Ultraxenopia (Project W. A. R. Book 1)

by M. A. Phipps

  “It’s amazing,” I whisper. “Considering he went into that line of work because of your mother, he has a remarkable lack of compassion for someone who suffers from the same disorder.”

  “What do you mean?” Ezra’s voice is soft. Innocent even. Or maybe he’s simply choosing to ignore what he already suspects.

  “I’ll spare you the details of what they did to me in there.” I hesitate, remembering those eyes and that horrible empty smile. “But I can tell you,” I murmur, “that Richter seems like the type who will stop at nothing. He’ll get what he wants, regardless of what it does to anyone else.”

  Ezra grimaces, visibly blanching in response to my words.

  “It’s probably my fault,” he groans.

  I raise an eyebrow at him in confusion. “How do you figure?”

  His cheeks puff out as he releases a loud breath. He leans back against the nearest wall and looks up at the ceiling as if searching for an answer. “My brother and I have always stood on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to our political viewpoints,” he explains. “Our relationship turned hostile when I told him I was leaving home to join PHOENIX. I don’t think it helped any that Rai came with me. That was probably the final straw that tipped him over the edge.”

  He tenses his jaw and fidgets a little as if uncomfortable with the subject. I take note of his every expression, intrigued by his story and more curious than ever about Rai’s connection to it.

  “There’s a complicated history between my brother and Rai,” he says in response to my questioning gaze. “Let’s just say that her joining the rebellion wasn’t exactly the future he had envisioned for them.”

  So, that explains it, I realize.

  I’m overwhelmed by a surge of immense sympathy for her, and suddenly, her reactions from before all make sense. Ezra’s relationship with his brother is estranged. He openly admitted that. But what about Rai’s relationship with him?

  What happened between them before she left to join PHOENIX?

  I remember the way she asked me if I thought he was a good man. The devastation in her eyes when I had answered no. As I recall that moment, I can’t help but wonder if she returned Richter’s feelings. And even more so, if it was difficult for her to leave him if she did.

  “How old were you when all of this happened?” I murmur.

  Ezra scratches the back of his neck as he considers my question. “I left home right before Austin was due to take his placement exam . . . so sixteen. Rai was nineteen,” he answers. “It’s been nearly ten years, and neither of us have seen or heard from him since.”

  Ten years. Is a decade long enough to forget that kind of abandonment, or would Richter have held a grudge against them?

  I think back to my days at the DSD, trying to remember his reaction the day his tests were finally successful. The day he saw my vision. The day he saw Ezra. It was his response more than anything that showed his true colors and revealed the monster he was hiding behind his carefully controlled mask.

  I’ll never forget that determined look in his eyes. It spoke volumes; not only about his emotions, but about the lengths he would go to get what he’s after.

  “He won’t stop until he’s found you.” The words escape my lips in a quiet gasp, leaving me breathless and full of fear. Richter frightens me, and I’m nothing to him, so I can only imagine what he would do to his own brother.

  Ezra looks at me, holding my gaze for what feels like an infinite length of time. Neither of us speak, and once again, I’m faced with the realization that I have to tell him the truth.

  He needs to know what I saw.

  “When they were doing their experiments on me, I . . .” I glance away as a feeling of doubt forms a lump in my stomach.

  Do I tell him?

  Should I tell him?

  “I saw you,” I finally whisper.

  I can practically feel his entire body go rigid, regardless of the space separating us. I swallow, forcing myself to continue.

  “Richter became more determined after that and seemed obsessed, deranged even, by the idea of finding you. By that point, he had already run more tests on me than I cared to count, and that was without the added motivation. I didn’t want to stick around to see what he had in store for me next.”

  Ezra straightens up, but he still says nothing. I glance at him, wary of his grave expression.

  “How exactly did you find me?” he mutters after a moment.

  “I saw a glimpse of The Vega just before I escaped. It seemed like my mind was telling me that’s where I’d find answers. Where I’d find you. Everything else about you, though, I overheard at the DSD.”

  He slowly nods, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. The silence from before returns with a vengeance, torturing me with curiosity about what he must be thinking.

  Will he believe my story? Can he believe my story?

  He will, I tell myself. He has to.

  “What was your vision about?”

  I stare at him in shock. For some reason, I’m unprepared for this particular question. Of course, he would want to know.

  So, then why do I feel so reluctant to tell him?

  He meets my gaze, and there’s something there that reminds me of the way he looked at me before.

  How he will look at me.

  “It was just you and me,” I murmur. “You were saying you’re sorry.”

  I left out one detail, possibly the most important one. Maybe I don’t see the point in worrying him or igniting that sort of fear. Or maybe, I don’t want to place the burden of this knowledge on anyone else.

  “What was I apologizing for?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

  He nods once again. Except this time, he frowns. “I imagine I’ll have a lot to apologize for,” he says.

  “Like what?” I ask.

  He lifts his head and looks at me somewhat skeptically, apparently surprised that I’m even asking. “Well, the way I’ve treated you, for one.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “It was necessary,” I breathe. “I know that.”

  “Still doesn’t make it right,” he grumbles.

  Without warning, he shifts away from the wall and closes the distance between us in less than three steps. When he’s directly in front of me, he squats on the floor. His eyes lift to meet mine.

  I can see the sincerity burning within them like fire.

  “I’m sorry,” he croons.

  I gape at him, stunned and unable to speak. He blinks, and I notice a tiny smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

  “Am I off the hook?” he asks.

  My heart rate quickens, and I feel my cheeks redden. He’s joking. I see that now in his almost childish expression.

  Crossing my arms, I purse my lips.

  “Sorry, that wasn’t it if that’s what you’re asking.”

  I can’t help but smile, and for the first time since I came here, I feel at ease. Maybe it’s this new side of him. Maybe it’s the simple fact that he seems to understand I’m not their enemy.

  Or maybe, it’s the possibility of finally belonging somewhere.

  He stands up. As he does, his smile widens until I barely recognize him.

  “Damn,” he grunts.

  Unexpectedly, he offers me his hand. I peer down at it, not quite sure whether or not I should take it.

  “Come on,” he murmurs.

  I peek up to find his hazel eyes staring down at me. My heart thumps erratically, and for some reason, I find myself wanting to take it. To trust him. Without a second thought, I slide my hand into his.

  I lift myself up at the same moment he pulls me to my feet. He then makes a move for the door, dragging me behind him.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  He looks back over his shoulder at me. “Out of this room,” he answers. “You’re not our prisoner anymore.”

  “WELL, HERE WE ARE.”

  I glance past Ezra into the empty quarters. It
’s minimal and somewhat bare, but at least there’s a proper bed.

  I follow him into the room, inching uncertainly through the metal framed doorway.

  “You’ll be more comfortable here,” he murmurs.

  He steps aside, watching me carefully, as if gauging my reaction. I can’t deny this is a vast improvement over the tiny storeroom, but at what cost? Will accepting his offer really do me any favors?

  Will it really help the people here welcome me with open arms?

  I turn in place as my eyes scan the length of the concrete walls. After a moment, I meet his lingering gaze, nodding in response to his unspoken question.

  He stares at me, seeming to consider me in silence. Finally, as if reading my mind, he puts all of my doubts about the situation to rest.

  “Don’t worry. You’re not taking it away from anyone,” he assures me. “This place is big enough that we actually have rooms to spare.”

  I exhale, feeling relieved to hear him say that. I suppose I can accept it then, so long as by doing so I’m not negatively affecting the others who live here.

  “I’ll get Rai to find some extra clothes for you as well. There are bound to be some lying around somewhere.”

  I nod once, my cheeks flushing with gratitude. “Thank you,” I whisper.

  It’s strange. The way Ezra’s treating me now is a complete turnaround from before. The difference isn’t lost on me, and while I can’t entirely make sense of it just yet, I suppose at the same time, I can also kind of understand it.

  It might seem sudden, but I’m learning that compassion can easily do that, especially when distanced from the draining nature of the State. Sympathy—or I guess, in this instance, empathy—can alter a person’s mindset toward just about anything, regardless of the circumstances. Or, in our case, because of the circumstances.

  After all, the connection between his mother and me is too great to ignore. Knowing that I suffer from the same condition as her would be more than enough to change his attitude toward me. It would be enough to make him acknowledge that I’m not his enemy—that I’m not here to cause them harm. It would be enough to help him embrace my presence here. To want to help me.

  To accept me.

  He says nothing else, so I turn away and plop down on the bed, the mattress springing beneath my weight. Unable to contain myself, I fall back against the blankets—an unfamiliar smile spreading across my face as I do. It’s as if all of the emotions I was never allowed to show before are now beginning to work their way to the surface, revealing themselves when I least expect them. What surprises me even more is that I find myself embracing every single one.

  For the first time in my life, I actually feel as if I can relax. For the first time, it feels like . . . maybe . . . I don’t have to be afraid.

  I sigh, enjoying this small comfort, and it’s only when Ezra clears his throat that I’m even reminded he’s still here.

  Pushing up onto my elbows, I gaze at him curiously. His eyes are wide, and the way he looks at me is troubling, as if there's some unstated emotion hiding behind his blank expression. I can see it there, threatening to break through.

  Before I can discover what it is, he glances away from me. Clearing his throat, he runs his hand across the back of his neck.

  “I’ll, uh . . . I’ll leave you to it then,” he mumbles.

  He keeps his eyes averted from mine as he makes for the door. I watch him leave without saying a single word, noticing his rigid body language in every tense movement. I scrutinize him, wondering why he suddenly seems so uncomfortable. But the answer never comes to me.

  Shrugging, I collapse back against the bed. I allow my body to fully unwind, and it feels like I could fall asleep at any moment. Just as my eyes begin to close, pulling me toward sleep, the sound of my name drags me back to the surface. I hear a voice calling me. Ezra’s voice.

  “Wynter.”

  My eyes peek open, and I meet his gaze where he stands tentatively in the doorway.

  It occurs to me that this is the first time I’ve actually heard him say my name—the first time in person. It reminds me all too easily of that vision of the future. Just me and him . . .

  Just us. Standing alone at the end of the world.

  While the way he says my name is the same, the look on his face is entirely different. For some reason, my heart sinks when I see it.

  “I have to ask . . . did my brother say what he wanted with you?”

  A shudder runs up my spine at the mention of Dr. Richter. It makes sense that Ezra would want to know about my time at the DSD, and more importantly, about my connection to his brother. Still, the very topic unsettles me.

  I shake my head.

  “No,” I murmur. “All he said was that I’d be doing a service to the State if I cooperated. When I saw you in that vision, I just figured it had something to do with PHOENIX.”

  Considering the way Dr. Richter had reacted at that moment, it’s only logical I would assume that he had planned to use my ability to help him do what the State does best—find and eliminate anyone they deem to be a threat.

  Now that I know about their familial connection, I can’t help but wonder why he really wanted me. Was it to find PHOENIX? Was it to find Ezra? To find Rai? Or was it a combination of that and doing his duty to the State? Perhaps it was something else entirely.

  Ezra brings his fingers to his lips, staring off into the space between us as if lost deep in thought. I search his face, but just like before, his expression makes it impossible to figure out what he’s thinking.

  When he finally glances up at me, our eyes lock. He keeps his gaze fixed on mine as he crouches to the ground beside me.

  “I think it might be best if we keep this to ourselves for now,” he breathes in a hushed voice. “Don’t tell anyone else here what the State wants with you, and don’t mention your condition.”

  I furrow my eyebrows, confused and taken aback by his words. Why does he want me to hide it? What does he think will happen if I don’t?

  “I can’t control it,” I blurt out.

  I bite my lip. I feel the need to explain myself—to make him aware of my own fears about the situation.

  “What I mean is . . . they’ve already seen it once. Maybe they won’t think much of it now, but it will happen again. And that’s when people will start asking questions.”

  He frowns, and I can tell by his expression that he knows I’m right. This will be impossible to hide. Sooner or later, the others will demand to know about me—about why I’m here.

  Sooner or later, the truth will come out.

  “No one else has to know the details.” His voice is comforting. Calm. “Let them think what they want. The important thing is that we keep you safe.”

  Why? I want to ask.

  Why is it so important for them to keep me safe? A part of me hopes it’s for genuine reasons and not anything having to do with Dr. Richter. Then again, these people are part of a rebellion. It would be foolish of me not to accept that a tool of the enemy is also a weapon against it.

  A shiver runs across my skin at the thought. I try my best to ignore it, turning the conversation and my worries to something else.

  “I’m sorry,” I breathe.

  Ezra rises to his feet, and I can tell by the way he cocks his eyebrow that he doesn’t understand what I’m apologizing for.

  “About Jenner,” I clarify.

  He waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about him. Jenner’s smart, but he's also a hothead at the best of times, so it’s nothing new. He’ll calm down once he comes to his senses.”

  I take his word for it. After all, he knows these people far better than I do. If that’s a normal reaction for Jenner, then I’ll just take it at face value and try not to concern myself any more than necessary.

  Still, I can’t help but feel guilty about what’s happened. It seems like, ever since I arrived here, all Ezra and the others have done is argue. Of course, it’s always been because of me. I
might not know these people, but I also don’t want to be the wedge that drives them apart.

  I came here to find Ezra. To find answers. Not to make his life or anyone else’s here more difficult.

  “You know, maybe Rai’s right,” he murmurs.

  I peek up at him. He crosses his arms as he looks away from me, for some reason refusing to meet my gaze. He seems to hesitate for a moment before finally speaking.

  “You should consider staying here,” he whispers.

  My entire body reels back in surprise. He wants me to stay? After everything he’s told me and after everything he’s learned about me in turn.

  He actually wants me to stay here?

  “I wasn’t too receptive to the idea when she first ran it by me,” he admits. “But things have changed. You belong here.”

  He looks at me now, and his eyes burn into mine with an almost eerie intensity. An intensity I’ve only seen in them once before.

  I recall the vision. The tension. The sadness in his eyes. The strange connection that seemed to hang between us.

  For the first time since meeting him, I can almost imagine that future happening.

  “Damn,” he grumbles. “Looks like I owe her an apology too.” He shrugs his shoulders and laughs under his breath. “Rai’s always right, you know. Better you learn that sooner rather than later.”

  A smile pulls at the corners of his lips, and I find myself reciprocating it. Still, regardless of his new and receptive attitude toward me, I can’t help but feel on edge. Rai and Jenner welcomed me here, and now Ezra seems to have accepted me as well. But what about everyone else? What will they do when they find out why I’m here?

  What will they do when they find out what I am?

  “Are you okay?” Ezra lowers himself onto the bed, sitting closely beside me.

  My heart begins to race in response to the abrupt proximity.

  “I was just thinking about the others,” I answer quickly.

  “What, you mean everyone else here?”

  I nod, unable and unwilling to meet his gaze. Without warning, he places a warm hand against my shoulder. I peer up at him, taken aback by his unexpected touch.

  “You let me worry about all that,” he says. “You just focus on settling in.”