Beautiful Nightmare

by Stotz, Chrystie Q.

  After dinner with Kimber and Justin, I spent the rest of the evening in my room. I caught up on past homework assignments, cleaned my room and even had time to watch some TV. Oddly enough, as tired as I was this morning, even for the last couple of months, I wasn’t tired now.

  It was strange.

  The more I thought about it, I was actually in a great mood and wide awake, like I drank ten cups of coffee.

  I felt alive.

  As the show I was watching ended, I looked toward my clock and realized it was late, after eleven o’clock and my normal everyday guests never showed. Confused, I hopped out of my bed and skipped downstairs. Kimber and Justin were still hanging around watching TV in the living room when I came around the corner.

  “Hey. Did anyone come by the house for me today?” I asked while adjusting the sloppy ponytail on my head.

  “Yes, your friend Halo came by sometime after dinner. We told him you fell asleep. He seemed disappointed but agreed it was best to let you rest. He said to give him a call if you got up soon. So…” Justin said, turning to Kimber in agreement, with a silence is-there-anything-I-missed look.

  “Okay,” I said with a shrug. “Thanks, nite.” I turned and made my way back up to my room.

  As I jumped back onto my bed, I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Halo apologizing for not being awake when he came by and promised to make it up to him. Not even a minute after I put the phone down, I got a reply. Halo, telling me not to worry about it. That I needed some rest and that he will definitely hold me to my promise.

  I laughed as I placed my phone on the charger for the night. As I reached over, the little light caught the ring Kamdyn had given me, flashing green and black glittering across my face. I lay back on my bed against my mound of pillows and held my hand out in front of me, staring at my present. It reminded me not just of Kamdyn but also of what I was possibly becoming, of all I have to learn. I knew what I wanted to do, but I owed it to Kamdyn, and myself, to come at this possible change from all angles. But before I could do any of that, I needed to know more. You can’t make a decision when you don’t have all the facts.

  And who in their right mind would make such a permanent decision without thinking it completely through?

  Not me!

  I shut off the TV and remaining lights and crawled into bed. For the first time in a while, I went to bed not exhausted and not hating what my life had become. For the first time in god knows how long, my last thought before I fell asleep was, hopeful.

  I came bounding out the front door the next morning, coffee in hand and backpack over shoulder when Jayson beeped the horn. I opened his truck and threw my bag, grabbing the “oh-shit-handle” and hauled/jumped in the seat with a big smile.

  “Mornin’!” I said as I inserted my coffee in the cup holder and put on my seat belt.

  “Wow. You came out on the first honk, and, might I say, you look great today. Looks like you finally slept well. What did I miss?” he asked with a dance of his eyebrows.

  “Thanks,” I said reaching for my coffee again. “And nothing happened. With anyone. I just got a good night sleep.”

  “With who, is my question. I certainly didn’t get a call.”

  “Well, the next time I need a good nights sleep, that can’t be achieved alone, I’ll make sure I give you a call, okay?”

  “Damn straight,” he said with his usual teasing grin. “So, since you’re in such a good mood this morning, you think I could get a good morning kiss?”

  “Trying to take advantage of my good mood, huh?”

  “Hey, I gotta take what I can get.”

  I considered him for a minute and slowly watched his confident and hopeful smile begin to fade. It was seriously heartbreaking. I reached forward and put my coffee in the holder, again and slowly, without looking away from his eyes, unbuckled my seat belt. As the seat belt clanged against the door panel before return tightly against the panel, a confused expression came across Jayson’s face and an eyebrow cocked up.

  I felt a devious grin spread across my lips as I inched toward him in his seat.

  “What are you going?” he asked.

  I put one arm around the back of his neck and the other along the side of his face. Both his eyebrows shot up again in surprise.

  “Giving you what you wanted.” I whispered close to his face. Than I leaned in and at the last second twisted to the side and kissed him hard on the cheek. “Good Morning,” I whispered in his ear before I returned to my seat and strapped back in. “Now let’s get going before we’re late, again.”

  Jayson finally shook it off and turned in his seat and setting the truck into gear. “Tease,” he said as he eased his way out of the driveway. “But I’ll get you later.”

  All I could do was laugh in response. But once I could breathe again, the thought hit. There was no doubt in my mind that he would get me back. Shit.

  We eased into a mostly empty parking lot and hurried from the truck to the doors to get out of the cold. I, unfortunately, wasn’t thinking about the weather when I put on my tight jean skirt and thin long sleeve shirt this morning. As I ran to the school doors in the cold, I realized my mistake. I recognized my next mistake while running up the stairs, in front of Jayson, for my locker.

  “Oh God,” I heard from just behind me. “Are you wearing anything under that skirt? I am so going to enjoy getting my revenge later.”

  “Ha Ha, you’re so funny,” I spat over my shoulder, rounding a corner and continuing up the next flight.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” he said as we reached the top of the stairwell and pushed open the door into the deserted hallway.

  “And what question would that be?” I asked half paying attention.

  “If you are wearing anything under that skirt. Unless you would like me to check for myself.” He reached an arm around my lower back.

  “You’re welcome to try,” I teased, flashing him a quick smile and getting a flash of his surprised expression before I took off down the hallway. “But you have to catch me first.” I yelled over my shoulder.

  I’m not sure what I was thinking exactly, thinking I could outrun Jayson down the hallway and what… get somewhere safe? Where he couldn’t get me? I didn’t really have that many options. And just as I finished working out my mistake in my head I was picked up and whirled into a dark, empty room and put down, trapped between a wall and Jayson.

  I looked up and could barely see him in the dark room with weak morning light sneaking in around the lowered blinds. He put one arm up on either side of me, giving me no escape.

  “You shouldn’t do that,” he said so close to my face I could feel his warm breathe in my hair. “You shouldn’t offer something you don’t intend to follow through on.”

  And you should learn not to challenge me, I won’t back down.

  “I said you could try, if you caught me first. So try.” I said, inpatients apparent in my voice. I was trying as hard as I could not to cross my arms and tap my toe.

  Still leaning into me, his arms dropped from enclosing me against the wall, sliding them down my sides and over my hips to the ends of my skirt. He paused there, giving me a chance to tell him off. I had honestly thought he would have back down, to my surprise, when I didn’t say anything, he slowly slipped his fingers under the hem and began trailing his fingers up my thigh. They began to trail so high, the skirt was starting bunching up in his hands and was riding up towards my waist. His finger tips flattened out and trailed toward my backside, until both palms were almost around my uncovered butt.

  Still pressed up against me, he said quietly, “I don’t feel anything.”

  “No! Could have fooled me.” I said as a nervous laugh escaped.

  My laugh seemed to ease the tension that was holding him so tightly controlled and he slipped his hands all the way around me, pulling me closer towards him.

  He laughs as a little girlish squeak escaped my lips. “Well, there is something there. Not much of a something, b
ut it is there.”

  “Yeah, well, just think about how I feel outside.” He laughed again, much harder this time, burying his face in my neck, his hands still under my skirt. “Umm, Jayson? You can stop checking now. You have officially uncovered the mystery.”

  He slowly removed his hands, dragging them over as much skin as possible before releasing me. As I righted my skirt, I heard the first hint of students filing in from the buses. I went to move away, toward the door when Jayson pushed me back up against the wall.

  “Don’t think that I just got you back for today. I have only just begun,” he said, leaning down and kissing my cheek before disappearing out the door.

  It just figures, the day I am in a really good mood all day, the day flies by. Before I knew it, I was in Photography, one of my last classes of the day. It was our first day attempting to use the dark room. I was so excited about it, not only because I got to develop and print my own pictures but that I got to actually enjoy it. But as excited as I was, it didn’t make me any better at it. It was going to be something I needed to get used to. I guess it took a sort of finesse I had yet to acquire. When the last person left me in the dark by myself, I was beginning to think I was a hopeless cause when I felt awareness trickle along my spine. I felt their gaze on my back. I turned around quickly, but saw no one. Taking a long sweep of the room and still finding no one there, I turned back to make another attempt at a test strip when I felt a hand on my waist.

  I jumped and quickly turned around to find Halo only inches from me. “You scared the hell out of me! Make some noise or something before you sneak up on me.”

  He just smiled, a quick heart melting grin. “Well than it wouldn’t be sneaking, would it?”

  “Yeah, Yeah,” I said, turning around and trying to ignore his closeness and the feel of his gaze behind me. “Did you do your test strip yet?”

  “Yes,” he said from somewhere close to my shoulder.

  “How did it come out?” I asked continuing to try and figure out what to do next.

  “Really good. Do you need help?”

  “Is that why you came in here, to see if I needed help?”

  “Partly, yes.”

  “Only partly? You come back in here to do some more work?”

  He laughed, a small closed mouth throaty laugh. I felt him take a step closer, so the front of his body was right against the back of mine, and his arms came up to rest over what I was doing. “Here, let me help you.”

  Instead of fighting him, I just let me guide me through the process of making my test strip. When it was done we walked over to the developer. Remarkably, with his help, this one came out perfect. I reached up to hang up the little strip so it would dry when the sound of Halo’s voice broke through my awe.

  “Do you want to know why I came back in here?”

  “If you want to tell me, sure? I thought you came back in to help me”

  “Yes, partly. But I also wanted to tell you how beautiful you look today.”

  “Thank you, Halo. That’s sweet. Finally a day when I feel good, you know? I’ve felt like shit lately. Today, I feel wonderful.”

  “I can tell.” He took a step closer and I could feel his body heat, he was so close.

  I took a step back and found myself flat against the farthest wall from the exit. He took another step, closing any distance that we had between us. I was stuck, with no where to go when his head lowered toward mine. His lips were just a whisper over mine. “Halo, what are you doing?”

  He didn’t pull back, he stayed right where he was to answer. “Trying to do what I have wanted to do since I met you.” And before I got the chance to protest any further, he pressed those beautifully kissable lips to mine.

  I didn’t kiss him back. I couldn’t allow myself. I sat there and waited for him to pull away, but he didn’t and it didn’t look like he would until he got what he wanted as he pushed me harder against the wall, his arms resting on my hips.

  It sounds weird, but the feel of his kiss felt so familiar, like I had kissed him a million times before. I moved my mouth slightly, trying to get air, but it seemed like he took my movement as encouragement, forcing my lips apart with his.

  Finally, I was able to shove at his chest. He pulled back enough, barely and for only a second.

  “Halo, stop.” But he wouldn’t, so I pulled away as far as the wall would allow and slapped him across the face.

  The slap seemed to do little more than get his attention, as a small smile twitched at his lips.

  “Why? I could feel that you don’t want me to.”

  “Halo, you know I have a boyfriend and I thought… what about you and Samantha?”

  “I told you I don’t care about Samantha. And I definitely don’t care about Kamdyn. Trystie, I can feel how you react to me and I know you don’t want me to stop.”

  Okay, is there a way for me to win this argument? “Okay, Halo. You win, okay. But the bell is going to ring soon…”

  “The bell already rang.” He began to lean down again.

  I shoved at him hard. “What! When?”

  “It rang when I first came in.”

  “Damn it, Halo! I have a class right now. I’m late. Kamdyn is going to be looking for me.”

  “Good, let him find us,” He scooped his arms around me, pulling me closer again. “It will be easier to explain if he sees us.”

  “There’s nothing to explain Halo. Let me go. I have to go.” He laughed again and loosed his grip to let me slide to the ground. I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran out through the round and round door. Halo swiftly followed behind. Just to add to my unease, there was a new class that started in the room and every one of them turned and watched as we walked out.

  Great.

  Halo followed me all the way to my Algebra, begging my attention the whole way. By the time I reached the classroom door, still ignoring Halo, he grabbed my arm and turned me toward him.

  “Listen Trystie, we are really good together. We are meant to be together. I know you like being with me. You can’t hide it from me. I see it in your face every night.” He glanced around me toward the door than back again. “We can finish this conversation later.” He leaned down, quickly kissed my cheek and took off down the hall before I could say a word.

  Some nerve!

  I walked into the class, obviously really late, explained to my teacher about the dark room, explaining no one came to get me when the bell rang and took my seat next to Kamdyn. He gave me a confused and somewhat worried look and I replied by putting my hand on his leg and opening my notebook to catch up on the missed notes.

  Confused by my encounter with Halo, I was lost in a fog of my thoughts the whole ride home, and completely stressed out. It wasn’t until we pulled into my driveway that I realized the day was over and I could now relax.

  Jayson followed me inside the house and up to my room, like usual. I didn’t even question his presence. In fact, he was a huge comfort. When we got up to my room, I threw down my bag and flung off my jacket and fell onto my bed, letting out a big exhausting breath.

  “You should probably think about what you’re wearing and who is around before you decide to do something like that again. Not that I’m complaining.”

  I lifted my head and looked across the room at Jayson, who was leaning against the door with his arms crossed and a big smile on his face. I raised up further, looking down at myself. My shirt was slightly raised, nothing big. But my skirt was almost completely up to my hips and my legs were sprawled every which way across the bed.

  I put my head back, closing my eyes and laughed. It was all I could do. Then I threw my arm over my eyes and refused to move.

  I could not for the life of me figure out how I had gotten to that point with Halo and where the hell things had gone so wrong. I had never given him any kind of hint of anything further than a friendship, he’s actually lucky I even gave him that much. How in the hell do I figure this out without telling Jayson or Kamdyn. I don’t want them invol
ved. It will only make things worse. There is nothing like a shit load of testosterone to fuel a fight.

  No, I would have to figure this out myself.

  I don’t know how long I lay there, but eventually, I felt the bed move and my skirt drag over my thighs, back into its normal position. I giggled at the motion, but definitely appreciated it, given Jayson’s earlier threat at retaliation. Jayson’s hand snaked across my bare stomach. Without opening my eyes, I placed my hand over his and took comfort in the warmth radiating from him. I slowly moved my hand from his and trailed it up his arm, feeling his muscles move as his hand reached over to pull me in against him.

  I kept my eyes closed as we lay there. He knew something was wrong, that something was bothering me, and that just holding me, being there for me was exactly what I needed.

  By the time either one of us moved again, it was starting to get dark. We heard Kimber and Justin come home from work and then leave, explaining only that they were going out and they would be home late. That left me, home alone for most the night, and needing to figure something out for dinner.

  Even though I was lying with Jayson, thinking about what happened today made me feel lonely, and knowing I would be home alone tonight only added to that fear.

  What was wrong with me? When did I become so needy?

  Jayson’s hand started to play along my stomach again, slowly drawing circles that sent shivers up my spine. It is amazing how comfortable I felt with him and how truly grateful I am for his friendship.

  “Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” he asked softly into my hair.

  “Please,” I said. “I don’t want to be alone.”

  “Okay,” he said, than he laid a kiss against my temple.

  I smiled slightly as that one touch eased some of the built up tension in my body, and I inched my body closer to him, feeling completely protected with him beside me.

  A faint noise started echoing through the house and I felt myself tense against Jayson. I knew exactly what the noise was and there was no way I was going to confront it, I didn’t think at this moment I could take it. I felt Jayson’s arms tighten around me and I snuggled in against him, breathing in his warmth with my sudden chill.