Beautiful Nightmare

by Stotz, Chrystie Q.

  The perfect guy for you, your match, will be much taller than you. So much taller that you would need to look up into his eyes. He’ll have a face that almost looks like it is chiseled out of stone, it’s so perfect. He’ll have a lean body, not too skinny, not too muscled. He’ll have shaggy dark hair that sometimes hangs into his beautiful, deeply purple eyes. But besides his looks, he’s smart and has a kind loving heart. He’s not friends with or loves someone for what he can get out of them. He loves them for who they are. He’s respectful of others boundaries, which as you know is something I greatly value in a person. I see him for you Trystie, but you know what the best part of him is? He will love you so unconditionally, that nothing else in the world will matter once you two are together. I want that for you so much. Please don’t let him get away, Trystie.

  My response at the time was always the same, I would roll my eyes saying ‘yeah, yeah’, and continue thinking about whatever guy caught my eye at the time. Looking back at it now, all I could do was plaster an eloquent look on my face. “She saw you.” I finally continued. When she told me all those times that she saw who I was to be with, I thought she had meant the type of guy she wanted me with. Never in my wildness imagination did I truly believe she had actually seen him.

  He didn’t ask what I meant or for any details, but his expression gave me the idea that he knew exactly what my mom had predestined. “I’m sure I would have loved them, too.”

  After that he dropped the subject. He didn’t ask me any more questions about my parents, though I could tell me wanted to know more. I decided once I could formulate a complete sentence about them without crying, I would tell him everything he could want to know. But until then Kamdyn would wait. Just like my mother told me, he wouldn’t cross that boundary line. I spun around in his arms again, leaning my back up against his chest and resting my head back. I felt the weight of his head as he placed his cheek against my hair. We stayed that way, in silence, until we heard the bell ring.

  Chapter Ten

  Winter came on real fast this year, or so I was told. The ground was covered with a blanket of white since mid-November, and it hasn’t left since. There was a significant drop in temperature just a few days after that sunny afternoon at lunch when Kamdyn and I sat outside. It seems like so long ago, that the sun was warm and you could step foot outside without a winter coat and gloves. It was a good thing I had Kamdyn. When he was around, I didn’t seem to feel much of the cold. If he was touching me in any way, the electricity between us seemed to course through my body, heating every cold cell inside me. It was just too simple being with him. He satisfied every need I had. If I was cold, he warmed me. If I was lonely, he would appear. Even if I was just thinking about him, I would, in some way, hear him. The thing was, I never actually had to ask for anything. I had never experienced a thing like this before.

  Things with Jayson starting picking up, since they had so recently took a nose dive when Jayson decided it would be a good idea to let me know how he felt. We went on being exactly what we were before our “walk in the woods”, which is to the say the least that nothing was really resolved. It was more like, ignored. I simply pretended I didn’t know any better and he pretended he had never said a word. I didn’t know if his silence was more for my benefit or his. Either way, I wasn’t about to ask.

  I could tell it took a big part of him to go back to acting the way he used to. It was like he had opened a dam and was just now trying to close the gates. It wasn’t working, but I appreciated his resolve.

  The problem was, as much as I knew Jayson was trying to make things not weird, they were. I never told Kamdyn what Jayson told me in the woods that day. I just didn’t think he needed to know. I had a weird feeling it would somehow hurt him more to know that. Kamdyn knew enough about Jayson’s feelings for me. He just didn’t need to know how deep they were. It was something I questioned everyday. I was more or less hoping it was just a phase he would out grow when he found someone else.

  One thing that definitely hurt me was watching when Jayson made it a point to disappear when Kamdyn and I were in the same room together; at school, parties, even at my house. Jayson still came over all the time, but when Kamdyn would stop by, Jayson would, all of a sudden, have something he needed to go do. After a little while, Kamdyn couldn’t help but notice. He told me he understood, but there was not mistaking the hurt in his eyes that his best friend was avoiding him. But it wasn’t him, it was us.

  Sometimes it made me feel like I should just leave and move away, letting everything here go back to normal. But running isn’t really my thing. At least I try not to.

  I knew then I needed to talk to Jayson. But it wasn’t something I was looking forward to.

  One of my many other dilemmas was Samantha. She came back to school a week after I did, from her suspension, and obviously learned nothing. The day she came back, in a real show of her airheadedness, she though she could intimidate me by doing what? She attacked me. Again. And this time in front of the principle. She ended up with a week of in-school suspension and was told she would be expelled if she didn’t stay away from me. All this did was get her to find more interesting ways and conniving ways, outside of school, to make were “warning” known. Many friends from school tried to talk to her. Even as he said he would, Kamdyn went to see her in her. But instead of at home his visit was during her in-school suspension. He did that hoping to squash her attempt to put a spin on his visit, and God knew she would too. Still, even that didn’t stop the rumors she continued to push through the halls. And they were bad. I could only imagine the things she could have come up with if he had gone to see her at home. The only thing he did manage to get out of her during the visit was her repeated statement of, ‘I won’t stop until I make you see just what you gave this up for’. He told me he tried to explain to her that things were not going to go back to the way they were. They would never be together again, but she wouldn’t hear it. I guess there was no way to pierce that stubborn blonde head of hers.

  I had to hand it to her though, she was creative. She did everything she could to make my life miserable. All the little tricks she managed to pull off I could never prove she did. But I knew it was her. Who the hell else would it be? One of my favorites was when my purse went missing, from Kamdyn’s car. We looked everywhere for it, but we didn’t find it anywhere. Two days later, it mysteriously reappeared in his car. We tried used the guise that maybe it was just shoved under the seat and we overlooked it, but I knew better. A week later I got a call about a odd charge on my account. Eleven hundred dollars at Louis Vuitton?

  The same things started happening at school also. Things in my locker would go missing, my backpack, my jacket, some days my school books or binders and, of course, any project that she found. Everything always returned a few days later. I just learned not to leave anything important in my locker.

  She finally learned to leave my locker alone when I started taping up pictures and notes from Kamdyn inside. Apparently, that was something she wouldn’t stand to see.

  Even though Becky and Lauren were at some point friends –or at least friendly- with Samantha, during this whole feud, we seemed to get a lot closer. They both tried talking to Samantha, getting her to stop being ridiculous. But again she wouldn’t listen. It was around that time that both Becky and Lauren stopped talking to her altogether. I always liked Lauren and felt close to her from the start. It was Becky that I wasn’t close to right away. I never had any problems with her, I rather enjoyed her out going personality. As brutal as it was sometimes, it was refreshing to hear someone speak exactly what was on their mind when the moment strikes. After the whole misunderstanding that led to Samantha and me fighting, Becky and I started getting much closer. I found for the first time in a while, I had a group of friends I could really rely on.

  Finally, the holidays were here and we could get a break from school. A much needed break. I was working on my Algebra midterm, my last exam before Christmas break, when I felt s
omething hit my arm. There was a crumpled up piece of paper lying on top of my scratch paper. I risked a glance behind me and saw Kamdyn nod at the note impatiently. I reached over, grabbing my scratch papers and the note pretending I was working out a problem.

  I’m just about finished. When you’re done, meet me in the hall before you leave.

  K.

  Without turning around, I nodded my head and continued working. Only a couple minutes later, I heard him get up from his seat and hand in his test. His gaze locked with mine as he walked out the door. I didn’t take much longer to finish. I was pretty good in Algrebra, it was one of the exams I was least worried about. I grabbed my stuff, throwing everything in my bag and headed toward to teacher. I dropped off my exam and nearly ran for the door. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as the space broadened between me and the teacher’s desk. Exams were over and I had nothing to think about for almost two weeks. Finally life would be stress free.

  Yeah, right. My life was way too complicated for that.

  Kamdyn was waiting for me on the other side of the door, looking sort of impatient.

  “Took you long enough.”

  “Sorry?”

  “You were on the last question when I walked by, what were you doing?”

  “I had to check everything over before I handed it in, sorry. Didn’t realize I was being timed.”

  “You are such a nerd,” he said as he swung his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground. He started carrying me toward the doors, when I wiggled myself out of his arms to touch the ground. He gave me a thwarted look as he pushed open the doors toward the parking lot.

  Kamdyn was bringing me home today after exams. We both knew it wasn’t going to be a long exam for us and we ended up getting out over an hour earlier than everyone else. Jayson was stuck in a Spanish exam for last period, so I knew he wasn’t getting out any time soon. It felt good to walk away from the school today feeling relieved and light. I had nothing to worry about -for a while at least- and it felt so good.

  It was still really early, about ten in the morning, and now we both had the whole day open, vacation had officially started. We decided, as we walked to his car, that we should go out for an early lunch today. Before more snow hit. I had never seen so much white in my life. It was kind of dizzying. I couldn’t even imagine driving in it. Nor did I want to.

  It was probably not a good idea to go too far from town today. With more snow on the way, and all the steep and winding hills to maneuver through, snow isn’t exactly your best friend here. Usually Kamdyn wasn’t so sensitive about driving in it, he was more than comfortable behind the wheel in a snow storm. But for some reason, if I was going to be in the car, he didn’t want to drive anywhere. So we ended up at a local hot spot for lunch, a family owned hot dog stand. It was my favorite place to eat. Being a small family place, there was no where to sit that wasn’t outside. We went to the window and ordered. Kamdyn always insisted on paying for everything, I have very little opportunities to pay for much.

  Once our order was up, we bundled the food up quickly, trapping all the heat inside, ran to the car and headed toward my house to eat. Kamdyn felt more comfortable at my house, especially with the snow. Later he would have no reason to rush me home; escaping whatever storm was on the way.

  It seemed the majority of the time we spent together was at my house. We hardly ever went to his and when we did, we never stayed very long. He always found some excuse to leave. I didn’t even try to go over there often anymore. I used to try. His house is so big and comfortable, and his parents never seemed to be home. We didn’t need the privacy but it was good to have.

  When we got to my house, we plopped down in the living room, in front of the TV, and ate while I made him watch Charmed reruns. It didn’t take us long to eat, the food was good and we both seemed to be starving.

  Kamdyn shoveled in his last bite of fries and fell back onto the couch. Looking over at me he asked, “So, what are your plans for Christmas?”

  Christmas was about five days away. It felt more like Christmas here than it had any other time in my life. Palm trees and beaches don’t exactly spell out Christmas cheer. I was so excited about having an actual cold Christmas –even though I hate the cold- that I forgot how fast it was actually approaching. I knew exactly what was planned for Christmas. I’ve been looking forward to it all month, so Justin and Kimber planned a big dinner Christmas eve, with their parents and siblings coming over. But the day of was set aside for us and for presents. “Justin and Kimber are having a party here Christmas eve, with their families coming. The next morning is breakfast and presents, that’s it.”

  “Good, just what I was hoping for. I wanted to ask you to come over to my house, for dinner with my family. Christmas night. If you would. Would you?”

  I couldn’t help but grin at the way he asked, like I would maybe shoot him down, tell him no. Why would he think that? “I have to run it by Kimber and Justin first, but other than that, I would love to.”

  His response was nothing if it wasn’t ecstatic.

  I was exhausted the next morning. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. Kamdyn didn’t escape my mind for a second. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his perfect face, his lean body, the definition of his muscles as they moved under his fitted shirts, his beautiful eyes I could do nothing but get lost in. But as my mind thought about his perfection, as I lay half way between wake and sleep, other things about him surfaced to my immediate attention. Things I had noticed, but pushed aside. Sometimes, when I am wrapped tightly in something mentally –or physically-, I tend to be a little oblivious.

  But he had lived around these people his entire life, no one lese seemed to notice. And if they did, no one said anything.

  Besides his obvious flawlessness, I couldn’t help but pick out things, inhuman things, that he had either said or had done around me. The first act that was way more than normal was this electricity between us. Not just something you think you feel for someone but a literal electric current that passes between us. A tingling that travels through my skin where ever his flesh touches mine. And how is it he can see so well in the dark. Even when no one else can see an inch in front of their faces, Kamdyn seems to see just fine. Like the night we walked the trail to the hidden lake. He led me down the bumpy, winding path with no troubles, holding my hand and guiding me. And the night of the pool party…ugh!

  Kamdyn is also strong. Really strong. I’m not exactly heavy, but he picks me up and flings me around like I weigh nothing. Literally nothing. I understand, most guys his size could pick me up with ease, but he picks me up and carries me like I am no more than a small child and never seems to get tired. Every time he lifts me up into his arms and doesn’t show any sign of needing to put me down, I always feel at that moment that I weigh a thousand pounds and feel guilty for him holding me up. Not that I mind being held against him. I have also noticed, recently, that there is this glow I see in him, all over his skin. I didn’t always see it. Only within the last few weeks, since our conversation outside the school at lunch. But this glow isn’t like a happiness glow, like a glow from a pregnant woman. It’s a literal glow. His skin actually brightens when I see him once it is dark enough out. Like I can see the electricity surging under his skin before he touches me.

  All of these aspects of his being reentered my mind, over and over. I thought about all the moments in the past that I had over looked. It didn’t matter what the real reason behind these strange occurrences was. That was what kept me up. I knew it was something that should have, frankly, freaked me the hell out. But it didn’t. It was exciting, really exciting. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t think of anything else but him and those intriguing aspects that I just couldn’t explain. It only made his absence more painful. As much as I wanted to make sense of the ramblings in my head, I wouldn’t and couldn’t say anything to him. If there really was some sense in my madness, he would be the one to come forward with it.

  It felt
like by the time I finally fell asleep, the sun was coming up. I couldn’t seem to shut my mind off long enough to get any rest, but something about the sunrise calmed me and helped my mind settle.

  I woke up to the sound of loud conversation downstairs. I heard three people, all talking loudly, banging pans around. So, obviously, in the kitchen. The smell of bacon suddenly swirled around my room and I took in a deep whiff. Looking at the clock, I had only really slept for four hours. I was so not ready to get up yet. But I loved when Justin and Kimber made a big breakfast. Quickly weighing my pros and cons, nice comfy, warm bed which provides sleep or really, really good mind blowing breakfast… Hmmm. So my stomach had officially taken the run of things and I jumped out of bed.

  Since I knew we had company, and by the laugh, I knew it was Jayson, I decided not to go downstairs with the just-rolled-out-of-bed look. So I got up, washed my face, fixed my hair, and by fixed I mean finger comb and throw back up in a very messy ponytail, and threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt. Once I was satisfied, I strolled down to the kitchen to eat the food I knew was waiting for me.

  “Good morning, sunshine.” Justin said as he saw me turn the corner from the stairs.

  “Good morning… everyone.” I responded as I gave Jayson a confused look.

  What is he doing here anyway?

  I sat down at the table, across from him, with my full plate and started to eat. Just as I sat, my stomach rumbled, loudly, and I realized I definitely made the right choice. Starving. Before I knew it, my plate was empty. I shoved the plate away and sat back. Looking up I noticed that Jayson had just finished too, and was looking at me, waiting. Something is up.

  I grabbed my plate and his, and brought them up, putting them in the dishwasher. I thanked Justin and Kimber for their awesome breakfast –which I wished I remembered tasting- and grabbed Jayson’s hand and started towing him to my room. “We’ll be upstairs if you need us.” I threw over my shoulder as we turned to corner heading for the stairs.