Book Read Free

Play It Again, SAHM

Page 4

by Meredith Efken


  Huck: Whoa.

  Dulcet: They called today and cancelled—said they’re definitely getting a divorce. They still have to pay me for the design work to this point, but nothing more.

  Huck: Okay, so we

  Dulcet: I think it’ll be enough to make the bills for this month and part of next, but I don’t have any more clients! I can’t even talk to any of the clients from my previous job. And the ads I placed aren’t bringing in enough inquiries.

  Huck: Dulcie, let’s

  Dulcet: I’m going to fail! I was stupid for even trying this.

  Huck: No, you weren’t.

  Dulcet: What are we going to do? I should have done something. Stopped it from happening. I could have fixed it. I didn’t try hard enough.

  Huck: DULCIE!

  Dulcet: What?

  Huck: Don’t you think we should take this conversation out to the living room couch? I can’t hold you when I’m typing.

  Dulcet: Yeah…that sounds good.

  Dulcet signed off at 5:01:56 p.m.

  Huck signed off at 5:01:58 p.m.

  Text Message From Jeff Ebberly: For Rosalyn Ebberly

  ——June 15 10:13 a.m.——

  Mom, jst got n fyt. Im k. Nt my falt. Principel wl cll u. Sry. Jeff.

  From: Rosalyn Ebberly

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  Marvelous Mommies,

  After last week’s scintillating discussion on forgiveness, I thought we should turn our attention to a topic sure to warm and encourage every mother’s heart:

  Meeting the needs of our children.

  I’ve had to learn the hard way that EVERYTHING we do as mothers—every word, every glance, every touch—deeply affects our children for the rest of their lives!

  So when you shrieked, “Can’t you be quiet for just ONE SECOND?” after breakfast this morning? Sliced their tender little souls like a piece of deli ham. They’ll forever struggle with voicing their own wants and needs. Assertiveness will never come easy for them and they’ll probably get taken advantage of by every emotional manipulator who crosses their path.

  When you said you were too tired to read your son a book? Five years from now, that moment will fester into resentment that will cause him to punch another child in summer school. Ten years from now, it will blossom into a full-scale rebellion that will get him kicked out of school and placed into a juvenile detention center.

  Every time you pushed their eager little hands away and impatiently told them, “here, let me do it”…it was one more blow to their fragile sense of worth. It will probably result in a total inability to sustain meaningful relationships as adults.

  Not to mention a permanent spelling handicap.

  How many wounds we inflict on our children every hour of every day! It’s no wonder they end up so screwed up. And it’s our fault as mothers for not meeting their emotional needs.

  So let’s encourage each other on how we can do better at not ruining our children. Obviously, it’s not an easy task, considering that our own parents did a thorough job of wounding us to the point where we wouldn’t recognize a healthy psyche if it tackled us to the sidewalk. But as adults and mothers, it’s our responsibility to try to do better with the next generation, even if it kills us.

  Blessings,

  Rosalyn Ebberly

  SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

  “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: [SAHM I AM] sahmiam totw

  Ooookay. Looks like somebody needs to dial back on her happy pills… WAY too cheerful this morning!

  Z

  From: Dulcie Huckleberry

  To: Zelia Muzuwa

  Subject: Your note!!!

  Z,

  Did you realize that note went to the SAHM loop instead of our Green Eggs and Ham group? ROSALYN saw it! You’d better apologize quick. She’s going to be SO mad!

  Dulcie

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: [SAHM I AM] Re: sahmiam totw

  Hey gorgeous mom-babes, (and Tom, of course)

  Hope nobody took my previous message too seriously. Just trying to lighten the mood on this Monday. It’s rainy and foggy here in Baltimore—needed to cheer myself up a bit.

  No offense intended.

  Z

  Instant Message

  Pr31Mom: Zelia, dear.

  ZeeMuzzy: ros, honey.

  Pr31Mom: Thank you for your apology on the loop.

  ZeeMuzzy: no prob. you know i could never bear the thought of offending anyone.

  Pr31Mom: Of course not. You’re sweetness itself.

  ZeeMuzzy: takes one to know one, babe.

  Pr31Mom: That’s kind of you to say so. I hope you are feeling sufficiently cheered now?

  ZeeMuzzy: vastly.

  Pr31Mom: Great. Well, then, I’ll let you get back to your day. Since I’m sure you’re far too busy for more loop humor today, we’ll have to just get along without the giggles. Okay?

  ZeeMuzzy: you never know. i might have a few spare moments later on.

  Pr31Mom: That’s a relief. Wouldn’t want you to be too stressed out.

  ZeeMuzzy: yes, because you’re just that kind of compassionate person, aren’t you.

  Pr31Mom: Zelia, I’m serious—

  ZeeMuzzy signed off at 2:38:02 p.m.

  From: Brenna L

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  This is the biggest pile of male cow manure I have ever read in my life! First off, Rosalyn, your parents did not screw you up. You want to compare dysfunctions? You all know I had Maddy at age sixteen. Yep, teen mom. I was the poster child for dysfunction. It would be easy for me to whine and say it was the fault of my parents—they were no Clair and Cliff Huxtable for sure. But my family was no worse than many of my friends’ and not all of them became teen moms. I made my own choices. We all do. So if your life has a lot of problems, then it’s up to you to make the choices you need to make in order to fix those problems.

  As far as our kids go— I doubt any of us on this loop are doing anything less than our best for our kids. We’re not going to get it right all the time. Our kids will survive. At least they have so far. Guilt trips and self-loathing for our shortcomings are only going to make it harder to see what our kids really need. And when it comes down to it, our kids are the only ones who can actually make their lives successful and fulfilling. They have to choose to be that way. We can’t guarantee it for them.

  You want to meet your kids’ needs? Stop being so hard on yourself. They need a mom who isn’t drowning in self-inflicted condemnation. Or whining. A mom who is happy and still realistic about who she is and her own weaknesses. And who isn’t afraid to make changes to improve but who doesn’t beat herself up for her imagined failures.

  By the way—who won the fight?

  Brenna

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

  To: Brenna L

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  Girrrrrl!!!!!

  From: Brenna L

  To: Zelia Muzuwa

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  Um, am I a good “girrrrl” or a bad “girrrrrl”?

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

  To: Brenna L

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  You are an amazing, gutsy, to
ugh-as-nails, I’m-in-awe, totally correct, couldn’t-have-said-it-better-myself, wish-I’d-have-said-it-first, love you to pieces…girrrrrrl!!!

  Z

  From: Hannah Farrell

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  I sort of like don’t really agree—with either Rosamund or Brenda. I think it’s better to just not do all those mean things to our kids in the first place. Then we don’t have to worry about messing them up. And there’s lots and lots of books about child development that will explain everything you need to know about what kids need.

  Most moms have trouble with that because they aren’t focusing on their kids like they should. I’m totally into hanging out with friends and stuff, but my little Boaz always comes first. ’Cause I’m his mommy and that’s what mommies do— I’m the center of his world, and as long as he feels secure about that, he won’t ever have any problems.

  I’m always into keeping it simple, you know? And it doesn’t get more simple than that—just being there for them. All the time, any time.

  Hannah

  From: Rosalyn Ebberly

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  Hannah,

  Thank you so much for sharing that incredible nugget of wisdom. I’m very impressed with the depth of the insight you’ve gained from just two months of motherhood and a handful of parenting books. We must never underestimate the power of the written word combined with our own deep maternal instincts. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before—all I have to do to make my children happy is be everything to them! It really is that simple. Thanks, honey. You’ve changed the entire course of my life.

  ROSALYN

  “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)

  From: Hannah Farrell

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW June 15: Meeting the needs of our children

  Really? Wow! I’m SOOOO relieved. I was afraid you’d all be like ticked off at me for disagreeing with you. I really DO love my books—everything I know about kids comes straight off those pages. Since you were so interested in them, I posted a list of them in the loop files.

  The newest book I have is about how to educate infants. I’m going to teach Boaz sign language so he won’t ever feel frustrated about not being able to communicate his needs. Then we can avoid all those nasty temper tantrums later on.

  And the book also talks about how important it is to make good faces at our babies. Did you know that if you frown and talk to a baby in an angry tone of voice before they’re two years old, it will cause brain damage? I’m totally serious! So this book says you should always approach your baby with a big smile on your face, even if he’s crying. Otherwise, you could scar a kid for life!!!

  Gotta go— Boaz needs me to grin at him some more. Sometimes I just sit and smile at him for a half hour at a time. I’m hoping it will make up for any frowns he might have accidentally seen on other people.

  Hannah

  From: Marianne Hausten

  To: “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject: Grinning at babies

  Did anyone else find this idea a bit creepy? Reminds me of a clown. I was terrified of clowns when I was little.

  Marianne

  From: Brenna L

  To: “Green Eggs and Ham”

  Subject: Re: Grinning at babies

  Hate to break it to you, Marianne, but there are clowns on SAHM I Am—and they’ve been posting all morning!

  My goodness, has Rosalyn learned NOTHING from the disaster that is her life the past two years? And that Hannah… I’m sorry, but nineteen-year-olds have NO business being parents. I can say that because I had a three-year-old by that time, and I was totally clueless. The difference is that I made a mistake by being a teen mom. But Hannah?

  She did it on purpose!

  It makes me furious. And the weird thing is I really don’t know why. It’s her life. Her business. But everything in me just screams that it was a stupid decision. Maybe getting married at eighteen was fine for women hundreds of years ago, but it’s foolish now.

  I know… I must sound like a grumpy middle-aged woman. She just gets on my nerves.

  Brenna

  Text Message From Jeannine Hash: For Dulcie Huckleberry

  ——June 16/7:45 a.m.——

  Hi i just got a cell phone with text messaging sorry for no punctuation but i cant find it do you want me to ask some of my friends if they need a decorator text messages take a lot of time to write this one took me 20 minutes

  Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Jeannine Hash

  ——June 16/10:01 a.m.——

  Thx 4 offer, mom. But no need. No big deal. Get more clients soon. Write shorter mssg, takes less time.

  From: Jeanine Hash

  To: Jeanine’s FriendsCC:Dulcie Huckleberry

  Subject: Re: My daughter-in-law needs help!!!

  Dear Friends,

  As many of you know, my daughter-in-law, Dulcie, has been working ever so hard the past few months to start her own interior design business. Well, things just aren’t going so well! She could only get one client, and they’ve dumped her because they decided to get a divorce after meeting with Dulcie!

  It would just break my heart to see her fail! She’s trying to support the whole family—three children and a “house husband.” Poor thing—it’s just not right for a woman to have such a burden on her. But I know how that feels— I was a single mom for years before marrying my beloved Morris.

  So I’m starting a “let’s help Dulcie” campaign! We all could use some home decorating help, right? And I know many of you are…shall we say… “gifted” with plenty of financial resources (Hi, Mr. Tabuchi!!!) so there’s no reason not to hire my daughter-in-law. You’ll get a prettier house or theater or office building, and she’ll be able to put food on the table.

  She really is the sweetest little thing. And very talented, too! You all should see how she decorated the bedroom for her twins—a woodland fairy theme with hand-painted trees and twelve fairies hidden in different corners and crannies all over the room! Who wouldn’t want such a good mom working on their project?

  You should look at her Web site: www.homemakerin-teriors.com and give her a call! Besides, I’m fixing to make a whole new batch of my famous peach butter later this summer. I’d be more likely to give jars of it to people who are supportive of my kids. :)

  Blessings,

  Jeanine Hash

  P.S. Please feel free to forward this to lots and lots of people!!!

  From: Dulcie Huckleberry

  To: Jeanine Hash

  Subject: Re: My daughter-in-law needs help!!!

  Mom, tell me you did NOT just send that message to Shoji Tabuchi! The “hi Mr. Tabuchi” referred to some other guy and NOT the Branson megastar with the most-photographed theater bathrooms in America… RIGHT???

  By the way, who ELSE was on your friends list???

  Dulcie

  From: Jeanine Hash

  To: Dulcie Huckleberry

  Subject: Re: My daughter-in-law needs help!!!

  Well, of course I sent it to Shoji, darling! He’s been my employer and Morris’s employer for years, and a good friend, too. Not to mention how sweet he was in letting us have our wedding ceremony at his theater! Wasn’t it beautiful—with Morris on the white horse and us girls floating down on stage from sparkly stars? It seems like it was just yesterday…

  Anyway, Mr. Tabuchi knows a LOT of people, d
ear. Plus, if you were able to do a project for him or his family, just think of all the business you’d get!

  As for who I sent the e-mail to? Well, everyone I know—which is nearly all of Branson and half of Springfield! Just consider me your marketing and PR machine, sweetie.

  Love,

  Jeanine

  Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Tom Huckleberry

  ——June 16/10:08 a.m.——

  I’m going to kill your mother. Just wanted to warn you. How is the park?

  Text Message From Tom Huckleberry: For Dulcie Huckleberry

  ——June 16/10:12 a.m.——

  Park is fine. Girls having fun. Will it be Dulcie, with the candlestick, in the library?

  Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Tom Huckleberry

  ——June 16/10:14 a.m.——

  Hah! Candlestick 2 gentle 4 her. Will be me, in kitchen, drowning her in own peach butter.

  Text Message From Tom Huckleberry: For Dulcie Huckleberry

  ——June 16/10:15 a.m.——

  Yikes! Why? Or do I have 2 wait 4 testimony at trial?

  Text Message From Dulcie Huckleberry: For Tom Huckleberry

  ——June 16/10:15 a.m.——

  Plea will be temporary insanity. Hers. Xplain at home.

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: [SAHM I AM] This stinks

  “This” being my house. I can’t figure it out. Something smells awful! Like garbage—only I’ve emptied every single trash can in the entire house. I even rinsed them all out with bleach and water! I scrubbed the fridge, replaced the baking soda in there, and put baking soda down all the drains. I cleaned the toilets, the microwave, and even did all the laundry.

  And it still reeks!

  I’m so mad! All that work, and for nothing!

  Zelia

  From: The Millards

  To: SAHM I Am

  Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] This stinks

  How can you say it was all for nothing? You got your house cleaned, didn’t you? And at least you didn’t have a stranger scrubbing your toilets.

  Jocelyn

  From: Zelia Muzuwa

 

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