Inbox Full of Crazy
Page 7
A few of you might raise an eyebrow when I say some are still friends. Here's a big secret about dating sites. Sometimes you meet someone who would make a great friend if the pair of you met at a party, but you can tell early on there's absolutely no attraction. Most people shrug, consider the evening a failure, and go home to mope about the fact that there aren't any good ones left. Smart people take a deep breath, summon all their courage, and find a gentle way to say "Hey, you're really awesome. I wish we met at a party, because you're someone I'd really enjoy hanging out with. It sucks that we met on what's supposed to be a date." If you're lucky, they'll be totally relieved (c'mon, admit it. You can tell when someone else isn't attracted to you.) Suddenly, you're on the same side. Dating sucks, you're both single, and you have a new buddy who can sympathize with what you're going through without any pressure to hook up. I've had plenty of guys let me know I'm nice and all, but way too loud and bold for them to manage anything more than a half mast chub. Thanks for taking the pressure off.
Those conversations are awesome. If you've never had one, you're missing out on the best part of online dating. Okay, the second best. It's still pretty darn nifty, though.
Once I re-geeked my profile, here’s what men had to say to an alleged criminal mastermind seeking a partner in crime.
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My bonnie will have enough balls to buttstroke an unsuspecting security guard in the forehead without hesitation. She will command all hostages to toss their phones into the bright red L.L. Bean backpack and carry an army dufflebag full of loot in our getaway. and most certainly will not snitch on her clyde.
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A nice motorcycle ride, and then dinner and a nice bottle of wine, and maybe 9-1-half hours later could turn into 9-1-half weeks
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|your the redhead now I am to do what ever you say ba bwa ha ha ha
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Well i have the maniacal laugh part down pat. However I'm still working on my lair.I am border line ready to set my plan for world domination into motion . We should check notes . So that we don,t mess each others plots up...
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I just wanted to say that your profile is the greatest read I've ever seen on a dating website. You have such a great joy of life. And, a little geekiness is a very attractive quality. I'm not sure that we are a match, but I was really drawn to the things you wrote.
So here are my answers:
My plan for world domination is to lull everyone into a false sense of complacency. Is there a passive-aggressive way to take over the world? I'm not really into riches and power, but world peace would be nice. So, I would have to rule the world for its own good.
My ideal lair would be a nice condo in the city. Sorry, but The Emperor of the World should not have to mow the lawn. This lair must be within a block or two of a nice coffee shop. The Emperor should not have to fight traffic for a mocha. And by nice, I mean somewhere with free wi-fi and couches you can sit in all day long and watch your subjects walk by.
My ideal partner in crime would not be evil. Maybe she could be the more misunderstood type. Anyway, kindness, joy, and wit are important qualities in a partner in crime (when they aren't trying to take over the world).
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Mwa ha ha ha!
Maniacal enough for 'ya? LOL
Hope all is well. I'm new to Okcupid as well and would love to talk sometime. Besides, hatching evil plans is best done covertly away from spying eyes and software.
Get in touch sometime, if for nothing else, than to compare plans, henchmen, and floorplans for evil lairs
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Let me tell you about my catacombs. In one's fantastic lair you can argue the aesthetic benefits vs. the strict am-I-going-to-be-holding-back-the-barbarian-hordes necessity of the portcullis, moat and drawbridge, battlements, and other anachronistic detritus of the fortified lair option, but I maintain that any lair I would inhabit must have catacombs that are poorly, if at all, mapped and frankly, dangerous. They are to be there for my own amusement and/or annoyance, as I will occasionally have to repel the wayward undead that creep into the upper levels, and delve into the depths to prove my own glory and claim the riches of some too-big-for-their-britches Liches.
It is so rare that I get to indulge in the glory of my own former geekdom. There is rather little of that culture these days, while it was mandatory among the in crowd in my college town.
Your profile is a thing of beauty even more than your charming photos, and in truth your look is the kind that turns me on (not the blood and stuff but the look of you). I am impressed with the 91% match rating from OKCupid.
So, my beautiful, geeky Lady, I await your response with more anticipation than I have from many messages sent here before. I hope you will visit my profile and see fit to reply. I will be disappointed if I don't get to meet you.
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Madame,
I have no designs on world domination (yet), but when I am done with Europe, I'm sure Asia will start to look ripe for the picking. Wait...80 gallons of frozen jello? Hmmmm...change of plans...wonderful...wonderful...
I already have a serviceable lair. I live in a semi-secluded house, alone...well, not quite "alone." I have a minion. She's more of a slightly neurotic, tortoise shell feline, and not at all loyal, but she's...fuzzy. I'm thinking of moving my lair to a tree fort, but not in a tree. Who would ever think to look for a tree fort...on the ground?
You know I didn't know "it" was called Steampunk until a few years ago. I've always just called it Victorian science fiction. But I'm getting the sense it's a little more than that. I read Verne and Wells a long time ago and played an old RPG called Space 1889 and the primitive computer game of the same name. I am in the process of rediscovering my inner geek that has been dormant for some time.
You have an amazing profile and I can't help but find you utterly fascinating. It just so happens I'm located anywhere. If you'd care to converse (on any topic, but if you could instruct me on making minions loyal, I'd be most appreciative), drop me a line. You may need an extra pair of lungs for that bouncy castle.
Bow before...sorry, sorry. Getting ahead of myself.
I am your humble servant.
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Stepping Carefully into your lair
I have to admit that I lean more towards the side of the hero who opposes the villain's master plan for world domination. Still, who knows what might happen when I'm confronted by an alluring and seductive villainess. Might I be corrupted into becoming party to her nefarious plans? Perhaps my powers might come in useful to you.
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Hello, I need your help!
I have a big mission if you will except. We will be going all over the city so bring comfortable shoes. We will need a six pack of red bull, 100 sweet tarts , a jar of peanut butter and a banjo. I hope you are ready to get you hands dirty. I'm glad to Know there is a nother mastermind out there, say nothing, if anyone asks. When we meet I will say to you, "My, the side walk is flat" and you say "I love bouncy tents". Got it!!! Till we meet watch you back! Over and out
P.s. Bring the gears!!
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the ultimate lair...internet is a must have tool.comfortable furniture is a must. good art would be a big plus. location would be top secret, of course.mt plan for world domination includes random acts of kindness and entertainment.
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I will admit it, after the quick summary I hit the pictures first. What can I say, I am shallow-ish. But when I saw the awesome steampunk goggles were from DragonCon, it made me go HMMMM in a completely C&C Music Factory Approved (tm) way. And a picture as a zombie? Totally non-typical and awesome!
As for my master criminal plan, it involves replacing the worlds greatest works of art with with exact replicas and then.. uh... looking at them... and stuff. Alright, it needs work. First of all, I have no idea how I am going to sneak a molecular scanner into the Louvre. Second, how am I going to be able to pay for the utilities on a 1,000,000 sq-ft climate-controlled
nondescript warehouse on the edge of town? So many things to think about.
Well, if you have any ideas on how I might improve on this plan or just looking for a native guide, drop me a line. I don't know of a retro-karaoke place right off hand, but I am sure we could find one with a bit of diligence. (On the other hand, I do know of a bowling alley where drunken red-necks howl like coyotes that inexplicably love classic rock, but I can't recommend it, unless for anthropological reasons :)
P.S. Huge points for including both "Dune" and "Girl Genius" in your media favorites. A most compelling combination!
P.P.S. What exactly is going to happen when you freeze the 80 gallons of Jello? Lime I presume? Is the flavor key? I am filled with curiosity. And maybe just a hint of dread.
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Plan for world domination #780234
Create a bacteria that has an affinity for the leaves of poinsettia plants and produces LSD as a waste product. I can inoculate them by doping the misters in every Ecke family production facility in Central America. The result will be an even greater dilution of their monopoly in the ensuing chaos and the removal by fear of another symbol of Christmas.
This is part of a greater overarching plan to further commercialize Christmas by selling more durable goods. The chain of events will eventually mean that I no longer have to shop for or put thought into gifts because eventually the companies will have enough power combined with accurate data mining to just sell me a short list of what my friends and relatives want. Thus, freeing me for another 10-12 hours each year in which I can engage in various hobbies.
Also, from my years in IT, I understand how to infiltrate the corporate world. These skills mean that once the corporate takeover of holidays and government is complete, I can use assassination and falsified employment history to end up CIO of a large company. From there, it's just one well placed, commercially mass produced bomb to the height of power and money and all the tacos I can eat. What diverse and conglomerated portfolio does not include tacos, I ask you?
Tell me of your ideal secret lair in more words than you shared in your profile. I'd love to know.
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I liked some things about your profile;
1) You can deal with the geeks.
2) You did the Zombie Walk. I missed it but I and my son LOVE zombies...he missed out a couple of years back being in the movie they filmed downtown due to last min. age restriction changes. Poo on them!
3) You used the word Ginormous...which I just typed in to describe my dogs not but 15 mins previously when I downloaded photos of them.
4) I love TMBG and have one of their CD's in my car most of the time.
5) Your business sounds cool. I tend to classify myself as a 'facilitator' anymore...I introduce people to one another more often than organize myself...must be age wearing on me. I make a decent henchman at times...I call it being a 'puppetmaster' but, hey...PotAYto PotAHto.
6) I seek partners in crime...my crimes lately have been confined to sneaking into movies. Some call it cheap, some call it thill seeking, some call it fighting The MAN, some call it evil...I call it teaching my son lessons in applied psychology.
7) I have plans for world domination...but, I'm lazy and procrastinate a lot...and if I were to enact them...people wouldn't like me.
8) I'm pretty geeky...conventions when possible and perviewing nerdy things.
There are more I'm sure...but, it's late and I feel like going to bed or reading a sci-fi book...or reading as I go to bed.
Well...that's it for now.
Take care!
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If you weren't so freaking awesome I would ask you to consider a position as my arch-nemesis. This is prestigious because I have never considered anyone for the role before, only for regular nemesis. As it is it would make me sad to have you as my enemy, so perhaps it's finally (at long last) time to consider a partner.
As for my plan to take over the world, please wait until the uproarious laughter fades. Ah-hem. I don't want it. You would, in fact, have to bribe me with something significant to accept the role of dictator of the world. I do, however, have a evil-nerd-laugh that puts fear into the loins of natural alpha males and an evil stare that causes sane people to check for emergency exits.
I think you look smashing in your dresses and would love to spend some time exploring this city with you and seeing if we can press some minions into your world domination plans. (I can be supportive even if I don't share the goal.)
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With the advent of computers, an opposable thumb is no longer a necessity for writing. I must rely upon my other skills to stand out among horned beasts. Perhaps I meant to say hairy beasts. Hot blooded, hairy, or horny; I suppose it doesn't matter because I am all of the above!
Tell me about these narrow air ducts. Are they necessary to keep out your enemies? Vermin (cats)? Something more sinister? I suspect these air ducts are meant to keep you in rather than keep something out. Are you living in a supervised facility under the watch of doctors or armed guards?
I suppose that's all I have for now. I must sleep now. It's important to get plenty of rest before a busy day of world conquest.
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You had me at xkcd
I've been on OkCupid for months, but you're the first person that I'd be genuinely disappointed not to meet.
So, perhaps I'm a mammal you'd be interested in meeting. I smell good, write well, have facial hair, chest hair, and have a fondness for good witbiers and hefeweizens. (And, of course, Guinness.)
I'm always up for a run at world domination, so long as it doesn't threaten the beer supply.
Oh, and suggested Webcomics? Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, Something Positive, and Sinfest are at the top of my list.
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Greetings, and welcome to St. Louis!
On behalf of the Mad Scientist’s local 42, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to your new launching pad for world conquest. St. Louis has some very unique features that make it attractive to your fellow aspiring criminal masterminds:
Reasonable real estate prices, so you can allocate more of your budget to minions, research, and development instead of your secret redoubt.
Enormous systems of caverns deep underground that have never been fully explored nor mapped, for those evil geniuses that prefer an underground warren with plenty of places to ambush those annoying do-gooders
A large mechanically proficient labor force that is presently not working in such capacity – these former autoworkers will happily sign on for a reasonable salary and benefits, and bring skilled craftsmanship to your construction projects, be they giant robots, evil lair fortifications, etc.
There are also a few things about St. Louis that the mad scientist needs to keep in mind:
No building, lair, doomsday device, etc built after 1965 may be taller than the Gateway Arch, which stands 630 feet tall
By unanimous consent of local 42 members, no plan for world domination shall include the utilization, destruction, or removal of the Arch, as the structure is actually a parabolic antenna used to provide free satellite TV to the union hall
“St. Louis” is broken up into components – St. Louis City proper, and St. Louis County. There are dozens of different municipalities in St. Louis County. Such a governmental structure ensures that the government does not get in the way of our plans. Any attempt to unite the City and County governments will be looked upon by the Union with disfavor.
In specific response to your posting:
Obviously the inflatable bouncy castle is a temporary fortress, designed to keep away prying eyes. Like any good evil genius, you have carefully omitted a few things from your list of materials – namely, alcohol and structural timber. Your cunning plan is to build a catapult or a trebuchet and fling jello shots across the greater metro area with it. The local has provisionally approved this plan pending your paperwork being filled out – were you already a member of a local in Chicago or Louisville? If so, let m
e know, as the transfer form is much less time consuming. Union dues are reasonable – bringing a bottle of wine to meetings, in order to share it over board games.
It appears that we have compatible aims and methods, and would delight in sharing some of St. Louis’ secrets with a fellow criminal mastermind.
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Been to the City Museum yet? I'd consider that one of the best reasons for staying in St. Louis. Might even give you some good ideas for redecorating/expanding you lair.
Have you heard the good news? A new Discworld novel is coming out soon!
I'd go for genetically engineered leafcutter ants over army ants. That way you can train 'em to grow a mind-control fungus.
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I'm so glad you're excited to be here. We're excited you're here, too! When the city falls to your might, I want you to remember I was the first one to welcome our future master.
I would love to get to meet you, and talk about what kind of activities you're interested in outside world conquest. I'd invite you to get some Indian food, but that might be seen as an attempt to curry favor. :P