Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1)

by Gabriela Cabezut

  I knew very well that the boy waiting for me outside had a lot to do with it.

  We talked about Mom and Nathan. How I would have loved for them to meet, and that it always made me feel sad that they couldn’t. Amanda reminded me what she had said in one of our first sessions—that I was hurting because I loved my mother. We also gushed about Nathan. She laughed when I told her how giddy I felt around him.

  The session finished, and I stepped out of her office thinking about what she’d told me. Writing a letter to Mom sounded daunting. In a way, I felt that it would be like saying good-bye to her. I wasn’t sure I wanted that. At least, not yet.

  “How did I do?” I sat next to Nathan. The grimace on his face made me sulk. “That bad, huh?”

  “Let’s just say you need to practice more.” He smiled reassuringly at me before pecking me lightly on the lips.

  When we were walking back to the car, Nate cleared his throat. “Cassie, do you have plans for Saturday?” I shook my head. “Good.” He rolled on his toes as he placed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “Would you go out with me?”

  My heart melted. “I thought we’d established the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing,” I murmured shyly.

  “Yeah.” His gray eyes sparkled excitedly. “But I hadn’t asked you out—” he glanced briefly to the right side, “—officially.”

  My lips curved up. “I’d love to.” The butterflies in my stomach fluttered around like crazy.

  “Awesome.” That boyish smile appeared, and my heart soared for him. I was grinning when he grabbed my hand.

  We rode home in silence, but it was a comfortable silence, and we held hands the whole ride. I loved the fact we didn’t need to force a conversation. And just holding hands was sweet and reassuring.

  When we reached home, Dad’s car was in the garage. I didn’t want to let Nate go, though. Biting my lip, I glanced at him. “Do you want to hang out or something?”

  He gazed at my Dad’s car before smiling at me. “Sure.” He hopped out of the car, and I followed his every move with my eyes as he walked around it to open my door. I slid off the seat at the same time Nate took a step closer. My eyes roamed all over his face, and my lips parted. He was breathtaking. Especially when his eyes were boring into mine like that. My heart was thumping loudly inside my rib cage as he leaned closer to kiss me.

  It was such a magical moment.

  I could totally loose myself in his arms. He made me feel warm, safe, and so cherished. I’d never felt like that with anyone.

  What have I done to deserve someone like him?

  As we pulled back, he smiled that lopsided smile of his and grabbed my hand. Tingly and still lost in him, I walked beside him until we reached the door. Before I took out my keys, Dad opened it.

  “Hey, you guys!” He gazed at us warmly. “Are you staying for dinner, Nathan?” They shook hands as Dad let us walk past him.

  “If you don’t mind, sir.”

  Dad smiled. “I was going to order pizza, anyway.” Marie peeked out from the living room couch with a shy smile on her face. She stood up and marched to us. She was looking casual in black pants and an olive shirt. When she reached us, she kissed me on the cheek. I smiled at her. “This is my girlfriend, Marie.” Dad introduced her to Nathan. Her eyes were glinting excitedly as he added, “Nathan is Cassie’s boyfriend.”

  “Nice to meet you, ma’am.” Nate reached out his hand, but she shook her head and kissed him on the cheek as well.

  To be honest, it was an awkward moment for me. My stomach still clenched at the word girlfriend. Nate must have noticed because he placed his hand on my back. That sole gesture made me feel better. I glanced at him as his lips tugged up.

  “Does pepperoni sound good to you?” Dad asked while holding the phone. We both nodded.

  “I’ll help you set the table!” Marie chirped in before disappearing back into the kitchen.

  I glanced at Nathan. “Should we put on some music?” I asked, not really knowing what to do. But to be honest, I kind of wanted to go to my room. I so wanted to kiss him again.

  Hand in hand, we walked to my Mom’s CD collection. We had half a wall bursting with CDs ranging from The Beatles to Coldplay. He studied it with avid eyes, like a kid inside a candy store.

  My heart tightened as a flash of Mom’s smiling face played in my head. She loved music. She played it all the time. I don’t think the stereo had been used after she passed away. Dad didn’t listen to a lot of music, and I usually heard it on my phone.

  “It’s so hard to pick anything,” Nate said as his fingers roamed through the third row of a shelf.

  “Mom loved music,” I murmured softly. “This was her CD collection.”

  Nate’s gray eyes cut to me. His tone was soft as he said, “She had good taste.”

  I pressed my lips together as my heart ached. My eyes brimmed with tears as I wished for her to be there, teasing me and playing her music. I swallowed hard. That had been ages ago.

  “Hey.” Nate’s arms encased me for a moment. I closed my eyes as I leaned on him.

  “I’m sorry.” I pulled away sniffing.

  “Don’t.” He cupped my cheek. His thumb rubbed the corner of my lips. “I’m here for you, okay?”

  My heart warmed as I stared into those mesmerizing eyes. I nodded, breathing out, “I know.”

  His lips curved up before taking out a CD. “How do we feel about jazz covers?” he asked, raising it.

  “Michael Bublé? You like it?”

  He shrugged. “The guy is good.” Then he walked to the stereo and inserted the CD. Music filled the room. Just like when Mom was alive. A shaky breath left my lips. Life has to move on, doesn’t it?

  We listened to her music, and a small part of me felt connected to her in some way. It felt as if I did some of the things she liked to do, I could have her near me.

  Nate wrapped his arms around me one more time after we sat on the couch. “What are you thinking, Cassie?”

  “I just miss her,” I whispered sadly as I cuddled into him.

  He sighed. “I know, baby, I know.”

  We stayed like that for the rest of the song. I thought about Nate’s mother again. “Nate?” I pulled away to look at him. “I’d like to meet your mom one day.” He tensed, and his lips pressed into a tight line. Biting my lip, I grimaced. “Someday,” I emphasized shyly.

  “We don’t really get along.” He averted his eyes. I wondered what kind of life Nate had at home. As if he sensed my question, he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “My father travels all the time.” He rolled his eyes, annoyed. “And my mother—” his voice was barely a whisper, “—she’s either away or asleep.”

  My heart felt heavy. He’s so lonely. I swallowed hard. “You know, I would give anything to be able to talk to my mother again.” His eyes clouded over with pain as he clenched his jaw. “It works both ways, you know? I’m here for you, Nate.” He glanced at me, and my frown creased as I added, “And I’m sorry to intrude. It’s just that I wish someone would have told me that.” I shrugged. “It’s useless now.” He stayed quiet as I cuddled with him again. His grip tightened as we waited for the pizza to arrive.

  Eventually, Dad and Marie came to the living room. Marie was extremely nice to Nathan. She kept asking him questions about what he liked to do and what kind of music he listened to. I had to give it to her, she lightened the mood.

  The pizza arrived, and we had dinner in the dining room. Dad engrossed Nate with baseball talk while Marie asked basic questions about the game.

  I offered to wash the dishes since I hadn’t helped set the table, and Nate offered to help me. He had the duty of drying the dishes while I washed.

  “She’s really nice,” he said as he dried the salad bowl.

  “She is.” I soaped the forks. But she’s not my mom. “She’s really trying, isn’t she?” I added as an afterthought.

  He left the bowl on the counter as he carefully added, “And your father seems happy�
��”

  I sighed. “I know.” Trying to change the subject, I teased him, “So, what should I wear for Saturday, Rivers?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Didn’t I tell you not to call me that?” He got some foam on his hand and spread it on my cheek as I yelped.

  I smiled mischievously at him. “We haven’t been on a date yet, so I get to call you whatever.” I raised my eyebrow. Slowly, I pulled up my soaped hand, and as I was about to throw the suds at him, he hit me lightly with the dishcloth.

  “Ha! You’ve got to do better than that!” His eyes shone excitedly. “My fast reflexes kick ass,” he exclaimed as he spread foam on my other cheek.

  I glared at him as I took the dishcloth away. “Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes.

  He laughed at me as I wiped the foam off my face. Taking the cloth out of my hands, he leaned closer to me. “You missed a spot.” His hand caressed my cheek as my mouth went dry. His eyes darkened for a moment before he kissed me softly.

  “Clapping and yelling, guys! Clapping and yelling,” Dad shouted from the living room, making me blush while Nate chuckled.

  We finished the dishes, and Nate had to leave since it was already late. Marie left at the same time. While we saw them off, Dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him.

  “I love you, sweetie,” he whispered.

  “I love you too, Daddy.” I looked at him for a moment before watching my boyfriend’s car disappear out of sight.

  My boyfriend.

  My lips tugged up in a small smile.

  Chapter Twenty

  My hands gripped the tray as I waited for my turn to pay for my tuna sandwich and fruit salad. My lips tugged up as I thought of Nate scrutinizing my lunch again. He wanted to make me fat, apparently. He made me ditch my granola bars and pretty much forced me to eat more every day for the last week. Today, taking advantage that I was out earlier for lunch period, I took the initiative to buy my own food before he bought it to me.

  He never let me pay. It was really sweet, to be honest. But I kind of felt like a freeloader.

  Someone brushed against my rear, making me jump. My fruit salad dropped to the floor, and I barely managed to catch my sandwich before it fell. Uneasiness washed over me. I had a good idea who was behind me.

  Swallowing hard, I turned around to see Tom. I glared at him as he shrugged innocently, his lips twitching as he suppressed a smile.

  Yeah. Innocent my ass.

  He had been bumping into me, literally, for the last few days. At first, it seemed accidental, but every time it happened, some part of his body brushed against mine. My arm, my rear, one time my chest. It was getting on my nerves.

  “Would you stop it?” I glowered at him.

  Tom’s lips formed a sly smile as he raised both palms defensively. “What? Sean pushed me!” His friend snickered.

  The cashier called me over to pay. Flustered, I picked up my fruit salad, which was thankfully in a closed container, and paid for it. I could feel his burning stare following my every move.

  My heart was racing and my jaw was clenched. Before I walked away, I turned to him. “I thought you were different, Tom.” I never knew you were such an ass.

  His brown eyes blazed. “Yeah? Ditto.” His jaw was clenched too, and his hands were clasped in tight fists.

  What’s that supposed to mean?

  With a heavy heart I reached Farah and Anne, who were chatting in our usual spot. They both quieted down when I sat beside them. My brows were still furrowed, and my heart was still bumping furiously.

  “Cass?” Farah ventured to ask.

  I hadn’t told anyone what Tom was doing. Mainly because I’d been brushing every time he touched me off as an accident. But then again it kept happening every single day.

  “It’s nothing.” It probably was. I was just on edge when it came to Tom.

  Farah tilted her head. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” I opened my fruit salad, which the fall had smashed it into something that resembled puree. I looked up to find Tom leaning on the cafeteria door with his arms crossed across his chest, smirking at me. I glared at him before eating a spoonful of mashed fruit. I wasn’t going to let him get to me.

  “Has Tom been bothering you?” Farah asked the moment Anne left to use the bathroom.

  My eyes cut to her. “Why would you say that?”

  Her blue eyes assessed me for a moment. “Because I saw him trying to grab your ass back in the cafeteria,” she said carefully, brushing a few crumbs off her sweater.

  My hands turned into fists. “So he wasn’t pushed?”

  She shook her head. “What’s going on?” She pushed a blonde curl out of her eyes, annoyed. “Is he giving you trouble?”

  Taking a deep breath, I eyed my mashed fruit before digging the spoon into it. “He’s been bumping into me. Every day. And each time he sort of rubs against me.”

  Farah’s blue eyes widened. “That bastard.” She looked up to where he’d been a moment later, but he was already gone. “Have you told Nate?”

  “No.” I stared at her seriously. “I don’t think it’s worth it.”

  “But he’s bullying you!” She frowned at me.

  I shushed her. Sighing, I added, “I haven’t asked Nate, but I think he’s not fighting anymore, and I don’t want him to jump into it again.” I shook my head, “I’m pretty sure he’d kick Tom’s ass in no time.”

  Farah made a face. She didn’t agree with me, yet she stayed quiet for a moment, thinking it through. “Okay, but if this escalates, you’ll tell me.” Her blue eyes were serious as well.

  Hesitantly, I nodded. “If he is indeed trying to bully me, I’ll just ignore it, all right?” I thought about Marissa and how she was into him. I was sure she didn’t know him at all, though. A sigh escaped my lips. It was sad to realize that even though you interacted with all these people, you didn’t really know who they were. My eyes roamed through the cafeteria. They stopped on Marissa’s table. I kind of felt like I needed to talk to her. For old times’ sake. Scrunching my nose, I shared my thoughts with Farah.

  “I think that’s the stupidest idea, Cass. Next to the not telling Nathan about Tom,” she said, gesturing at me with her fork before taking another bite of her tuna salad. I rolled my eyes. She looked unconvinced but let it rest. Changing the subject, she asked, with an excited squeal, “So, what are you going to wear tomorrow night?”

  Swallowing a spoonful of fruit, I smiled. “Nate hasn’t told me anything about it.”

  “And I won’t, baby,” his deep voice said from behind me. As soon as I heard it, his strong arms encased me. My heart fluttered, and a goofy grin spread across my lips.

  “You’re so mean,” I pouted as I turned my head to him. He chuckled before kissing me lightly on the lips, making me feel tingly as always.

  “Oh man. First it was Chris and Farah and now you two!” Jay complained as he plopped down beside us.

  Nate chuckled. “Get a girlfriend, dude!” Farah’s eyes sparkled mischievously as I rolled my eyes and nudged her with my right foot. She narrowed her eyes at me.

  “Girlfriends are high-maintenance, dude. I can’t afford one,” Jay sulked as Anne joined us again.

  “Not if you find the right girl,” Nate said while smiling at me.

  Jay groaned. “That is bullshit. I need to find me new guy friends. You’re so smitten.”

  “Hey!” Nate shoved him roughly. “I am still me!” Jay grunted and rubbed his arm, glaring at my boyfriend.

  “I see you’re eating better,” Nate murmured to me after a moment. His brows furrowed when he noticed my mashed-up fruit, but he didn’t mention it.

  Chris didn’t make it to lunch because he had to see his biology teacher. He was failing and needed to retake a test, or something like that. It was such bad timing, though. Farah wouldn’t stop implying that Jay should ask Anne out. I wasn’t sure if he was playing dumb or he really was that thick. Either way, he never really paid attention to what she was saying. />
  When our break finished, I trotted to the restroom to wash my hands. I was scrubbing them when Marissa walked in. I was shocked to see she was alone. If there was ever a right time to talk to her, it was this.

  Her brown eyes locked on mine in the mirror for a moment. Even though she was looking as pretty and fashionable as ever, she still looked resentful and hurt.

  “Marissa, wait,” I said before she disappeared into a stall. She stopped in front of the stall door. “What?” She sounded irritated.

  “I never noticed. I’m sorry about that.” She started to open her mouth to retort when I raised a palm. “I did live in my own freaking world. I know. You were my friend back then, and I failed you.” I pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser and dried my hands. “But Tom’s not even worth it. He’s an idiot. You deserve better.”

  My words took her by surprise. “Why would you say that?” Her brown eyes were wary.

  I turned around to face her. “Because you helped me in a way. I was a mess, and hanging around with you guys worked for me.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and her tone was accusing. “You used me.”

  “Just as you use everyone. Don’t try to play innocent.” I raised an eyebrow. She puffed out her cheeks as I added, “Seriously, if you ever want to hang out with me, I’d be happy to be your friend. For real this time.”

  She snorted. “I don’t think your new friends would appreciate that.” Her tone was sour. Pressing her lips together, she turned away. I dropped the crumpled paper in the trash. Just as I was about to leave the restroom, she asked, “Why are you doing this? I’ve been nothing but mean to you.”

  I glanced at her. She looked kind of defeated too. Her eyes were cast down, and her hands hung limply by her sides. “Nobody enjoys being mean, Marissa. I mean, at the end of the day, does it make you feel better?” Or do you hate yourself even more?

  She eyed me warily before I walked away. I knew she hated herself. Just like all bullies do.

  ***

  Every day for the last week, Nate had been driving me home. After school, we met in the parking lot. I was thankful Tom was keeping his distance. I had tried to reassure Farah that everything was under control, but I really had no idea what to do about him.