Almost A Spinster

by Jenna Petersen

  “No, he was actually very… kind. He seems to blame you more than me for what happened.”

  She nodded. “As well he should, and so should you. I never should have lied about who I was. But I-”

  She stopped. Some parts of her were still hurt and frightened. Her bravery faltered.

  “But you…?” Nathan encouraged her, finally moving from his frozen spot. He took a few steps toward her before he hesitated.

  Swallowing, Maddie forced herself to continue, “I didn’t like who I was when I met you. But you liked the girl you thought me to be. So I wanted to be her. I wanted to be the kind of woman that a man like you could like and talk to and…” She blushed and cast a quick glance over her shoulder to the slightly open door. She lowered her voice. “And want.”

  “And was that girl you?” Nathan asked. “What was the truth and what was a lie?”

  Maddie bit back a gasp. “Only my name was the lie. My station. Everything we talked about, all the books we both like, my fear of horses, my brothers, all that was true. All that was me.”

  Nathan shook his head and there was a sadness on his face that made Maddie want to weep. “But your station is, I’m afraid, perhaps too insurmountable an obstacle.”

  She fisted her hands at her sides. She knew full-well why Nathan felt that way. How deep seeded his feelings on the propriety of class and rank were.

  “Because of your father?” she said slowly. “Because of who he was and how he behaved?”

  Nathan nodded once. “I told you about him. I will not have other people whispering about how I jumped above my station. How I married a woman for her rank or dowry. I will not be humiliated like that.”

  Slowly, Maddie shook her head. She felt pity for Nathan’s growing up, for the pain he must have endured, but there was a stronger emotion that burned within her now.

  It was anger. Something she rarely allowed herself to express, but now she couldn’t control it.

  “So you would rather throw away a chance at love and happiness because you don’t want people to talk?” she asked, moving on him and closing the final gap between them. “I have lived with talk for a long time, Nathan. It is not the worst thing that can happen.”

  “But if we were together it would be so much worse than anything you have ever endured,” he argued.

  Maddie shivered. So he was thinking about a future together, as well. Even if he was fighting against it, that possibility was in his mind.

  Which meant she had a chance.

  She caught his arm and was instantly hit by heady desire when she touched him. By the way his eyes widened, then darkened, she knew he felt the same. She struggled to keep her thoughts on her retort, not the reactions of her body.

  “You have no idea what I have endured,” she said. “But I do not regret any moment of it. Everything we overcome, makes us who we are. And when other people whispered and giggled and pitied me behind my back, it helped me realize that I couldn’t care what they said or did or thought. You helped me see that, too. Now please, see it for yourself.”

  Nathan frowned and suddenly he caught her upper arms. He pulled her a little closer and his voice was low and harsh when he said, “I cannot give you diamonds or fine gowns. I cannot offer you the best of things. I work hard and I make a decent living, but I never will afford those things. Even if we could overcome the whispers, what about the life you have been accustomed the living?”

  She shook her head. “Do you know me so little? The day you almost ran me down on Quint, I was wearing my favorite gown. And you thought I was a servant, Nathan, so that should tell you something about my fashion sense. As for the life I am accustomed to living, I will be happy to leave it behind.”

  “You say that now, but in a year-”

  She lifted her fingers to his lips. They were warm and firm beneath her touch. “The happiest I have ever been was never in a ballroom or a seamstresses shop. The happiest I have ever been is walking around the lake with you. And that takes no money.”

  He hesitated and Maddie fought the urge to rejoice. She was breaking down his walls, she could feel it. And now she had to take the biggest risk of her life. Yet it didn’t frighten her, it thrilled her.

  “I love you, Nathan Blackstone,” she whispered. “With all my heart and soul. I love you enough that I do not care about anything except spending my life making you happy. I want to read books together by the fire, I want to finish learning how to ride Quint, and I want you to touch me again like you did that last day by the lake where I finally felt like I had found the missing piece to my life.”

  Nathan’s eyes widened with each pointed word. They softened, filled with emotions.

  “Do you love me?” Maddie asked. “That is the only thing that matters to me.”

  Nathan smoothed his rough palm over her cheek, cupping her face with so much gentleness that she could hardly breath for the choking press of tears in her throat.

  “I do love you, Madeline Reynolds,” he whispered and his voice cracked. “I love you so much that it pains me to think of the hardship you will face if you marry me.”

  “So it won’t be easy?” Maddie asked.

  He nodded wordlessly.

  She smiled. “Nothing worth having ever is, Nathan. But if we face our troubles together, then they will only make us stronger.”

  He sighed, a resigned sigh. But also a happy one. And then, for the first time since he discovered who she truly was, he smiled. And Maddie’s heart swelled.

  “Then marry me,” he whispered. “Marry me, Maddie. And challenge and confuse and delight me for the rest of my life.”

  “Yes,” she whispered as she wound her fingers into his hair and drew his mouth down for a kiss. “Yes.”