Impossible Desires (novella)

by Tamsin Baker

  Chapter 9

  Sitting at his club playing cards was torture for Gareth. He was becoming obsessed – he wanted to be with Eleanor all the time, not just on the few nights a week he was allowed. He was considering rebelling, or perhaps proposing. The second option would get him what he wanted – her by his side every night.

  Perhaps he could control more of their relationship outside of the bedroom because he wanted some power over when he could see her. Not just sitting and waiting for her to contact him. He still didn’t want to take charge in their bedroom. She was the best lover he had ever had, and she fulfilled his every fantasy. But he wanted more of her – more time, more dinners, and more nights in her bed.

  The next day an invitation arrived for an afternoon tea at a friend’s house. Gareth abhorred such events but wondered if Eleanor would also be going.

  He fashioned a note, inviting her if she hadn’t been already, and sent it off with a footman.

  Less than an hour later that same footman arrived home with another note accepting his invitation.

  He shivered in anticipation.

  ******

  The afternoon tea was going well. Eleanor sat at the main table with several ladies of the ton.

  Of course she had been invited separately, but had been thrilled when Gareth had sent her a personal invitation. She wanted them to have a chance to spend time alone outside of the bedroom too.

  “The Earl of Osborne,” the footman announced, and Eleanor turned to watch Gareth enter the room. He was spectacular in his afternoon finery, and though she preferred him naked, no one else need know that.

  He made his way directly over to her, for he wasn’t subtle in his attention.

  “Good afternoon, Lady Rossette. It is lovely to see you again.” Gareth bowed directly in front of her and she stood up, curtsying to her lord.

  “And how lovely to see you, Lord Osborne. How are you today?” She offered her hand and felt her lower body clench when he gently kissed her knuckles. She had missed his mouth.

  “Very well, thank you.”

  She sat again as he turned his attention to the other ladies in the group.

  Lady Newton, a rather sour woman not much older than Eleanor, poked her nose in the air.

  “You are courting Lady Rossette, Lord Osborne?”

  Eleanor hid her smile in her cup of tea. Let’s see how he handles the jealous and spiteful women of her circles.

  “Yes, I am, Lady Newton.” He smiled and bowed politely, his eyes straying to hers. He looked worried.

  “Have you been to her country estate?”

  Gareth looked at her, but she didn’t indicate what he should say. He was a man who had grown up amongst the London ton – he should be able to handle himself.

  “I have dined once at Lady Rossette’s country estate, yes. It is very beautiful.”

  Lady Newton smiled snidely. “Oh dined, did you? Is that the new word for affaire nowadays? I never can keep on top of the latest ondit.”

  Eleanor heard several ladies around them gasp – did this woman have any manners? She opened her mouth to tell the jealous woman how she felt about such language. She was a widow, and a titled lady. If she wanted to have a single gentleman visit her house, she could.

  Gareth growled slightly in warning and spoke first.

  “Lady Rossette organized an invitation so that I could have the opportunity to purchase a horse I wanted. It was very thoughtful of her.”

  A love that she had never felt before went winging through her heart as she turned to look at her savior. Would he always defend her? Always look after her the way he did now?

  “How is Apollo, my lord?” She turned her back on Lady Newton and stood.

  “Very well, I thank you, my lady. Would you take a turn about the room with me?”

  She smiled at the other ladies and put her hand in his. “Of course, my lord. You must try some of the pastries. Lady Glenda has hired the most magnificent French chef.”

  They walked over to the tables laid out with the most decadent of afternoon tea foods.

  “What do you recommend, my lady?” Gareth asked, picking up a plate.

  Eleanor pointed to three cakes and watched as he carefully chose two of each for them.

  “Thank you for before.” She dropped her voice and hoped no one was listening in. There were a lot of people in such a small room.

  Gareth smiled his society smile but lowered his voice. “That woman is lucky she still has all her hair. I am in the mood to find a pair of scissors and hack it all off.”

  Eleanor covered her mouth with her hand as a giggle erupted.

  “Oh no, Gareth, that is too much. She was just jealous. I’m sure she wanted you whilst she was courting her horrible husband.”

  Gareth looked back over at the group of women and shrugged, guiding her to a place where she could sit to enjoy their food.

  “I don’t care, Eleanor. I have waited my whole life for you and no one is going to insult you in my presence.”

  She froze with a lemon tart halfway to her mouth. Had he just implied that he didn’t want anyone but her?

  “Well…”

  She didn’t know what to say, he looked down at her, his eyes brimming with love and a little uncertainty.

  “I’ve been waiting for you too.”

  *****

  Eleanor mulled over their last encounter for three days. She knew that Gareth needed more than he was currently getting from her, and she wanted to please him more than anything. He was satisfied with her domination, she was sure. But he was in charge of every other part of his life and she wanted to give him the freedom to take control in the bedroom if he so wanted.

  The idea terrified her. She could probably handle a relatively normal, loving dynamic, similar to how he had made love to her the last time they had been together. But she wasn’t sure if she could be his submissive. The old fears her husband had instilled in her were still there. No matter how much power Gareth gave her in the bedroom, it could never erase that fear of being powerless to another person. Perhaps she should take away the roleplaying and just balance the power in their relationship?

  No, she didn’t want that either. She loved the bondage and handling the crop. She loved the power and the play. She would miss it terribly, and there were so many things she had yet to try.

  The answer was in her submission to him. Could she trust him enough to allow him not only free access to her body, but also to engage in play where she may be bound? Gagged? Penetrated in different ways?

  A shudder went through Eleanor. She was truly petrified.

  “Stop it,” she said aloud. “He is dead, he cannot hurt you anymore.”

  The words settled her and she slowed her pacing. Talking out loud seemed to help. Perhaps the words would be less scary outside of her head?

  “Did I enjoy seeing him tied up?”

  Eleanor nodded her head. The silk restraints would feel fantastic. Yes, she wouldn’t like to be restricted, but Gareth would never hurt her. Would he?

  He gained so much pleasure from her whipping him. Would she like that?

  “Probably not. Though, how would I know?”

  Her breath hitched in her chest as the realization settled in.

  “I am going to try. I will give him control, and if he loves me, he will not hurt me.”

  And he’ll let me get out when I need to. A grin stretched her lips wide. It was time to call her Master.

  *****

  Gareth bounded up the steps to Eleanor’s front door, powering up the last few steps, determined to beat that infernal butler.

  The door swung back and revealed his Mistress in the plainest day dress he had ever seen her in.

  “Good morning, Eleanor.” He bowed out of courtesy and was shocked when she curtseyed so low her nose was barely off the ground.

  “Are you alright?” he asked, rushing over to her.

  Her smile said she was, but her eyes weren’t their normal green.

 
“I would like to go to the country house today, Gareth. If that is alright?”

  Eyebrows climbed up his head.

  “You are asking me?”

  She smiled so serenely that he knew he was in trouble. Gliding down to the carriage, she climbed into it and sat waiting for him.

  Shock immobilized his feet. What was going on?

  “Gareth?” her soft voice wafted out of the carriage. Not a command – a request.

  He ran down the steps and leaped into the carriage, slamming the door shut with a force that rattled the beautiful equipage.

  “Have I done something wrong, Mistress?”

  Reaching her hand out, she caressed his cheek reverently. Gareth leant into it. What had he done?

  “I need to ask you for a favor, my beautiful Gareth.”

  Swallowing the lump in his throat, he nodded. Anything for her.

  “Be my Master today.”

  Blood surged to his cock before his brain realized everything that sentence entailed. Was she actually asking him to do all the things to her that she had done to him? Adrenaline raced through his veins and the need to do something almost violent overtook him.

  He grabbed Eleanor about the arms and pulled her towards him, devouring her in a long, hot kiss. Tongues tangled, lips got bitten. He wanted this – but why did she?

  Fear made him pull back.

  “Why? I thought you needed to have complete control, Eleanor? I have given that to you because you said it was what you needed.”

  When she looked away, he rushed to reassure her.

  “Not that I haven’t loved every moment with my Mistress. You have given me more pleasure than I knew was possible. But why now?”

  Her breath rushed out and she looked back at him, the green in her eyes becoming more vivid. She was aroused.

  “I know that you are very dominant naturally, and I want you to be able to express that part of yourself. I trust you not to hurt me.”

  Her lip quivered and something inside Gareth just melted.

  “You don’t have to do this, Eleanor. I am very satisfied with our relationship just the way it is.”

  Her refusal was quick, her head shaking back and forth.

  “No. I need to prove to myself that I can trust you and that I am not afraid anymore.”

  Feeling the power flow over him was a heady feeling. What would he do to her? What would she like?

  He pulled his submissive Mistress into his side and caressed her slowly, communicating with a touch what he couldn’t say in words. The weight of her trust and love – yes, love – weighed on him. He could not fail her.

  Eleanor’s legs shook as she descended the steps of the carriage.

  “Straight to the playroom, my dear,” Gareth commanded, tapping her on the arse.

  She jumped, ready to reprimand him and saw the glint in his eyes. Not Gareth – Master.

  She hurried to the old outbuilding, pulling the key from her dress pocket and opening the door.

  “Ladies first,” he drawled, pulling the door open for her.

  Her legs propelled her body forward, her mind wanting her to turn and run.

  “Undress for me. I have missed your naked body.”

  Trembling fingers found the buttons at the back of her dress, pulling at the old material so that she could loosen it enough to step out of it. It wasn’t easy in front of him, but she managed.

  “Naked, I said.” His command made her jump.

  Her fingers found the edge of her chemise and pulled it up over her head. She hadn’t worn stockings or bloomers, not wanting to hinder him if he wanted her in the carriage.

  Cold air tightened her nipples.

  Noises behind her indicated Gareth was stoking the fire.

  “I can’t have my beautiful pet getting cold.”

  The slight goading in his voice made Eleanor clench her teeth, her courage returning.

  “If I say stop, Gareth…”

  His slid up behind her, grabbing her naked hips and pressing his hard cock into her bare buttocks.

  “Master.” The word was hissed into her ear.

  “I…” Eleanor’s voice trembled and tears spiked her eyes.

  Master was having none of that.

  “Spread your legs for me.”

  Her legs opened.

  “Wider.”

  She forced her legs wider, leaning into his solid strength.

  His hand slid between her folds and caressed her clit. His clever fingers circling and pressing the swollen nub until she cried out her pleasure.

  Her hands moved around to his back and pulled him tightly against her. Gareth melted. He loved her hands on him.

  But no, that wasn’t what they were here for. He needed to prove to her and to himself that her trust wasn’t misplaced.

  “No touching, my girl. Keep your hands behind your back.”

  Eleanor groaned but said nothing as he stepped back in search of something to keep her immobile. Leather reins rested nearby, long enough to tie and whip her if necessary. His cock stretched to its full length, pressing hard against the front of his breeches.

  If such a reaction was caused by the idea of tying her up, what would the reality be like?

  The leather felt warm in his fingers as he stalked towards his Mistress-turned-Submissive.

  He wrapped the leather around her joined wrists, tying it tight and low behind her back. It was a great position, as her back arched and her breasts jutted forward. Testing her arousal for his own piece of mind, he slid one hand between her legs and found her slick and ready.

  “You do like it,” he moaned, thrusting two fingers up into her body, unable to resist such an invitation. He couldn’t do this if she didn’t like it.

  Eleanor’s knees buckled and she fell back against him.

  “Gareth, I’m not sure…” She trembled against him.

  Holding her easily he transported her over to the bed and pushed her face down over the end.

  “I have trusted you with everything I am. And now you must trust me. If you need to scream, scream. If you need me to stop, you say stop.”

  Eleanor nodded against the bed covers, turning her head to the side.

  Gareth raised his hand and lightly spanked her perfect arse.

  She let out a yelp and clenched her legs together.

  “Say it.”

  “Yes, Master.”

  He slid his finger back into her, enjoying how wet she had become already. Perhaps his Mistress did like to yield control.

  He set up a steady rhythm, using two fingers to push against her sensitive inside walls. Eleanor bucked and moaned, opening her legs wider. A smile stretched across Gareth’s face. He had never had such freedom to touch her before. It was exhilarating.

  Just as her body began to tighten he withdrew his fingers, and picked up the end of the leather reins to bring the leather down onto her bare arse.

  “Aagghh…”

  “Trust me, please,” Gareth said, soothing the hurt with his hand. He knew how this felt, and he knew it would get better.

  She nodded again, laying down flat and opening her legs.

  He brought the leather down onto her lower back this time and she groaned.

  Gareth did it again and again, stopping only to soothe the pink skin. Dropping to his knees he began to kiss her plump flesh.

  “More, please.”

  He rubbed his lips across her skin once again.

  “No, Gareth, please.”

  No? What was she saying? She wanted him to stop?

  “I’ll stop,” he reassured her, grabbing her wrists to undo the leather binding. He had known it would be too much for her – she didn’t like the pain.

  “No!” she yelled, holding onto the leather.

  “Master, I need more lashes. Please, harder.”

  Gareth straightened, his purpose clear.

  “Harder?”

  Crack. The leather hit her arse and she moaned. Gareth hit her again and again, smoothing his hands over
her flesh every few strikes until her skin glowed and she was moaning continuously.

  He could see her floating away as he had when she had used the crop on him. He pulled his shirt over his head and tore his breeches off. He knelt behind his Mistress, as she always would be to him, and put his face between her legs.

  She groaned, sounding like she was in pain, and pushed her hips back to him. He thrust his tongue into her, lapping at the juices that flowed down her legs. Reaching forward he licked her swollen clit until she was undulating against him.

  “I’m going to come, Gareth. Please.”

  Gareth spanked her once more for good measure, pulled back, unbuttoned his breeches, and thrust into her warm depths.

  She came instantly, shuddering and gripping him over and over. A feral noise erupted out of his chest. He thrust into her harder and harder, riding her orgasm as it went on and on. Lights flashed behind his eyes as his own release ripped through him and jets of warm seed pulsed out of him. Gareth threw his head back and roared, the victor in this game they had been playing.

  When sanity returned, he realized that she was sobbing, her chest heaving.

  The pain in Gareth’s chest was like nothing else he had felt. He was sickened with himself. How could he have done that to her?

  Withdrawing from her, he untied the leather straps as quickly as he could, and threw a blanket over her naked body before scooping her up into his arms.

  “Sweetheart, I am so sorry. So sorry.” He shuddered, tears streaming down his own face.

  How could something so good turn so bad?

  “No, no, don’t cry, please…” Eleanor sobbed against his chest, her hands coming up to caress his face.

  Gareth moved over to an old chair by the fire, sat down and began to rock her.

  She had found release, he knew she had, so why was she crying like her heart was breaking? He held her and stroked her long, black hair until she slowed, her arms tightening around him.

  Remembering what she had said to him the first time they had played, he bent close to whisper in her ear.

  “Thank you for your gift, my love. Your trust in me was perfect.”

  A soft laugh broke out from between her lips and she raised her head to him. Her green eyes shimmered and her nose was red. She looked so vulnerable, and yet so incredibly beautiful.