Shamelessly Worth It

by Nickie Nalley Seidler

  He helped me inside his truck and buckled me in. The lights from other cars around me made me want to close my eyes.

  “Maybe you’d like some coffee?” he asked, sounding so confident I was going to accept.

  “Actually, coffee and water sound good right now.” I looked at him as he drove off. Something weird was definitely happening here. I wasn’t sure what the vibe was that I was supposed to take from this situation. He opened my window slightly because he knew when I was drunk the breeze was something I always wanted no matter the temperature outside. I loved having the wind blow through my hair and take the sweat away. My mind was so confused. What was this? Did he have something he needed to talk to me about?

  He pulled into the IHOP a little further down the street. I checked my phone and noticed I had a message from Dean.

  Dean: Are you okay? What the heck happened? They made me leave so I took a cab home. I want to see you. We need to talk about this.

  Me: I’m drunk bri take me home. Talk 2 morrow

  I could barely even get that text out since my vision was in and out blurry. Brian parked and opened my door around on my side. We walked slowly, mainly him making sure I could walk straight into the restaurant. It was pretty dead for it only being 11:00 p.m. We headed towards a booth in the back and sat. The waitress brought us some coffee that Brian ordered and a carafe of ice water. He poured the water in a glass and slid the glass over to me.

  “Drink it. You’ll feel better.” I picked up the straw and sipped some water. “Look, I know I don’t owe you an explanation, but I just wanted you to know I’m not seeing Becky. I know it’s whatever at this point, but I’m not seeing her.”

  My eyes went to his, but no words came out of my mouth. My thoughts lingered on his statement because I wanted to know why he thought I should know. I get he wanted to know about Dean, and frankly, Becky was the last person I cared to know about.

  “I don’t.” I fidgeted with my hair twirling my golden locks in curly stands while I sipped my water.

  “You don’t . . . ?” he encouraged.

  “Hate you.” My eyes met his, and I felt like this connection was getting inappropriate. I wasn’t sure what this IHOP meet was for, but I just wanted to be home.

  “Millie…I…”

  “Brian, I think you should take me home, now.”

  The tension started and I just wanted to go to sleep.

  “Dean doesn’t seem right for you. That was a great example for Kate, come on now.” I could hear the sarcasm etched in his voice. He drank a sip of his coffee with only his eyes staying focused on me.

  “Brian…” he cut me off.

  “No, Millie, he isn’t good for you and I can see it.”

  “Brian, we were drunk. Both of us. It was out of hand and we both should have been smarter.”

  This was starting to get awkward.

  “Why was he getting smashed, huh? The man is supposed to stay in condition to drive home. Who was the girl he was dancing with? Come on, Millie, I saw it happen. You were getting drunk because well, who cares, but the man should have been drinking some damn soda pop.”

  I looked at him so confused. Why did he feel the need to tell me? I didn’t want to be discussing this with him. I looked at him, my anger boiling just thinking of Dean dancing with whoever that girl was. But the thing that was making my insides twitch was that I wouldn’t have gotten drunk let alone drank anything if I didn’t see Brian at dinner!

  “You’re the reason I drank! It’s your fault!” I slammed my fist on the table causing the drink to shake almost spilling my water. I regretted the words leaving my mouth as soon as I said them. Why did I say that to Brian? Ugh, I hated what liquid courage did to me. It made me say things I regretted. People always told me the truth comes out when you’re drunk, not the lies. Well, I wasn’t lying. Brian upset me when I saw him there with Becky. He was what made me want to drink my night away. I was successful, but my night wasn’t. Dean went off dancing with another woman and I’m sitting at an IHOP with my ex-husband. Somehow, I didn’t think this was my ideal night.

  “Millie, how could you move on so fast? Was I that terrible?”

  “I need to go home. Please take me home.” My voice cracked. I grabbed my clutch and stepped out of the booth holding my head from the pounding that already started. Swiftly like something kicked me in my ass, I stumbled to the door. Miss ‘I want my tip and don’t want to deal with drunks’ was eagerly waiting to get rid of us at the cash register. Brian plopped a ten dollar bill down and we headed outside.

  “Millie, wait.” He ran to catch up with me. “Please, Millie, I just wanted to talk.”

  I ignored him. I got in his truck and he got in trying to get me to talk, but I was done talking. He pulled away and a few minutes later he turned into my driveway. He shut the car off and was about to get out of the car. I opened my door and almost fell out until I caught myself and used the door to prop me up. Brian rushed around to the side. He grabbed my arm but I shook him off.

  “Maybe you should have talked when I freaking called you to talk. Not ignore me for Becky when I needed you to talk about our daughter.” I turned swiftly and stomped towards the front door.

  Brian yelled out, “But I did call you, Millie. We did talk.”

  I turned around right before the front door. “Yeah, you called me while Becky was in your presence. We were in the same damn place, both of us on a freaking date. Imagine that.”

  I didn’t care if I wasn’t making sense. I was still upset. I couldn’t even comprehend what the hell happened tonight. This had been the worst day of my life in a long time. I came home to my daughter having sex. I went out to find secrets about my so-called boyfriend. My so-called boyfriend danced with another woman the second I stepped away and got in a fight over God only knows what. Then he got escorted out of the place and took a damn cab home instead of seeing how I was. Then I ended up at IHOP, rescued by my ex-husband while he tried to tell me that my so-called boyfriend wasn’t right for me. Talk about a fucked up night.

  My mom welcomed me in the door with a pissed off look on her face. I just gave her the not now face. I walked and peeked into Kate’s room to see she was fast asleep. I knew she probably went to bed angry, but I’d deal with that in the morning. It wasn’t until I opened my bedroom door that I realized Mom’s pissed off look wasn’t a pissed off look. It was a what-the-fuck look.

  “Millie, my God, I’ve been worried about you.” Dean got up from my bed and rushed over to me. I kicked my heels off and fluffed my hair. What in the world was he doing here at now midnight? His face was all fucked up from fighting and this time it wasn’t because of Brian.

  “Worried about me? I’m sorry, who left me?” I started stripping my clothes off and searched for my nightgown, anything other than being in these dressy dance clothes. Once I found a tank top, I quickly pulled it over my head.

  “Left you? I got escorted out and into a cab immediately. I originally went home, but redirected the cab here because I wanted to talk to you. What took you an hour to get home?” I glanced at the clock and pulled my pajama shorts up. I thought about what to tell Dean but I didn’t know why I thought about it. I had nothing to hide, I didn’t do anything wrong.

  “Brian took me to IHOP to try to sober me up a little. Is that a problem?”

  Dean shook his head quickly. “No, not at all. But, how did Brian know you were there?”

  “He was at the club, coincidently the same one we went to, and watched it all happen.” I rolled my eyes, “Look, Dean, I’m exhausted. Beyond exhausted. My head is pounding and I’m still spinning and I’d like to sleep. I’d love to get down to the real talk of who the fuck you were dancing with but I really just don’t have it in me to care right this second because things like that remind me why I divorced in the first place . . . hell, why I didn’t want to date ever again. Make things simple for yourself and lock the door on the way out.” I slid into bed and watched Dean’s face look clusterfucked. He w
as more than taken aback by my words but it didn’t make him leave.

  “Millie, baby, I’m sorry. We will talk about that. It’s all a huge misunderstanding. Please let me make it up to you.” He dipped down onto the bed leaning to peck a kiss on my lips before completely devouring them. I thought I’d stop him, but it really turned me on. He climbed on top of me shoving his sweet reeking alcohol tongue in my mouth. I sucked the flavor and fell into the kiss. He ripped his shirt off in lightning speed showing me those beautiful abs marking that wonderful six pack he had. At that moment, I craved him. I craved to have him even though I was so pissed. Angry sex was almost the best sex. His hands flew to my breasts squeezing them roughly while his heated kiss buried me into the bed. The passion in this man was overwhelming at times, but it was a love no woman could deny she wanted.

  His hands flew down my body gripping every curve while he shimmied my panties down revealing my bareness. Sliding one finger in, he entered deep and started pumping it in and out. Feeling the wetness he was causing sent me over the edge. I lifted my tank top up and over my head exposing my breasts completely. He leaned down while his tongue traveled up my body past my belly button to each nipple before making his way to my neck. I moaned into his ear until his face was back to mine and his mouth devoured my lips. That bitter whiskey taste was riding my lips but at this point I didn’t care. I could only imagine the taste coming from my own mouth. Feeling his fingers inside me, he slipped one more finger in, pushing me over the edge. I reached my hands down unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning his jeans and yanking the zipper down. I started to shimmy the pants down and he took them down the rest of the way. This man was something else in bed. Seeing him naked before me sent chills up and down my spine. He didn’t have to make this night perfect, he just knew how to naturally.

  Dean slowly slid his length into my core which would rock that bed in a matter of seconds. Feeling it inch by inch, I started to grind my body to his. Once he was fully inside, I sat up in bed and wrapped my arms around his torso gently laying him back on the bed while I climbed on top. My hips rocked back and forth and side to side while he rested his hands on my ass helping me up and down on his impressive length.

  “You like that, baby?” Dean grunted while I slapped my body down on him hard and faster.

  “I love the way you make me feel.” I said softly losing my breath the faster I went.

  His hand retracted and came back lightly smacking my right ass cheek which brought a deep moan out of me. The heat radiating off our bodies could have warmed us for the winter. The tingling and warm sensation put me in a happy place, a euphoric experience.

  He twisted my body over letting me fall to the bed. His dick slipped out and he took it in his hand stroking it up and down teasing me slowly while he straddled over me. Then, he slammed it inside hard while he pumped in and out of me. “Oh, Dean, don’t stop.” I moaned louder, silently hoping nobody else in the house could hear this.

  “Tell me again.” He groaned.

  “Don’t stop!” I screamed louder while I came to the brink of my orgasm. Feeling my toes curl, my muscles tighten, and the warm sensation take over my body, I released. After I did, Dean did as well.

  Dean plopped down on the bed next to me, breathing heavily he closed his eyes for a second to regain himself. While I laid there on the bed trying to catch my breath, Brian popped into my head. What the heck was tonight all about? Was there some sort of hidden message? Then Dean spoke, and the thoughts about Brian faded away.

  “You’re so beautiful.” He rolled over on his side sending feather like kisses up my arm. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

  “Who was the girl?” I bluntly asked.

  He sighed, “My sister Nina’s friend. I knew her she just wanted me to dance with her. It wasn’t anything.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. Apparently it was just a misunderstanding.

  “I’m still a little disappointed in your behavior.” I shrugged my shoulders gripping his hand tight trying so hard for him to understand where I was coming from.

  “I’m sorry. Seeing another man dance with you like that was unsettling. I just want you for myself.”

  “I worry about you sometimes. You held back fighting with Brian, but let all hell break loose on a total stranger. No more fighting, okay?” My eyes stared into his while he nodded in agreement.

  Dean wrapped his arms around me and we fell asleep shortly after. Being intoxicated and having amazing sex made one very tired.

  Chapter 6

  “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” – Helen Keller

  Millie

  “Millie!” I heard Stephanie’s voice as she ran up to me from the car line at school. It had been a while since I’d seen or spoken to this beautiful friend of mine. Life had been too busy lately. I opened the car door and stepped out as she approached me. I needed a Stephanie hug!

  “Steph, it’s so good to see you. It’s been so freaking long. How are you?” I swarmed my arms around her, pulling her in. She was my best friend and she’d be shocked if she knew the things that had been going on.

  “I know, too long. Can we catch up soon? I have some stuff I want to talk about.”

  I smiled at her. That was just what I needed. “Sure, I took the day off today. I needed a mental health day. I have to drop Kate off for final dance practice in an hour. Meet you at your house?”

  “Perfect!” She smiled. “See you in an hour!” She ran back towards her car. Kate wouldn’t be expecting me to pick her up from school since she usually took the bus since I’d been working full time. Even if it was only an hour, I was excited to spend that time with her. She’d been so quiet and mad since I caught her in bed with Ben. She’d been grounded except for school activities and such. She’d been told to come home and do her homework until I got home, which seemed to have been working out fine. I thought she might have actually realized the seriousness of her actions.

  I noticed Kate walking out of the doors with her book bag and Ben right out behind her glued to her damn hip. I watched them walk hand in hand right past my car not even realizing I was there. I followed them with my eyes in my rear view mirror until I saw her walk past the bus stop. I pulled out of the car line and slowly made my way into the student parking lot where I saw her get into a car with Ben. My pulse sped up and my anger emerged deep within as she was disobeying my rules of taking the bus home. She wasn’t allowed to get in a car with another student, especially without speaking to me about it first. I sped my car up and pulled up right behind the parked car . . . what looked to be Ben’s brand spanking new Dodge Challenger. I blocked him from getting out and it was only a matter of time until he looked back and noticed he couldn’t move since I had locked him in. I was his worst nightmare as of right now.

  A few seconds later, Kate turned to look behind her and looked right into my heated eyes. She knew her ass was grass the second she saw me. She slowly got out of the car and I did as well. Ben stepped out and I could see his eyes bulge in terror of the sight of me. He was speechless and Kate didn’t look much different.

  “Where are you going?” I asked bluntly, facing Kate and keeping my attention on her and her only at that moment.

  “Mrs. Weaver, I was…”

  I flung my hand over my mouth signaling a zipper and zipping it shut before I glared flames in my eyes at him. “Shut it.”

  “He was just going to drive me home.” Kate added softly.

  I rubbed my eyes with my hand and squeezed them tightly shut for a second before opening them up trying to regain some type of calm within me, but it was just gone.

  “You know damn well Katherine you’re supposed to be on that bus. Not in anyone’s vehicle especially without my permission. Are you nuts?” I cocked my head to the side in disbelief that my daughter was acting out so much. The daughter who was my little angel for so many years had turned rebellious.

  “Get in the car, my car, now.�
� I demanded with no room for negotiation.

  She started to head over to Ben’s side of the car.

  “No, now. No goodbyes, no I’ll see you laters. Get in the damn car right now. What does the word grounded and you’re not to see Ben mean to you? You’ve added on to your time slot. Car. Now.” I got in the driver’s side and she threw her heavy book bag in the backseat before pouting and dragging herself in the passenger seat.

  I drove off and watched in my mirror as Ben got in his car and pulled away.

  “What in the name of God were you thinking? When were you going to tell me he got his license and a car? Kate, this is unacceptable. I don’t know Ben well enough to let you drive anywhere with him. I don’t believe you were going home. I can’t trust what you tell me anymore. You can add another two weeks on to your punishment.” I sighed and pounded my fist into the steering wheel angry that I had to punish her longer but knew she had to learn somehow.