Play It Again, SAHM
Page 9
Step Three: Rate each item a 1, 2, or 3 according to how typical it is to spend that amount of money on that item. Then put an if the amount is usually more, and a if the amount is usually lower.
Step Four: Add up all the purchase amounts for each category. Then add up all the ratings for the items in that category. Divide by the number of total items in the category to find your overall rating. Now you’ll have a Code for each category: S or V, Average rating, up or down, and dollar amount. So for the Transportation Category, it might look like this: V 1.976 $682.96.
Step Five: For the next two steps, you’ll have to do some math. Since most of you aren’t math experts, I found this nifty program online that translates any set of math steps into a nice, simple formula.
Just go to the Web site and put in the following formulas with your particular numbers instead of the variable letters.
IF VCN < estimate then new month VC = (™TAC— (.1)VCN^2). IF VCN > estimate then new month VCN = ™TAC (1+ 1/VCN).
Step Six: VCN = VCN / ((™EIC– ™TAC ) * ((™SC+™VC)/(™TAC)))
SC = SC * (((™SC/™TAC)/ (™EIC– ™TAC )))
Isn’t that simple? Just between us, when I unveiled this plan to Chad, he was speechless! My new interest in our finances obviously meant a lot to him, because he sounded a bit choked up after I explained everything. But he also seemed pretty stressed out. I didn’t say anything about his tension. I’m sure he’ll work through it and come to appreciate my input.
So tell me, what methods do the rest of you use for budgeting? How do you work with your husband (or wife, Tom) to make financial plans for your family? And if you’re not currently participating in that aspect of running your household, what do you intend to do to become more involved?
You know, the Proverbs 31 woman was a wise financial manager. Let’s become more like her!
Blessings,
Rosalyn
SAHM I Am Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: Thomas Huckleberry
To: Dulcie Huckleberry
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
Dave Ramsey’s head would explode.
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: Thomas Huckleberry
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
It’s kind of like the budgeting equivalent to Calvin Ball, don’t you think? :)
From: The Millards
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
Chad was speechless and tense because that is the worst, most confusing “budget” system that has ever been designed! What is she thinking? Should I e-mail the loop and suggest they do NOT “try this at home”?
Why does she have to make everything so utterly complicated? Did you know she created an entire rubric to determine the best possible date for the retreat?
Jocelyn
Instant Message
ZeeMuzzy: thought you weren’t going to “gossip” about rossie anymore.
JocelynM: Gee, you’re cranky today. Come on, Z. This bitterness is not attractive.
ZeeMuzzy: not bitterness. just think you should walk the talk. that’s all.
JocelynM: Well, don’t you think her budget is a horrible idea?
ZeeMuzzy: sure. but i’m not the one who has pledged to be her new bff either.
JocelynM: I didn’t make any such pledge. Deciding to be friends with someone doesn’t mean that I can’t disagree STRONGLY with them.
ZeeMuzzy: behind their back? or maybe you do that to ALL your friends, huh?
JocelynM: I’m not even going to respond to that.
JocelynM signed off at 10:40:23 a.m.
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
Hey Rosalyn, your little budget system is fabulicious! I am utterly in awe of it.
Hope it’s okay to give you a couple of itty-bitty nitpicks. I think you left something out in Step 4. Isn’t it true that your Set Categories are cohomologous with your Variable Categories? (I SO totally could be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure that when you compute eigenvalues for the covariance matrix, you find a degeneracy. Yes, really!!! If I’m right, then cobordism implies that your budget won’t satisify the Lipschitz condition, and we ALL know what that means! *shudder*
But really—it was a great attempt. Totally elegant approach. Won’t help you reserve enough money to buy groceries, but the mental exercise did you good, I’m sure.
XOXO,
Hannah
From: P. Lorimer
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
Wow, Hannah, I didn’t realize you were so proficient in math! I don’t have any idea what you said, but I’m convinced.
Maybe we should have YOU teaching us about keeping track of our finances.
Phyllis (who is cramming madly for an exam from the Professor of Doom. What prof gives Ph.D. students summer exams anyway?)
From: Hannah Farrell
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
Hi Phyllis,
Like I told you a couple weeks ago, I’m like a total brainiac. If I’d have gone to college, I would have majored in physics and computer engineering so I could design a quantum computer and become rich and famous. I bet a quantum computer would destroy Microsoft, and then open-source would like totally rule the world. And that would be awesomely cool.
Hannah
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——August 10/2:15 p.m.——
“Such a brainiac I would have designed a quantum computer”—well isn’t that special. Little twerp.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——August 10/2:16 p.m.——
I’d like to give HER a Lipschitz condition! Sounds delightfully painful.
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——August 10/2:18 p.m.——
Poor Ros. Pwned by the Lipstick Kid. Wht happened to Jesus as ur bubble of light n the sewer of life?
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——August 10/2:19 p.m.——
I worked hard on my system and she made me look stupid.
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——August 10/2:21 p.m.——
SHE did?
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——August 10/2:22 p.m.——
You irritate me.
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——August 10/2:23 p.m.——
Sounds like time for another visit to ur shrink, sister-dear. Uv fallen off the nice-wagon again.
Text Message From Rosalyn Ebberly: For Veronica Marcello
——August 10/2:23 p.m.——
Shut up.
Text Message From Veronica Marcello: For Rosalyn Ebberly
——August 10/2:24 p.m.——
LOL. Luv u 2! :)
From: The Millards
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] TOTW August 10: Household budgets
Corbordism aside, I think Rosalyn’s main point was important. Being totally dependent on a working husband does tend to make a lot of SAHMs depressed. Maybe that’s why I’m having such a hard time with this whole cleaning-service thing. I mean,
if I’m NOT cleaning house, and I’m NOT doing all the mom-taxi stuff, and if I’m NOT spending all my time cooking or homeschooling or whatever…
Then what purpose do I have? I mean, nobody in their right mind would say that my job is to do all the parenting. In fact, everyone is constantly harping on how terribly important dads are. And somehow our husbands are managing to do their full-time jobs and be good fathers.
Or maybe I’m just grumpy today because Tyler told me he wishes Anna could come every day and make his bed for him. I said, “You can’t make it yourself?”
“She does it better. She makes it all tight and folds the sheets down and lines my baseballs up on the edge. Why don’t you do that, Mom?”
What are we teaching our kids? I’m going to end up with a son who doesn’t remember how to make his bed. I told Shane my concerns, and he said there’s plenty of time for him to learn that when he goes to college.
He’ll probably con some poor, sweet girl into doing it for him. I’ll have to send him off to school with a disclaimer: “Looks cute, but extremely devious. Befriend at own risk.”
Jocelyn
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: The Millards
Subject: Thanks…
…for getting the subject back on track on the loop. I appreciated it.
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: The Millards
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: Thanks…
Yeah, no big deal. But you really need to focus here, Ros. We HAVE to get the contract signed for the retreat hotel. Otherwise, we’re going to lose our weekend. And I do NOT intend to go through your torturous rubric again to pick a new date!
So put down the convoluted budget system. Just concentrate on deciding which one of the hotels I visited sound the best to you. This MUST be done by tomorrow, okay?
Jocelyn
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: The Millards
Subject: Re: Thanks…
You don’t have to get testy about it. I’m not trying to delay on purpose, you know. I just want everything to be RIGHT. I know a lot of you probably doubt this—but I really do love the ladies in our loop. They deserve a beautiful weekend getaway, and I’m determined to give it to them.
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: The Millards
To: Rosalyn Ebberly
Subject: Re: Thanks…
IF YOU LOVE US THEN PICK A BLASTED HOTEL ALREADY!
Jocelyn
P.S. Are you certain that we’re going to be able to recoup our costs on this? You know that I’ll be signing the contract and making the deposit with my own money, right? I can’t afford for this to flop.
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: The Millards
Subject: Re: Thanks…
Trust me…they’ll come. It’ll be a huge success. When have I EVER planned something that turned out to be a disaster?
Rosalyn
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: The Millards
To: Dulcie Huckleberry
Subject: (no subject)
I am so screwed. I just want to let you know, now, before the coming Apocalypse, that you’ve always been a dear friend to me. And after this whole retreat thing blows up in my face and Shane kills me for bankrupting the family, I want you to have Cuddie my teddy bear from when I was three. If you can grab him before the IRS does.
Jocelyn
From: P. Lorimer
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] Economic Dependence
This is becoming more and more of a sore spot for me. Jonathan does NOT like spending money, and I absolutely despise the feeling that I’m begging him every time I want to go shopping. It’s not like I don’t have equal access to the money. But if I spent it without his blessing then I’d get the wrinkled-nose, pursed-lip, terse little nod of his. Plus, if it’s clothing, then every time I’m getting ready to go somewhere, he says something like “You’re going to wear that new shirt-thing aren’t you?”
And if I say no, then he raises his eyebrows and says, “Well, I would just think you’d want to get your money’s worth out of it after…you know…what you paid for it.”
Do you know how that ruins any pleasure I used to have in that purchase?
I hate feeling like every stitch on my back and everything in the house down to the very last butter knife has ultimately been provided by him. Not that a pastor’s income provides much of any of that stuff. But it is rather humiliating after a while to realize that if my nose is running, I don’t even have enough money of my own to buy a tissue.
I’ve held off getting a job because a lot of our congregation would probably be horrified at the idea. They’d feel like it was either because I’m a bad wife, or because they’re a bad congregation and not providing enough for us. I truly love them and don’t want them feeling either way.
And right now, I don’t have time for a job even if I could take one. I did get a grad assistant position starting in just a couple weeks, so that will help. But the pay is minuscule. I might be able to buy TWO tissues if I saved up for them! Stalling on studying,
Phyllis
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Economic Dependence
Dearest Phyllis,
I think a lot of your dissatisfaction probably has to do with your attitude and mindset. My therapist is constantly helping me learn to reframe situations in my mind to make them more positive. The result is that I can change my emotions and feelings merely by changing how I think about something. Isn’t that amazing?
So with this, I think your biggest problem is that you are viewing your finances as “belonging” to Jonathan. Shouldn’t you be thinking of the money as “our” money instead of “his” and “hers”? I think you’ll find that you feel much more “one” with your husband if you learn to cleave together financially, as well as in other areas.
Rosalyn
SAHM I AM Loop Moderator
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1 (NASB)
From: P. Lorimer
To: “Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Economic Dependence
Yes, thank you SO much, Dr. Laura. And to think I sacrificed ten minutes of study time for that.
Phyllis
P.S. Jocelyn, I do not care if you think this is gossip. She is driving me loony, all right?
From: Dulcie Huckleberry
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: Re: [SAHM I AM] Economic Dependence
I think Phyllis knows that it’s “their” money and not “his.” But I could see where it would feel burdensome after a while to always feel so dependent.
I never felt that way so much, even when Tom was working and I was home full-time. Since he traveled almost all the time, I did the bills. So I felt like I had a lot of control over our money. I don’t know who does the bills in Phyllis’s family but maybe if she did them or they did them together, it might help. (Sorry, Rosalyn, but I can’t recommend that budget thing…too confusing.)
I think it also helps if a parent stays home because it was truly their first choice. I know Tom doesn’t feel overly depen
dent on me because he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad. Plus, he’s developing his own hobby that will eventually bring him some pin money, too, and that will help.
Hang in there, Phyllis. You’re taking steps to be able to bring in money as a professor. And I know that Jonathan supports that and is excited about it. :)
Dulcie
Instant Message
Huck: PIN MONEY?
Dulcet: What was wrong with that?
Huck: Why didn’t you just say how you give the “little man” a pocket allowance? Sheesh.
Dulcet: I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry.
Huck: I know you didn’t. But that was embarrassing.
Dulcet: I didn’t know you were so sensitive about it. Do you feel like Phyllis then?
Huck: Sometimes, maybe a little.
Dulcet: Well, it’s not like I’m acting like Jonathan.
Huck: No.
Dulcet: And you never have to have “permission” to buy anything. You’re always good at making sure we can afford it. I trust you.
Huck: I know. It’s not that.
Dulcet: Then what? We’ve been doing this for two years. I thought you were fine with it.
Huck: I did too. But the comments on the loop—it made me realize I feel the same way. It’s not always easy, especially being a man.
Dulcet: Oh, and you think it’s easy for a woman?
Huck: I did NOT say that.
Dulcet: Look, I don’t want to argue about this, especially over the computer. What can I do to help you feel better about this?
Huck: I really want to learn more woodworking so I can do it professionally. You know Morris can get me connected with the vendors in Branson. People are wild there for homemade furniture. And I love doing it. I just need to pick up more techniques and practice.
Dulcet: I have no problems with that.
Huck: There’s a woodworking show in Kansas City next spring. I’d like to go.
Dulcet: Sure. That would be great. Find out the details and we’ll make it happen.
From: Rosalyn Ebberly
To: SAHM I Am
Subject: [SAHM I AM] TOTW
August 24: Did I Hear You Correctly?
Ladies, (well…and Tom)