Fractured Hope (Undone Series Book 4)

by Kristy Love

  I sank down in a chair, crying into my hands. Everyone was okay. Everyone was alive. There wasn’t a single thing that wasn’t good about this moment.

  * * *

  After a while, David came back and led me to the room Roxie and the baby were in. I walked in, cautious. Would it gut me to see this baby? Would it be too much? I turned the corner and found Roxie cooing to the baby, a small blue cap on his head.

  “Hey,” she said, not looking away from her son. “Come on in.” David went over and kissed her forehead and then the baby’s head. I walked closer, twisting my hands in front of me. “Come meet your nephew.” She looked up at me, beaming. Moving closer, I saw his small face, his eyes closed. “Here, hold him.” She held the baby up to me. Tentatively, I took him in my arms, feeling his weight. My eyes welled with tears at the natural way he fit in my arms.

  “Oh, he’s beautiful.” I touched his chin since that was all of him that was uncovered. He was swaddled up tightly. In that moment, I fell in love with this little baby. I’d go to hell and back for him. It didn’t matter that he was my nephew; I loved him the way I’d love a son. “Hey, sweetie. I’m your Aunt Mia. We’re going to go on adventures and discover lots of things together,” I said, my throat closing with emotion. “I’ll spoil you rotten and always give you more ice cream. Don’t tell your mom and dad, though. They have to have rules and be tough, but you and I will be great friends.” I sniffed to keep tears from falling on his beautiful round cheeks. “I will always, always love you.” I kissed his small head, closing my eyes as tears escaped. I swayed back and forth, patting his tiny bottom as he slept soundly.

  When I finally looked up, Roxie and David were staring at me, tears dancing in both of their eyes. Roxie smiled at me. “What’s his name?” I asked.

  Roxie and David exchanged a look. I hoped this wasn’t bad news. If they named the baby Brock, I’d kidnap him right now and raise him with a name that was at least respectful. “That’s something we wanted to talk to you about,” David said, slowly. “We wanted to name him Donovan.”

  Relief flooded me that I wouldn’t become a fugitive. “Perfect name.”

  “We wanted his middle name to be Gio, if that’s okay with you, after Gia,” Roxie said. My chin wobbled and I held little Donovan closer to my chest. “We haven’t filled out any paperwork and we can always use a different middle name, but we wanted to honor Gia. We wanted a small part of her to live on in our son. If you aren’t okay with it, though, we can always use our backup middle name.”

  “No,” I said, tears wetting my cheeks and my voice hoarse as it tried to make it up my throat past the lump that expanded by the second. “Donovan Gio is perfect. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means to me.” Gia’s name and memory would live on with this little boy. It wouldn’t bring her back, no, but it would bring a little bit of her back to me. My heart hurt from all the love in it. It was a welcome relief from the pain that had filled it for so long. Donovan blinked his tiny blues open, looking up at me. Seeing his little eyes was overwhelming and I sat down in a chair, wishing I could capture this moment forever. I wanted to live right here, with this new, precious life in my arms. He was so innocent and so protected and so loved. I never wanted him to experience the harsh realities of this world.

  Donovan pushed his little tongue out of his mouth a few times. I cooed at him, lost in his sweet new baby scent. Before long, he cried and I got to see how strong his lungs really were. “He’s so healthy,” I said, my voice breaking with emotion. He was healthy and alive and awake. I kissed him before handing him back to his mom for his food.

  David and Roxie let me stay until visiting hours ended. I was at the hospital as much as I could be. It was nice to associate it with life instead of death. Roxie and David had given me a gift that I could never repay them for. They gave me back real hope. This little boy was slowly stitching up my fractured pieces.

  Maybe I’d be okay.

  FOURTEEN MONTHS LATER

  CHAPTER 28

  Roman

  I DROVE PAST MIA’S OLD house. It was different now. The house was lit up, every window glowing brightly. The flowers had died and hadn’t been replanted. The man of the house always mowed the lawn in the summer and shoveled the snow in the winter. The kids played outside, their laughter ringing through the air. The couple was outside with the kids tonight, gliding on their patio swing out back. They waved whenever they saw me. The husband and I had a few conversations, though I didn’t remember his name. He liked golf and practiced putting in his backyard, and his son who had a Little Tikes golf set, often joined him. The little girl almost always wore flowing dresses, though it didn’t stop her from climbing the trees.

  The family was so insanely happy. It highlighted how depressed Mia had been, even on her happiest day she never smiled as much as this family did. The sound of kids’ laughter showed how empty Mia’s house had been.

  I was even emptier now than I was before. I still didn’t understand why she left the way she did. I didn’t want a relationship with her if she wasn’t ready, though I wanted her desperately. I was wrapped around her finger. I’d do whatever she wanted.

  Even if it meant staying away and keeping my distance.

  As the months ticked on, it got harder and harder. I tried to move on. A few guys at work set me up on a couple of blind dates. Every one of them ended with me saying I had to go to the bathroom and then slipping out the door. The women all annoyed me. One chewed like a cow, one laughed like a hyena, and another was too obsessed with her mirror. Oh, and I couldn’t forget Selfie Girl. She took a selfie outside the restaurant, one when she sat at the table, and another when her drink came. When she held up her plate and asked me to get a picture of her and her dinner, I’d had enough and made up a work emergency. Thankfully, I met all of them outside the restaurant so when I left, they still had a way home.

  No one was Mia. It was a hard realization to come to after thinking no one was Laura for so long. Laura had once been my ultimate and part of my heart would always belong to her. Mia had become my new love, the new ultimate, the one everyone else had to live up to. I compared everyone to her and thought she was the best thing to happen to me in years. Even the guys at work begged me to get back together with her because I’d become grumpier and nastier.

  What was the point of being nice if I didn’t have Mia?

  It all seemed pointless. And I hated that she’d turned me into such a bitch boy.

  Inside, I went upstairs to shower. I’d been picking up more and more shifts at work to fill my empty hours.

  In bed, I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to fall asleep. After a long night at work, I used to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Now the aching in my heart kept me awake. Where was Mia? What was she doing? Was she okay? Was she able to find happiness after Gia?

  I sighed and rolled over, turning on the TV I’d put in my room for nights like tonight. The sound from the TV gave me something to focus on other than the thoughts rolling around my head.

  * * *

  Two days later, I was in the fire station, lying in a bunk. It was a slow night, so slow that my thoughts were tormenting me. I never seemed to find peace from them.

  “Yo,” Brian said, throwing something wrapped in tin foil at me. Opening it, I found a burrito that smelled fucking amazing.

  “I hope this didn’t come from the gas station down the street.” I scowled at him, remembering the last time he showed up with a mystery burrito. It kept me in the bathroom shitting my brains out for two days.

  “Nah. Collins stopped at some new Mexican joint and ordered to-go.”

  I sniffed at it and inspected the meat. It looked and smelled fine, so I took a chance. I fought a groan at how delicious it was. “Thank God for Collins.” I took another big bite.

  “Right? This burrito is the shit!” Brian said, his mouth full.

  “Any news?” I asked as we continued to eat. Brian’s wife had left him and moved in with anot
her man. Brian was waiting to hear if she wanted a divorce or to get back together. I thought he was fucking stupid for even considering it, but love was love.

  I’d become the pussy who believed in love conquering all. Fuck me.

  “Nah. I called a lawyer. If she wants to move in with a guy fifteen years older than her and deal with saggy man balls, that’s on her.”

  I scoffed at the mention of saggy man balls. “Good on you, man.”

  “I’m not begging someone to be with me. If she wanted to come home, she’d be home. I want someone who wants me for me, you know?”

  “Totally.” It was hard to admit when you weren’t enough for someone. It was a harsh reality that made you doubt fucking everything about yourself. “Plenty of fish in the sea and all that.”

  “I won’t have to listen to her bitching about the job anymore. She knew what she was getting into, dating and marrying a fireman, but she never stopped complaining about it.”

  I took a final bite of my burrito and grunted in response. It seemed relationships were rarely worth it. Heartache and sorrow always followed.

  We chatted a bit longer, not talking about anything in particular until an alarm sounded. We rushed and got dressed in our gear, then sped off to save the day.

  When a call came in, whether I was on a bus or an engine, my mind shut off and I threw myself into my job. I didn’t think about Mia or how awful I felt. I thought about saving lives and doing the best job I could.

  As soon as the adrenaline wore off, Mia was back on my mind. Would I ever get peace from her?

  CHAPTER 29

  Mia

  “TAMMY, RING OUT MR. RODRIGUEZ!” I called out as I rushed to the kitchen in the back. I was at work and from the moment we opened the doors, things had been crazy. Customers streamed into the shop and formed a line that grew each day. Two employees would probably not be enough much longer. I wiped my face on a towel and braced my hands against the counter.

  Today was a hard day. Memories threatened to make me cry and I felt the hollowness echoing with every step. Gia’s picture hung on the wall above the sink and I gazed at her, my eyes welling. “Mama’s trying, baby girl. I miss you.” I kissed my fingertips, reached up, and pressed them to her face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady myself.

  I went to the storage cooler and grabbed a tray of cookies. We’d already sold out of triple chocolate chunk cookies, so I needed to restock the case. We were only open another two hours, but they seemed to be one of our most popular sellers. Roman had given me another gift: the best seller in my shop. I shook off my thoughts and went back out to appease the crowd in front.

  After Roxie’s friend helped me fix up the shop so it was suitable for business, I opened the doors. Business was slow, but steadily grew as the months went on.

  Tammy came to work with me after I started attending her support group. Donovan’s birth brought a lot of grief and pain rushing back that was hard to ignore, so I joined. I needed to deal with my feelings and know I wasn’t alone, not truly. The men and women in that group were a lifesaver. They were survivors.

  The sorrow and grief would always be there, but I needed to find a way to be okay, a way to continue. I went from having nothing to live for to finding things to live for every day. Even if it was only to bake a batch of cookies or have a cup of my favorite coffee, it was a reason to wake up in the morning.

  “Here’s more cookies,” I said, swapping out the trays.

  “Busy day,” Tammy mused as she rushed to get someone a cup of coffee to go with their baked goods.

  “Very busy.”

  “Maybe you want to think about hiring more help, huh? It’s not going to cut it with only us much longer.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said. I was scared to hire more people. Would I make enough money to afford my rent payment, pay off the loans I took out to get this place up and running, and some leftover medical bills? I didn’t want to go under because I thought I was more successful than I really was.

  “Think quickly!” Tammy chimed as she took the coffee to the waiting customer.

  After the bakery closed, we cleaned. When Tammy left, I went in the back and started baking for the next day. I liked to keep our supply high—just in case.

  I turned on my favorite band of the moment—Pvris—and cranked up the volume, dancing and singing along as I worked around the kitchen. The best thing about baking was getting lost in the movements. It had become second nature.

  “Auntie Mia, we’re here!” Roxie called from the front of the store. She had a key so she could come and visit me anytime she wanted. She came into the kitchen, Donovan on her hip. I wiped my hands on my apron and rushed over. Donovan reached for me with grabby hands, so I scooped him up, nuzzling his neck.

  “Hey, little man. How are you today?”

  “I’m good. So glad I came to visit.” Roxie laughed. She joked, but I knew she was glad I had a close connection with the baby.

  “Hey, Roxie. I’m glad you showed up today.”

  “You mean you’re glad I brought my spawn.”

  “Do you want to help Aunt Mia put icing on some cookies?” I asked Donovan. He nodded and clapped his hands, so I got him his own apron and set him up on a stool with an icing bag, then lined up several cookies. I didn’t care what they looked like or how messy they were—he would take them home with him. “What’s going on, Rox?” I asked as I helped Donovan.

  “Not much. Just a busy day. Donovan had his fifteen-month check-up. He’s doing really well, growing big and strong.”

  “So big!” Donovan shouted, raising his arms above his head, flinging icing on the wall and floor. I laughed. Donovan could do pretty much anything and I thought it was adorable. He had me wrapped around his little finger.

  “Yes, you’re such a big boy. Do you want some red icing now?” I handed him the new bag and he squeezed, piling a cookie several inches high. It would be largely inedible, but he loved doing it—I couldn’t deny him that. “I’m glad things are going well.” I smiled at Roxie. Sometimes my anxiety got the better of me. I worried that Donovan would fall victim to some strange illness or accident. When he was younger, he got a really high fever and was really sick. I was beside myself with worry. It ended up that he had the flu and an ear infection, so rest, fluids, and antibiotics had fixed him right up. “How’s David?”

  “He’s good. He’s getting back from his business trip tonight.”

  “Does that mean you want me to watch this little tike so you guys can have a date night and get reacquainted?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

  “If you wouldn’t mind.”

  “It’s not a problem.”

  “Good. I already made dinner reservations.”

  “Am I such a sure shot?”

  “You wouldn’t pass up a chance to be with Donovan if you could help it.”

  “Who could pass up time with this sweet face?” I kissed his cheek and handed him a yellow bag of icing. He squeezed it all over more cookies. He giggled as he worked, saying the few words he knew, mostly “cookie” and “yummy.”

  Roxie groaned. “Don’t make me feel guilty for leaving him.”

  “You deserve a night out. You are an excellent mom, Rox. Sometimes you just need a break.”

  “I know. I’m glad we have you.” She hugged me.

  “Me, too. When can I expect my next niece or nephew?” I grinned. I was only partially teasing. I wanted David and Roxie to have a million kids.

  “You know the doctor advised waiting a year or two.”

  “I know. I just had to bust your balls and let you know I’m expecting another baby soon.”

  “You’ll get your wish, crazy Aunt Mia.”

  I flung icing at her and it splatted against her forehead. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding me? A food fight?”

  “Relax, crazy Mama Roxie.” I handed her a towel to wipe off her face. “Do you want to leave Donovan with me so you can go get ready?”
r />   “You wouldn’t mind?”

  “Stop. You know I have no issue with it.”

  “You’re the best.” She engulfed me in a huge hug, then hugged and kissed Donovan.

  “I don’t expect you until tomorrow morning!” I called after her as she rushed from the kitchen. She waved, leaving me with my favorite man.

  He quickly lost interest in decorating the cookies, so I cleaned up and we got out of there.

  Six months after Gia passed, I moved out of Roxie and David’s. It was time. They needed time to be a family, just the three of them. I needed to get out on my own and get used to my solitude. I’d toyed with the idea of adopting a pet to help ease the loneliness, but with the hours I worked at the bakery and how tumultuous my finances were for awhile, I didn’t want to rush into pet ownership. Besides, I didn’t want the responsibility of a house, so I only rented a small apartment.

  Once we got home, I set Donovan up with some toys so I could fix us a quick dinner. He was here a lot, so I had everything for him: toys, his favorite shows on DVD, and movies. He even had some clothes. I was thankful I had Roxie and David. They understood I had no desire to take their place as Mom and Dad, but I wanted to be with Donovan. He was such a sweet child and I loved him so fiercely. It was good to have him around. I helped them so they could have alone time—hopefully making me another nephew or niece—and I got to take care of Donovan.

  “Dinner’s served!” I called out. I made spaghetti, which was his favorite. I lifted him into his highchair and put a bib on him to hopefully protect his clothes. We ate together, Donovan babbled back to my talk.

  When I crawled into bed later that night, I didn’t feel the urge to cry. Which was progress.

  CHAPTER 30

  Roman

  I WAS OUT WITH SOME guys from work, heading to a bar. Another of the guys got engaged so we were celebrating, and going at lunchtime because of our crazy shifts. Scottie and I had to work tonight and he was the lucky bastard who got engaged.