Slow Burn

by Isabel Morin

  “I know, I just…things got carried away,” she said, but instead of looking at him, which was impossible without revealing her struggle, she stared at the inventory sheet on the table. “It won’t happen again.”

  “It’s my fault. I saw this coming but I hired you anyway. I’m not entirely sorry, though. Not yet, anyway. But girls never refuse Jesse. No one does, come to that. I shouldn’t have expected you to be different.”

  Her head snapped up. “I’m not like every girl,” she said, slamming the cash box closed with a loud clang. “If I were, he’d have had me on my back the first night. I also happen to be doing a better job than anyone else you’ll ever get. Now, can I get on with my job, please?”

  A raised eyebrow was his only reaction. “Why yes, you can. I think we’re done here.”

  Beth said nothing, just waited for him to leave. As soon as he’d gone she slumped into the chair, the cold metal nothing compared to the chill that had taken over her. Jesus, talk about a reality check. It wasn’t like she’d been deluding herself, but leave it to Stu to put a fine point on it. Then again, he knew Jesse, and nothing he said had been designed to hurt her. Stu was only looking out for Jesse, the band, and her. In that order.

  He’d also purposefully provoked her, if she wasn’t mistaken.

  She sat there alternating between seething anger and wrenching guilt, but she didn’t have the luxury of wallowing. There was too much to do. Besides, if she was going to slip up, that scorching kiss was the way to do it. This diversion from real life was going to be over in two weeks, and then she’d go back to Las Vegas and the job hunt and make a life for herself. A life that set her free rather than constrained her. Spending these weeks with Jesse was good exercise for the way she wanted to be. He knew what he wanted and didn’t let anything get in his way. He didn’t take any crap, and neither would she.

  Her inner pep talk perked her up enough that she felt ready when Jesse called her up for a quick rehearsal. She wasn’t going to just get on stage because he’d talked her into it, she was going because she wanted to. Because it was fun and she was good at it.

  She smiled at everyone as she took her place next to Jesse. Matt and Brian gave wan smiles. Will looked away.

  She’d almost suggested to Jesse that they skip the song tonight, but she knew him well enough to predict his reaction to that. Now she was glad. It felt good to be up there, even if she wasn’t entirely welcome.

  “Did Stu give you a hard time?” Jesse asked.

  “It was nothing,” she said, adjusting the microphone. “Just the usual.”

  He didn’t look convinced but let it go and called out to the sound guy. It was more or less the same as last night, except she came in on time, and she was less tentative. In fact she was raring to go, energy bursting from her seams. Last night she’d been ready to let Jesse lead her anywhere, today she was right there beside him.

  When it was over he gave her a little smile, his head tilted like he was trying to figure her out.

  “That was real good.”

  She just smiled. She hadn’t done anything on purpose, but she felt different and it changed the way she sang.

  “I’m going to make a call and then find something to eat,” she said, hopping off the stage, “I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

  Jesse looked taken aback, probably because she always ate with the band, but there was no rule that said she had to do that. Besides, the way they were all at each other’s throats, a little space wasn’t such a bad idea.

  Back outside she sat in her car and called Cheryl.

  “Finally!” her friend answered. “I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever hear from you again. The only reason I know you’re alive is all your tweets.”

  “That’s about all there is to know.” She paused. “Well, that and I kissed Jesse last night.”

  Cheryl’s squeal would have done a thirteen year-old girl proud. “Oh my God, tell me everything. Was it amazing?”

  “It was the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me, hands down. Then Will walked in and it went downhill from there. Everybody seems to have an opinion about it and I feel like I have a scarlet letter stitched on my shirt, but it’s kind of an interesting feeling to be the bad girl.”

  “But why does this guy Will care? I mean, it’s a band. Aren’t they all screwing everything that moves, anyway?”

  “Pretty much. But Will seems to have a thing for me, or he did anyway. Plus he’s jealous of all the attention Jesse gets.”

  “So what happens now?”

  “We just keep doing what we’ve been doing, but without the kissing.”

  “You think you guys can manage all the heat?”

  Beth let out a groan. “We’ll have to. I can’t be the reason this tour falls apart. Stu gave me this whole talking to that kind of put me in my place.”

  “That jerk.”

  “He was kind of a jerk, but he was just doing what he had to. I did mess up. But it’s not all bad. I got a smoking hot kiss out of the deal, so at least I have a benchmark now.”

  “Well that’s something. But you shouldn’t get all the blame. You weren’t the only one there.”

  “I have a feeling Stu’s had words with Jesse, but it’s more complicated for them. Jesse’s the talent, and Stu’s dedicated to him. Stu expected Jesse to hit on me, and he expected me to keep him out of my pants.”

  Cheryl gave a snort. “You’re only human. I’m surprised you lasted this long.”

  She was about to take offense, but instead she sighed. “Me too. But I think I’ve got a grip now. And I’ll still be singing with him. That’s almost as good as messing around with him.”

  “I still can’t believe you’re performing. I’m coming to one of your shows, you know.”

  “The closest we’ll be to you is Flagstaff on the eighth. That’s a Saturday.”

  “Perfect! We’ll make it a road trip.”

  “I’ll get you and Jason tickets for that one. Let me know if I should get some for Emily and Cutter, too.”

  “Will do. I can’t wait.”

  “But enough about me. So how are things with you? Has your class settled down?”

  “I’ve still got a couple troublemakers, but nothing I can’t handle. I just wish I were taller so I could tower over the boys like Jason does.”

  “Yeah, I bet. A little intimidation goes a long way.” She laughed, a memory resurfacing. “Remember how you waited and waited for your growth spurt all through high school? It wasn’t until you were eighteen that you finally accepted you weren’t going to grow anymore.”

  “I know. I was so jealous of you.”

  “Oh, please. For years no one would date me, but you were always cute as a button.”

  “Trust me, you didn’t miss out on anything.”

  “So how’s Mr. Right, anyway? You keeping him in line?

  “I guess I must be. He proposed to me last night.”

  “Oh my God. Tell me everything.”

  “It’s kind of a funny story, actually. We hiked to this spot he knows, Chapel Ledge, and when we got there he started telling me how great I am, how much he loves me, that kind of stuff.” Cheryl started to laugh, her breath hitching as she tried to get the words out. “But I was barely listening. I was starving and all I could think about was getting to the spot so we could have our little picnic.

  “Cheryl, no.”

  “So he asked me if I’d heard anything he said, and I said I’d gotten the gist.”

  Beth was laughing so hard she could barely speak. “Oh my God. Poor Jason.”

  “So he rolls his eyes at me, takes his backpack off and pulls out this little box.” Cheryl’s voice was hitching again, but this time it wasn’t laughter. “He said he’d try to be more obvious, and then he got down on one knee and…”

  Beth waited through her sniffling until she was calm enough to talk again.

  “He said all kinds of romantic stuff, and by that point I was listening pretty hard, but my knees wo
uldn’t hold me so I sort of collapsed next to him and told him yes.”

  “Mazel tov, honey. I’m so happy for you.”

  Beth was full-on crying now, her heart swelling with happiness for Cheryl. If anyone deserved this, it was her.

  “We haven’t set a date, but you can be sure I’ll be keeping you apprised of every single detail. I have to say, it’s very convenient of you to move to town in time for me to be bridezilla.”

  “Bring it, sister.”

  “I probably should let you go so you can get ready for tonight.”

  “Yeah. I’ll call you soon, though.”

  Beth was still teary when she got out of the car. She scrubbed at her face and hoped she wouldn’t look all red and blotchy when it was time to go on tonight.

  “Beth? What’s wrong?”

  She looked up to see Jesse rushing toward her. Before she could form a sentence he had his hands on her shoulders and was staring down at her, the look in his eyes pure panic.

  “Why are you crying? Was it something Stu said?”

  “Take it easy. It’s nothing like that.”

  His posture eased a bit, but he didn’t take his hands off her. “So everything’s okay? You’re not leaving?”

  “What? No, of course not.” She side-stepped the issue of what Stu had said to her. “My best friend just told me she’s engaged and I’m…I’m just happy for her. She’s been through so much and now she has this great guy.” Her tears started up again, which meant it was only a matter of time before her nose started running, too. “I would have bet anything he was the guy. It was so obvious when I saw them together, but somehow hearing it from her is making me fall apart.”

  Jesse pulled a red handkerchief out of his back pocket. God, she loved that he carried these things around. It was so old school it was cool. Or maybe she just thought that because she liked him so much. Maybe it was really old-mannish and she was just too blinded by her pheromones to see that.

  She wiped her eyes and dabbed at her nose, praying she didn’t look too gross.

  Jesse had stepped back a bit and was no longer touching her, but he still looked worried. “Are you upset because you didn’t get married?”

  “I’m just happy for her. We grew up together and she lived with my family for a few years.” She shrugged, unable to explain it exactly. “This is the best news I’ve ever gotten.”

  She smiled, touched that he cared enough to worry. From what she knew of him, and of men in general, feelings weren’t his MO. Unless he was singing, that is.

  As she watched his expression changed, his eyes moving over her face like he was trying to take her all in. Then one hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear.

  She stopped breathing, caught by the hungry, tender look she saw there. He’d run toward her because he’d thought she was upset, thought she was leaving, even.

  She took a step back and his hand dropped away.

  “I’d better get going. I’m starving, and I still need to change and warm up.”

  His look was long and assessing, then he nodded, as if sensing she wanted some time alone. She backed up a few steps, still facing him, then turned and walked out of the parking lot and down the street, smiling to herself.

  Chapter Eight

  Jesse watched Beth walk away, everything in him wanting to follow her. Which was why he didn’t.

  He and Stu went to a diner a few blocks away, leaving the other guys to do their own thing. The band was splintering, but he didn’t feel like doing much about it. Maybe he should have tried harder with Will once he realized he had a crush on Beth. It might have made a difference, but he’d never know now.

  “Margaret called. She’s got a good offer for you to contribute a song to a movie soundtrack.”

  “Oh yeah? What kind of movie?”

  His agent had been fielding a lot of offers lately, some good, some not so good. He tried not to get too caught up in any of it while on tour, but he couldn’t deny that having people come to him was a nice change.

  “An indie western. That’s how they’re pitching it, anyway. The money’s just okay, but the producer is top-notch and there’s potential for strong soundtrack sales. She’ll be sending you details.”

  Jesse nodded and bit into his burger. He chewed for a few seconds. “I think you’re right about not moving labels. Terry’s been good to me and the deal looks fair. Plus we can record wherever we want.”

  “It’s all coming together, Jesse. Just keep your eye on the ball and it’ll only get better.”

  Was Stu talking about Beth? Just because he thought about her all the damn time didn’t mean he was going to screw up his career.

  “Do you have some reason to think I’m taking my eye off it?”

  “All I meant was, this is it, right here. It’s all happening just like we planned, and it’s my job to help you bring it home.”

  “Fine. But your job doesn’t include reaming Beth out.”

  “Is that what she said I did?”

  “She didn’t say anything, but I saw you talking to her.”

  “I just reminded her what I expected from someone in her position. She’s a great girl and I get what you see in her, but you’re going to be saying goodbye before long. She likes you too much already. Don’t make it harder than it has to be.”

  Jesse bit back a retort, aware he was treading on thin ice. Stu had mountains of patience with his foibles, but the strain of the last few days was clearly wearing on him. He should have kept his mouth shut and not brought Beth into it.

  Stu deftly turned the conversation to talk of the forthcoming album, and by the time they left the diner his head was full of ideas about who to get in to produce and play. But for some reason he kept picturing Beth in the studio with him, recording “Better Off.”

  Back in the club he entered the bathroom just as Will was leaving. They walked by each other without exchanging a word, though that was no different than before Will had walked in on him and Beth.

  Quickly he changed into a fresh shirt and studied his reflection – skin nicked near his mouth and under his chin from shaving with a shaky hand this morning, dark circles under his eyes. He was feeling better than he had earlier in the day, but he still looked like shit. It wouldn’t matter, though. Up on stage he’d still look like something. What amazed him was how the girls came at him after every show, no matter how sweaty or drunk he was.

  But girls screamed and went crazy over almost any guy swinging a guitar. An instrument made everyone look good, provided you could play even a little. He kind of got it, actually. When he saw a musician he loved, part of him wanted to be that person, or somehow take away what they had, bottle the experience. If it was a woman, he wanted to sleep with her, like he could absorb her talent and the feeling she brought out in him. He’d slept with a couple women he’d felt that way about while watching them perform, but the feeling had never translated into the sex.

  Then there was Beth. He’d wanted to sleep with her since he met her, but now that they sang together, her sweet, husky voice pulled that same desire from him. He just wanted to go to wherever her songs lived and stay there.

  He found the rest of the guys and Stu in the green room and sat down with a nod to the room in general. He took out the set list and looked it over. Did he want to keep “Short End of the Stick” in the last set? It was kind of a downer. Maybe better to do it earlier in the night.

  He saw her red boots first.

  Slowly he lifted his gaze, his pulse an erratic bass line as he took in her long legs. She was wearing a new pair of tight dark jeans and a lacey black top that allowed her skin to peek through all the tiny holes. The only thing keeping her from being ex-rated was a red camisole the exact same color as her lips.

  But Christ, those boots.

  “Hot damn, Beth,” Matt said, a dopey grin on his face. “You are smokin’. Where’ve you been hiding those boots?”

  She was blushing, her smile uncertain. “I just bought them.
You don’t think it’s too much?”

  “Hell, no. God meant for you to wear that exact thing tonight.”

  Jesus, now Matt was actually being kind of charming.

  “You look real nice,” Jesse said, finally opening his own trap. Hoping to divert her attention back to him. It actually hurt to watch her look at another guy.

  Pathetic.

  She smiled right at him before looking away, and her flush deepened and spread down her neck. She’d flushed exactly that way when they’d kissed, and the urge to haul her off somewhere so she could wrap her legs around him, boots and all, speared through him with such intensity he stopped breathing.

  “Dude, stop looking at her like that,” Matt muttered, playing a few discordant notes on his guitar for emphasis.

  Right. Stop looking at her like that. He could do that. If he stopped looking at her altogether.

  He bent over the set list again, his teeth clamped over a pick as he watched her from the corner of his eye. She surveyed the room as if to decide where it was safest to sit before falling onto the couch next to Brian and taking a deep pull from the beer he handed her.

  Jesse watched her swallow and remembered the salt he’d licked from her throat.

  The opening band came in from doing their soundcheck and provided a welcome distraction for everyone, though Jesse could have lived without those guys staring at Beth, too. She disappeared a little while later, probably to warm-up, and he tried to give a shit about what the other guys were saying.

  Then the opening band went on, which meant Beth was already manning the merch table. He was increasingly annoyed she had to do that, but he wasn’t about to broach it with Stu. He’d just get an earful about how that’s what she’d been hired for, blah blah blah.

  The sold-out crowd was going nuts when Jesse got out there. Unlike the other gigs they’d played recently, the energy in the room was edgy, as if everyone was ready to hit the ceiling. Which he liked to a point, but he’d have to control things tonight so they didn’t ruin the vibe.

  Beth had become his touchstone during performances, and tonight was no different. Seeing her out there was enough to pull more from him than he thought he had left. He was already geared up from seeing her before he went on and he was playing his heart out, like he had to prove something to her. Like if he played well enough she’d give in and let him have her.