Love At First Sit

by Ysa Arcangel

  “I’m pretty sure our stories are in no way similar, but both painful,” she began. “Chris was funny, loving and caring. Things were pretty good between us, until he came back here to the Philippines last month.”

  Almost afraid to make eye contact with Candice, Roxanne picked anxiously at her nails, a nervous habit she’d had since childhood.

  “Everything was fine the first week. He used to call me and send messages every day, and then it dwindled off. He hardly texts me or calls me anymore. As if he’s forgotten all about me and our baby.”

  Roxanne felt sick. She grabbed the glass of wine and downed it in one gulp.

  “I called his mother, Christine, and she told me everything about you, and that Chris already found out the truth,” Candice choked out. “I feel like my entire life has been shattered. I went hysterical at first. I told her, I want to speak to this woman. I want to know why she thinks it’s okay to steal someone else’s husband. Does she have no respect for marriage? I want her to explain herself.” She burst into tears.

  Her silent sobs were somehow deafening. Roxanne struggled to stop her own tears, but they easily flowed down her cheek. She could see herself in Candice, back when she was still longing for a love that had been taken away from her.

  Roxanne wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and said, “So, I’m the homewrecker now? After what he did to me—before he’d even met you?”

  “He told me about his plan of getting a divorce and he’s now working on it. So, I flew here in hopes that he will change his mind,” Candice sniffed. She reached for Roxanne’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Roxanne please, I can’t lose the very thing I can’t live without. Our family is all I have. I know you are a nice person. Please don’t take him away from us.”

  “What about my children? They’ve been deprived of a father their whole lives. They’ve only just gotten him back,” Roxanne said, and could almost feel something tugging at her heart.

  “They got through it because they have you. You are strong, Roxanne. I wish I could be like you.” Candice pulled her hand and held a handkerchief to her damp face. “I love Chris and I know deep down there’s still a part of me left in his heart. He was just in love with the idea and getting back to you, his old flame. Once we get back to the States, I know everything will be back to normal.” Candice blew loudly into her handkerchief.

  The tsunami of emotions tumbled over Roxanne, but it was hard to tell which emotion would hit first. Confusion, anger, bitterness, and resentment all on its way. She breathed through the tightness flaring in her chest, sipping the rest of the chilled wine in her glass.

  “Are you still in love with him?” Candice asked, and gave her a heartbreaking smile that made her feel even worse.

  “I can’t even think about that right now.” Her stomach was twisted in guilt.

  “Don’t do something you’ll regret. You are amazing and have your head on straight. Do yourself a favor.” Candice stood up from her seat. “Thanks for listening.”

  Roxanne nearly flat-lined once Candice left. And as horrifying as their conversation had been, something good had come out of it.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Wrong Decision, Right Reasons

  “Wish, where are you going?” Precious asked when she saw Wish putting his shoes on.

  “I’m going to see, Alonzo.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No, I need to see him alone.”

  Precious heard the broken tenderness in his voice and decided not to push any harder.

  “I’m going to need you to calm down when you talk to him,” his mother requested politely.

  He stood in front of her and grabbed her shoulders. “My, I won’t eat him alive, promise. I just want to see him. I don’t know what he does for a living, whether he married again or had more children. All I know is the man who gave me life disappeared even before I was born. I remember no door-slamming, no farewell kiss, only sorrow and pain when I realized I didn’t have a father.”

  “He’s a good man. If he would’ve stayed, he could have been a good father,” Precious stated.

  “I don’t know how to even address him. I can’t call him Dad. It feels wrong. He is a stranger. I don’t know what makes him laugh, what irritates him. I don’t know if he prefers beer or whiskey. He doesn’t know these things about me, either.”

  His mother pulled him into a hug.

  “You sure you’re ready?”

  He nodded.

  Nervous, Wish hopped out of the car and walked to the hotel where Alonzo was staying.

  “Um...hi,” Wish said as he approached the reception desk. “I’m looking for Alonzo Atkins. He’s in room 504. Can you let him know I’m here?”

  “Can I have your name, sir?” the receptionist asked.

  “Aloysius...Aloysius Gregorio.”

  “What is your relation to him?”

  “He’s my...” he hesitated.

  “Wish?” Alonzo was getting out of the elevator. His voice reverberated with surprise.

  Wish froze, staring at him. Alonzo’s lips broke into a grin.

  “No worries, he’s here. Thank you, Miss.” Wish smiled gratefully and pushed off from the front desk.

  For a moment, Wish and Alonzo were caught in the awkwardness.

  “Do you want to drink?” Alonzo asked.

  Wish nodded.

  “Let’s go to the bar.”

  They walked into the almost-empty hotel bar and ordered some drinks. Neither knew what to say.

  “I’m sorry for yesterday,” Alonzo began.

  “I’m sorry, too. I was cranky. I am just going through something right now and then you came and...you actually shed some light on it.”

  “I...I’m happy...I was able to help,” Alonzo said. “How have you been?” His eyes seemed to take in every nuance of his son’s face.

  “I’ve been well. I...uh...used to work at a bar in Makati as a bartender, as you already know. It was...good.” He grabbed his bottle of beer and drank it, glancing around, struggling to pull off a sensible conversation with his father.

  “I honestly don’t know where to start...” Alonzo paused warily. “Sorry,” he shook his head. “I suck at being a father. I’m not even worthy of the title. I am so sorry, Aloysius. I don’t know how to make it up to you.”

  “You don’t have to. I’m just glad that you’re still alive. Somehow it makes me feel whole.” He took another drink. “I just couldn’t make sense of a person who had walked away from his child and never looked back. All this time, did you ever wonder where I was? What kind of person I’d grown up to be? Did you want to know if I was safe, well, or happy?”

  “I’m a bastard. No question. The facts speak for themselves, but I never stopped thinking about you and your mother.”

  The admission stunned Wish. They shared another wave of silence, but this time, it was not awkward.

  “I don’t know what happened between you and my mom, but I can’t remember her saying anything bad about you. I came here because I needed to know you weren’t heartless, that circumstances had played a part in the decisions you made.”

  “She’s always been so loving, forgiving and strong. Paco is a lucky man. The more I think about it, the more I realized how dumb I was when I left Olongapo after the Balikatan[17] exercises instead of facing court-martial charges. I shouldn’t have agreed to be deployed to Kuwait when Operation Desert Sabre was launched.”

  “It’s cool you saved people’s lives. But after the war was over, you could have tried...you should’ve tried to at least see us. Even just once,” Wish said bitterly.

  Alonzo’s eyes were apologetic.

  “Years of war took a toll on my mental health. My mom said I had been playing soldier all the way home, doubling back, hiding behind walls. She said I was a different person when I returned home. I had gone to war full of hope and came out full of hate.”

  Wish stared at his glassy, shaky eyes. He was a picture of a br
oken man barely holding it together.

  “In April of 1993, I was diagnosed with combat-related post-traumatic stress disorder. I had vivid nightmares, visual flashbacks, smelling burning flesh and feeling death. I was always on-edge. I couldn’t keep it under control. I didn’t want anyone close to me. I didn’t like anyone. I didn’t even like myself. I’m disgusted with some of the things I’ve done. You take someone’s life away, no matter if he’s going to kill you, and you don’t get over it...ever.”

  “I’m sorry,” Wish said seriously.

  “I’m fine now, and it’s good to talk about it.”

  “We could have helped you.”

  “I’ve seen some of the best people I’ve met put in the ground, and I’ve put people in the ground. Back then, every time I thought about what I’d gone through, it brought it back.” The regret in his voice registered with Wish as Alonzo continued. “It changed me. I couldn’t come home to Precy like that. I didn’t want her to see what I was going through. I even doubted myself if she would still accept me after what I’d become.”

  “What did the army do to treat it?” Wish swallowed.

  “Nothing that I’m aware of. They train you to be a soldier, a killer, but they don’t train you to be a civilian again. Since they discharged me, I went to counseling. I have learned to deal with it, with the anxiety and stuff that goes with it over the years. It took some time for me to build trust, to be able to open myself up to a stranger, and hope they don’t tear me apart and judge me, which counselors never do...but not Eileen. She was my trauma therapist. She was nice and caring. Eileen helped me get through the tough times.”

  “So you met someone new.” Wish opened a new bottle of beer.

  “She was in the right place at the right time.”

  “You know, despite everything that’s happened, I do know what it’s like to feel cared for— thanks to my stepfather. I finally had someone to call ‘dad’ when I reached high school.” Wish’s voice was strained.

  “I am eternally grateful to him for that.” Alonzo managed to keep his tone neutral.

  “Do you and Eileen have children?”

  Alonzo nodded. “You have two brothers and a sister. They’re seventeen, fourteen and ten.”

  “I hope you learned from your mistakes. Give them all the love and affection you didn’t give me. I’m not jealous; I simply want to have faith in you.”

  “You are right; we cannot undo what has been done, as is with everything in life. We can only move forward and hope for the best.”

  “I realize that we all make mistakes. I think you made a lot of mistakes in life, and I think you’ve paid a high price for them. I want you to know that I forgive you.” Wish’s lip trembled.

  “Thank you, son,” Alonzo uttered, smiling through his tears.

  They ordered food and shared a few more bottles of beer. The tension was gone, eventually replaced with casual conversation, jokes, and laughter.

  It certainly seemed as though a page in their lives had turned.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” his father asked.

  “I almost did,” Wish said.

  “So things didn’t work out between you and the single mom?” Alonzo clarified.

  “How did you know about her?” Wish frowned.

  “I was there when you and your colleague were talking about her at the bar, remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember.” He cleared his throat. “Well, it turned out Tonyo was right. She got back together with her ex. Their history is stronger than our chemistry. Plus, they have kids together. The children finally get their father back. I’m not in the position to take him away from them.”

  “Is that what you were going through, and then I showed up right in the middle of it all?”

  Wish nodded.

  “Do you love her?” Alonzo broke out.

  Of course Wish did.

  “It doesn’t matter now,” said Wish. “I know what’s it’s like to grow up without a male role model, someone to look up to, someone to protect you or guide you into the world.” Images of Roxanne’s twins flashed before his eyes and made his heart ache more. “I can no longer change what happened in my life, but I can change theirs. I can make it better…if I stay away.”

  Alonzo offered him a small, understanding smile. “We sometimes make the wrong decisions for the right reasons.”

  “I can live with it,” Wish smiled sadly.

  “I think we need another round,” his father said.

  “I think so.”

  Alonzo called the waiter and ordered more bottles.

  “I recently put up a bar and restaurant in New Jersey. Your siblings are still young. They can’t even stand manning the counter for an hour. I could use someone to manage it. Think about it,” Alonzo suggested.

  Wish had raised his drink to his lips, but stopped mid-air. “New Jersey?”

  “Yeah. Something to keep you occupied. Since you have a degree in Management, you’re fit for the position. Why not come with me? I thought you’d want to meet your brothers and sister, too.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Wish replied.

  Chapter Twenty

  The Choice

  The plane landed at Bacolod-Silay International Airport more than an hour after they’d departed from Manila. The province was arguably most beautiful during summer. Despite the hot sun, there was a good harvest and the flowers had bloomed. To top it off, the bright orange sunlight never failed to contrast the lush green fields. The setting was even more attractive; the way it contoured the mountains and reflected over the sea was breathtaking. It was like a canvas painting come to life. No wonder why tourists reveled in its beauty.

  The house was located in a small community, far from the city. Each house had its own unique style that made it stand out from the others, diversifying the village. The houses were far apart. The house they were visiting stood alone in the middle of a rice field.

  “We’re here,” Roxanne announced, and the twins ran to the house, eagerly seeking the grandfather they only got to see once a year. Chris parked the vehicle by the well-tended front lawn.

  The porch had a swing, a perfect spot to linger and have some chocolate while reading, or just marvel at the beauty of nature.

  The twins frantically knocked on the door. As soon as Roger, Roxanne’s father, opened it, he was welcomed by tiny voices yelling, “Lolo!” The old man was clearly surprised.

  “Mga apo!” Roger jogged down the steps. The kids giggled as their grandfather spun them around.

  “Lolo, we missed you!” Daniella smiled up at him.

  “I missed you, too!” Roger smiled down at his granddaughter.

  “Manang Ging!” Rowena, Roxanne’s half-sister shrieked, launching herself at her. Roxanne laughed as she gave her a big hug.

  “Hey, Weng!” Roxanne said.

  “It’s so great to see you! What’s new with you?” Rowena asked.

  Chris cleared his throat to catch their attention.

  “Oh, my gosh! Who is he? Is he your boyfriend? What is his name?” Rowena asked all in one breath.

  “Chris. His name is Chris, and he is the twins’ father.”

  Rowena’s smile faltered. “Christopher Luna?”

  Roxanne nodded, and all of them fell silent.

  “Come inside,” Roger said in a casual tone, trying to break the tension.

  “Thank you, Tito Roger, but I think it’s better if I go,” said Chris.

  “It sure is,” Roger commented.

  “Kids,” Chris addressed the twins. He went down to his knees and kissed their foreheads.

  “Can you sleep here with us, Daddy?” Maximus asked.

  “Lola Christina, your grandmother, is waiting for Daddy. I’ll be here early in the morning to pick you up and take you to our house tomorrow to meet her,” Chris explained. He stood up and kissed Roxanne’s cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” Roxanne let out a weak smile.

  “Bye, Daddy!” The twins
waved goodbye.

  Chris nodded and slid into his car.

  Roxanne stepped inside the house and was surprised that every piece of furniture was still there, the big and small items—picture frames, her books, her dad’s collection of wines. They were still where they used to be.

  “I thought you’d throw some of these things away after you renovated the house,” she said.

  “Your Tita Carmen thought it must have a lot of sentimental value to you, so we kept it,” her father replied.

  “Where is my stepmother?”

  “She went to church with your brother. They’ll be glad to see you.”

  The twins went to play with Rowena upstairs in her room. Roxanne went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, suddenly nervous to be left alone with her father. It was not like they didn’t have a relationship; they spoke two or three times a month, usually about the kids, nothing too personal. The details of her past with Chris were mostly unclear to him, but for sure her father knew she’d loved Chris.

  Roger followed her. “So, we’re back to square one,” he said.

  “I know.” Roxanne’s eyes stayed focused on the clear water in her glass.

  “How long have you been back together?”

  “A week,” she said honestly. “I know this must seem...”

  “Crazy,” her father finished the sentence for her. He pulled a chair under the kitchen table and sat on it.

  “Pa, why did you leave Mama? I mean—I know she left, but why did you give up on your marriage first?”

  Roxanne grabbed a chair too but distanced herself from her father.

  He took a deep breath. “Your mother went abroad to seek a better life for us, even though I disapproved of that. I’m not questioning her intentions, but Belgium is far.”

  Roxanne turned to look over her shoulder at the door and saw her stepmother standing in the doorframe, having just arrived. She gave her stepdaughter a welcoming small smile, like she knew everything she wasn’t supposed to know.