How To Save A Life

by Andria Large

  “I’m here for you, too, Spencer,” I whisper.

  Spencer just nods against Ezra’s chest in response. I’m not sure how long we stay like that, but by the time Ezra and I get up, Spencer has fallen asleep. Ezra gets him situated, then we both make our way downstairs and into the kitchen. Ezra goes to the fridge and takes out a couple of bottles of beers. He opens them then hands me one. I quietly thank him and take a nice long sip. He does the same then walks over to the table and sits down. I follow, sitting adjacent to him. He rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger as he lets out a heavy sigh.

  “Did I say the right things? Should I have lied to make him feel better?” Ezra asks, the uncertainty in his tone hurting my heart.

  “No. What you said was perfect, Ezra. You don’t want to give him false hope.” I assure him and rest my hand on his forearm.

  He nods but still looks unsure. He takes a long pull from his beer, draining it.

  “I don’t know why he didn’t call me to pick him up sooner.” Ezra sighs.

  “Who knows,” I murmur with a small shrug. “Maybe he thought they would come around if he stayed.”

  He scoffs and scrubs a rough hand over his face, but he doesn’t say anything. After a few minutes of quiet, and Ezra staring off at nothing in particular, he finally shakes his head as if to clear it and looks at me.

  “Thank you,” he says quietly.

  “For what?” I ask, brows furrowed.

  “Just…everything,” he murmurs, placing his hand over mine where it’s still resting on his forearm.

  “You’re welcome.” I give him a tender smile and lean forward, giving him a soft kiss on his lips.

  My cell phone ringing interrupts us. I pull it out of my pocket while Ezra gets up from the table and goes to the fridge, where he grabs another beer. I look down at my phone to see who’s calling, having to blink a couple of times before the name on the screen registers in my brain.

  “Who is it?” Ezra asks, looking concerned when I glance up at him.

  “My brother, Miles,” I reply, dumbfounded.

  “You gonna answer it?”

  My mouth works as I try to decide what to do. It’s already rung about three times, so there isn’t a lot more time to decide. My thumb swipes across the screen on its own accord, and I fumble as I bring the phone up to my ear. I’m surprised my brother has never changed his phone number.

  “Hel…hello?” I stutter.

  “Ferris?” the familiar voice says on the other end.

  “Yeah?”

  Smooth, dumbass.

  “Hey…hey, Ferris. It’s Miles,” he says, sounding nervous as hell.

  “Hey, Miles,” I croak.

  Shit, it’s really good to hear his voice again, even though I have no idea why he’s calling me.

  “You got a minute?”

  I nod then realize he can’t see me. “Yeah, yeah, I have a sec. What’s up?”

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about that day in the supermarket,” he says.

  My heart jumps in my chest. Where is this going?

  “Okay?” I reply warily.

  “And it made me realize how fucked up the whole situation was. How wrong it was to think that way. How I should have stuck up for you and stood by you. When I think about it, it really doesn’t matter to me who you sleep with; you’re still you, and you’re still my brother. I’m sorry for everything.”

  I’m stunned. Absolutely stunned. My brother just admitted he was wrong and apologized. My brother, who I haven’t spoken to in three years because he didn’t approve of me being gay.

  “Ferris?” Miles prompts when I remain silent for too long.

  “I…I don’t know what to say, Miles. I wasn’t prepared for this.”

  “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m hoping you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you, and I’d really like to have you back in my life.”

  “What about Casey and Amelia? Do they know that you saw me and are calling me?” I ask, wondering if my other siblings feel the same as Miles.

  “Yeah, they know. We’ve been talking about it a lot since I saw you. It was hard for all of us at first, but I think we’re all in agreement about this. Before you ask, I haven’t spoken to Mom or Dad about it. They don’t even know that I saw you. I don’t think they will ever change their minds about you.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think so, either,” I murmur quietly.

  “Casey, Amelia, and I were hoping to get together with you sometime soon, talk everything over. What…uh…what do you think?” Miles asks hesitantly.

  “Wow, really? Okay,” I reply, a bit shocked.

  “Yeah? That’s great!” he says, and I can hear the excitement in his voice. “How about you come to my house for dinner on Friday, around 5?”

  “I can do that.”

  “Great. I’ll text you my new address; Sammy and I moved last year.”

  “Okay, sounds good,” I reply, a stupid grin pulling at my lips.

  “Awesome. See you soon, Ferris.”

  “Okay. Bye, Miles.”

  “Bye.”

  +

  EZRA

  Ferris hangs up his phone. His face is a combination of confusion, shock, and elation. The conversation with his brother sounded pretty good, at least from what Ferris was saying on his end. He stares down at his phone for a moment before lifting his gaze and finding mine.

  “What did he say?” I ask.

  “He apologized for not standing up for me and sticking by me. He said that he misses me, and he wants me to come for dinner Friday.” He shakes his head as if he can’t quite believe it still.

  “Wow, that’s great,” I reply. I'm honestly just as shocked as he is.

  “Yeah, and I have Spencer to thank for this. If he had never said what he had, then I might not have ever gotten this call.”

  “As happy as I am for you, I’m shocked that you seem to have let it go and forgotten all of the pain they caused you.”

  Ferris shakes his head. “I haven’t forgotten, but if there is a chance I can at least get my siblings back in my life, then I’m going to take it.”

  I nod in understanding. “Do you want me to go with you?” I offer.

  “As much as I would love that, I think I should go alone. I think they need to be eased into this, not have me show up with my boyfriend.”

  “Okay. Whatever you feel is best,” I murmur and take a sip of my beer. “You know, it’s funny how your family is coming back together, just as mine is falling apart. All in the same day,” I scoff bitterly.

  Ferris frowns and it makes me feel like a dickhead. He should be happy. He should be celebrating. And I should be happy for him.

  “Dammit, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to bring you down with my bullshit. You should be excited and happy, and I went and said some stupid shit like that.”

  Ferris scoots his chair closer to me then takes my face in his hands. “Don’t be sorry. You’re hurt and upset. I understand.”

  He leans in and places a tender kiss on my lips. My shoulders immediately relax and I can’t help but lean in closer, pressing our lips more firmly together. I swipe my tongue across his lips; he tastes so damn good. Ferris opens for me and I immediately take what I want. The kiss turns heated as our tongues fight for dominance. I shove my hands into his hair and take control of his head, turning it slightly so I can delve into his delectable mouth a little deeper.

  With a hand on my chest, Ferris pushes me back in my chair as he climbs onto my lap, his thighs straddling mine. I let my hands fall from his hair only so I can wrap them around him and yank him closer. His rock hard cock presses against mine through our jeans, and we both let out a small moan into each other’s mouths.

  Ferris’ hands find the hem of my shirt and slip underneath. His fingers skim over my abs as he makes his way up to my chest. I hum with pleasure at the feel of his warm, soft hands against my skin. Ferris rolls his hips, effectively rubbing his dick against mine. He groan
s and digs his blunt nails into my chest, the bite from it sending a jolt of need right to my groin.

  I wish we would keep going, but it’s not a good idea with Spencer home. I pull back from Ferris, ending the kiss with a few light pecks before resting my forehead against his.

  “We can’t do this right now,” I pant.

  Ferris sighs and drops his forehead to my shoulder. “Yeah, I know.”

  After taking a moment to catch our breaths, Ferris removes himself from my lap and takes a seat back in his chair. It’s perfect timing, too, because a couple of minutes later, Spencer walks into the kitchen, looking exhausted - both mentally and physically.

  Ferris and I watch him as he walks over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. He then trudges his way over to the table and sits down next to Ferris, dropping his head to rest on Ferris’ shoulder. Ferris frowns hard and brings his hand up to cup Spencer’s cheek.

  “You alright, Bud?” Ferris asks him.

  “I can’t imagine how it felt for you to lose your whole family. At least I still have my dad, but you lost everyone. This hurts enough with it just being my grandparents.”

  My heart breaks all over again at my son’s words, and my anger takes root again. I seriously want to call up my parents and give them hell.

  “You’re right, it hurt like hell. I spiraled downward and fell into a depression for a little while,” Ferris starts.

  I watch his handsome face as the pain of the past flashes over his features. I had no idea he had become depressed after his family disowned him. It wasn’t something we ever got around to talking about.

  “If it wasn’t for the guy I was with at the time, I might not have been able to pull myself out of it. He got me the help I needed, got me into counseling, and supported me.”

  Spencer lifts his head and looks at Ferris in curiosity. “How come you’re not with him anymore?”

  Ferris smiles softly. “We just weren’t meant to stay together. He was there when I needed him, and then we kind of drifted apart. We’re still friendly when we see each other every now and then around town, but that’s about it.” He shrugs.

  “Is that what made you decide to become a counselor yourself?” I ask.

  Ferris nods. “I had gotten my psychology degree in college; it was always something I wanted to do, so it definitely helped solidify my career choice. It helped me so much that I felt I needed to help others; especially kids who had no one else to turn to.”

  My chest swells with pride; this man is amazing. Not only does he save lives physically as a lifeguard, but he saves lives emotionally, too.

  “Why don’t you tell Spencer your good news?” I prompt, knowing that it will make Spencer feel better.

  Spencer’s eyebrows rise. “Good news?”

  Ferris gives me a wary look, but I smile and nod in encouragement. Ferris turns to Spencer and tells him about the phone call from his brother, and how they are planning to get together on Friday. The grin that engulfs Spencer’s face could light the entire room. His bright blue eyes dance with excitement for the man he looks up to and has become good friends with.

  “Ferris, that is so awesome. I’m so happy for you,” Spencer chirps and throws his arms around Ferris’ neck.

  Ferris lets out an, “oof,” but wraps his arms around Spencer, giving him a squeeze.

  “Thanks, Stretch.”

  I love everything about this picture before me. I love that Spencer and Ferris get along so well and seem to have formed a special bond. When I take Spencer to therapy, I don’t see Ferris having the same kind of interaction with the other kids that he does with Spencer. No matter what happens between Ferris and me, I don’t ever want things to change between the two of them.

  CHAPTER

  ELEVEN+

  FERRIS

  Is it possible for the week to go by fast yet slow at the same time? It feels like it took forever for Friday to get here, but then again I feel like the week flew by. I’ve been to Ezra’s a few times this week, but there was nothing more then a few stolen secret kisses because Spencer was always around. Spencer is doing better. He’s not as down as he was when everything with his grandparents first happened. I’m seriously craving Ezra, though, and I need to get him alone as soon as possible.

  My stomach flutters nervously as I pull up in front of my brother’s house. I can’t believe this is actually happening; that I’m actually here and about to see my family for the first time in three years. I turn the car off and get out. With shaky hands, I shove my keys into my pocket as I walk up the steps of the beautiful, new-looking house. I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans then ring the doorbell. My heart pounds madly in my chest as I wait for someone to answer the door.

  The door finally opens to reveal Miles. He smiles brightly and steps to the side, opening the door wider. “Hey, Ferris, come in,” he says.

  I swallow hard and force my legs to move. I step into the house and wait as Miles shuts the door behind me. He then does something I wasn’t expecting; he pulls me into a hug. I stiffen out of reflex, and he immediately lets me go.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” he starts to apologize, but I cut him off by pulling him back into a hug.

  “You caught me off guard, that’s all,” I explain before letting him go.

  He gives me a hesitant smile. “It’s good to see you. You look great.”

  “Thanks. So do you.”

  “Thanks. Everyone is already here. They are all in the kitchen.”

  Miles starts in the direction of what I assume is the kitchen. I can hear the voices getting louder as we get closer. Casey’s distinct gravelly voice says something and then I hear Amelia’s over-the-top cackle, both sounds I remember well. Fuck, I’m so nervous. I kinda wish I brought Ezra with me now as a buffer.

  My brother enters the kitchen first with me right behind him. All conversation stops and five sets of eyes turn to look at me. I see my brother Casey first. He looks just as I remember him with his short dirty blond hair that is the same color as mine, and his gray eyes that are a shade darker than mine. Out of all of my siblings, Casey and I look the most alike.

  I spot Amelia next, and I can see that her blue eyes are tearing up. Her hair is longer than it was three years ago, and she’s dyed it blonde when it used to be a medium brown. She sets the glass that’s in her hand down on the counter before quickly making her way over to me, launching herself into my arms when she gets close enough. She lets out a sob and clings to me tighter.

  “Ferris! Oh my god! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” she cries.

  I try to blink back the tears that threaten to fall, but it’s no use. Another pair of arms wrap around us from behind me and I know it’s Miles from his height. He’s the tallest out of all of us, and the oldest, too. Amelia is the second oldest, then Casey, then me. I’m the baby.

  Casey joins us, coming in from my side. He leans his forehead against my temple and sighs heavily. “I’m sorry, too, Ferris. I should have been there for you, but I was too much of a pussy to stand up to Mom and Dad.”

  “We all were.” Amelia sniffles.

  Tears stream down my face and I’m not sure if this is just a dream or if it’s actually happening. I pray that it’s real because I don’t know if I could handle this not being real.

  “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve longed for this moment,” I choke as I try not to bawl my eyes out. “I’ve missed you guys so much.”

  “We missed you, too,” Amelia cries, her sobs starting up again.

  +

  After saying hello to my brother-in-law and sisters-in-law, Miles introduces me to his son, Xavier, who immediately wants me to pick him up. With the go-ahead from Miles, I take the toddler in my arms. He instantly lays his head on my shoulder and wraps his little pudgy arm around my neck, while he uses his other hand to pat my back. I nuzzle and cuddle him, soaking in the love that he’s giving me.

  “Wow, Ferris. I’ve never seen him do that with anyone,” Sammy, Miles’ wife,
says, obviously shocked.

  “Kids love me.” I smirk.

  She chuckles.

  “So, Ferris,” John, my sister’s husband, begins. “What kind of work are you doing these days?”

  “I’m a beach lifeguard during the summer and an LGBT teen counselor all year round,” I reply.

  “You finally put that psychology degree to good use then, huh?” Casey grins from where he’s leaning against the island counter.

  “Yep.”

  “Miles told us about your little encounter at the supermarket with your friend’s son. Apparently he tore Miles a new one?” Amelia laughs.

  I smile fondly at the memory of Spencer sticking up for me. “Yeah, Spencer is fourteen, super smart, loyal, and just an all around amazing kid. He stuck up for me when I couldn’t do it myself.”

  “After he said what he said to me, and you guys walk away, I looked down at Xavier and thought about how I would feel if he were gay. I realized that I wouldn’t care, that I would love him anyway, and that made me think about what we did to you and how wrong it was,” Miles say somberly.

  I look around at all of the faces watching me. They all had regret in their eyes, as they nodded their agreement with what Miles just said.

  “We can’t apologize enough,” Casey says with a frown, looking me dead in the eyes so I know he’s sincere.

  “Can you ever forgive us?” Amelia asks, her voice trembling, as her eyes well up again.

  “I already have,” I murmur softly. It’s the truth. I forgave them a couple of years ago after going to therapy and realizing that they were trying to protect themselves from my parents’ wrath. “I’m just glad that I have you guys back in my life.”

  After a minute of reflective silence, Casey’s wife, Alyssa, asks the big question. “Do you have a boyfriend, Ferris?”

  I flush fifty shades of red. “Oh…we don’t…you guys don’t have to feel obligated to ask that.”