Dr. Carlisle's Child

by Carol Marinelli

  What joy? she thought angrily, and then checked herself. The last thing she wanted to become was bitter. Yet it was the most ironic of scenes—sad because Jake and the other children here were so desperately ill on Christmas day of all days. Sad because Seb was without his son today, and unaware of the twins she was carrying.

  But in some ways if it wasn’t happy exactly, there was an air of hope. A feeling of quiet efficiency, guarded optimism for these young lives surrounded by dedicated staff and family that cared. There was joy, too, for her, and Lucinda acknowledged that next Christmas, God willing, she would be spending it with her babies. Seb looked up as she stood there and Lucinda managed a small smile.

  ‘Ann’s asleep. She’s in on-call 2.’

  Seb nodded. ‘Why don’t you go home, too, Lucinda? Grab some shut-eye. You look completely worn out.’

  ‘I’d rather be here,’ she said.

  ‘Take your own advice, Lucinda. Who knows what’s going to come through the doors of A and E? You need to rest while you can.’

  Lucinda nodded. He was right, of course. And so she collected her bag and without bothering even to change she walked back to her flat, still dressed in her theatre gear. As she wearily let herself in she headed straight for her bed. Too tired to even pull back the covers, she lay on the top and, closing her eyes, for once she went straight to sleep.

  The ringing of the telephone broke into her dreamless sleep. Fuddled, she reached for the receiver.

  ‘Lucinda, darling.’

  ‘Mum?’ She sat up. ‘What time is it?’

  ‘About eight. Your father’s had too much brandy and is snoring away. Such a revolting sight. I thought I’d ring you.’

  ‘Is everything all right?’ Lucinda asked cautiously. Never in living memory had she been on the phone to her mother twice in the same week, let alone twice on the same day!

  ‘That’s what I was about to ask you. I know you said things had been a bit grim at the hospital, but I can’t help thinking there’s something else wrong. You can talk to me, you know. I am your mother.’

  Abigail’s concern caught Lucinda completely off guard and she sat silently on the bed, holding the telephone.

  ‘Lucinda, are you still there? Say something,’ her mother demanded.

  ‘I’m pregnant, Mum.’

  It was Abigail’s turn to be silent. Lucinda heard her intake of breath and found she was holding her breath as well.

  ‘You’re what?’ Abigail gasped a moment later, and Lucinda could hear the absolute horror in her mother’s voice. ‘You are joking, I hope.’

  Lucinda didn’t reply but it didn’t matter. Her mother had plenty to say. ‘So who’s the father—that anaesthetist you brought to lunch?’

  ‘Yes, Mum, but we’re not together any more. He’s moving to the country with his son.’

  ‘Oh, he is, is he? Well, we’ll soon see about that. You’re not going to have it, are you?’

  ‘Of course I am,’ Lucinda cried.

  ‘My goodness. This sort of thing happens to teenage girls, not women in their thirties. You’re both doctors, for heaven’s sake. Didn’t you learn about birth control in medical school? How,’ she asked, ‘do you expect to look after it? It’s simply not feasible. You’ve got your career to think of.’

  They were the same questions Lucinda had been battling with. She fought back her tears. Oh, well, she might as well tell her all of it.

  ‘I’m having twins, Mum.’

  ‘My God, Lucinda. Well, this just gets better and better. Twins! What is Seb—some sort of hippy guru that goes around impregnating women? Can’t he take the twins to the country with him and his precious son, and they can all live in their commune together?’

  ‘Mum, you’re being silly,’ Lucinda said, but Abigail hadn’t finished yet.

  ‘No, you’re being silly, Lucinda. All those years at the best private schools, the top medical school and a career going somewhere, and you’re about to throw it all away—for what? If you think I’m going to babysit, think again. I’ve done my child-rearing. What am I going to tell everyone? It’s just so, well, embarrassing.’

  Lucinda had listened to enough. Anger rose within her. Hell, she hadn’t expected an easy ride when she told her mother but a little bit of encouragement wouldn’t have gone amiss.

  ‘You can tell your friends what ever you like. I really couldn’t care less what they think. And don’t worry. I wasn’t counting on you to be around to help. It’s not as if you’ve much experience with babies.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Abigail interrupted furiously.

  ‘Well, how many of my nappies did you change, Mum? You certainly didn’t put your career on hold for me. Why would you do it for your grandchildren?’

  ‘How dare you speak to your mother like that?’

  ‘Mum, I have to go.’ Lucinda said.

  ‘I haven’t finished yet.’

  ‘Well, I have.’ She put down the phone and then, after checking her pager was working, took the telephone off the hook. With a sigh she lay back on the bed. Her hands instinctively reached down and gently she massaged her stomach.

  She’d told her mother and, as expected, Abigail had signed herself off the help roster. Ann, however much she might have wanted to help, wasn’t going to be able to now. And Seb, well, he had to get his life sorted with Billy.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she said in a trembling voice to the babies inside her. ‘We’ll manage.’ Her voice wavered. ‘We’ll do fine by ourselves.’

  Jake was gradually weaned off the ventilator. It took longer than had been hoped and he was still disorientated and confused from his head injury, but the neurosurgeons were cautiously optimistic that this would resolve over the coming days and there would be no residual brain damage. His chest drain was removed and finally he was transferred to the orthopaedic ward where his shattered pelvis would keep him in bed for the next few weeks.

  For Ann and Tod the days were endless the nights even longer. They had the unenviable task of going to the other boy’s funeral, and when Lucinda saw Ann when she returned from the service she was shocked by how much Ann seemed to have aged.

  ‘They’ll turn you grey,’ Lucinda remembered her joking to Seb. It seemed that Ann, yet again, had been proved right.

  For Lucinda, too, the days were torture. Seb’s departure grew ever more imminent and she felt a growing panic. Was she doing the wrong thing in not telling him? Billy’s robot still hung around her neck. Not only was she depriving Seb of his children but Billy of his half-brothers or-sisters. What right did she have to do that? The agony of indecision weighed heavily on her. So many times she was tempted to tell him, but it never seemed the right time. Her throat would go dry and Seb would give her a quizzical look until she made some excuse as to why she had said she needed to see him.

  New Year’s Eve found her sitting alone in her flat with the balcony doors open. She could hear the trams clattering by, carrying revellers to their various parties, hear the joyous calls of partygoers. It only served to make her feel even more alone. With a sigh she pulled the balcony door closed. The intercom buzzing caught her unawares. With a surge of hope she thought it might be Seb and then checked herself. It was probably just the neighbours to warn her of a noisy party. Never did it enter her head that it might be Abigail.

  ‘Mum, what on earth are you doing here?’

  Abigail brushed past her. ‘Before the big speeches I simply must lie down.’ She made her way dramatically over to the sofa. ‘Get me some pillows—quickly, Lucinda,’ she ordered.

  Lucinda rushed to her bed and grabbed the pillows. Whatever was wrong? Anxiously she tucked the pillows behind her mother’s head.

  ‘Not there, Lucinda. Put them under my legs.’

  ‘But why?’ Lucinda demanded. ‘Mum, what on earth’s wrong?’

  ‘My ankles have swollen. Look at the size of them. I have to elevate them. If a few hours on a plane from Queensland can do this, what am I going to be like whe
n we go to France?’ Lucinda hid a smile as her mother continued. ‘Mind you, we’ll be flying first class so I can keep my legs up all the way. I had to slum it in economy to get here. All the decent seats were taken—can you imagine?’

  ‘I’ve only ever flown economy,’ Lucinda said truthfully, ‘and I’ve never had a problem.’

  Abigail screwed up her nose.

  ‘But, Mum, what are you doing here, on New Year’s Eve of all nights? I thought you were going on a cruise on the river.’

  Abigail waved her hand. ‘Never mind about some silly cruise. I’ve come to apologise to my baby.’

  Lucinda’s jaw dropped.

  ‘Don’t look so shocked—I can admit when I’m wrong.’

  ‘I’m sorry too, Mum,’ Lucinda said graciously. ‘It must have been an awful shock.’

  ‘You can say that again. Your poor father’s still on the brandy.’

  ‘Is he very upset?’ Lucinda asked nervously.

  ‘No. Isn’t that the strangest thing? He’s completely stunned, but aren’t we all? Your father, once he got over the initial surprise, is actually delighted, keeps wanting to celebrate. I’m not quite there yet but I’m coming along. It will just take some getting used to. I actually read an article on the plane about supermodels who deliberately have a baby without a man, well, not completely—you know, a one-night stand or IVF. It’s apparently quite trendy.’

  Lucinda tried not to laugh. ‘Mum, I’m not a supermodel.’

  ‘Well, you could have been if you’d wanted to. I got you a present. Pass me my bag.’

  Lucinda did as she was told and Abigail handed her a huge jar of cream.

  ‘You have to massage it in three times a day—religiously, mind. It will help to prevent stretch marks.’

  ‘Mum, you know as well as I do that nothing can prevent stretch marks.’

  ‘Well, it’s worth a try and, let’s face it, you need all the help you can get. Have you any idea the havoc twins will wreak on your body? But don’t worry, darling. I couldn’t operate on my own baby but I’m sure Malcolm will give you a free abdominoplasty. He’s a great surgeon. He’s done a few things for me but that’s my little secret.’

  All Lucinda could do was laugh. ‘Mum, you’re completely crazy, do you know that?’

  ‘I know. You’ve obviously had an ultrasound?’

  Lucinda unpinned the photo from the fridge and handed it to Abigail.

  ‘Golly,’ she said as she stared at the photo. ‘There really are two in there. But that’s just like us Chambers, isn’t it? We don’t do anything by halves. Look at you, Lucinda, good-looking, clever and incredibly fertile.’ She gave Lucinda a wink and patted the sofa beside her. ‘Come and sit down and tell me all about it.’

  And so she did, telling her all. Abigail surprised even herself by actually listening for once, and when the clock struck midnight they stood on the balcony together, watching the fireworks light up the Melbourne sky line.

  ‘Happy New Year, Mum.’

  Happy New Year, Lucinda. It’s going to be a big year for you, for all of us really. I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandmother.’

  Lucinda nodded, watching as a rocket soared upwards. ‘I’m scared, Mum.’

  ‘Lucinda Chambers!’ her mother barked. ‘Stand up straight and take a deep breath. You can handle anything.’ It was the same line she had used over and over when it had been time to go back to boarding school or Lucinda’s exams had been about to begin, but this time Abigail reached out and took hold of her daughter’s hand, her voice softening as she continued, ‘I’m here now. We’ll get there.’

  Those few days with her mother were precious. Instead of reminding Lucinda of the calorific value of each mouthful she ate, Abigail went and bought a blender and magicked up wicked mango and banana smoothies, adding huge dollops of ice cream to welcome Lucinda’s returning appetite. But all too soon it was time for her to leave. Lucinda sat on the bed, watching as her mother packed with military precision, separating each carefully folded article with layer upon layer of tissue paper. Even her undies were individually wrapped.

  ‘I really feel awful, leaving you,’ Abigail said as she collected up her numerous creams from the dressing-table. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to ring your father and cancel the skiing? We can go any time.’

  Lucinda shook her head. ‘Please, don’t, Mum.’

  ‘But it’s Seb’s leaving party tonight. I should be here for you.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. You go and have a great time.’

  ‘I might head off to Paris while I’m there—see what I can get for the twins. The French are so chic. Their babies must be, too.’ She turned then, her face suddenly serious.

  ‘Seb has to know, Lucinda. I agree it might be better to let him get settled into his new home but you’ll have to tell him soon.’

  ‘I know, Mum. Just let me get tonight over with and then I’ll work something out.’

  ‘Do you really have to go tonight? It might be a bit much for you.’

  ‘I’ll be fine and, anyway, I’ve got no choice. I’m expected to be there. I’ll just go for a couple of drinks to be seen.’

  Abigail closed her case and checked the straps. ‘You’re sure you don’t want me to stay.’

  ‘Positive.’

  Despite her declarations, Lucinda was anything but fine. Seb had served the hospital well over the years and in return he was being given a big send-off. The party was being held in the doctors’ mess and everyone had chipped in. All the guests had a list of what bottle to bring so cocktails could be mixed.

  Lucinda made her way up the steps. Despite the warm night, she shivered in her flimsy dress, a grey chiffon with shoestring straps that flowed gently and covered the tell-tale bulge that was definitely, despite what the books said, starting to show already. It was the only dress in her wardrobe that fitted well, and she just hoped the thin straps held up against the weight of her ever-increasing bosom.

  Handing over her bottle, she looked anxiously around the room.

  ‘Lucinda.’ Pete marched over. ‘Have you heard?’

  ‘What?’

  Pete was grinning like a Cheshire cat. ‘Mr Felix isn’t coming back and the prof has had a quiet word to me. He’s going to speak to you, too.’

  Lucinda stared back at him. ‘You mean…’

  ‘That’s right,’ Pete said triumphantly, ‘I’ve finally made it. And wait until you hear what they’ve got in store for you. I hope your passport’s up to date.’

  Lucinda managed to smile but inside her heart sunk. It meant she was going to have to tell the professor sooner rather that later. It was just another thing to worry about on top of everything else.

  ‘It’s supposed to be hush-hush,’ Pete carried on, ‘but everyone knows. I’ve already had four champagnes thrust at me.’

  Lucinda smiled, genuinely this time. ‘You deserve it, Pete. Now, what are you going to do about that woman of yours?’

  Pete smiled. ‘Well, now, I might just have to make an honest woman of her.’

  Lucinda leant over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘I want an invitation to the wedding, remember. I love wearing a hat.’

  ‘The speeches are about to start. I must go and find Ellen. Come over and sit with us.’

  ‘I’ll just stand here and listen, thanks, Pete. I’ll be over in a bit.’

  ‘You’re sure? Can I get you a drink, then?’

  Lucinda gave him a smile. ‘I’m fine, Pete. Go and find Ellen.’ He made his way across the room as the lights dimmed and everyone hushed. She wanted to be alone for this and she listened with tears sparkling in her eyes as colleague after colleague spoke about Seb. Everyone here had known him for longer than her, and she couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy as they recounted stories about him, tales from his past where she didn’t belong. She listened quietly as they wished him well for the future where she didn’t fit in either. All the speeches came down to the same thing—Seb was a rare blend indeed, compas
sionate and caring but funny, too, a wonderful man, a brilliant doctor, and everyone would miss him. She could second that.

  And then it was Seb’s turn to speak. Taking the microphone, he looked his usual confident self, but she could hear the emotion in his voice as he thanked everyone for coming.

  ‘You’ve been a great team to work with over the years. But it’s been so much more than just work with you guys. You’ve all been there for me through all the ups and downs with Billy, and I know there’s been more than enough drama there. Hopefully now things can settle down for both of us but, rest assured, we’ll come back and visit often. We’re going to miss you all, too.’

  For a second Lucinda thought his eyes met hers but his gaze travelled past her. She stood there quite still, memorising every detail of his beautiful face, the face that might be apparent in the features of his children. How could she stand here and watch him leave? How could she just stand there and let him walk out of her life when there was so much that needed to be said?

  And then it hit her. It was because she loved him and Billy, too, that she was letting them go, letting them have this time to get their lives together before she complicated things yet again for them. Letting them have a breathing space to settle in before she turned their worlds upside down. Seb didn’t love her enough, didn’t think she was up to being a stepmother to Billy. When she saw him again she would have things worked out, be able to give him the news without breaking down, without telling him how much she loved him, leaving him free to get on with his own life.

  She held onto that thought and when Seb replaced the microphone in its stand and left the stage it was the only thing that stopped her rushing over to him.

  ‘We should be here waving the two of you off together. You’re not just going to let him go, are you?’

  Lucinda swung around and there was Ann. ‘I have to, Ann, but I am going to tell him.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘In a couple of months or so. By then I’ll be more sure of how I’m going to cope. It will be easier telling him if I at least know what my plans are.’ She swallowed hard a couple of times and then managed a smile. ‘I didn’t expect to see you here.’