the bar. “Yeah, yeah, it’s not your music, yet you work with these people every day. You must like it somewhat, now come on.”

  “Fine,” I sighed and gave in, letting him pull me to the crowded dance floor. Tess grinned from Colton’s arms and I smiled back at her, giggling when Lawson twirled me around in a circle. “Whoa there, cowboy. Not too much spinning, those drinks are hitting me hard.” He pulled me against his chest, swaying his hips and I breathed in his scent that hadn’t changed over the years—The same laundry detergent and the same cologne, making for one hell of a combination.

  “I’ve missed this,” he said into my hair and my shoulders relaxed as I nodded.

  “Me too.”

  “Why’d you have to go and ruin everything by getting married?” he asked over the music, his tone light but his eyes hard, as he pulled back and searched mine.

  “My bad, I wasn’t aware that I needed to stay single for the rest of my life.” I responded dryly. He squeezed my hips, pulling me closer back towards him. “You didn’t need to stay single. I just meant,” he cradled his chin on my shoulder so I couldn’t see his face, but his lips were hovering near my ear, his breath warm and soothing. “That I wish it was me.”

  “Lawson,” I sputtered, my voice shaky. “Our relationship wasn’t like that. How was I supposed to know to wait for you if you weren’t even there in the first place? You sealed the fate on any kind of relationship like that a long time ago.”

  His nose was now on my neck and he inhaled deeply before swiping it lightly up the length. “I was young and stupid. I wanted you to be with someone that deserved you. I wanted someone to be there for you always. And that couldn’t be me right in that moment and now it’s too late. I’ll regret the choices I made for the rest of my life because those choices pushed you straight into another guys arms—one that doesn’t deserve you.”

  “I don’t know what to say to that,” I answered quietly, and I felt him shake his head. What could I say to that? I was married. Once upon a time I’d had feelings for Lawson, but now, there was nothing—there couldn’t be.

  “I don’t want you to say anything,” he whispered. “I just wanted you to know.”

  * * *

  My brain had been fuzzily marinating what Lawson had said, ever since we left behind the noisy, crowded bar. Was I stupid for not realizing how he really felt? What if he had told me this years ago? Instead of being married to Conner, I probably would have never met him, I would have probably been married to Lawson and had a kid on the way, or it would have been so different from what I had with Conner. In the long run, Lawson would probably have grown bored of me. I mean, his life was something loads of people were envious to have. Girls fell at his boot covered feet left and right. I don’t think I would have been able to live like that, constantly fearing my husband was cheating on me; but on the other hand, I was in fear of my current husband hitting me.<
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  I shook my head, Conner was in a better place now, he wouldn’t do it again.

  I blinked as the truck came to a stop and I looked up, watching as Lawson pulled it into park and unbuckled his seat belt. “What are you doing? Where are we?”

  “I’m tired as shit,” he yawned before rubbing at his eyes. “I figured we would stop here and stay the night, hit the road early in the morning. Is that alright?”

  Before Lawson’s confession, I wouldn’t have thought twice about staying the night with him. Now…now everything seemed different between us, there seemed to be a crackle of tension in the air, and I just wanted to blow it away, forgetting everything that he had said, and just have my best friend back. But that wasn’t possible.

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “I’ll get two separate rooms if that’ll make you feel better, Campbell, but I promise to keep my hands to myself.” He threw them in the air defensively, wiggling his eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes.

  “Fine,” I sighed, unbuckling my own seat belt. “Let’s go then.”

  I followed him out of the truck and into the lobby of the hotel. Of course, he couldn’t have just stopped at a Holiday Inn. I’m sure if I had seen what the price of this place was per night, I would have had a heart attack. The clerk’s eyes widened slightly when Lawson handed her his credit card and then her eyes flicked to me, before sneering slightly, so quickly that probably no one but me noticed. Did she think I was some random hookup? She was quite clearly jealous. My shoulders sagged but then I thought, why the hell should I care what people think? So I draped my body around Lawson. “Hurry up, Sugar,” I whined, “I’m ready to get the party started back up,” I licked at my lips, slowly and seductively before turning towards the clerk who was practically drooling. “You know, everything they say about this man is true. He sure knows how to please a woman,” I winked and Lawson groaned before grabbing the key.