Impossible Desires (novella)

by Tamsin Baker

  Eleanor smiled down at him, knowing that she had pushed him almost to his limits. But he had done exactly what she had asked him, and part of her hadn’t thought he could do it, or would even want to. Perhaps he really did want to please her as much as he said he did.

  She climbed back onto the bed and leant down to kiss him. He strained up to meet her, his lips almost frantic, gripping hers as though they could release him from his torment.

  A bottle of oil stood beside the bed so Eleanor picked it up and rubbed a small amount into her hands.

  She smoothed her hands along the muscles of his forearms and bulging biceps. She worked her way down to stroke his chest and stomach, paying attention to his tiny nipples and giving them a little tweak.

  “Mistress, that feels so good,” he groaned, throwing his head back.

  Eleanor oiled her hands again and began to massage the tops of his thighs and lower belly before finally reaching her target.

  Once more, she rubbed more oil onto her hands and began to fondle her lover’s cock. She ran her hands up and down his shaft, pulling tightly and then stroking softly, caressing his bollocks and listening as he groaned and sighed in bliss.

  When she felt him start to tremble or tighten up she slowed her hands, wanting to draw it out as long as possible.

  “Please Mistress, please,” he began to beg. Eleanor liked it when he begged.

  “What do you need, my pet?” she asked, pulling on his cock before letting it go completely and fondling his bollocks again.

  He let out an animalistic grunt and arched his back.

  “Please, I don’t wish to disappoint you, but I am going to come soon.”

  Eleanor smiled, reached up and tugged on his nipples again.

  “You have done very well tonight. I wish to give you a rare treat.”

  His eyes lit up as he waited for her to continue.

  Eleanor reached up and unbound his hands, first from the bedhead and then from each other.

  He sat, rubbing his wrists and looking confused.

  “You aren’t going to finish?”

  He looked hurt and embarrassed. Eleanor laughed and kissed him.

  “I will give you one chance to choose how you find your release. Would you like me to touch you? Suck you? Or mount you?”

  Her beautiful lover swallowed and looked away.

  Eleanor felt her stomach drop. She had wanted to give him some freedom not make him feel unwanted. What had she done?

  “What is wrong, my pet? Tell me so your Mistress can fix it.”

  He looked back at her, his eyes pleading.

  “I want to come inside you.”

  Eleanor grinned and went to climb on top of him, but he grabbed and flipped her, his weight pinning her down.

  “Like this.”

  Eleanor’s throat caught and she swallowed against the old fear that was crowding in. Memories of being forced in this position crowded in – pain, fear and humiliation. Her lover saw her fear and relaxed against her, leaning in to kiss her neck and nuzzle her ear.

  “But only if my Mistress allows it.”

  Eleanor had a decision to make, for herself and her future husband. She could truly be her own Mistress and accept all parts of lovemaking and play, or she could shy away due to her fear. Gareth was not her first husband – he had proved that over and over again.

  Decision made, she spread her legs and wrapped them around her lover’s fine waist.

  “Fuck me, my pet. Fuck me until I don’t remember anything except you and how you make me feel.”

  Eleanor felt him position himself and push the head of his cock into her. She braced herself for the dominant shove and weight of his body, but instead he slid into her slowly, holding most of his weight on his arms.

  When he was fully seated within her, he paused for a moment, kissing her neck, her cheeks, her lips – anything he could reach.

  “You are mine.”

  Eleanor opened her mouth to correct him but he kissed her long and deep. He began to move in an intoxicating rhythm, taking possession of her mouth the same way he was taking her body.

  “No one will ever hurt you again, Mistress. Never again.” He groaned into her ear, pounding into her, her body answering his call.

  “Yes, yes, yes,” Eleanor chanted, reveling in the thrust of his body, the way his pubic bone hit her clit over and over.

  “Take me. Fuck me. Love me.”

  Eleanor was screaming now, not realizing what she was saying as her third orgasm washed over her. She bucked and screamed and bit into her lover’s shoulder as he stilled, shuddered and poured his hot seed into her body.

  They remained that way for several minutes before slowly disengaging and spooning together to go to sleep.

  Eleanor lay with Gareth behind her; cradling her, holding her and breathing against her. She had never felt more alive, more protected or more loved.

  It was exactly what she had wanted, and yet she was terrified. She had never felt more out of control, more at the mercy of another person. In handing Gareth her heart, she had surrendered a part of herself to him. It was overwhelming.

  Chapter 8

  Eleanor didn’t see Gareth for almost a week after their intimate night together. The next morning had been uncomfortable with neither person knowing where they stood with the other.

  She wrote to him every day, but had not made arrangements to see him. Their relationship was under her control in a lot of ways so if anyone was going to act, it needed to be her. So she decided to take the bull by the metaphorical horns and just deal with what would come.

  Eleanor had to admit to herself that she had fallen in love with him. Gareth was so wonderful in every way, a person she could truly admire. Their chemistry in the bedroom was more amazing than she had ever imagined was possible. But it was his treatment of her outside of the bedroom that pleased her even more. He constantly showed her respect, despite her proclivity for certain bedroom activities. Few gentlemen would be so accepting.

  So Eleanor wrote a letter inviting Gareth over to dinner at her town house. They needed more time alone, and not under the prying eyes of London’s elite. They needed to spend more time being intimate too. Since Eleanor had realized how much she could enjoy being beneath a man, she was considering offering Gareth some of the power in the sexual relationship.

  Gareth’s reply was warm, but he asked if she was able to make it for the following night as he had plans with his mother that he could not change. Eleanor smiled when she read the note. Her dominant self wanted to make Gareth come to her when she called, but the well-bred lady in her liked that he had manners and put his responsibility first. If she played her cards right, she would soon be his responsibility and he would put her first. That would be worth waiting for.

  Still smiling to herself, Eleanor went off to have her bath.

  *****

  Gareth arrived out the front of Eleanor’s house with fragrant red roses the following evening. He had no idea if she liked the flowers but he still felt guilty about delaying their dinner. His mother had needed him, and he could only hope that Eleanor would forgive his delay.

  Gareth rushed for the knocker to see if he could get to it before the butler, but he missed out once again.

  “Lord Osborne.” The young – and too handsome – butler bowed to Gareth.

  “Lady Rossette awaits you in the dining room.”

  Gareth quirked a brow but didn’t say anything.

  He walked into the dining room to find Eleanor by the mantelpiece. She was a vision in lavender silk and lace. She turned as he approached and he caught sight of a tear in her eye.

  He bowed before handing her the gifts.

  “I apologize once again for delaying our dinner, Eleanor.”

  She smiled and accepted her flowers. What was wrong?

  “I am sorry too, Gareth. I should not have waited so long to contact you.”

  Gareth smiled tightly. He also believed that, but he wasn’t stupid enough to say
so out loud.

  “Shall we sit down to dinner?”

  Puzzled by her change in conversation, Gareth walked over to the table, held Eleanor’s chair out for her and then moved to his own seat.

  The footmen arrived with quail and served them wine.

  Gareth waited, but instead of her beginning their conversation, he watched as Eleanor began to eat.

  “Have you been busy this week, Eleanor?”

  She looked up, startled.

  “Not particularly. Luncheons, charity work. The norm,” she smiled tightly, continuing to eat. “Tell me about your week.”

  Gareth sighed. What could he tell her? That he had awoken every morning hoping that she would call in or invite him over. Waiting for her to make a move was torture. He wasn’t used to allowing anyone such power over him. It was very frustrating but also very challenging, which he enjoyed on a personal level

  “I went to my club. I boxed, I fenced. I had meetings with my estate manager, and I visited my mother and sister. A normal, mundane, boring week.”

  Gareth watched Eleanor blush and couldn’t help wonder what the hell was going on.

  “Eleanor, I’m not particularly hungry. Could we retire to a sitting room to talk? Perhaps take our dinner with us?”

  Eleanor looked around the room for a minute before nodding to the footman and waving at their plates.

  The footman bowed and left.

  Gareth stood and offered his arm to her, walking her out of the room and into the red salon. She seemed to need something different tonight. He didn’t know what exactly but he would try his best to give it to her.

  As soon as they entered the room he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her with every bit of passion in his soul. Did she need him to show her how he felt? He swallowed her cries of pleasure before pulling away. “I have missed you so much.”

  He rested his forehead gently against hers before leading her over to the chaise.

  “Tell me what is going on, Eleanor.”

  Gareth watched his woman look away so he grabbed her hands and held them tightly. He was beginning to worry that something was really wrong.

  “Tell me, Mistress. Please.”

  Eleanor looked back at him sharply, that flame that Gareth so loved began to flare. Thank God. He hadn’t lost her.

  “I am sorry. I have my monthly flux. It came last night and I am always a mess at this time.”

  Gareth flushed. He knew such things happened of course, but had never discussed them with anyone other than his father. His father’s instructions were to get a clear signal between his wife and himself so that he wouldn’t impose on her at the wrong time.

  “Should I go home then, Eleanor, my love? I do not wish to upset you.”

  When Gareth saw another tear well up in her beautiful green eyes and he knew he had said the wrong thing. Did she now think that he wanted to leave? He just didn’t know what to do.

  He tried again.

  “What does my Mistress need? Would you like me to stay and hold you as you sleep? Or do you need me to leave? Please, Mistress, help me. I am lost.”

  Eleanor sobbed and threw her arms around him. His Mistress was gone tonight, and he needed to treat her like the lady she was. Gareth flipped into earl mode and took control of the situation – after all, they were not in the bedroom yet. If they married he would take care of her outside the bedroom and she could have control within it.

  He picked her up and carried her out of the room.

  When he saw the butler’s troubled expression he felt a pang of guilt for not thinking the man worthy of his position.

  “Is she unwell?” the butler swallowed, looking pained.

  Gareth frowned at the lack of accompanying title.

  “Who are you?” Gareth asked, shocked by the lack of civility in the butler.

  “He is my late husband’s illegitimate son,” Eleanor whispered in his ear. “He’s been very good to me.”

  Gareth flushed and held her tighter. That explained a lot.

  “Yes, she is unwell. I need to take her to bed immediately.”

  The butler bounded up the stairs and opened the door to her room.

  Gareth walked up the stairs and gently maneuvered Eleanor’s form through the door.

  “Thank you,” he nodded to the butler before the young man closed the door behind them.

  “Thank you for bringing me to bed.” Eleanor whispered, her arms still clinging to his neck. She obviously didn’t want him to go. Gareth sat down on the edge of the bed and held her tight.

  “You haven’t told me what you need of me.”

  Eleanor lifted her head. “You would stay even if we can’t make love?”

  Gareth snorted. Was she jesting?

  “Of course I will. I love holding you through the night. This week has been lonely without you by my side.”

  He flushed lightly when he realized what he was admitting – though it was probably past time he said something.

  “You mean a lot more to me than just a bedfellow, Eleanor. Please know that.”

  He turned his body and gently placed her on the bed, turning back the covers.

  “And I can remember lots of times we didn’t make love,” he joked, picking her up again and putting her on her feet so that he could help her undress.

  Eleanor felt Gareth’s hands lift her dress off over her head and smiled to herself. He was right. She didn’t need to open her legs to please him. She had done so many other ways before.

  She allowed Gareth to play lady’s maid, removing everything except her chemise before he moved away to undress himself. Her nipples peaked as she watched him remove his clothes. When his shirt came off, a flood of longing swept her lower body. He was magnificent. All rippling muscles and smooth expanse of healthy, taut skin. When his breeches came off too, Eleanor groaned when she saw the long, hard cock that emerged.

  Gareth flushed and jumped quickly into bed.

  “Don’t worry yourself, Eleanor. I’m sorry I can’t control my body around you.”

  Eleanor felt the power at his submission wash over her.

  “You will call me Mistress, my pet,” she purred, hearing her own voice change. Gone were the cramps and the melancholy. She was a woman in charge with a gorgeous man in her bed. The question was what was she going to do with him?

  Eleanor stripped off her chemise and rubbed her nipples between her fingertips.

  “Just seeing you naked makes me want you so badly.”

  “But we can’t…” Gareth swallowed and stopped. She saw him realize that whatever she said would happen, was going to happen. That trust impressed her immeasurably.

  “No, we won’t be taking these off tonight,” Eleanor indicated her padded underclothes and climbed on top of the bed. “But I have many other ways of pleasing you.”

  Gareth’s eyes lit up as he watched her crawl across the bed and pull the blankets back.

  “Whatever you like, Mistress.”

  Eleanor looked at thick appendage that she loved so much. It was fully extended and already glistened with pre-come.

  “When did you last come? You look ready to explode.”

  Gareth smiled and shuffled further down in the bed.

  “Eight days ago with you, Mistress. I am almost there just looking at you.”

  Eleanor reached across the bed and grabbed the bottle of oil.

  She lubricated her hands and the valley between her breasts. Placing the bottle back she reached out to grab his beautiful cock.

  “What about you, Mistress?” he groaned as she ran her oiled hands over the head and shaft.

  A sense of accomplishment and love ran over Eleanor. What man ever worried about his woman’s pleasure?

  “You are mine to take care of. I must see to your needs. You can make it up to me in a few days.”

  Eleanor arranged herself to lie between his legs, and wrapped her breasts around his oversized cock.

  He groaned in rapture, shaking in his effort to re
main still.

  “Mistress that looks so good.” He groaned again, looked down at her and closed his eyes tightly, as though he was afraid to look.

  Eleanor wanted to laugh. She was intoxicated by the power her beautiful man gave her. For it was a gift that he gave her, she knew that well.

  “Thrust between my breasts. I want to feel you come all over my neck.”

  Her pet didn’t wait a moment. He lifted his hips and began to thrust. The oil lubricated both of them, assisting in the slide of flesh. Eleanor felt her nipples harden in arousal. She received so much pleasure out of his pleasure when she had the power of giving and receiving., It made all the difference.

  “Mistress, I am going to come. Please may I come?” He looked down at her with pleading eyes, thrusting faster and faster.

  “Come all over me. Now.”

  Thus given permission, Eleanor’s earl shot his seed all over her neck and his belly. Jet after jet streamed out of him. His shout of triumph and pleasure caused her body to tighten in appreciation.

  Only a few days and she could join him in such bliss.

  Eleanor kissed his belly once, licking at his seed and making blissful noises in her throat. He really did taste delicious. She rolled on to her back and shuffled up so that she lay on the pillow beside him, pointing to the washstand.

  “Clean me, and then yourself.”

  She lay back on the bed and smiled to herself. Power had its advantages.

  He returned next to her within moments, running the warm washcloth over her neck and breasts. It was so nice to feel cared for, and pampered in such a way. Perhaps he could bathe her at other times too.

  She remained still while he washed himself too, and opened her arms for him when he climbed into bed with her.

  He nestled his head between her breasts and wrapped his arms around her. Eleanor smiled again. She would have thought it would be strange to hold such a large man to her breast, but in reality, it worked beautifully.

  “Thank you, Mistress,” he whispered before settling into sleep.

  Eleanor lay awake for a long time after he fell asleep, stroking his hair and dreaming about their possible future together.

  “I love you, Gareth.” And they were the last words Eleanor said that night.