Beautiful Nightmare

by Stotz, Chrystie Q.

  I reached his door and I paused again before reaching for the handle. I was almost afraid to touch it. I shook my head, feeling ridiculous, and pushed the door open. A light glow was exposed in the room; I saw it before I saw anything else.

  “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get up here.” The smile I saw on his face made my breath hitch.

  “But, how did you even know…”

  He tapped his head and his smile widened. “You were projecting.”

  As I walked toward him, reaching for his outstretched hand, I noticed the glow wasn’t from a light, but from Kamdyn himself. He was glowing!

  I was almost too nervous to take his hand. It sat out in front of me, open and waiting, but all I could do was stare at it. I eventually looked up, still without grasping his hand. “Kamdyn?” I didn’t need to voice my question out loud.

  He smiled down at me, a crooked smile appearing on his beautiful face. Still holding his hand out to me, he responded. “Trystie, take a look at yourself.”

  My eyes dropped from his to look down at my own hands. I slowly lifted them from my side and turning them over and over. I was standing here in Kamdyn’s dark room and I was glowing.

  I looked back up at him in utter amazement. I must have been in shock because I wasn’t full of fear and panic. I finally reached out to him, now a little more willing to touch his glowing skin. I felt that wonderfully electric current course through me in waves as his hand clasped mine and he pulled me over to sit next to him on his bed.

  “I…”

  “I know… I told you, you were projecting. I heard you say everything as you walked down my driveway. Everything you wanted to say to me, to ask me.”

  I could respond. If he knew everything, what did I have left to ask? Well everything. He knew what I wanted, but I didn’t get the answers yet. But where do I begin?

  “Why didn’t you come to school today?”

  He let out a small breath, knowing now that he could no longer keep the answers from me for the questions I had been dying to ask. “I did,” he finally answered.

  “But, I waited for you.”

  “I know, I’m sorry I had to do that.” He dropped my hand then and looked away, after a second he turned back, taking both my hands in his. I closed my eyes as an even more powerful pulsing passed from his hands to mine. “I saw you, early this morning. I passed by your class and you were watching a movie. The lights were out and I could see…” He turned his eyes downward and swept them over me, up and down. “I knew I needed to explain things then. I had tried to keep it from you as long as I could, until I completely understood myself, but I can’t hold off anymore. Not with you like this.” He stopped again, taking deep puffs of air. I waited in twitchy anticipation for him to continue. “I knew when I saw you that you would see me, like this. That I could no longer hide it completely from you. If you saw me like this in school, especially in the dark room… I just didn’t think it was the best place.”

  I watched as different emotions passed over his features; frustration, confusion, regret, joy. He was reluctant to say what he was going to say, but knew he needed to. I didn’t want to say anything, didn’t want something to cut him short or change his mind. I needed to know and I had waited patiently for the answers to my hundreds of harassing questions. I took a deep breath and gripped his hands tighter, reassuring him. The final emotion rested in his eyes as he looked into mine and I saw he was scared. Then he began again.

  “I always knew that I was different from everyone else and I learned, when I was very young, to keep my differences hidden from everyone. I just knew it wasn’t a good thing, to have people know the things that I could do. As I got older, I let little things slip here and there, just to see if people would notice. No one ever did.” He stopped again and smiled, his eyes went vacant for a second and I knew he was thinking back on things he had gotten away with. Just seeing that smile made me smile, until his eyes focused again and the scared expression replaced his reminiscent smirk. “I am not… human, Trystie.”

  That caught me a little of guard but I continued to look at him, waiting for him to continue but he didn’t. I didn’t flinch or squirm, just sat anticipating his words.

  But he didn’t continue. His eyebrows had drawn in and his eyes were filled with fear and sadness. His gaze finally left mine and he started to pull away. I pulled back hard, unwilling to let him leave. He was not going to begin, finally start telling me what I have been longing to hear and then stop just when he had scratched the surface.

  “Where are you going?” I asked while trying to pull him back to me.

  “You’re in shock or something. You didn’t even react when I said that, like you didn’t even hear me.” He continued to try and pull away and through all my efforts, he broke free and walked over into a dark corner, his back toward me. The glow covering his body flickered slightly and slowly dimmed down to nothing.

  I watched him as he stood facing away from me, and now I was scared. Scared that he would now leave me. He had never pulled away from me like that before and he didn’t seem to want to listen. I pulled my legs up to my chest and stared in his direction, confused and thinking about what he had already said, when I mentally slapped myself.

  Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing?

  Creeping slowly off the bed, I walked silently over to where he stood. I reached out and grabbing his waist, I spun him around. When he wouldn’t meet my eyes, I pulled his face down. The ping of our skin touching sent shivers up my arms and down my spine. I searched his eyes for some other emotion besides pain, but I couldn’t find it. I pulled his face closer to mine, our noses almost touching. I felt his body tense, he was going to pull away from me again. Before he got the chance, I moved a hand behind his head and put my lips to his.

  Electricity exploded over my lips as his mouth willingly moved against mine, but only for a second before he pulled away again.

  “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m not human!” he screamed, as if he said it louder I might understand better.

  “I know that already, Kamdyn. I’ve known, or at least had my suspicions, for a long time. So stop telling me what you aren’t, and tell me what you are!”

  “You knew. You knew! For how long?”

  “Does it really matter how long, Kamdyn? Really? I knew you were different, I just didn’t know how different.”

  He looked away for a minute, ashamed. “I know. I was so sloppy around you. I was never like that before, but when you were around I wasn’t ever thinking straight. I never thought about things before I did them, I just did them. And you never said anything, so I thought you just didn’t notice.”

  I started laughing, I couldn’t help it and he looked down at me. I could read in his eyes the hurt. “You thought I didn’t notice? How the hell could I not notice? You glow, Kamdyn. How could I miss that? And the other things you do, well you know what you do. But when you skin touches mine…I have no clue what that is, but I know it isn’t something that occurs between two humans. So… tell me. What are you? Because I just can’t figure it out myself. And how did you make the glow go away? I feel like a broken lightbulb.” He continued to look down at me, shock frozen all over his face. Just when I thought I lost all hope. He started to laugh. That was definitely a step up from scared.

  He bent down to look at me directly on my level and said, “I am Fae,” than stayed very still, waiting for my response.

  “As in… Fae folk? A faery?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you elaborate a little?”

  “I am a being who possesses magical properties. I am an immortal being, Trystie.”

  I took a moment to let sink in exactly what he was telling me, it wasn’t easy to believe that the person who you loved was something other than human. You can have your suspicions, but when they are confirmed as true, what other immediate emotion do you have besides astonishment. But when I didn’t say anything, he dropped my hands, which I hadn’t realized he
was holding, and walked away again. “You can leave whenever you want. I won’t be mad, and I understand if you don’t want to talk to me again.”

  I ran over to him again. This time, I didn’t force him around, I just walked right around him and stood directly in his face. “That’s it? You’re going to tell me that and then just drop me like I don’t matter? Did you not hear what I told you before?” I asked grabbing his face again, forcing him to look at me, to look into my eyes so he could understand. “You don’t have to push me away because you’re afraid I’m going to leave. I am not going any where. I am not afraid of you or what you are. I told you before, I knew you were something different. If I was going to run away screaming, I would have done it a long time ago.”

  “You don’t want to leave?” he finally asked, looking down into my eyes.

  “Kamdyn, why would you think that I would want to?”

  “I don’t know I guess…” But his words were cut short.

  But I didn’t care what his reasons were. I didn’t care about anything but him. And the second those feelings floated to the surface, I knew that Kamdyn could hear them. A flash of some emotion I had never seen before sparked in his eyes and coursed over his entire body and before I could even see him moving, he had pulled me against him for the most passionate kiss we had ever shared.

  I’m not entirely sure how, but we managed to get to the bed from the opposite corner. Still entwined around each other, we fell gracefully over the side and landed on his thick comforter, where he unexpectedly pulled away.

  I opened my eyes confused, to look up into his deeply purple, glowing eyes, full of longing.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked ready to reach up and pull him back to me.

  “Nothing at all, why?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, while he smiled at me. “Why then?”

  “Why then, what?” he asked tilting up an eyebrow.

  Damn it Kamdyn! I projected.

  He flinched, a small movement but I caught in none the less, than his smile returned, bigger than ever. “I was just enjoying the way you felt, about me.”

  “Don’t invade my mind, Kamdyn. You want to know something, just ask.”

  “I don’t invade. You invite me. I can’t read you like I read others.” He nipped lightly at my chin than pulled back again. “You may not know it, but I only hear what you want me to. It could come in handy, you know.” He said as his hand started to travel down my jaw line, to my neck and continued further, to rest at the top of my jeans. I shivered as his fingers moved over me and finally broke his gaze to close my eyes.

  “For instance, I know that you wanted me to do that, even before you did.” He said smiling. Slowly, keeping his fingers moving over my lower stomach, he brought his lips close to mine, but he didn’t touch them. He whispered, “And I know what you want me to do next.” As he leaned over to the side and kissed just below my ear.

  My hands came up around his waist, finding the ends of his shirt and sliding up. Feeling his muscles tighten and move under my fingers, as he pulls his lips away from my throat to laugh. The heat of his breath grazing over my skin.

  I didn’t even get to complain when he pulled away, or when he laughed because before I got the chance to formulate the words, before I even knew what I wanted, he had sat up, removed his shirt and fell back down, still laughing.

  He was so beautiful he was like a drug. It would be really easy to become addicted to him. With that thought in mind I quickly build a cement all surrounding my mind, carefully placing brick by brick in place, trying with all my might to lock away all my thoughts. I felt rather than saw him smile.

  I pulled back and moved to the side. Looking up at him, taking everything in. Everything.

  “Kamdyn? Explain why I am glowing?”

  He smiled, another one of those heart stopping smiles. One that blinded every other feature of his face, except his eyes, which sparkled with happiness. As abruptly as it appeared it turned into a frown that never belong on his face, and said, “Took you a little longer than I thought.” His gaze flicked away in discomfort. “But I don’t know if you will… like the reason. I’m not entirely sure myself, but technically your “glow” is a response to strong emotion.”

  I took a deep breath and looked at him carefully, I didn’t need to say a word before he answered.

  “All right, all right.” He moved himself over a little and took my left hand in his, fingering the ring as he spoke. “Have you ever taken this ring off?”

  I looked at him completely confused. What did that have to do with it? “You know I haven’t. Why?”

  “I told you this ring was from my mother, my real mother.” He stopped again, and looked at me with an expression that asked me if I was really ready to hear it. “My mother is Fae, too. The ring was created by my kind, therefore is infused with Fae magic. I don’t know exactly why I was left with this ring in my possession, not yet anyway, but it seems like a process has begun.”

  “What process?”

  “You are changing, turning into, well, turning into what I am. I think.” He stopped again and looked at me, waiting for a response.

  Some kind of fear ran through me. A shudder of terror. What does this mean? What else about my life will change? Will I have to leave everyone I care about again? My mind became a tornado of questions. And I knew, again, just as fast as my mind formed these questions, Kamdyn knew I had thought them. But this time he didn’t try to hide, didn’t drop his gaze from mine, didn’t flinch at my sudden emotion or at my floating questions, regardless if they were silent or not. He continued to hold my eyes and for the first time since I got here, seemed really strong and confident.

  “Nothing needs to change, if you don’t want it to. You can stay here, with me or not, you don’t need to leave anyone and the only thing that will really change is you, physically. You will develop abilities, like mine. But I told you, I don’t know everything yet. I haven’t known what I am for very long either, so most of the details, and unfortunately the important stuff, I’m a little fuzzy on.”

  I still hadn’t managed a response. He reached out and took both my hands in his. “All in that first touch, so much flashed before my eyes. My past, my future; it took me weeks to sort it all and figure out what it means.” He looked down at the ground now. “I’m sorry.”

  I pulled my hand from his and touched his face, cupping my hand around his cheek, bringing his beautiful eyes back to me. “Don’t be sorry, Kamdyn. Please.”

  “You don’t understand. I don’t know all that much about what I actually am, but I do know that…” He stopped and a strange expression overcame his face. “I. Am. Immortal.” He pronounced each word separately as if that would make it easier for me to understand.

  For some reason, after all this new information, this surprised me the least. Almost like I knew it was coming and I expected it.

  I had no immediate response to his I am immortal announcement.

  “Trystie, I am everlasting. I will not die, unless someone kills me, and there is very little that can kill us. That means…” He paused again and pain filled his features. “That means I have just condemned you to eternity.”

  Sudden realization flashed in my mind. An eternity of life. I wouldn’t be…mortal. Every thing around me would die, while I live. I couldn’t help but think of a time when I wished I had this; I wished my parents had this, than maybe they would still be here.

  My train of thought continued from my parents and the hole in my heart that was created in their absence. But that hole has been filled…here. No one could ever replace them and I would forever wish they were still here with me, but the aching pain I felt when I came here had slowly disappeared…

  …when Kamdyn’s love began to fill it.

  Kamdyn still had not looked at me, he had turned away, unable to watch my reaction. And obviously hadn’t been following my thoughts either, because when I pulled his attention back to me, he still looked grim.

  I crac
ked a small smile when his amethyst gaze met mine and let the expression on my face be everything he thought wouldn’t be there.

  “You don’t look too upset for being condemned to forever.”

  “Kamdyn, as long as I have you, eternally, I think I could bare it.”

  The shadow that overcast his features was slowly brushed away and he kissed me again, this time, full of undying love.

  While he held me in his arms, I felt my finger begin to tingle, than burn. We tore away from each other. I let out a quick gasp in pain just before the flare of quick heat morphed to a light tickling feeling. When I could my breath, I looked down between us. There was a single red tulip splayed innocently at our feet.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kamdyn left me at my door, with the promise to think about what all this actually means. Although I felt that there was nothing for me to really think about, I still had a chance –I guess a very, very small one- that if I turned my back now, and walked away, that this didn’t have to be my fate. But in giving this up, I would also be giving up Kamdyn. There were many things that I didn’t know about what I would become and what he already was, but something in my mind told me, even though it is something I probably should care about, something that would change everything about my life as I know it, that I would be fine and that this would be the best choice for me, the right choice. But I did promise to think about it, and I would.

  Before I left I had asked him what he wanted, if he wanted to tolerate me around for eternity, but he refused to give me even a hint of preference. All he would say was, ‘No, I want you to make your own decisions about this, based on what you want, not what anyone else wants.’ And that was all I could get. Even looking into his face, where in some way his expression would usually give way to a feeling, there was nothing.