Braden

by Allyson James

Braden shrugged. “Shit changes.”

  Rees rubbed his hand through his hair. “All right, all right. You know how to fuck things up, Braden. Let me think about this. Go the hell away now, and do…whatever you think you need to do.”

  Talan showed them to the door. She had a smile on her face, and Braden realized that out of all of them, she would best understand what Braden was feeling.

  Braden kissed her cheek as Calder and Justin made their way out. “Thanks, Talan, sweetie. Don’t let him explode or anything.”

  “Oh, I think I can take the edge off.” Talan’s eyes held the light of a woman in love.

  “I just bet you can.”

  Talan hugged him back and Braden went.

  “You’re crazy, you know that?” Calder said to him as they emerged on the street. “I should have had Katarina shoot you full of obedience drugs.”

  “Don’t think that hasn’t been tried before. Didn’t work.”

  “And what’s your deal?” Calder asked Justin. “You’re doubly crazy. You came back here on purpose.”

  Justin gave him a good-natured grin. “None of your damn business.”

  “Shit, you two living together has made you both insane.”

  “You know that if you had to leave Katarina behind, you’d never go in a million years,” Braden said. “No matter how many obedience drugs were in your system.”

  “I know that. I’d put Katarina over my shoulder, plant my hand on her backside and carry her off with me.” Calder drew his robes over the black tunic and leggings he always wore, adjusted face cloths against the sun and drew on his sun goggles. He no longer had to hide his face from the world, but he said he liked the habit—it made people get out of his way.

  True. Seeing seven feet of menacing male, eyes hidden with sun goggles, bearing down on them, did make lesser beings scramble for cover.

  Without another word, Calder turned his back on Braden and Justin and strode off.

  “Good thing Katarina loves him,” Braden said as they watched Calder go, his boots kicking up little clouds of dust. “It’s why he stays alive.”

  “But he makes a good point.” Justin wound his own sun-blocking robes around him. “Just carry her off over your shoulder. Women like that.”

  Justin was one to talk. He took off after Calder but Braden split from them to walk home alone. Wouldn’t want the patrollers getting their panties in a twist seeing three Shareem together.

  Braden let himself enjoy the pleasant fantasy of lifting Elisa over his shoulder and running on to a cargo ship with her, but he let it go.

  He took care of his lady. If his lady wanted to wear a celibate’s robes and stare at rocks all day, that was her choice, her life. He’d love her no matter what.

  A patroller hovered around the next corner, waiting to catch him breaking the new rules. Braden gave her a grin and a wave and walked on past.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Elisa knelt before Lady t’Lenka in the pavilion, the red silk cushion comforting in its color and softness. Lady t’Lenka had served her a formal mint tea, which was refreshing even drunk hot under the merciless sun.

  They were not allowed to discuss business until the ceremony finished. This was, in theory, to give each of them time to organize their thoughts, relax and calm, rather than rush headlong into discussion.

  Elisa had to admit that the tea and silence were soothing, but her thoughts were agitated.

  She loved Braden. She loved every part of him, from his infectious smile to the little growl he made just before he came. He was a level-three Shareem, a forbidden man, and Elisa felt fulfilled with him in a way that meditation and the order had never made her feel.

  Lady t’Lenka set aside her teacup. “You have enjoyed yourself these last few days, I trust?”

  “Yes, m’lady.”

  Lady t’Lenka laughed, a sound that mixed with the wind chimes around them. “You may be more plain than that. I can tell from the way you sit and walk and speak that you have found joy in this experiment.”

  Elisa thought of the way she’d worn the butt plug to work, the toy warming her and evoking thoughts of Braden in the hours she’d had it in. She also remembered how excitement had lit his eyes when she’d confessed that she’d worn it.

  “I have found more peace than I ever thought I would.” Elisa closed her eyes. “And also more agitation and worry that I’ve ever known. For him, not for me.”

  “You mean, you’ve fallen in love with him.”

  Elisa popped her eyes open and Lady t’Lenka smiled.

  “My dear, love is a perfectly natural emotion. Caring for someone else more than yourself is a wonderful thing. You wish to ensure that the world is right for them, that they want for nothing, that they are never hurt.”

  Yes, exactly. Elisa did want that for Braden—to have him be able to throw off his chains, to have the same rights as any human on Bor Narga, to come and go from the planet as he pleased. She wanted him to fly far away, to be free and happy, even if that meant he’d have no more part in her life.

  “Is this what love feels like?” she asked. “It’s pleasure and pain all mixed up. I don’t know if I want that. I don’t know if I can take it.”

  “What would you prefer? To rejoin the Way, to sit in this garden and think of nothing but patterns of the sand and the sound of wind chimes?”

  The picture Lady t’Lenka painted sounded soothing. Simple.

  Love should be easy, Elisa thought. I fell in love with him without meaning to. He never meant me to—I’m just another Shareem groupie to him.

  She remembered the dark look in his eyes when he’d said, “You have to go. Now.”

  Braden pretended not to have emotions, but he had them. But even if he had feelings for Elisa, she understood that he didn’t want to pursue them. He’d seen pitfalls of such a love.

  He’d watched his friends struggle through their lives and watched their ladies struggle along with them. It wasn’t an easy life. Look at the sudden restrictions slapped on the Shareem because Braden and his friend Justin had dared walk in the Vistara.

  Ridiculous. Braden ought to be able to get off whatever train he bloody well pleased and shop in any market he bloody well wanted to. He was more openhearted and generous than any tight-fisted miser who lived on the Vistara or in the Serestine Quarter. Damn them.

  Lady t’Lenka laid her hand over the fist Elisa had clenched. “You see? Wind chimes and sand are not going to fulfill you, child. Your path may not be with the Way, but I don’t view that as a bad thing.”

  Elisa looked up, anguished. “The last thing I want to do is disappoint you. I’ve tried to embrace the Way, and I do love it. And you.”

  Her heart went into the words. Lady t’Lenka had given her nothing but kindness.

  “Elisa, you would disappoint me only if you followed the path against your heart. If you love this Shareem, he should know. He deserves to know. What you do about it after that is up to the two of you. Not to me, not the order, not the Ministry of Non-Human Life Forms. To you and him.”

  “I’m not sure he would agree.”

  Lady t’Lenka’s serene face took on a wise look. “I have some experience with males, my dear, and what they say they feel and what they do feel are usually two different things. You need to face him with the truth. I warn you that the matter might not turn out as you wish, but I can’t allow you to rush back into the order and never know what might have been.”

  Lady t’Lenka finished and they both sat in silence.

  The breeze moved the trees and the wind chimes, the sounds sweet and soothing, but Elisa knew the breeze was false. Machines hidden above them generated it, and this technology also generated the force field that kept the harsh Bor Nargan heat and frequent sandstorms at bay.

  If the shield were deactivated, the strong winds would strip the trees bare, and the dry air would shrivel them and the intricate flowerbeds to nothing. The fountains would clog with sand, the wind chimes would tangle and break. There woul
d be no kneeling on silken cushions in the pavilion, quietly sipping mint tea.

  As beautiful as it was, everything that made this garden possible was a lie.

  If Elisa turned her back on the desire that Braden had introduced her to, her life would also be a lie. She could hide under the shield of celibacy and search desperately in the false breezes of this garden for happiness, but she’d never find it.

  If Braden didn’t want her in his life, so be it. She could devote herself to what she held dear—knowledge and helping others find that knowledge.

  Elisa could help Brianne d’Aroth and Talan d’Urvey in their efforts to make life better for Shareem. She could do at least that to repay Braden for what he’d given her.

  Elisa gazed across the meditation garden with a pang in her heart. The gardens were beautiful even if they never had been real.

  “If I leave the Way,” she asked, “must it be forever?”

  “Anyone can join the Way of the Sky anytime they like,” Lady t’Lenka said. “Life is long, changes occur. You will always be welcome here, Elisa. But you must return for the right reasons.”

  She meant that Elisa couldn’t use the Way of the Sky for escape. Lady t’Lenka knew exactly why Elisa had sought the Way in the first place, and Lady t’Lenka had allowed Elisa that choice.

  But never again. If Elisa came back, she’d truly have to believe and embrace celibacy for what it was meant for—the cleansing of the mind and soul, the rejecting of bodily sensations.

  Elisa thought of the full and satisfied feeling of Braden inside her at the same time he’d made her wear the plug. She’d been surrounded by him and filled with him. Love had made the erotic sensations even better—heart and body entwined.

  Elisa unfolded to her feet and bowed to Lady t’Lenka. “Thank you, m’lady. I will begin the process of leaving the order.”

  Lady t’Lenka also rose, went to Elisa and embraced her. “Nonsense. You run along, and I’ll make all the arrangements for you. This does not have to be a painful and public process, my dear. Go home, work in your library, enjoy your life, and for the gods’ sakes, talk to your Shareem.”

  “I will.” Elisa hugged her mentor with true affection and kissed her cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”

  The transport back to the city left from an underground station, well hidden from the houses and gardens of the order. The trail shot out of its tunnel a few miles away, heading across the desert to the city, which spread over its hills under a blue-white sky.

  The train let her off in the heart of the Serestine Quarter, on a platform that let her view the sprawling city below. The noise, the heat, the crowds, the realness of the metropolis crashed into her, and Elisa opened her arms and embraced it.

  * * * * *

  Braden tried to ignore Elisa’s summons to her house on the hill. Each time she called, Braden didn’t answer, but Elisa left messages.

  The messages were heartbreaking. The first began with Elisa excited, her brown eyes dancing as she stared into the screen.

  “Braden, I need to see you. I must speak with you about something, privately. It’s quite important. Please come to my house tonight.”

  The next morning she called again. “I waited for you all night. Are you all right? I truly need to speak with you. It is most urgent.”

  That afternoon. “Braden, please. I would not continue to plague you were it not important.”

  Gods, the sweetheart talked like an old-fashioned novel. Who the hell said plague you or were it not important?

  Not that Elisa plagued him or even annoyed him. He loved everything she did.

  That night she left another message. This time her face was calm, her eyes showing resignation.

  “Braden, I apologize for calling so often. Hear me out before you delete this message. Please.” She drew a breath.

  “This will be my last call. I wish to thank you for what you have done for me. You helped me learn about myself, and what I could be. You taught me to live inside my body instead of pretending that most of it doesn’t exist. I will always be grateful for that.

  “I have decided to leave the Way of the Sky. In fact, the formal separation came through today. I entered the order for the wrong reason—to escape from what life had dealt me. I’m not sorry that I chose the Way, because I learned much from it, but neither am I sorry to leave it. I will continue to work at the library, because that is where my heart lies, in books and the wonderful things inside them.

  “This is goodbye, Braden. If you’ve listened to this entire message, I thank you.” The formal tone left her voice and she touched the screen. “I truly thank you. And I’ll miss you. Goodbye.”

  The screen went blank.

  Braden stared at it, suddenly unable to breathe. Voices cried out in his head, anguished at the loss of something precious and rare. Something that would never come again.

  Braden touched his console as though he still saw her face, while his heart lay like lead in his chest.

  This is what he wanted, wasn’t it? For her to break from him, to go on with her life?

  Her goodbye meant that Braden could tell Rees he’d join him in finding a way off planet. Justin still had his problem, but they’d work something out.

  Braden had told Rees he’d rather stay and watch over Elisa, but maybe that would be too hard. It was too damn hard just listening to her messages on the console.

  Elisa had left her order. She was no longer an official celibate.

  Damn her, why had she decided to do that? Had she asked Braden’s permission first? No, she had not. He needed to punish her for that.

  Braden tamped down on his level-three instincts. It was Elisa’s life, her choice. Why the hell should he care?

  But he did care. Elisa was throwing away something important to her. And why? For a Shareem. A person who, according to the rules, wasn’t even human.

  What if the dickhead she’d dumped used her leaving the order to renew the breach of contract suit? Dickhead and his family could ruin her.

  And she’d have done it because Braden had taught her that sex wasn’t so bad.

  Damn it all.

  Braden sprang up, slammed into his bathroom and started retrieving toys from the sterilizer.

  “Where are you running off to?” Justin ducked into the front door from wherever he’d been roaming and watched Braden shrug on his leather tunic.

  “The Serestine Quarter, to teach a pretty young lady a lesson.” Braden stopped, studied Justin. “Hey, are you busy? Wanna help me?”

  Justin gave him a wide, very Shareem grin. “Thought you’d never ask.”

  * * * * *

  When Elisa woke in darkness to the cuff closing around her left wrist, her heart began pounding in joy.

  She’d not changed the key code since sending Braden the last message, retaining hope. He’d come to her. He’d received her messages and come to her.

  Braden tugged her right hand to her left one and closed a cuff around that wrist. An inch-long chain joined the two cuffs, keeping her from moving her wrists apart.

  Elisa felt momentary panic over the restraint. It was a strange sensation, and instinct wanted her to get free.

  Braden’s strong hand smoothed her hair. “Shhh. You’re fine.”

  Elisa took a long breath. She drew on her meditation techniques to calm her, focusing on her breathing to swallow her fear. She rested her hands calmly on her belly and waited to see what he’d do next.

  “That’s it, love,” he said, touching a kiss to her lips. “You’re doing well.”

  Braden kissed her again, his lips on her mouth, chin, throat. He raised her bound hands over her head and rolled her over onto her stomach.

  “Lights,” he said. “Dim.”

  The lights rose marginally to reveal Braden in black leather tunic and leggings. He unfastened and slid off her nightclothes in swift, practiced movements then he stretched a chain from her bound wrists to one of the bedposts.

  Elisa’s skin prickled
in anticipation as she lay facedown and watched him. Would he play with her? Spank her? Enter her? Would it be in her vagina or—happy thought—her ass again?

  For an answer, Braden slapped a hand to her buttocks. “You left your order. Why? Did I give you permission?”

  “Braden, I—”

  Another slap. “Answer the question. Did I?”

  “No.”

  He drew a thin piece of leather from his pocket and unfolded it. Elisa’s eyes widened.

  “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Are you afraid, my librarian?”

  Terrified. And excited, so excited. “No,” she said. “I’m not afraid.”

  “Good.”

  Braden pulled out the next thing from his pocket, a simple piece of cloth. He braced one knee on the bed and tied the cloth around her eyes.

  Elisa sucked in a breath. “But I can’t see.”

  “If you could see, it wouldn’t be a very good blindfold, would it?”

  “But why?”

  Braden leaned down, his cool leather clothes touching her skin. “You think you want to be with Shareem, Elisa. I’ve been going easy on you, being gentle, because I know you’re new at this. But that’s not what you’d get if you stayed with me. You’re not ready for the real things I’d do.”

  “Real things? What does that mean?”

  “Level three. Every bit of it.”

  Braden’s large hand landed on her ass again, a mild sting. She’d grown to love the sensation, especially when he soothed it away with a caress.

  He didn’t soothe this time. He lifted his hand away, and next she felt the sharper cut of the leather lash.

  She cried out, and Braden’s hand soothed the fire. “Hush now. This is for your disobedience.”

  “What disobe—”

  Swack.

  “I said, hush now.”

  Elisa clamped her lips together. She curled her hands into the rumpled sheets as Braden smacked her with the strap, stopping every couple of strokes to ease her.

  “This is level three, baby,” he said. “Discipline and bondage.”

  Elisa squirmed as the next slap came down. She was his. That was what the strap told her, what the manacles told her. He was in charge of her.