Fractured Hope (Undone Series Book 4)

by Kristy Love

  “Love, I think you should take a step back so you can both talk,” David said, though he sounded amused.

  Roxie stepped back, though she kept hold of my arms. “I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have bombarded you with that announcement, especially not in the hospital. Please, please forgive us.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “We totally understand if you need time to process everything.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It was selfish and stupid.” My own traitorous eyes watered. “I didn’t leave you with much choice since I wouldn’t even speak to you.”

  “Absolutely not. It wasn’t selfish or stupid. You’ve been through so much. I know how much you’ve lost, how much you’ve dealt with. I understand your reaction.”

  “I’m sorry if it hurt you.”

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

  “Now, hug it out and let’s go inside,” David said, clearly fighting to contain a grin.

  Roxie turned her glare on him. “Stop being such an insensitive douchebag, David.” She hugged me. “David will be the best baby daddy in the entire history of the world and indulge my pregnancy cravings. I want a pizza with bacon, pineapple, and onions. Are you down?”

  My nose curled. Pineapple on pizza wasn’t my thing, but if it made Roxie happy, I’d go along with it. I had a lot of making up to her to do. “Sure.” I reached into my car and got out the cupcakes.

  David chuckled. “I’m ordering a normal pepperoni and mushroom, Mia. If you’d like to share some of mine, I’d be happy to give you some.”

  I shot him a grateful look. “Let’s order some pizza, then.” I grinned at David.

  Once inside, Roxie went to find the pizza menus to see who had the best coupons. I handed David the cupcakes. “A peace offering.”

  “Mia, you don’t owe me anything.” His voice was gentle.

  “I acted like a brat.”

  David’s arms circled around me, holding me close. “You didn’t act like a brat. Roxie and I have felt awful. We should have handled it differently. You have nothing to make up for, you have nothing to be sorry for.” He squeezed me tighter. “It’s a lot to take in. I know how much you’ve lost. You lost your family, your capability of having a family, your only child is in a coma. I know you’re hurting. I think I would have been more surprised if you were okay with it all.”

  I sniffled, tears sliding down my cheeks and soaking David’s shirt. “Thank you for being understanding, especially since I wasn’t.”

  David kissed the top of my head. “It’s water under the bridge. We’re all okay. We’ll move forward. I know you’ll be thrilled when the baby comes. You’ll love being an aunt. I know you’ll be the aunt that spoils the poor kid rotten.”

  I smiled. “You know me so well.”

  “Of course I do.”

  Peace settled over me. Of course David would understand. He’d always have my back.

  I spent the rest of the day with David and Roxie, enjoying their company and letting myself feel some of the excitement surrounding them about the pregnancy. Part of me was still incredibly sad. I hoped that part would eventually be on board.

  CHAPTER 12

  Roman

  Mia: I got all the supplies. I’m making little tags to tie on them for a message. I figured cookies would be best to start out with. I’m so excited!

  I READ HER TEXT A few more times. Emotions warred inside of me. I was anxious to see her, to help her fulfill part of her dream. I also dreaded the way she made me feel: whole, okay, happy. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt that way. There were times when I felt brief flashes of happiness, but it was always chased away by memories of the life I should have had.

  Should have. Could have. Would have.

  I felt I was betraying everything about my old life, but I couldn’t seem to keep away from Mia. Somehow, she made me come alive in a way I thought was gone a long time ago.

  “If you stare at that phone any harder, you’ll break it,” Harry said, slapping me on the shoulder. He started up the bus and pulled out of the parking lot. We were on the tail end of a shift and had just stopped for some coffee and breakfast sandwiches. “Everything okay?” Harry was probably the closest thing I had to a friend. I enjoyed working with him the most because he didn’t try to figure me out; he just let me be. He’d bust my balls plenty, though. And he took it when I gave it right back to him.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine.” This shift was pretty quiet. We’d had a few calls, but it seemed the crazies had stayed calm for one day. Maybe I was getting a break because my mind was back in the kitchen with Mia, her lips wrapped around her finger with that sexy smile on her face. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was teasing me, trying to entice me. There was no way she was actually interested. Her life was a shit storm. With Gia in the hospital, she didn’t have the desire for any kind of relationship with me beyond friendship.

  I often wondered about Gia’s father. She was probably married before, given that she was pregnant at the time. Plus, there were spaces where pictures were missing on the walls or taken straight from frames. There were only photos of Mia and Gia. I wondered where he was. Did he die in the accident? I couldn’t imagine what type of man wasn’t there for his wife and child as they went through this. But he wasn’t and I had no idea why. Mia never mentioned him. The thought of him somehow hurting Mia, whether physically or merely by abandoning her while she dealt with so much pain, filled me with actual rage. She didn’t deserve someone like that. She deserved someone who would hold her up through the tough times.

  If I was honest with myself, I wanted to be that guy. I wanted to be the one she called when she had a shitty day or something to be excited about. I was delusional if I thought that could ever be me though. I could barely take care of myself, let alone be there for someone who needed all the support Mia did.

  “There are rumors swirling about you, man,” Harry said.

  “Rumors?” He pulled me out of my thoughts. I didn’t want to be bothered by the mention of rumors, and I wasn’t. Except I didn’t want people talking about me. Period. I didn’t want them interested in my life outside of work.

  “Yeah. People are saying you’ve gone soft. You aren’t as much of an asshole anymore and you’re distracted by your phone a lot.” He nodded toward the phone in my hand.

  I laughed, attempting to deflect him. I was distracted. I hadn’t been myself since getting to know Mia. “Maybe I just feel bad for all you pitiful asses and how awful your lives are.”

  “It’s not a bad thing.”

  “It’s also none of anybody’s damn business.”

  “It isn’t, but it’s hard to share a shift with someone without caring about them, even a little bit. You’ve worked here for what? Three years? And no one knows a damn thing about you. You come to work, you give people shit, then you go home and no one sees you again until your next shift.”

  “I went out for drinks with you guys after you got engaged.” I shouldn’t feel I had to defend myself, but I did. It’d been so long since I let anyone in—at all—that it was strange for people to want to know more about me.

  “Let’s be honest.” Harry looked at me, his eyebrow quirked. “We had to drag you out to get you to come. And then, you only had two beers, barely said two words to anyone, and left after two and a half hours.”

  “What have you guys done? Gone all chick on me? Are we supposed to share our feelings and what hurts them? Give me a break, man. It’s work. There’s no written rule that we all have to be best friends.”

  “No, but usually people share something about themselves. I’ve been here, on the job, for ten years. I’ve shared this bus with many people, men and women. I heard about breakups and makeups, engagements, weddings, and divorces. People have shared pregnancies and even miscarriages. These people became my friends. You’re so damned closed off that no one knows anything about you.” Harry sighed. “You literally showed up on the job, out of nowhere, and started working. It’s n
atural for people to be curious.”

  “They can be curious all they damn want. I don’t owe you anything other than a competent partner to help you with these calls. I always pull my weight, I always come in to work. I’m always where I’m supposed to be. And, as far as I’m concerned, that’s what I’m paid to do. Not entertain you with stories that are none of your damn business.”

  “Okay, okay. Down, tiger.” Harry held up a hand in surrender. “It’s none of my business. But I’ll at least say I’m glad you seem a bit happier. It looks good on you, man.”

  I grumbled a noncommittal response and looked out the window. It bothered me more than it should that people wanted to know my personal business. My past wasn’t up for discussion with anyone. My failures didn’t need to be painted on the wall for everyone to gawk at. I didn’t want to be fodder for their stories and rumors.

  All I wanted was to go home to Mia, but I doubted she’d want someone like me.

  * * *

  “Roman!” Mia squealed. She jumped out of the way as flour exploded out of the mixer and all over the counters, floor, and cabinets. “You can’t just dump flour into the mixer! You have to go slow about it.” She bumped me out of the way with her hip, measured out more flour, then poured it into the mixer. She put a little bit at a time before pouring more in. It was a slow process, but the look on her face . . . I loved how focused she was. There was a tiny crease between her eyebrows and her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth just a little bit. Just enough to make me crave leaning closer to taste her.

  I pushed that thought away quickly. “I’m not a master baker like you are.” I smirked at her and her cheeks flushed. Knowing she reacted to me, no matter how small, gave me a rush. It made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years. I forgot how good it felt to be around a woman and enjoy her company.

  I also forgot how much blue balls fucking sucked.

  Mia turned the mixer off. “You don’t want to put the chips in with the mixer going. You want to fold them in.”

  “You can fold dough?”

  She nodded, never taking her eyes off what she was doing. She was meticulous about every step of the process. From the measuring of the ingredients to how and when they were added. She was in a zone and it turned me on. Watching her with her red apron on made me want to lift her onto the counter and taste the cookie dough off her lips. She said she wanted my help, but all I’d done is fuck up with the flour. “You can. Watch.” She grabbed a spatula and mixed the dough. I had no idea what she was doing that was any different than what she did before, but I didn’t question her. She knew what she was doing.

  She had a little flour in her hair and a bit of her ponytail escaped and hung over her forehead as she worked. She made me ache. My arms ached to grab her close. My lips ached to taste her. My body ached to possess her. These feelings had been growing steadily over the last few weeks. As she opened up more and more to me, it got worse. I understood why she was so closed off and seeming to not live. I understood her sadness, her detachment from life. I understood her. I knew what it was like to lose your hope, your future, your everything.

  “Perfect,” she muttered to herself. She doled out dough with a little scooper that looked like the smallest ice cream server I’d ever seen. She dropped each blob onto a cookie sheet, quickly and efficiently and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. My chest hurt watching her, so I rubbed it softly. Once she put the sheet into the oven, she turned around and rested her hands on her hips, her smile radiant. “First batch is in the oven.” Her eyes fell down to my chest and she laughed, though she tried to suppress it. “Uh, Roman? You’re a mess.”

  I looked down at my black shirt, though it hardly looked it now. Flour splotches made it look black and gray.

  “You might want to go brush your shirt off . . . outside.” Mia moved as though she was about to walk around me, but she stopped when I gripped the bottom of my shirt. I whipped it over my head and balled it up.

  “Now flour won’t go everywhere.”

  Her eyes skated over my skin, from my eyes to my waistband. They studied every inch of me as her mouth moved slightly, like she was forming silent words, her eyes wide.

  I’d rendered her speechless. I liked that. I liked the color creeping into her cheeks and the way her chest moved rapidly with every breath.

  “I, uh.” She cleared her throat. “I have to get the next batch of cookies ready to go into the oven.” She ducked her head and walked around me. The air between us was heavy, full of anticipation, arousal, and desire. I watched her, wishing I was brave enough to reach out and take what I wanted.

  And, damn it, I wanted her.

  “Is something the matter?” I asked, wanting her to say something. I wanted her to say there was something between us, to give me permission to act on this crazy attraction between us.

  “No, nothing. I just don’t want to forget what I’m doing.” She looked back over her shoulder at me, her eyes lingering on my arms.

  “Am I distracting you?” I tossed my shirt onto the floor by the back door and stepped closer to her, leaning my hip against the counter. Her bare arm brushed against me as she moved. She jumped and scrambled away. The side of my mouth twitched, fighting the smirk that wanted to break free.

  “No, not at all.” She sidled a few inches away, but kept working. Mia’s eyes were focused firmly on the task at hand. I slid a bit closer until she bumped into me again. She braced her hands on the counter as though it took a great deal of effort from her to ignore me. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “Mia?” I moved closer to her. This time our skin was touching, there wasn’t any space between us. I felt the goosebumps pop up on her arm as she stiffened. “Are you okay?” She nodded quickly, her breathing rapid. Her sweet scent wafted up, enticing me. I grabbed her shoulder and turned her toward me. Her eyes slowly met mine. “Are you sure?” She didn’t move. Her breath seemed to have stopped in her chest as she looked up at me, raw emotion in her eyes. In that moment, I knew she wanted me, too. I wasn’t alone in feeling this pull between us. I was done pretending and denying. I cupped her face in my hands, gazing into her eyes. She seemed so uncertain and so fragile. I wanted to hold her together and make her feel better. I wanted her to lean into me instead of away.

  I wanted so damn much from her.

  I moved even closer, dropping my face closer to hers as she looked up at me. Her hands went to my arms, holding me away or pulling me closer, neither of us knew. Closer still, I ran my nose along hers, waiting for her to make a move. She smelled faintly of sugar, vanilla, and butter and I couldn’t wait to see if she tasted like it, too.

  Finally, I had enough. I melded my mouth to hers. It wasn’t an innocent peck, a testing of what was between us; it was immediately passionate. Her hands tightened on my arms and one of my hands moved into her hair. She tasted better than I imagined she would as our lips continued tasting and wanting. She tasted like the cookie dough we had just been making and something else, something sweet I couldn’t quite place my finger on, but I knew I was addicted. One taste would never be enough. She’d be my favorite flavor.

  Mia whimpered, a small noise in the back of her throat. I grabbed her ass and pulled her hips flush with mine, letting her know exactly what she was doing to me. All the dinners and sweets we’d shared had filled her out so nicely. It fit in my hand and quickly became my second favorite part of her—after her lips. She clutched me closer. Her tongue swept over my lips and I felt as if my knees were about to buckle. It’d been so long—so long—since I had someone in my arms, someone’s lips pressing against my own. I couldn’t get enough. That it was Mia, my sweet, docile neighbor, the girl I thought had been walking toward death’s door a few short months ago, blew my mind.

  Her hands moved everywhere. Over my arms, my chest, my abs. One hand fisted in my hair like she was holding me hostage, not letting me get away from her. Not this time and not ever.

  I was surprisingly okay with that.

/>   Just as my hand skimmed her back, the oven timer blared. Mia jerked away from me, her chest heaving and her eyes wide in surprise and disbelief. Her fingers trailed over her lips as she stared at me. The timer went off behind us, having broken our connection, but not completely severing it. We were still lost in each other. After a few more seconds, Mia shook her head.

  “I have to get that.” She pointed over her shoulder to the oven, though her eyes never left mine. She smiled weakly before turning around and rushing to the oven. My heart pounded in my chest as I watched her move around the kitchen, preparing another batch of cookies for the oven. I knew, in that moment, a kiss wouldn’t be enough. I wanted more of Mia. I wanted her smiles, laughter, tears, and anger. I wanted all of it. Except I was in no position to accept it. I wasn’t worthy of her beauty, inside or out. As much as I craved more, I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t subject her to me.

  I grabbed my shirt off the floor. “I just remembered, I have plans. I’ll catch you later, yeah?”

  “Oh,” Mia said as she whirled around, a cookie sheet in her hand. “Sure, no problem. Thanks for the, um, help.” She smiled.

  “Of course.” I left her house and shrugged into my shirt.

  At home, I got in the shower, making sure it was sufficiently cold. Bracing my hands on the wall, I hung my head, chastising myself for being so weak. And pathetic.

  CHAPTER 13

  Mia

  SNIFFLING, I PLACED COOKIES IN the small plastic bag and tied it with a ribbon affixed with a little tag wishing people a better day. Tears stung my eyes and I fought them back with every ounce of strength I had. I had about a dozen little packages of cookies ready to be dispensed at the children’s hospital that Gia was in right after the accident, before she was transferred to a long-term care hospital. It was more like a nursing home than a hospital. I figured if anyone needed cheering up and some goodness in their day, it was people who had children in the hospital. Whether it was cancer or a child in a coma, parents and families needed anything they could get to keep their hopes up. Even if it was a homemade cookie.