A Mess of a Man

by A. M. Hargrove

  “Thank you, sir,” I say, almost military style. It’s probably the best compliment he’ll ever give me.

  “You can relax, Ben. I do think there is room for improvement.”

  Of course he does. The relief I feel dissolves.

  “This company needs your fresh approach.”

  I blink. Did I hear him correctly? Had he meant the company needs improvement and not my performance?

  “It’s time for me to take a step back. Your mother never looked happier in the last twenty years as she has over the past month. And I realize I’ve put this company before her, before you, and Jenna too.”

  I’m so stunned I can’t think, let alone speak.

  “I want you to take on more responsibility. You don’t know how long I’ve hoped for this day. I’m proud of you.”

  He stands and the next thing I know I find myself enveloped in a bear hug with my father. Fuck, I feel like the world’s been lifted from my shoulders. His approval is something I’ve worked for my entire life.

  When he pulls back, my mouth opens spewing words I’ve longed to say. “I have ideas.”

  Although a cloud has been lifted from my chest, I still feel dazed when I leave his office. He listened to me and even agreed to some of my plans. I feel like Neil Armstrong as I float across the floor as if I’m walking in zero gravity. And the office suddenly feels like a strange new world.

  Back at my desk, I pick up my phone. My first thought is Sam and how much I want to share this development with her. It’s only after that thought do I realize I can’t tell Drew. Fuck. I hit the desk with my fist, the solid surface absorbing my blow. How many conversations did I have with him on this subject? If only he were here to share this news.

  I push the emotions back, not wanting to lose the high from attaining one of my goals in life.

  It’s early, but I have to see Sam. Talking to her on the phone won’t cut it. I grab my keys and head out the door. I wave at Jeff who’s giving me a curious look. He probably thinks Dad’s pissed me off. I don’t bother to stop. I’ve been working sixty plus hours a week and I deserve to see the sun for once when I walk out the door.

  The air is stifling, yet I draw in a lungful as I take my first step into the light. My heart fluctuates between loss and lightness, but I know Sam can make everything okay.

  I make a quick stop before I show up unannounced at her office. From where I stand in the front, I see her head bent as she types furiously on her keyboard. God, she’s beautiful.

  It’s that moment of perfect clarity. And I see it as though I’m looking through crystal. I’m in love with this woman.

  “Can I help you?”

  Glancing down, I realize I’ve been mesmerized by Sam.

  Hastily, I ask, “Is she free?”

  Her admin’s face lights up with mischief. “Go right in.”

  So fucking eager to touch the woman who quite possibly may be the one I spend the rest of my life with, I don’t waste another moment.

  Lightly, I knock on her door before I breeze in. “Hey, gorgeous.”

  When she lifts her head, her lips curve in a smile that makes me feel like the most important man in the world.

  “Ben.”

  My name rolling off her lips makes my dick leap to attention like a dog waiting for a bone. Shit.

  My legs move independently of my mind, as I find myself around her desk drawing her to her feet. Her shock melts away as she surrenders her lips to mine when I devour her like she’s my last meal.

  Her cheeks are as red as the roses I present her. She takes them from my hand and lifts them to her nose.

  “I know they aren’t exotic. I thought about which flower I could bring you that no other man has. In the end, perfection can’t be improved upon. You are my rose. And damn, Sam, if you aren’t everything my world’s been missing.”

  Damn boy, slow down, I think, as her eyes grow large. I kiss her again unable to resist.

  “Tell me you can leave early.”

  Her eyes drift over my shoulder. I turn in that direction and find we’ve gathered a small audience. Then her staff starts to clap.

  When I glance back at her, I smile.

  “I didn’t think you could get any redder,” I laugh. “Let’s give them an encore.”

  I wrap her in my arms and kiss her long and hard. For show, I dip her to the sounds of more applause and whoo whoos.

  “What do you guys think? She deserves a break, right?”

  They all nod. I turn back to her to find reluctance on her face.

  “Ben, this is sweet, but I can’t. I’m swamped.”

  She sweeps her hand over her desk, which is littered with a few stacks of paper. Nothing that looks too daunting.

  “You can,” I tease, holding on to each of her arms so she can’t walk away.

  Giving her employees my back, I draw her closer. I grip her ass, pulling her tight against me.

  “For the love of God, woman. If you have any compassion …”

  “Believe me, you’re making this hard.”

  I chuckle and whisper in her ear so our audience doesn’t hear. “No, I believe you’ve made me hard.” In a regular voice after stepping back, I say, “Come on, I have news.”

  “You do?”

  Her smile is like a sunburst in my heart.

  “Yes, I want to celebrate. I have so many things I want to tell you.” Including that I’m so in love with you. I manage to keep that thought to myself. I want it to be the last thing I tell her . I don’t want her to think I’ve said it because I’m horny or stoked about my father giving me props.

  “And what about these?”

  The dozen roses end up between us.

  “Exactly! They need water, which is another reason for you to come over.”

  She inhales and her chest lifts with the movement. Silently, I groan almost unable to wait to get my hands all over her.

  “I can get water here.”

  “You could,” I nod. “Or you can take an hour, or two.” I cough that last part. “And make my day.”

  She gives in with a sigh but her eyes spark with lust. “Okay, but I have to drive because I can’t stay all afternoon. I’m behind as it is.”

  I poke my lip out which earns me a grin and a slight shake of her head as she laughs. But I end up with her on my arm as we leave her office to yet another round of applause.

  Once I have her just inside my door, I cage her in.

  “Fuck, Sam,” I study her face.

  She has the eyes of a saint as she looks at me. She makes me feel like I can do no wrong, like I’m a fucking superhero. “It’s like I haven’t seen you in years.”

  She giggles, which makes my dick hammer at the front of my pants.

  “It’s only been a few days.”

  She has no idea.

  “Way too long, we need to fix that,” I answer.

  Her pause makes me think I’m going too fast. The silence stretches between us as I figure out what to do.

  “What are you saying?”

  I search her eyes a second longer realizing I need to dial it back. I don’t want to scare her. “Nothing, I just need you naked.”

  Pulling her shirt free of her pants, I scoop a handful of her amazing tits.

  “Take off your clothes before I rip them off,” I command

  I step back eager to watch the show. Her eyes heat with desire and feel like laser beams as she stares at me. She smiles while moving at the pace of a turtle in order to torment me.

  A growl vibrates my throat. “No teasing.”

  She spins around and glances over her shoulder. Her hair creates a sexy curtain covering one of her hazel eyes. Her thumbs work in the front before reappearing in the back. She tucks them under her waistband before wiggling her ass in an eye-catching way. I salivate at the sight trying to keep my tongue in my mouth. I plan to use it a lot before she heads back to work. Her pants fall, leaving her in white lacy underthings that frame her ass as pretty as a picture.
r />   “Sam,” I warn.

  She lifts her shirt and spins back around to flash her perfect breasts which are barely contained in the matching bra she wears.

  I can’t wait any longer. I move in and lift her up. She’s on board with my plans and wraps her legs around me, shoes left somewhere behind.

  Our eyes are locked as I march us into my bedroom. When I spill her across my bed, her hair fans out in invitation.

  “God, you are so beautiful.”

  Her eyes light up and her lips part as if she’s about to say something. I’m not a mind reader, but I swear she was about to tell me she loved me. Then again, maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part, considering I’m going to confess my feelings to her later. I want there to be no doubts in her mind why I say it. So I continue to hold back until after I’ve had her. This can’t wait.

  As the seconds tick by I continue to stare at her gorgeous body. And I’ve never been more sure in my life that I want her by my side for the long term. She slides a hand down past her navel and underneath the lacy panties.

  “Too bad I’m going to spoil that beauty,” I growl.

  “Why?” she asks concerned.

  “I don’t have it in me to go gentle right now. I going to fuck you until we both feel dirty.”

  I yank the material away from her body, not caring if they rip. I need to see what she’s doing. The damn things give without resistance as I tug them down her bare legs.

  “Part your thighs, baby. And let me watch you touch yourself.”

  She does as I ask, her submission given with a heavy lidded stare.

  “That’s right. Show me where you want me to touch you.”

  She parts her lips and her pussy hints with moisture. Without preamble, I dive in. I give her a good lick before I tease her clit with my tongue. Her hand moves into my hair giving a good tug as she guides me where she wants me to go.

  “That’s right, sweetheart. Let me know what you want.”

  She moans and squirms on the bed as I thrust my tongue inside her. I add a finger into the mix as I suck at her swollen clit. When I curl another finger in her pussy and rub that spot on the inside, she begins to scream as her orgasm bursts into my mouth.

  I continue to finger fuck her as she rides out her pleasure. After she releases my head, I lift up to see her face relaxed, sated. And doesn’t it make me want to thrust inside her.

  “I’m so glad we were tested. I can’t wait to slide my bare cock into your sweet pussy. But first take off your bra.”

  Her obedience to my demands is a major turn on. She sits up, her tits straining to be released from their confines. When her breasts are free, I can’t help but lean in and suck one nipple into my mouth as my fingers tease the other.

  “Lay back.”

  With complete trust, she complies. I draw her arms over her head. “That’s it, baby, I’m going to take care of you again, but first….”

  I settle over her with my legs on either side of her. I cup her tits while moving forward. Her eyes fill with amusement.

  “What are you up to, Ben?”

  “I think you know exactly what I’m going to do, don’t you?” She nods. “I’ve been wanting to do this since the first time we met.”

  My hardened cock drags over her as I move it into position in the valley of her chest. I push her tits to encase my dick in their warmth. And fuck me if it doesn’t feel good. When the head pops out the other side, she shows me her naughty side. She lifts enough to flick her tongue across the crown.

  “Fuck,” I growl.

  I squeeze her tits thrusting slowly in and out. The friction is almost as good as being inside her. As an added bonus she sucks in the head of my cock. My fingers dig into her flesh as my eyes roll back from the sheer glory of it. A second or two later, it feels as though the world implodes as the magic shatters. My mind blanks as I pull free of her mouth and release her as if we’ve gotten an emergency evacuation notice. And maybe I have. Quickly, I scramble off the bed to find my shorts, and maybe my voice.

  “What?” she asks, sitting up “What’s wrong?”

  Words constrict my throat like a steel band as my dick goes completely limp. I shove it into my boxer briefs as I hastily pull them up, finding everywhere to look except at her.

  “What?” Sam asks louder.

  The quick glance I give her shows she’s pulled the sheet up to cover her tits. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you feeling okay?”

  I shake my head.

  “You’re scaring me, Ben. Tell me what’s going on.”

  From the floor I find her eyes. My voice comes from a far off place. “I have seen a ghost,” I begin. Echoes of the past fill my head as I try to get out the words. “I found something hard.”

  She grins, not getting it when I meet her eyes. “You mean your dick?” she teases.

  I snap out the word, “No,” and her face turns paper white. “Whatever it is, I felt it in your breast,” I say shakily.

  Immediately, her trembling hands cup her breasts and search for what I found. The act, which should have been seductive, is all of a sudden clinical and scares the hell out of me.

  “Right one,” I croak out.

  And I know exactly when she finds it. Her head lifts and abject fear mars her pretty face.

  “Oh my God.”

  The words come out as a sob and she’s right about needing a higher power. She continues to probe it as if the thing isn’t large enough to feel or if she’s hoping it will vanish beneath her fingers. But there is no denying what I felt. I tested it twice before I let her go as though she’d scalded me.

  “I should’ve known better,” she mutters.

  Before I can ask a question, more words spill from her lips.

  “The doctor warned me.” She rocks back and forth, hugging her breasts with her hands.

  There is no way I heard her correctly. “Warned you about what?”

  Although she’s been looking at me, her pupils seem dilated, unfocused. They finally adjust on me as terror takes its ugly grip on her.

  “About my family history with breast cancer.”

  “Your what?” I stutter.

  The horror that crosses her face pains me for a minute as the sound of my voice ricochets through the house. I hadn’t meant to yell those words, but I’m sure I didn’t hear her correctly.

  “I have a long family history with breast cancer. My doctor suggested that I have preemptive surgery.”

  A long family history. Cancer. I feel like I’ve been injected with ice as I stumble back, my body chilling from head to toe. I point an accusing finger at her.

  “And when were you planning to tell me all of this?”

  My voice sounds detached and that should worry me. But the ghost of my best friend spurs me on.

  “Ben.”

  Funny how when she said that earlier, I felt hope. Now I just feel numb. She gets off the bed, the sheet falling away. As she steps towards me naked, it should remind me of what we were just about to do. But all thoughts of sex have taken a back door to the fact that I need to breathe and can’t seem to remember how. I take another step back finding the wall and hold out a hand to stop her forward progress.

  “You lied.”

  The words destroy my heart and everything I thought I could have.

  “Ben, I didn’t lie.”

  The plea in her words eclipses the worry hidden beneath. Her eyes shine with what will turn out to be tears. I’ve seen it a thousand times before.

  “Omitting the truth is the same as lying, Sam. You knew how I felt about cancer and you hid this from me.” My voice breaks and a familiar sense of loss invades my soul.

  “I didn’t.”

  She reaches for me, but I shake my head. My eyes burn like the words in the back of my throat. I ache with pain I thought I’d overcome.

  “You did and we both know it.”

  I don’t know which of us is more upset. She creeps closer as if she’s approaching a wild animal.r />
  “Okay, but I wasn’t keeping it from you. I wanted to find the right time.”

  “And the right time was when?” I demand.

  I put more distance between us, heading for the door. Taking the hint, she picks up her bra and panties and then starts putting them on. I leave the room as she speaks.

  “I was planning—”

  My hand shakes as I pour the golden liquid into a crystal tumbler. I’ve downed the first glass before she makes her way into the living room. She snags up the rest of her clothes and puts them on.

  “Were you waiting until after you trapped me in a relationship before you spilled that little bomb on me?”

  My harsh tone does nothing to stop her from looking like she wants to calm the raging bull inside me.

  “Ben, I had every intention of telling you.”

  “You could have done that before …” I pause, not adding I fell in love with you.

  She glares at me. “Before what?”

  I wave her words away as anger takes control over my mouth. “Before everything, instead of walking around like a false advertisement.”

  Her expression morphs into something I haven’t seen before.

  “You arrogant bastard. You found a lump in my breast, and I tell you I’m at high risk for breast cancer, and you make this all about you.”

  I pour myself another drink before I face her.

  “Sam.” I stop and remember that despite it all, I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. “The last thing I want for you … for anybody is to have to deal with that hell. But I can’t do this, and you knew that.”

  “It’s not like I set out for this to happen.”

  “No, maybe not. But you could have shared this with me long ago. And then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

  Her mouth drops.

  “What? You wouldn’t have dated me?”

  She thinks better of me than I am. I nod.

  “It’s not like I haven’t ended things before because of cancer.”

  It easy to see she gets my Karen reference. It doesn’t matter that I wouldn’t have stayed with that woman even if her aunt hadn’t gotten sick.

  “And that’s it? You’re going to let me face this alone?”

  Her question is as quiet as the tears that stream down her face. There’s a finality to it that punches a hole in my chest. Yet, I’m a statue unable to move.