In My Father's Shadow

by JL Paul

  He left the room and Ally put her arms around Liz and allowed her mother’s comfort to heal her hurting heart.

  ***

  Cole was on his bed Saturday afternoon, brooding and pouting because his father hadn’t answered any of his questions, telling him that they’d discuss it together when they gathered at Jay’s house for Ally and Jamie’s birthday bash.

  Usually, Liz and Gretchen planned a little get together in mid February to celebrate Jamie and Ally’s birthdays but since they’d been on tour, they hadn’t been able to do it that year.

  Stephanie popped her head into his room, a frown marring her face. “Your dad wants us to come downstairs. It looks like everyone is here. Maybe they’re going to tell us what’s going on.”

  Cole sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He slipped off his bed and thumped down the steps but when he reached the living room, he stopped cold. Instead of the usual group of people, he only found RJ and his parents as well as Jamie and his parents. His dad sat off to the side with Stacy and Stephanie.

  “What’s up?” Cole asked warily.

  “That’s what we’re here to find out,” Nate told his son. “Sit down.”

  Cole shrugged and grabbed the spot on the sofa next to RJ. “Is this some kind of weird intervention or something?”

  “No,” Nate said slowly. “I’ll let Gretchen explain.”

  Everyone turned their attention to Gretchen. She started to pace, her shoulders tense. “Well, I was just hoping that maybe you guys, and you too, Stephanie, could enlighten me on why my niece wants nothing to do with you four.”

  “What are you talking about, Mom?” Jamie asked.

  “I called Liz last night to see if she wanted to do something for Jamie’s and Ally’s birthdays but my brother answered the phone and told me Liz was with Ally at the moment and that Ally was extremely upset. He wouldn’t tell me why, he just said it was something Ally wanted to keep between the three of them.” She paused to give each boy a dark look. “I don’t know what the deal is, but it seems to have my brother pretty torn up about it also.”

  “And when Gretchen tried to arrange some kind of get together, Jay told her that Ally didn’t want to do anything this year. He said she just wanted to stay home with her family,” Mark continued. “So, we figured that you four were our best bet.”

  “Now I know that you guys are upset about us taking a break and Jay taking a position with Redden Records, but that’s nothing to argue amongst yourselves about,” Nate said.

  “This is my fault,” RJ groaned, standing. “I said some stuff I shouldn’t have.”

  “What’d you say?” Richie asked.

  RJ swallowed nervously. “I told Ally it was all Jay’s fault you guys were taking a break. I told her that he was abandoning you guys, even after you stuck with him before, when he had his drug problem.”

  “What do you even know about that?” Callie asked.

  RJ told them about the conversation he had overhead and his ensuing research. Then he gave a brief description of the argument they’d had with Ally.

  Nate cursed and ran his hands over his face. “You told her all that? About Jay?” RJ nodded, abashed. “I can’t believe you boys,” Nate continued. “Jay has treated you boys like his own since the day you were born! Even if he was ‘abandoning us,’ that’s no reason for you to turn on him like that.”

  “Rhys Redden approached Jay about the job, but he turned it down at first,” Richie said quietly. “He told us about it and we encouraged him to take it.” Richie looked at his son. “I was the one to suggest we take a break.”

  RJ’s bowed head snapped up and he stared at his father. “Why?”

  “I’m tired. I want to relax for awhile. Jay’s worked us hard since he got out of rehab and thanks to him, we’ve been very successful. Now, I just want to enjoy life for a bit.” Richie grimaced as he, too, began to pace.

  “I was with Richie,” Mark added. “We both just wanted to take some time off for awhile and kick back – maybe take our families away somewhere for a real vacation. We’re all not sure if we’re ready to retire but we were thinking maybe if we take this time off, we can think about it – make a better decision.”

  “Jay knows how badly he screwed up back then,” Nate added. “He doesn’t need reminders. And when he came to us about Rhys’s offer, Jay wanted us all to work with him. He wasn’t abandoning us – he didn’t want to take the job and leave us out in the cold. He even said that if he did work for Rhys, he’d still work with us. And you kids should understand how much work that would be – how much extra work it would be for Jay.”

  “We’re very sorry,” RJ muttered, his head bowed in guilt.

  “You don’t owe us the apology,” Richie stated.

  “I know,” RJ said, nodding at Jamie and Cole. “We’ll go over there now and talk to Jay.”

  “No you won’t,” Callie ordered. “They’re having dinner together. And obviously Ally doesn’t want to see you. Let them be.”

  RJ nodded and plopped back down. He looked at Stephanie who’d remained silent the whole time. “What about you and Ally?” he asked. “I mean, she punched you.”

  Stacy gasped. “Ally punched you?”

  Stephanie nodded and started to cry. “But I deserved it.” She sniffed and looked at Cole. “I didn’t tell you everything because I was so angry at her and at myself.”

  What happened?” Cole demanded, eyes growing dark.

  “I went to her room to invite her over - I was just trying to get the four of you together so you’d talk again but I ended up arguing with her.” She bit her lip. “I told her that maybe my dad was worthless but at least he wasn’t…a washed up coke head who abandons his friends.”

  “You said that?” Cole asked angrily, jumping to his feet.

  “Stephanie!” Stacy shouted, raking her nails over her cheeks. “How could you?”

  Nate massaged his temples tiredly. He looked at his fellow band mates. “This is a big mess.”

  All they could do is nod and agree.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Ally walked to the Student Center alone. She’d arrived back at school a few hours ago to find her supply of diet soda depleted so she decided to visit the vending machines to grab a few. She wasn’t in the mood to leave campus and run into town.

  She was more relieved than she cared to admit about the situation with her dad. Yes, she’d been a bit worried that maybe there had been some truth in what the guys had told her, but she’d always had a hard time believing bad things about her father. He’d always bent over backwards to do right by his family – maybe because of how badly he’d screwed up in the past. And she loved him dearly for it.

  “Hey, Jones,” someone yelled behind her.

  She groaned as she turned around. “What do you want, Jennifer? Looking to break my arm now?”

  “No,” Jennifer snorted. “Tell your little friends to stay away from me.”

  “What are you talking about?” Ally asked, thrown slightly off guard.

  “I saw all your little boyfriends at a party a few weeks ago and they all threatened me to stay away from you.”

  Ally’s surprise showed on her face. They’d defended her? She shook her head. “Well, you didn’t listen because look at you now!”

  Jennifer smirked and took a step closer. “What’s this I hear about your dad’s band breaking up?”

  Ally tensed. “They didn’t split up. They’re just taking a rest.”

  Jennifer laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right. What’s the problem? Your dad get hooked on coke again?”

  She was jerked off her feet just as she launched a fist at Jennifer’s face. “Let go of me,” she screamed at whoever had both her arms behind her back.

  “You do it, princess, and you’ll be suspended,” Cole whispered in her ear.

  “I don’t care,” she said, struggling to get out of his grip.

  “You can kiss the State Team good-bye,” he reminded her.

 
She looked up at Jennifer, but RJ stood between the two of them, blocking her view of the other girl. “I won’t hit her,” Ally seethed.

  “Sure, cuz,” Jamie said. RJ shifted to the left and Ally could make out Jamie’s frame keeping Jennifer’s from trying to attack Ally while Cole held her back.

  “I think you’d better leave,” RJ suggested. Jennifer cast them all a dirty look before turning on her heel and walking away.

  “You can let me go now,” Ally said through clenched teeth. Anger mixed with a bit of excitement and shot through her veins at Cole’s touch.

  “No way, Al,” he said, sounding slightly amused.

  “Wait until she’s far enough away that you can’t catch her if you run,” RJ told her with a smirk. Ally glared at him. He held his hands up. “Easy, tiger! I come in peace.” ”

  Cole loosened his grip so she pulled her arms away and crossed them over her chest. “She needs to be punched, you know,” Ally told them.

  RJ laughed and took a step closer. “Once school is out, I’ll help you find her so you can punch her.”

  Ally stared up at him. “Why?”

  “Because she deserves to be punched, almost as much as I do.” He took her hand. “I’m really sorry, Ally.”

  Her lip trembled and she struggled to keep the tears at bay. “It’s not me to who you should be apologizing. You were all way off base about my dad and he certainly didn’t deserve for you to say the things you said.”

  A tear escaped and trailed down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and turned her head, afraid more would fall and the boys would see them.

  “We know, Ally,” RJ said. “We were wrong and way out of line. We should have never accused Jay of those things. We jumped to conclusions.”

  She lifted her chin as a few more tears escaped. She ignored them. “And do you know what he did, huh? When I told him about the terrible things you guys said about him? He defended you.” She jabbed a finger at all three of them. “He defended you guys – said you guys didn’t know the whole story and he didn’t blame you for jumping to conclusions.”

  “Ally,” RJ pleaded. “We know we were wrong – terribly wrong. We know Jay is a great guy and we know he’d give us the shirt off his back if we needed it. We all feel terrible about all of this.”

  She nodded and bowed her head as the tears fell freely. RJ moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head as he eased her in his arms. “And I’m really sorry for how horribly I’ve treated you, too. You’re one of my best friends in the world and I hurt you.”

  “I’m okay,” she mumbled.

  “No, you’re not,” he said. “But you will be – I’ll make sure of it - just like I will make this up to your dad. We went over and apologized to Jay this morning.”

  She lifted her tearstained face to him. “You did?”

  He nodded. “We wanted to apologize to you, too, but you’d already left. We were jerks, all of us, especially to think that about Jay.”

  He tried to smile as he released her and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I just took the news really hard. I’ve always idolized my dad, wanted to be like him. I guess I wanted to blame someone and Jay was an easy target.”

  He held her head in both his hands and forced her to look at him. “I’ve always had the utmost respect for your dad, Ally, I swear -even after I overheard my parents talking about his past. I figured it took a lot of guts to fight and beat a drug addiction. Then he worked his ass off to get the band back to number one. I was wrong, very wrong. And the worst part of it was that I hurt someone I care so much for. And I lost a very dear friend. I think that hurt most of all.”

  Before she knew it, she was throwing her arms around his neck and letting the tears slide down her face again. RJ stroked her hair until she calmed down and pulled away. “I missed you,” he said with a wink.

  “I missed you, too,” she said, scrubbing her face. “And I’m sorry, also.”

  “Me next, cuz,” Jamie said, pulling her into an embrace. “I’m so sorry we ever doubted you or your dad.”

  “I know,” she said into his neck.

  An electric current shot through her body when Cole place his hands on her waist and gently eased her away from Jamie. She turned and looked into his eyes, seeing the regret and hurt pooled inside.

  “RJ’s right about everything,” he told her. “It was so easy for us to blame your dad instead of considering that it was actually someone else’s idea and that maybe they all deserved a little time to enjoy what they’ve worked so hard to earn.”

  He stroked her hair softly. “I’m sorry for not having more faith in your dad. I’m sorry for the things I said and I’m especially sorry for not standing up with you and defending you.”

  She nodded and gave him a watery smile while running a finger under her eye to clear the moisture.

  Stephanie, who Ally hadn’t noticed until that moment, approached her cautiously. She smiled weakly. “I really didn’t mean the things I said about your dad. I just got angry and let the words fly out of my mouth.”

  Ally lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, I know. That happens to me a lot, too.” Stephanie smiled in relief and gave her a tentative hug. “I didn’t mean to hit you. Sometimes I swing first and ask questions later.”

  “It’s okay,” Stephanie reassured her. “I know I asked for it.”

  Cole laced his fingers through Ally’s. “Come on,” he said, tugging on her arm. “Let’s go back to my room. We have a lot of things to discuss.”

  ***

  She took a tentative seat on RJ’s bed while Cole paced the floor, running fingers through his hair. “So, Cole, what’s up?”

  He paused and sighed heavily. “I guess we need to figure out where we stand. I mean, are we a couple or are we just friends?”

  She frowned as she watched him grow more agitated by the minute. “I love you, Cole and I don’t think I could ever be just your friend again.”

  He gave her a wry grin, his brown eyes uncertain. “I know what you mean, Al. But you have to admit, we pretty much suck at this boyfriend/girlfriend thing.”

  She pushed off the bed and stood in front of him. “I know. But I’m not a quitter Cole. Just because it’s hard now doesn’t mean it won’t get easier.”

  He ran his fingers lightly over her cheek. “What happens when you make the State Team this summer and you’re traveling all over? And then next year when you’re still here and I’m not? Or if Rhys Redden signs us?”

  She glared at him. “Are you saying you don’t think we should be together?”

  “No,” he told her slowly. “I’m just throwing out possible obstacles. These are things we have to think about. And let’s face it; things have been pretty bad between us lately.”

  “Well, I love you, Cole and if you love me like you say you do, then you’ll want to fight for us to be together. I know it will be tough and it will suck sometimes, but I happen to think you’re worth it.” She paused to take a breath. “Look at what we’ve been through so far.”

  He grinned at her. “You’re not afraid of anything, are you princess?”

  “Not a lot of things, no,” she told him.

  He gently gripped her face and pressed his lips to hers. Her arms wrapped around him and she deepened the kiss, her heart wrenching. When they finally pulled apart, they were both gasping. “Okay, Al. Listen to me. I think we need to rethink this whole thing. And are you willing to forgive me so easily after everything I’ve put you through?”

  She smiled. “Of course I am. Because of what my dad said. He told me that if the roles had been reversed and if it would have been Nate, I probably would have jumped to the wrong conclusions, too.”

  “You say that now but what about after you think about it?”

  Her brows dipped over her eyes. “Do you want me to still be mad at you?”

  “No,” he said, pulling her to his chest “But, if we try again, I want it to work this time. I don’t want anything to come between us.�
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  She bit her lip and rested her cheek to his chest. “So, what should we do? Not date? Just be friends? See other people?”

  “Maybe,” he said slowly. “Or maybe we should just step back and take some time to think things over. I really messed things up Al, and not just in a bad boyfriend kind of way - more like a bad friend kind of way. I just don’t want you to jump back in my arms because you’re caught up in the emotions of making up with us all. Do you understand what I mean?”

  “Yeah. But how long, Cole? How long do I have to think about this?” she asked.

  He sighed. “As long as it takes.”

  ***

  March faded quickly and April snuck in bring the promise of spring break. Ally’s nerves were totally shot and she snapped constantly at anyone unfortunate enough to cross her path.

  She had heeded Cole’s advice and had taken some time to consider her relationship with him. She admitted to herself that the attraction was definitely there. But was that enough?

  She resumed sitting with them at meals and hanging out - observing him carefully. Each smile or wink he gave her caused her heart to dance and her stomach to flip flop. And when she’d see him talking to other girls on campus, it would cut through her so deep, her dark, black moods would increase.

  She loved him and always would and knew she wanted to be more than just friends with him. She was so sure of it that she wanted to shout it from the rooftops. But she didn’t. She would give him the time that he obviously needed so he could sort out his own emotions. And if he decided he just wanted to be friends, she’d accept it no matter how much it hurt.

  The Thursday before classes ended for spring break, Ally sat at the picnic tables outside the Student Center. She opened a book she’d been assigned to read and thought she’d get a head start on it. She needed something to help keep the anxiety of her upcoming meeting with the State Team officials at bay.

  “Hey, Al,” Cole said as he dropped next to her. Her heart flipped as she smiled at him. “How’s things?”