Damaged But Not Broken

by Hearts Collective

  The guys and I shower and get dressed, and Liam comes knocking at our door to tell us the van is ready. We make our way down to the lobby and I see Paige standing outside, dressed in killer boots and a black and purple semi-see-through dress. Like always, she looks hot without being too revealing. If she drives the audience half as crazy as she drives me, she is sure to be a hit on the road.

  I shake my head to try to refocus my brain, and we walk outside to greet her.

  “Hey guys,” she says shyly, clutching her guitar.

  “Looking good,” Ben says appreciatively and Ryan whistles at her before wrapping his arm around her shoulder and leading her into the van. I bite my tongue, knowing I have no claim over Paige, but she looks back at me and shoots me an apologetic look anyway. We’re only a ten-minute ride from the club, and when we arrive it becomes a whirlwind of activity. We’re ushered inside, and I realize that it’s not a club with lots of tables, but it’s a music venue, so it holds more people than the clubs we were used to in Nashville.

  A petite middle-aged woman yaks our ears off, explaining the schedule that we’re already familiar with. Paige is in our dressing room and soon she’s being summoned on stage.

  “Break a leg,” I whisper, pulling her in for a hug. She doesn’t pull away and instead hugs me back.

  “Thanks. You too.”

  And then she’s gone.

  The guys and I head out into the hallway to listen to her set, and Paige blows us away, she kills it. Her voice is raw but controlled as she sings a song we’ve never heard before. It’s one about trusting and having your broken heart healed.

  Ryan shoots me a dirty look. “Dude, what the fuck did you do her?”

  “What?” I scowl, “How do you know it’s about me?”

  Ben snickers. “Seriously? It’s pretty damn obvious. You guys were all friendly, you break up with Savannah, take Savannah back, and then Paige has been pretty much cold towards you. We’re not idiots.”

  I shrug, annoyed at his accusation. “I fucked up, alright? Obviously, Paige didn’t take it too well.”

  “No shit,” Ryan mutters.

  “Well, don’t get any ideas,” I warn, “I’m still working on her. I know I screwed up.”

  We don’t talk anymore about it, and instead listen to Paige play the rest of her songs. As she ends her performance we hear Paige introduce us as the upcoming act.

  The audience cheers like crazy for her, and then we step out onstage. We bring the house down, and at the end of our show, I feel amazing. The guys and I high five each other backstage, and we’re so pumped from our show that I don’t even realize that Paige isn’t back there.

  Jack comes up to us and tells us that the van is getting ready to leave, and there are a few people outside who want our autographs.

  Autographs?

  It’s surreal, and the guys and I sign a few things before we crowd into the van with Liam and Jack.

  “Hey, where’s Paige?” Ben asks at the same moment I notice that she’s not on the van.

  “She and Kenny went back to the hotel. I think they were pretty beat,” Liam explains.

  The guys don’t think anything of it, but I wonder if there is more to it.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to go to sleep,” Ryan says excitedly, “Let’s go out and have a few drinks.”

  “Yeah!” Ben agrees.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Liam cuts in. “We’re heading out by eleven tomorrow morning, so I don’t want you guys getting too crazy.”

  “Aww, just a few drinks,” Ryan cajoles.

  Liam gives him a warning look. “A few. This is only your first night. You need to pace yourselves.”

  “Sweet,” Ben says under his breath.

  Our hotel is in walking distance of a few bars and I see the guys look at me to see if I’m coming along. I shrug at them. All my excitement from the night seems to have left me now that Paige isn’t in the van. I don’t understand why she didn’t stick around, and I’m suddenly in no mood to party without her.

  “Come on, let’s go,” Ryan says as we pile out of the van at the hotel. Jack has agreed to go too, but Liam is heading back to his room.

  “Nah, I think I’m going to go back to the room and sleep,” I say, wanting to be alone. The idea of an empty and quiet room is appealing.

  “Pussy,” Ben teases, but they don’t give me any more shit and head off in the direction of the bars.

  I make my way inside the lobby, not paying any attention to the cheesy fake marble detail. I ride up to the second floor and fumble in my pocket for the room key, which is outdated because it’s shaped like an actual key instead of a card. I search the numbers on the doors, and just as I’m approaching my door, Paige emerges holding her ice bucket.

  Her hair is long down her back, and her face is bare and pretty, free of her heavy stage makeup. She’s wearing tiny lavender boy shorts, which I notice hug her ass nicely, and a silk purple tank top. She’s clearly dressed for bed, but she looks gorgeous. I shift uncomfortably as I feel my dick harden.

  “I didn’t know anyone was in the hall,” she says, tugging at her shorts with embarrassment.

  “Why did you leave?” I demand.

  She blinks for a minute, trying to register my words.

  “I was tired.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  We stare at each other, neither one of us saying anything, I can feel the heat radiating between us. The chemistry has always been there, there’s no denying it, and right now it feels like we can’t go on one more minute like this.

  Paige drops her ice bucket at the same time as I move towards her, pushing her up against her door. She moans as my lips find hers and we fall against her door, as it swings open into her room.

  She kisses me carefully at first, her hands unsure of where to go, and then I feel her stop thinking and give in to the kiss.

  SEVENTEEN

  Paige

  Letting Go

  I don’t even think as I kiss Blake. As soon as I saw him there in the hallway, I knew I was done. I could see the emotions behind his eyes, and most importantly I saw love. Raw, abundant love for me and I decided that I was tired of pushing him away, tired of not doing what I want.

  I want Blake however I can have him. Even if that means he broke up with Savannah, got back together with her and then broke up with her again. He was here now and that was all that mattered. If I was going to get again, I might as well enjoy my time with him now.

  Blake pushes me against the door, but it swings open into my room, and I try to decide where to place my hands. But then, I just don’t care, I give in to inhibition and my hands are everywhere. I run them along Blake’s shirt and fist them in his hair, pulling him closer to me because he just isn’t close enough.

  His mouth is warm and soft and he tastes of mint. I can feel the passion in Blake, feel the fact that he’s no longer tied to Savannah, and he’s truly happy to be here with me.

  “Paige,” he groans, moving me from the door and kicking the door shut. He continues to kiss me, his mouth urgent and hard, his tongue stroking the inside of my mouth, as he pushes my body towards the bed.

  The back of my legs hit the bed, and I fall backwards as Blake crawls on top of me. He gently rests his body on top of mine, and something about the pressure of him on top of me, stops me cold.

  “Stop!” I cry out, pushing him off me. He stumbles backwards, looking at me with heavy lids and confusion.

  “I can’t,” I choke out, jumping off the bed and fixing my top, which has started to slide down my shoulders. I’m shaking and suddenly everything feels so real. The last time a man was inside of me was when I was fifteen and his accomplice was holding me down.

  “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Blake soothes, catching on quickly and trying to hold me.

  “Don’t touch me,” I moan, embarrassed as I bury my head in my hands. I am mortified beyond belief, and I know that Blake must think I’m a basket case.

 
He backs away quickly, holding his arms up.

  “Okay, okay. But hey,” he says softly, lowering his voice further, “I get it. It’s okay. I knew I shouldn’t move fast. I’m sorry. I just got carried away.”

  I look up at Blake and see the familiar green eyes that I’ve known for half of my life. It’s still the same Blake; we’re just grown up now. And we have done this before. It was just a really long time ago.

  And before the incident.

  “No,” I protest, feeling a tiny bit better, “I want to do this. I’m just having a freak out moment. I’m sorry.”

  Blake laughs softly. “You should not be apologizing. We can take things as slowly as you want. I can turn around right now and go back to my room.”

  “No!” I say a little too quickly. “I definitely don’t want that. I just need a minute.” I stop and look at him. “Is that okay? Can I have a minute to collect myself?”

  Blake motions for me to go ahead. “Take as much time as you need,” he says kindly.

  I nod and disappear into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me. I take a look at myself in the mirror.

  “Get a grip,” I murmur to myself, knowing I seem even crazier than normal. I’ve regressed to talking to myself now.

  “You’ve known Blake forever. You love him and want to be with him. Stop acting like an idiot and get a hold of yourself. Blake isn’t going to hurt you.” I finish with my little pep talk and assess my reflection.

  My eyes are wide and bright from my arousal, and my cheeks are flushed and pink. I don’t look half as bad as I imagined. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and take a few deep breaths, and wiggle my toes. I admire my hot pink pedicure, close my eyes and envision myself with Blake, while reminding myself that I am perfectly safe and that Blake would never hurt me.

  I can do this. Blake is the only person I have been completely intimate with, and I’m not letting those animals, Billy and Riff, take the rest of my life from me. They already took enough.

  After a few more deep breaths, I get myself together and head back into the room. Blake is sitting in the armchair, waiting patiently. He smiles at me when I walk in.

  “Feeling better?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Would you like me to leave?”

  “No. Stay, please.”

  “Okay.”

  I slowly walk towards Blake, trying hard not to feel self-conscious. I seat myself in his lap and wrap my arms around his neck.

  “I trust you,” I whisper against his cheek.

  “I would never hurt you,” he husks.

  “I know.”

  I start to kiss him again, and this time the kiss is different. It’s deeper, and I feel it building. I wrap my legs around his waist, running my fingers through his hair. Blake groans, squeezing my ass tightly, before standing up and carrying me with him. I stay wrapped tightly around him, and let him lower me gently to the bed.

  This time I don’t freak out, and I feel Blake carefully lower himself on top of me. I feel the panic rise again, but this time I fight it. We continue kissing, and the kiss becomes more frantic and urgent. Blake runs his hands along the hem of my shirt, and I arch my back so he can pull it off. He instantly senses what I want, and he yanks the shirt up over my head.

  I’m not wearing a bra and his hands find my breasts, squeezing them softly. His touch feels so amazing and I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips. It’s just like I remember, but so much better. His hand roams over my breasts, brushing softly against my nipple as he cups me in his hands. His fingers flick against my hardened peaks, and then he lightly squeezes each of them between his fingers.

  I moan again, arching my back, feeling the sensation travel directly to my groin. My entire body is on fire, and I feel more alive than ever.

  Greedily, I reach up to Blake’s t-shirt and fumble with it. He understands instantly and yanks it over his head. Even though I saw his chest when we were in the pool together, I still drink in him, remembering every line. I delicately touch his stomach, running my hands up to his chest and across his shoulders. Impulsively, I grab him and hug him to me. He lets his body sag down on top of me, and I press my mouth into the curve of his neck, inhaling deeply.

  “Blake,” I murmur, feeling my eyes fill with tears.

  “I know,” he says, because he does know, he knows exactly what I mean.

  He begins to kiss me again, and his hands slide further south, slipping inside the band of my shorts.

  “Can I?’ he asks.

  “Yes.”

  He slides my shorts down, and I kick them off onto the floor. I am naked, completely naked with Blake. It’s the first time I’ve been naked with a man in years, but I’m alright with it. I’m not entirely comfortable, but if it wasn’t Blake, I know I wouldn’t be able to do this.

  “Just tell me if you want me to stop,” he says tenderly, and I nod because I can’t speak from the pleasure.

  Blake’s hands slide up my thighs, and then he gently circles my pussy with his fingers, brushing against the crease of my inner thigh. It feels better than I ever imagined it would, and I sink my teeth into his shoulder.

  He growls with pleasure, and his fingers slide between my folds, gently caressing me. I feel a slight wave of panic, but I push it away because it feels too good and I can’t have this moment ruined. It was Blake who I lost my virginity to, and it’s Blake who is making me whole again, healing me.

  “Blake, don’t stop,” I murmur, grinding against his hand.

  I can sense his happiness as he spreads me open and begins rubbing my clit. He slides down my body until he’s nestled between my open legs and he focuses his attention completely on pleasing me.

  He’s so gentle, yet he remembers what I like, and he takes his time without making any sudden movements. He rubs me softly, running his fingers against me and spreading me open before he gently dips a finger inside me. I tense up just for a moment, and I feel him pause.

  “No, don’t stop,” I beg in a voice that I don’t recognize as mine.

  He swirls another finger inside me, and I can feel how wet I am for him. Slowly, he pushes a finger inside me again, and this time he softly pushes in and out of me. After I’ve adjusted and moaned with pleasure, he slides a second finger inside me, pushing more quickly this time, as his other hand cradles my ass.

  I can feel a building sensation inside me, and I know it’s an orgasm. I haven’t had an orgasm since I was fifteen years old. With Blake. The night of my attack.

  As if reading my mind, Blake whispers, “Relax. Let me make you feel good. You deserve this.”

  He quickly unbuttons his pants, and tugs them off before tossing them to the floor. I see his massive erection pointing to the ceiling, and I’m more turned on than ever.

  I lay my head back on the pillow and try to follow Blake’s advice. My thighs tremble around his shoulders, but he doesn’t stop. He looks up at me from between my legs, and our eyes lock. Not breaking eye contact, he lowers his mouth to me and softly sucks my clit into his mouth.

  “Oh!” I cry out, writhing on the bed.

  Blake sees that I’m enjoying it, and he sucks me further into his mouth, licking my clit and then running his tongue around my opening. He continues to lick and suck at me, as his fingers push inside of me, teasing and tantalizing me in the most illicit way.

  “I want you to come for me,” he husks.

  “I’ll try,” I manage in between breaths.

  He pulls his fingers out of me, wraps his mouth around my opening and then thrusts his tongue deep inside me, rubbing my clit with his thumb with increasing intensity.

  “Argh!” I cry, arching my back completely off the bed and grasping at the sheets. Blake doesn’t stop and his tongue pushes in and out of me in the most intimate of ways, and I feel the build of a powerful orgasm.

  I stop thinking and let it sweep me away, focusing only on the intense pleasure building inside me, knowing that I have to trust Blake. My release takes complete cont
rol of me, and I’m at Blake’s mercy as I cry out his name and moan, shaking and trembling beneath him, my body succumbing to the overwhelming ecstasy.

  The waves of pleasure come again and again, washing away my fear and inhibitions, and making it more clear than ever that I belong to Blake and he belongs to me. And then the tears start, and I’m crying uncontrollably, shaking and sobbing. Before I know it, Blake’s arms are around me, and he’s cradling me against his chest, murmuring soft and soothing words.

  “I’m so sorry,” I choke out, knowing what men think of women who cry in bed.

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m here. You’re alright.”

  He misunderstands. “I know I’m alright,” I sob. “That’s why I’m crying. You have no idea what that was like for me. I’ve never been able to be that way with anyone except you, when we were kids. And it was a million times better now.”

  I continue to sob, unable to control myself. “I never thought I would experience that again. I never thought I could trust someone to touch me in that way.”

  Blake just holds me, and finally the tears stop. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting that to be so emotional,” I apologize again.

  Blake chuckles quietly. “I’m just glad you’re crying tears of happiness and not sadness over my skills,” he teases.

  I manage to laugh and wipe at my face. “I guess this is pretty unsexy, huh?” I sniffle, knowing my eyes and nose must be red and puffy.

  “You’re incredibly sexy,” Blake assures me, “But I think that’s enough for tonight.”

  “No!” I protest, “I don’t want to stop.”

  Blake gives me a small smile. “Paige, I think I’ve pushed you far enough for one night.”

  “No, Blake, please,” I plead, pushing away from his chest so I can really look at him. “It can’t end like this – with me a tearful mess.” I pause, and lower my voice. “I need you,” I insist. “I need you inside me.”

  I feel foolish saying those words, but it’s the truth.