Losing Her

by Cori Williams

  “Let’s go, Chatty Cathy.”

  I cheerfully waved at the clerk before letting Lawson lead us to our room. Of course, he only ended up getting one room after offering to get two, but I wasn’t going to argue. Right before he slid in the room key, he backed me up against the wall with his body, caging me in. “So, everything they say about me is true, huh? What exactly do they say?”

  “Oh you know,” I shrugged my shoulders, biting away at a smile. “Things.”

  “And how would you know that these ‘things’ are true?”

  “Really, Lawson?” I snorted. “Was I that forgettable?”

  “What?” He sputtered. “Of course not. I just meant… it’s been a long ass time since we were…you know…together. How could you even remember?”

  “Trust me, I remember. Sorry that you don’t.” I pushed on his chest and he let me slip by, moving to open the door.

  “I do, Cammie,” he whispered, “I remember every second, every touch, every kiss. I remember everything. It replays in my head almost daily,” he laughed lightly. “Apparently, I like to torture myself.”

  I should not have turned around to look at him after that confession. I should have just climbed into bed, pulled the covers over my head, and gone to sleep. I should have, but I didn’t.

  “Lawson,” our eyes connected when I turned around, and all words stopped. We were drawn together like magnets, and his lips met mine in a frenzied rush. I sighed against them as soon as we connected, breathing in his familiar scent, touching the softness.

  This was wrong.

  This was wrong.

  This was wrong.

  But no matter how wrong it was, I couldn’t force myself to stop. So instead, I forced myself to stop thinking and just feel. And it felt so completely, and utterly, right.

  My hands slipped underneath his shirt as he continued to devour my mouth, stroking, sucking, nipping. Hot, heavy breaths. I moaned when he backed me up against the wall, planting both of his hands next to me, trapping me in, completely undoing me.

  “Lawson,” our lips unlatched and I was about to argue, beg for more, but then his lips slid down to my neck. He was working his magic, leaving behind a fiery trail. He sucked at the sensitive skin and then grazed it with his teeth, making my legs clench together and my heart rate speed up. I felt like I couldn’t get enough of his mouth on me, and I wanted more. I needed more.

  I hooked one of my legs around his waist, drawing him in and was welcomed by his jean covered erection, poking against me. Why the hell does this man have to be so tall? I grounded myself against him, trying to get some sort of friction, but I jumped when Lawson’s hands slammed onto the wall and I peeled my eyes open.

  His face was pained as he pulled backwards. “Cammie,” he panted out, “We can’t. I’m sorry, I let myself get carried away.”

  “No you didn’t, Lawson.” I shook my head furiously. “I want this. I do. And I guess if you do, too, then that’s a good thing. But I want this. I want you. Right now.”

  He groaned, and I think he was going to argue with me, but instead he pointed to my dress. “I want to see that gorgeous body of your’s naked again. Strip for me.”

  I was about to question him, but he stalked past me, to sit down on the edge of the bed and I watched as he took off his boots and then flicked at the button on his jeans before sliding them down and depositing them on the floor. It suddenly made everything so real. Then his eyes connected with mine, as he tipped his head in a way that said, ‘Now it’s your turn.’

  I took a deep breath, keeping my eyes on him as his hand travelled downwards and he pulled out his shaft, stroking it in his large hand. My breathing picked up as I watched him, and I slowly pulled at the hem of my dress, until it was up and over my head. I let it to pool at my feet before slinking towards Lawson. His head was tipped back slightly in ecstasy, his heated eyes raking over my body, devouring every inch of skin that I uncovered. I replaced his hand with mine, and he groaned when I made contact, sliding up and down twice, before I pushed him backwards onto the bed and climbed on top of him.

  “Cammie,” he sighed against my neck as I grinded against him, working to remove his shirt, then splaying my hands across his bare chest before following their path with my lips. “Cammie,” he repeated again. “Lay back,” he demanded softly. I complied after placing one last gentle kiss on his lips, rolling to my side and waiting. He hovered above me, careful not to touch, but taking everything in. I squirmed under his intense gaze. “Stop,” he said with a smile. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me. You’re so beautiful.”

  “Is it like everything you remembered?” I teased, biting at my lip and he laughed, dropping down.

  “Well, these might be a little bit bigger.” He pushed the cup of my bra up with his nose, and I gasped when he sucked in my nipple.

  “Yeah, just a little,” I agreed. He moved onto the next, sucking to the point of a pleasure filled pain right before letting go of it with a pop.

  “And there’s more curves here,” he said in between kisses sprinkled across my stomach. My head popped up from the pillow when I felt his teeth on the edge of my lace panties. I watched in fascination as he slid them downwards, disappearing down my legs. I wanted to comment about that expert skill, but then I felt his warm breath blowing between my legs and all thought was lost. “You’re already so wet for me,” he murmured against the inside of my thigh, placing teasing kisses on them. I jumped as he inched closer, and then exhaled when he finally took one long, agonizingly slow lick. His eyes remained closed until he was done, and when they opened, there was pure joy on his face. “And you’re still as sweet as I remember. I could stay right here for the rest of my life.”

  “Stop it,” I threw a hand over my eyes and he laughed, but once again the room turned silent. He started torturing me with his tongue, over and over again, right to the very brink until I was almost right to my breaking point, and then he would pull away; repeating the process over and over.

  “Touch me,” I begged and he shook his head, his stubble rubbing against my thigh.

  “Lawson,” I reached down, grabbing at his hand but he yanked it away, distracting me by placing his tongue back between my legs. “I need you to touch me. With your hands,” I specifically demanded when he pulled away once again.

  “I promised to keep my hands to myself.”

  “What?” I snapped.

  “In the truck. I promised to keep my hands to myself, so I am.” The dead serious look on his face undid me, and I completely lost it, bursting into a fit of giggles. Now that I think about it, he hadn’t touched me with his hands one time since we had been up here. What a bull-headed man.

  I took a breath, sitting up slightly to grab at both of his hands, this time he didn’t pull them away.

  “I need you to put your hands on me. This time, I don’t give a shit if you break that promise.”

  My demand was met instantly, his hands everywhere all at once. My body went into overdrive as he engulfed me, cupping each of my breasts before sliding down to reach around and squeeze my ass, before grabbing at my legs and wrapping them around his waist, pushing his erection against me. I moaned in relief, arching my hips upwards to push against him as hard as possible.

  “Cammie,” my name whispered from his lips, his face looking pained as he slid downwards. I bucked in frustration. “We’re not taking things that far—not tonight. I don’t want you to regret it in the morning. When I’m inside of you again, I’ll be the only thing you’re thinking about. You’ll be screaming my name when you’re wrapped around my cock. You’ll be squeezing the shit out of me when I explode inside of you and make you mine for good. But none of that will happen until you’re only mine. Understand?” His eyes were dark and hard, intense and promising. I nodded my head in reply, unable to speak.

  I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to leave Conner, he wanted me to leave my husband. For him. Was I ready for that? Was that what I really wanted? It was
the first time I had really thought about Conner since we had entered the hotel room. Before I was given a chance to think twice about him, Lawson was sinking two fingers into me and I was once again bucking off the bed as he pumped his fingers roughly in and out of me. He dropped down to lick at my clit and he murmured against me, “I’ll never get enough of this sweet pussy. You’re so fucking wet for me.” He hooked his fingers and I fell right off the edge that I’d been hovering over, spiraling out of control as I orgasmed harder than I ever had in my life, and that was just by way of his tongue and fingers.

  My breathing had just returning to normal when he moved to flop back onto the pillow next to me, grinning at me crookedly. “What’s that smile about?” I asked, my eyelids heavy as I rolled onto my side to face him.

  “Nothing, just thinking about how I never imagined the night ending like this.”

  “This wasn’t your plan all along?” I pursed my lips and he shook his head, grinning.

  “Well, not exactly.”

  I slipped one hand in between us and he hissed out a breath when I slid it up the length of him. “The night’s still not over, Sugar. It’s just getting started.”

  * * *

  The sun peeking through the open crack of the curtains woke me up the next morning and I rubbed at my sleepy eyes with one hand, the other trapped by Lawson’s hold on it. He was still asleep, his bare chest moving up and down steadily, his face calm and relaxed, his lips slightly curled, making me wonder what exactly he was dreaming about. On second thought, I probably didn’t want to know.

  Last night was…last night was memorable. Every kiss, every touch was still replaying in my mind and I was sure that it would for a long time. If only we could have stay trapped in that hotel room though, the rest of the world locked away and unknowing of what we did.

  My phone sounded from the nightstand next to me and I grabbed it with my free hand, flinching when I saw that it was a message from Conner.

  Miss u so damn much. ILY

  Regret, guilt, and sadness seeped out of every pore of my being as soon as I saw his simple, yet meaningful words. What I did with someone other than my husband hit me full force. I cheated. What did I do? Why did I do that? At least we didn’t have actual sex. I shook my head in disgust. That didn’t matter. I still cheated, even if Lawson and I didn’t have sex. We kissed, we did other things, that all still counted as cheating. I felt dirty. I removed myself quickly and soundlessly from underneath Lawson’s touch and raced towards the bathroom, needing to cleanse myself of last night. The water was scalding as I stepped underneath it, scorching my skin, but I didn’t turn the heat down. I needed it. I was a bad person, maybe that’s why Conner did what he did to me, he knew. Now he would know that he was married to a whore. I sunk down to the bottom of the shower and let the water wash over me, trying to rid me of the sin I committed, though I knew it wouldn’t work. I heard the bathroom door open and the shower curtain pushed open, but my eyes remained on my distorted reflection on the silver bath fixture. It was a perfect picture of myself—Broken, confused.

  “Hey,” Lawson quietly called. “Campbell.” The water stopped, but I continued to stare at my reflection that was taunting me. “Campbell,” he snapped and then felt myself being pulled out of the shower, wrapped in a fluffy towel, then set in the center of the bed—the bed that we shared last night, the bed that I shared with a man other than my husband. I scurried off the comforter and pushed to my feet, tightly wrapping the towel around myself. Lawson and I were having some kind of standoff, our eyes boring into each other’s until he shook his head and stalked towards me, grabbing onto my arm and shaking me. “Stop it! I know what you’re doing! You’re beating yourself up and you need to stop it. Conner stopped being your husband the second he laid a hand on you. What we did last night might seem wrong to some people, but to me, it was the first right thing I’ve done in a long time and I don’t regret it. Stop thinking, Campbell. Do what feels right.” He closed the space between us and pressed his lips hard against mine, but I couldn’t, I refused to let myself feel how he was demanding.

  “Lawson,” I pressed a hand against his chest and he backed away with a growl, clenching his fists. “I need to go home. I need time to think, can you at lease give me that, please?”

  “I can give you that, Campbell,” he answered quietly, his eyes turned down. “How ‘bout we get you home then?’

  Chapter 26

  IT HAD BEEN TWO DAYS since Lawson dropped me off. He had tried calling and stopping by, but I refused to talk to him or see him. I did answer him by text, telling him that I was okay, that I just needed some time. Hopefully he’d give it to me. I’d been beating myself up over what I did. I cheated on my husband. The guilt had been eating away at me, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but keep thinking about it and how amazing it was. Being with Conner and being with Lawson were complete polar opposites.

  But I had missed Conner since he’d been gone.

  I was a horrible person, plain and simple.

  I shook my head, forcing myself to focus on the marketing plan I’d been trying to hammer out for Lawson. I had been emailing back and forth with him throughout the day, but keeping it strictly professional. That didn’t mean he had been, though.

  I miss you.

  I can still smell you on my shirt.

  Are you ready for another trip to Nashville?

  I can’t wait to taste you again.

  Did he really think that was going to happen again? That was a one-time thing, a one-time slip—Or was it? I was so confused and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, even Tess, because I felt so ashamed. The sound of gravel crunching sped up my heart rate and I popped up to look out the window, excited to see Conner step out of the car.

  Was I excited? Did I miss him? Would I rather be with Lawson? I was over analyzing every single one of my feelings and it was exhausting. I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown and no one knew about the inner turmoil that was destroying me.

  “Hey baby, miss me?” Conner asked as soon as I opened the door. He knows, he knows, he knows. I don’t know how but he does. Then he swept me into a hug, kissed my forehead, squeezed me tight and the panic died down.

  “I did,” I murmured into his chest. “So much.”

  “Good, because I missed the hell out of you and I think we need to spend every second of the rest of the day reminding each other how much we were missed.” He set me back down and winked, before scooping up his duffel bag, with me following him to our bedroom.

  “So how was your trip? Did you and Justin get along alright?”

  “Yeah, even though the dude snores loud as hell. We were actually talking about getting together with you and his wife, kind of like a double date thing or whatever. I think you would like her, he talked to her pretty much the whole time we were gone.”

  “Oh,” I laughed lightly, wondering why Conner hadn’t tried to call me no more than once the whole time he was gone. “So,” I wrung my hands together. “Did you guys go out at all?”

  “Nah, not really, we didn’t have too much down time.” He tossed dirty laundry into the hamper before collapsing onto the bed next to me. “But if you’re asking if I had anything to drink,” he looked sideways at me while I held his gaze, “I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that to you, baby. I wouldn’t do that to us. I’m gonna be strong.”

  “Okay,” a woosh of breath that I didn’t realize I was holding passed and my shoulders sagged, a tiny bit of pressure relieving itself.

  “Come here,” he scooted back against the headboard and I crawled onto his lap. He buried his nose into my hair. “I don’t want you to have to stress about that anymore. Can we just forget about all of that shit and move on? I don’t like seeing you so worried that I’m going to slip. I’m not, I promise. I want to focus on our family.”

  I nodded my head against his chest and he wrapped his arm around me tight. “I love you, Campbell, so damn much. I hope you know that.”

  “I
do and I love you too.”

  “Stay right here,” he pulled on my hips tighter. “I’m tired as hell but I want you right with me. I’m never leaving you for that long again. I bet you were bored as hell while I was gone.”

  I tensed, knowing that was far from the truth and the guilt racked me again. “I was,” I whispered and listened as he fell asleep, his breathing turning steady, in and out. I wished I could fall asleep so easily, my tired heavy eyes agreeing with me, but the guilt wouldn’t let me.

  Chapter 27

  “HEY BABY, YOU READY for our date tonight?” Conner grinned in the mirror at me and my mouth watered at his reflection—His dark uniform pulled snug across his chest, his handcuffs and gun secured at his waist, his dark hair a mess, a thin layer of stubble covering the lower half of his face. I twitched in place, forcing my eyes away so I could finish curling my hair.

  “Just about. Are you going to change?”

  “Well no, I just figured I would wear this,” he laughed before starting to undress and unload everything. He stepped behind me, pressing his bare chest against my back and encircling my waist with his arms. He slid his nose into the crook of my shoulder and kissed my neck, tickling me with his stubble.

  “Now I really can’t get ready, not with you behind me.” I gasped as his hands started to push up at the hem of my skirt, outlining my panties with his fingers.

  He laughed before removing his hands. “You’re lucky we need to get going or I’d be finishing that up right now.”

  “So where are we going again?”

  “We’re meeting them at Piccolos? Remember we went there once?”

  “Oh, yes…they have Italian food that’s delicious. I might embarrass you with how much I shove in my mouth tonight.”

  “Oh you’ll be shoving plenty in your mouth tonight, but we’ll wait till we get home for that,” he winked, and I rolled my eyes.