Fox Lost (The Madison Wolves)

by Robin Roseau

  She laughed. "Yes, I think I do."

  "I had a lot of pride, Lara," I said.

  "I believe you still do, Little Fox," she countered.

  "Maybe," I agreed. "But it was pride that kept me independent. But the thought of you keeping me safe makes me feel good, Lara, and we both know that's what you would do."

  "Michaela, I believe it's the thrall talking. I want you to do your best to envision something. I want you to envision Deirdre breaking the thrall. Your mind and decisions are completely your own again. Do you think you would still want the thrall?"

  "My pride would get in the way, Lara," I said. "We both know that. But we'll be happy this way."

  She smiled, but she still looked worried. "Right now, we're going to focus on making you strong."

  "Yes, Lara."

  "Ready to get up?"

  I smiled and nodded.

  * * * *

  I spent that day and the next two recuperating. I was weak the first day, but I got out of bed and stayed awake. I ate what was to me an incredible amount, and I felt my body using the energy I was giving it. The next morning I asked what the options were for getting some proper exercise.

  "Carissa has a full gym," Elisabeth answered.

  I smiled and turned to Karen. "Then you know what to do."

  She did.

  * * * *

  "We don't have to do this, Lara," I said.

  "Yes," she said, "we do."

  I looked down. It was difficult to oppose her, but I was able to ask in a small voice, "Doesn't my opinion matter?"

  "You gave your opinion three days ago," she said. "You as much as admitted it was the thrall that made you want to be enthralled." She stepped closer and pulled me into her arms, lifting my face for a quick kiss. Then she turned us both to Deirdre. "What do we need to do?"

  "I am going to use ritual magic," she said. "This may not all be necessary, but I want the best chances for success. I will form a pentagram to contain the energy with Michaela in the middle. Michaela, you will stand in the center and think about absorbing the magic."

  I nodded to her, planning to do no such thing.

  "What are the risks?" Lara asked.

  "As I explained to you, Alpha," Deirdre said, "several things can go wrong. First, my magic may just not work, and nothing will happen at all. Or it will start to work. The magic will begin to seep into Michaela and wrap around the remnants of the thrall, but when I pull, it can snap loose. If that happens, I can't predict the results. Michaela and I will probably both get hurt, although I don't believe it will be too bad. But Alpha, you understand instead of breaking the thrall, I could drive it deeper, making it permanent. If you leave it alone, it will wear off eventually."

  "Carissa is expecting it to take years," Lara said. "Do you think you can do this, Deirdre?"

  "Yes, if Michaela cooperates."

  "I'll do what I can," I said quickly before Lara had time to make it an order.

  Lara and Deirdre talked a little longer, Lara trying to pin Deirdre down on the risks. Finally Deirdre said, "Alpha, I'll do my best, if that is what you want. There is risk to both of us, but I owe Michaela."

  "What do you need to do to prepare?"

  "I prepared a space," she said. "If Michaela is ready, we can begin."

  I nodded. I was ready, ready to resist whatever she wanted to try to do.

  "This way, then," Deirdre said. She led the way from my room in Carissa's home. I was surprised when we climbed two flights of stairs. I hadn't been above ground since we returned. Carissa had more home below ground than above. Deirdre led us through the house until finally we arrived at a double door. We stepped through and found ourselves in a large conservatory. I stopped and stared.

  "It's beautiful," I said.

  Deirdre turned around. "This is my space," she said, turning in a circle with her arms from her side, her head lifted. I looked up, and all around was glass.

  It was night, and moonlight backlit the trees, their branches intertwined above us. I looked around.

  "Why this place instead of an outdoor garden?" I asked.

  From behind me, I heard Carissa's voice. "The glass is bulletproof," she explained. "It is a dangerous world."

  From beside me, Lara bristled. I glanced over and I watched her paste a careful expression on her face before she turned. "I did not know you intended to observe, Carissa."

  "I came to wish you luck," said the vampire. "I have not visited with Michaela since you returned, and I wished to thank her for everything she did. Do you mind, Alpha?"

  "Of course not," Lara said, but I could feel she minded a great deal.

  "Come, Michaela," Carissa said, holding out a hand. "I will give you a brief tour and we can talk briefly while Deirdre finishes her preparations."

  I looked at Lara, who nodded, releasing my arm. I stepped forward and let Carissa take my hand. She tucked my hand in her arm, turning away. She drew me to the left, following a path through the plants. We arrived at what could best be described at a little grotto, and Carissa drew me to a bench, inviting me to sit next to her.

  "Thank you for bringing Deirdre home to me," she said.

  "Carissa," I said, "Over the last week or so, I have learned more about vampires. I learned they can take their promises very literally."

  "This is true," she confirmed.

  "Your promises to me were vague," I said, "with much implied, but little promised."

  "Ah," she said. "But I promised friendship to you and your pack," she countered. "I did not use that word casually. I was careful what I promised because I am meticulous in keeping my promises, but I am often equally meticulous in giving no more than I promise. I will not cheat you."

  "Did you manipulate me?"

  "Of course I did," she confirmed. "I needed your help. I could not send vampires into Gideon's territory. I could not send wolves to Deirdre, because she would not have trusted them. I could not send a human, because a human would not be up to the task. But I could send you. And so I figured out what would entice you, and I offered it. But you knew that's what I was doing."

  "All right," I said. "Thank you for explaining."

  She smiled and studied me. "You are a remarkable woman."

  "Oh?"

  "So small and so fierce."

  "I only do what I must to survive," I said.

  "If that were true, Deirdre would not be here," she replied. "You would have turned me down and returned home. I believe instead you do what you must, but not always for your own survival."

  "Perhaps," I said.

  "Your pack is lucky to have you. I wish I had found you before Lara had."

  "I'm not a city girl," I said. "I like my lake and forests."

  "We are not in the city here," she said. "I have six hundred acres of land."

  I smiled.

  "I suppose that seems like very little to you," she added. "Werewolves and vampires are both very territorial, but how we express it is so different. Werewolves tend to acquire land, frequently a great amount of land. Vampires also acquire land, but we are more interested in possessions and security, and we gravitate towards population centers."

  "Both species gravitate towards their food supplies," I observed, unimpressed. Lara had far, far more of what I valued than Carissa did.

  "Yes," she said, "I guess we do."

  "I would not have moved to New Orleans willingly," I said. "I might enjoy an opportunity to visit, but ultimately I would need to be free. I believe I would prefer my northern forests than southern bayou."

  "I suppose so," she said. "Still, I wish us to be friends, although your mate distrusts me."

  "Trust takes time to build," I replied, "and you did not start out well. The Madison pack has shown what it means to be friends with us."

  "Of course. And I haven't done the same. Perhaps in time."

  I had been listening to Deirdre's preparations. "They are ready," I said. "Did you have more to discuss?"

  "I find myself experiencing
something very rare for me," she said.

  "Oh?"

  "Yes. Guilt."

  "Carissa," I said, "Have you met many foxes in your many years?"

  "A few," she said. "They have never been common."

  "And how old was the oldest you met?"

  "I once met one that was kept by a rival of mine," she said. "She was sixty-seven when she died."

  "And of those who were not pets?" I asked.

  "I have only met a few that were not, as you say, pets. You are the oldest."

  "If I live five more years, I will become the oldest fox I have ever known," I said. "My mother was my age when she was killed, my father one year older. Without the protection of the Madison wolves, my last thirteen years would not have been as safe as they have been, and I may not have lived to this age. For a fox, I have lived a long life." I shrugged. "If you feel guilt, do not waste it on me. Spend it on my pack and my children."

  We stood together, and she laced my hand in hers for the return walk to the center of the conservatory, neither of us speaking further. As she handed me back to Lara, she said, "Alpha, she is a remarkable woman."

  "That she is," Lara agreed, smiling at me. "You understand that I hope you never call on her services again."

  "Perhaps only her company. You are all welcome in New Orleans any time you wish to visit."

  "We shall see," Lara said noncommittally. I interpreted her answer as, "It won't happen," but it was said politely.

  "I shall leave you in peace, then," she said. "I know my presence is stressful to you."

  Lara didn't deny it, and Carissa stepped away, soon disappearing in the gloom.

  Lara turned both of us, and I could see the preparations Deirdre had made. There was a moderate open area in the center of the greenhouse with a stone floor, and I realized there was a permanent pentagram etched into the stone. Deirdre had poured white powder into the grooves of the pentagram and placed three lit candles at the individual points. The candles and the moonlight provided the only light in the conservatory.

  "Michaela," she said, turning to me. "I need you in the center of the pentagram. You need to pass through this gap." She indicated a place at the bottom of the pentagram, and I saw there was a gap in the white powder. "Once you are in the center, I will close the gap."

  "What are you using?"

  "Sea salt," she said.

  "Go on," Lara said, giving me a nudge. I began to head for the pentagram, but Deirdre stopped me. "You must divest yourself of all cold iron and any unnatural fabrics."

  They hadn't given me my weapons back, and I was dressed in jeans, a light cotton blouse, and tennis shoes.

  "I have no iron," I said.

  "The zipper of your jeans is steel," Deirdre explained. "And I don't know what your shoes are made from."

  "You need me naked?"

  "I believe your mate has something for you to wear." I turned to Lara, but it was Elisabeth who stepped forward holding a bathrobe.

  She shrugged. "It says one hundred percent cotton."

  I sighed and kicked off my shoes and slipped off the jeans. Elisabeth helped me into the robe, and I belted it around my waist.

  "Sacrificial white," I said. "Fitting."

  "Oh honey," Lara said. She smiled. "It's going to be all right. Trust me."

  Of course I trusted her.

  "Now?" I asked, turning to Deirdre.

  "Yes. Once I close the pentagram, you must not disturb it. You may stand or sit as you prefer."

  Deirdre gestured, and I stepped into the center of the pentagram, finding myself centered inside a five-pointed star with a circle drawn around its points. I turned to face the fae woman.

  "Deirdre," I said, "whatever happens, I hope we are to be friends."

  "I would like that a great deal." She smiled. "Your friends have been telling me a great deal about you. I believe I would like to hear the stories told from your perspective."

  "And I would like to hear yours as well."

  "I am a young fae," she said. "I have little to share. My grandmother, now, she is ancient. Perhaps you will meet her someday." She paused. "Are you ready?"

  I nodded.

  She turned to Lara. "You and your wolves may stay and watch, but do not disturb me, and whatever happens, do not break the circle."

  "We'll hold guard and make sure you are undisturbed," Lara said. I already knew that was what they were doing. Both Karen and Serena had taken up guard positions facing away from the circle. Elisabeth took another, but Lara seemed determined to watch the proceedings.

  "Very well," she said. "We shall begin." She knelt down at the edge of the circle then collected a small cloth sack. She dipped her hand into the sack, and then I watched her pour salt from her hand into the crevices of the pentagram, first the inner gap, then the outer circle. Soon, the entire pentagram was filled.

  "Lara," I said.

  "Little fox."

  "I love you, Lara."

  "I love you too, Michaela." And I felt a surge of pleasure at the words.

  Deirdre, still kneeling, began to chant. I didn't feeling anything, but after a moment, the entire pentagram began to glow. She continued to chant, and the glow of the outer circle rose higher and higher, finally closing in a bubble over my head.

  My heart began to pound.

  "Lara?"

  "Be strong, Little Fox," she said, but even in the dim light, I could see her face lined with worry. I listened, and I could hear her heart pounding. I listened to Elisabeth, Serena and Karen, and their heart rates were all elevated as well.

  But Deirdre appeared calm, and when I looked at her, she smiled at me. I found her confidence reassuring. She completed her chant and then said to me, "The magic will be contained by the circle and focused by the pentagram. If you worry you will find it disturbing, perhaps you wish to sit and close your eyes."

  "Will I feel anything?" I asked her.

  "Yes, probably, if this works anyway."

  "I will sit," I said. Careful to avoid brushing against the pentagram, I sat, drawing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I noticed motion, and I saw Lara kneel so our eyes were at a similar level. She smiled to me and blew me a kiss.

  I thought that was very sweet and very un-Lara-like. I appreciated the gesture, but I wasn't particularly nervous.

  "All right, Michaela," she said, "I am going to begin. Once I begin, I won't be able to stop."

  I nodded understanding. She paused once more, then she began to chant again.

  I didn't feel a thing, not at first, and Deirdre chanted for several minutes, words I didn't recognize, and there was no apparent change.

  But then I realized the glow from the pentagram was growing brighter. The outer bubble didn't change, but the glow from the inner star was brighter, and it tipped in towards me. I held out one hand, and the magic leaned towards my hand, but I pulled away, making myself smaller. I didn't want her magic to touch me, not if it was going to rip away how wonderful the thrall made me feel.

  Lara would take care of me. She would keep me safe and try very hard to make me happy. I trusted her completely.

  We would never fight again.

  I would never need to fight again.

  And I could feel Lara. I closed my eyes, but I could still feel her. I knew exactly where she was. It wasn't just my ears at work anymore.

  Deirdre had told me to think about absorbing her magic, about cooperating with it. Instead, I thought about pushing it away. Instead, I focused on my link with Lara, cradling it like I might one of my children.

  The magic grew brighter, even through my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes again, and I saw the stone on which I sat had started to glow as well, and there were tendrils of magic seeping into me.

  I didn't like that, and I tried pushing them away, first with my thoughts, then with my hands. But instead, the magic attached to my hands.

  It tingled.

  I didn't like it.

  Deirdre's chanting grew louder. I looked
at her, and she was rocking slightly, still kneeling, and I saw small beads of sweat on her face and forehead.

  I closed my eyes, cradled the link with Lara, and thought about pushing away the magic.

  I felt the magic tugging at me, and then in my mind, it felt like it sent tendrils around my link to Lara, and then began trying to pull it from me.

  "No," I whispered, pulling back.

  "Little Fox," Lara asked, "what are you doing?"

  I didn't answer her.

  "She's fighting me," said Deirdre.

  "Michaela!" Lara said firmly. "This is a direct order. You will assist Deirdre as she breaks the thrall!"

  I snapped my eyes open, and tears sprang to my eyes.

  "No, Lara," I said. "Please don't make me."

  "You have a direct order, Michaela," Lara said, her gaze boring into my eyes.

  "Tell her to release the thrall," Deirdre said. "She's holding it tightly to her."

  "Do what Deirdre says, Michaela," Lara said. "That is an order."

  "No, Lara," I said, but it was an order, and I could only obey.

  Slowly, reluctantly, I released my hold on my link with Lara, on the thrall, and I felt Deirdre's magic begin to pull it away from me.

  "No," I said, and I began rocking myself. "No!"

  "Do not disturb the pentagram," Deirdre said.

  And that carried the force of another order. I tightened my hold around my knees, making myself very small.

  And I felt as Deirdre's magic seeped further into me, pulling away at the tendrils of the blood thrall. And then there was a great tearing tug.

  Deirdre, Lara and I all cried out together. I felt a great loss, and then I knew no more.

  Home

  I woke slowly. I felt for Lara, but she was... gone.

  I immediately began sobbing.

  "Michaela," said Elisabeth. "Michaela." Warm arms wrapped around me, and I was pulled to Elisabeth's chest. "Shhh. Shhh." She rocked me like my mother used to.

  "She's gone, Elisabeth!"

  "She'll be back," Elisabeth said. "Karen is with her. They're at the airport making sure we'll be able to fly home."

  "You don't understand. I can't feel her anymore. She's gone!"

  Elisabeth continued to rock me. "Deirdre said it worked," Elisabeth explained. "Everything is back to normal. If such a thing exists with us. Shhh. Everything is going to be okay."