Shape Of My Heart

by Khardine Gray

  “Is that what you want? To not play anymore?” Concern filled Corey’s eyes.

  “No.” That was the truth. “I just don’t know if I can. It’s hard to go back out there knowing that…” He closed his eyes and sighed.

  “I knew them too. Remember? I knew your mom and sister too. They were like family to me. Heck, you even dragged me along to a few ballets, and I helped your mom with a ton of her charity events.” Corey smiled with reflection.

  It was good to hear someone talk about them like that. Someone else who remembered them.

  “Corey, I can’t get past it. If I hadn’t made them come to the game they’d still be here.” That was the most words he’d ever said to anyone. It was perhaps because he’d reached breaking point and didn’t know what else to do.

  “It’s natural to blame yourself. But it wasn’t your fault. Josh, they could have decided not to come.”

  “They didn’t want to disappoint me.” That was the truth of the matter. They didn’t want to disappoint him so they put their lives at risk to support him.

  “Things happen, Josh. Bad things happen sometimes. You may think it’s easy for me to say because I’m not you, but it’s the truth. They meant a lot to me too.” Corey nodded. Josh took note of the sincerity in his eyes.

  In their high school days Corey probably spent more time at Josh’s house than his own. Corey’s parents were always busy flying between Texas and L.A. for one business event or another. There were a number of summers that saw Corey practically living at Josh’s house because he couldn’t stand going back to the family farm in Texas. Josh’s family treated him like he was very much a part of them.

  “I know.” Josh nodded. It felt good to talk like this, as hard as it was.

  “Josh, your behavior…this way you’re living and route you’re going down will destroy you. They loved you, a lot. They wouldn’t want to see you like this. They were always so proud and happy to watch you play. If you want to remember them you should play. Get your act together and play.”

  It was all very encouraging. Corey gave some very encouraging points, but until Josh stopped blaming himself none of that would sink in.

  “I’ll think about it.” Josh ran his hand across his face. He needed to shave, and he needed a drink.

  “I hope you will, Josh. I really do. I understand if you don’t make it to the meetup next week, but you got to be at the show. If you’re not, I’m not sure if that will bode well for you.”

  Corey wouldn’t say it, but Josh knew what he meant. He meant Josh would get cut from the team. This was why all the efforts—the PA that took his crap, the constant insistence from Corey, Zelda telling him he should retire if he didn’t want a PA—it was all because they wanted him to come back and didn’t want to cut him from the team.

  “Sure, thanks for the heads up.”

  “No problem, and jokes aside, you may want to take it easy on your PA too, she’s here to help.”

  Josh nodded his agreement only because he didn’t want to deal with this now. Having choice taken away from you was a big thing, but he understood the need for it. The team couldn’t wait for him forever. They had to move on. The thing was, if he lost his position it was likely that this would definitely be the end of his career. He’d already been out of the game for six months, and out of shape by an athlete’s standard. He doubted that he could run for two minutes without stopping to catch a breath. That was from lack of training, junk food, and the constant alcohol consumption. Probably the sleeping around, too, and staying in bed practically all day.

  “Okay.” Corey got up to go and gave him a tap on his shoulder as he was leaving.

  Josh knew he had some serious thinking to do. He just wondered if he had the strength, because his worst enemy here was himself.

  Amy felt like screaming. Screaming and crying.

  The desolate hole in her heart was getting bigger and she was at her wits’ end.

  It was a mistake calling Dr. Carson because he’d only come down hard on her with some serious home truths. Put simply, her mother was dying and if she didn’t do what she needed her chance of life was next to none. He hadn’t been able to give her any form of estimate on how long the stent would last, or the maximum length of time her mother could wait because she needed the bypass as urgent as yesterday.

  Dr. Carson had sympathized to no end but he reiterated that all they could do without the surgery was their best. Her mother’s condition was so far gone that the surgery was a necessity for survival. The time it would take to run all the tests required before the surgery was enough of an impediment because her mother was approaching end-stage heart failure, and if they weren’t careful she’d need a heart transplant. That was a big worry as she wasn’t severe enough to be placed on top of the waiting list, and since she was so weak chances were she wouldn’t be strong enough to survive the wait for a donor. Not to mention the extortionate costs of doing that surgery. The cost of the bypass was high, but a heart transplant cost so much he couldn’t tell her.

  Amy had gone through a mixture of emotions. She was angry about the situation, angry that her mother hadn’t told her how sick she was before things got so bad, and she was terrified. Terrified that she was going to lose her mother and there was nothing she could do.

  By the time she’d finished with Dr. Carson there wasn’t a question in her mind as to if she was coming back to work. And she had to buy the stuff on Josh’s stupid list. She just thought she’d put her own spin on it, which she was glad for. She didn’t get the chance to meet with Gabriella or Hilda, but since they exchanged numbers she was able to message and arrange something for tomorrow. That would at least be something to look forward to.

  As for today, she needed to get on with work. The time was getting away from her and if she wanted to get all she needed done she had to sort out the paperwork and other documents. She needed some form of organization. And, she needed to stop cleaning. The passageway from the sitting room to the office had been trashed with garbage and the kitchen was a mess. When she saw it she went into the office to calm herself.

  The friend she saw Josh talking to leaned in and smiled at her just as she picked up the dust pan and brush from the floor. She straightened up a little and looked at him, wondering if he was going to bother her too.

  “Hey there.” He smiled.

  “Hi.” She decided to try and be polite.

  “You know I didn’t know they actually made condoms that size.” His smile widened.

  She didn’t like this, and she was in no mood for foolishness from these men.

  She might not have lived in Atlanta for awhile—technically she wasn’t living anywhere—but that didn’t change her southern roots and manners. She was a lady and wasn’t used to these presumptuous men who spoke so openly about condoms, lubricants, and all kinds of crap like that.

  “Can I help you with something?” Her irritation was evident in her voice. His brown eyes widened in surprise at her tone. He ran his hands through his rich brown hair and smiled again. He was another one of those gorgeous types who’d obviously, like Josh—His Majesty—thought he was God’s gift to the world. Maybe it was the wrong thing to ask if she could help him with something. What if he, too, sent her on some crazy shopping spree, or responded with some explicitly sexual comment.

  “Before you answer, please, no fool’s errands or sex stuff. I can only deal with one asshole at a time.” She pointed her dust brush at him and inclined her head to the side.

  “Wow, Zelda really did it this time.” He chuckled.

  “Zelda did what?”

  “You. Look, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, but you see that whole attitude thing?” He motioned to her and circled his hand. “You need to supercharge it and make sure you don’t take any of Josh’s crap.”

  Okay, that wasn’t what she thought he would say. She narrowed her gaze at him, thinking about his suggestion.

  “Seriously. You shouldn’t be cleaning or going on hi
s crazy errands. Don’t let him push you around.”

  “Aren’t you his friend?” She found it strange that he wasn’t like Josh. So far everyone she’d met in this house had been quite unsavory.

  “Yes, ma’am, I sure am.”

  She picked up a twang in his voice as he spoke and wondered where he was from.

  “But I am no asshole. And someone has to tell you that instead of taking orders, the way to deal with Josh is to give orders of your own. Don’t ask him for anything, tell him what you are doing and tell him what to do. I’m also sure Zelda said to contact her if you needed anything. That pretty much means anything.”

  Her perspective of him changed. She appreciated his advice. Honestly, she should have contacted Zelda already and told her what was going on. Amy was just a little worried Zelda would think that she couldn’t handle the job.

  “Thank you.”

  He tipped his head in reverence the way most southerners would. “You’re welcome, and if you need some extra help with him call me. My number’s in the phone book on top of the fridge. The name’s Corey.”

  “Thanks, I’m Amy.”

  His smile widened again. “Good luck, Amy.” He gave her a curt nod and left.

  She looked around the room and dropped the dust pan and brush. She wouldn’t be cleaning anymore, or taking any of Josh’s orders. She left the office and went back into the living room to find he was still there on the sofa. Sitting there looking like he was deep in contemplation.

  She’d seen some mail at the front door on her way in and wanted to grab it and put it with the others. Ignoring him she got the mail and made her way back to the office. He followed her just as she anticipated.

  “You got my order wrong.” He gave her a hard look as she turned around to regard him.

  Amy didn’t answer, she just looked at him thinking about what she should say.

  “Hey Kansas, I’m talking to you.”

  “My name is Amy. It isn’t Kansas. I’m not even from there so I don’t know where you cooked that up from.”

  “You got my order wrong.” He narrowed his gaze.

  “Did I? It all seems about right to me.”

  “Why would you think I meant root beer, and a damn kids’ root beer too?”

  “You never specified what sort of beer you meant,” she answered with a tight-lipped smile.

  “You think you’re funny. The beer I might drink and the hot sauce I can use in a sandwich. But what the hell am I supposed to do with them midget condoms?”

  “Mr. Mancini. I’m afraid that is above my pay grade. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m afraid I have things to do.” She turned her back to him and focused on the stack of mail.

  Thankfully he gave up this nonsensical argument and walked off. As he did, an idea brewed in her mind. Amy needed to up her game. Since being here she really had allowed him to push her around. This was just her third day here and she was already feeling like she’d been here for years and needed to retire.

  No more of it. She was going to take Corey’s advice and put things in order.

  Chapter 6

  Just like she thought, the place was a mess again. But today it was worse, as if Josh had purposely thrown everything everywhere for her to clean.

  It was fine. She’d factored this into the plan. She’d brought in her portfolio today and planned to work on it until he got up.

  Amy went into the sitting room and switched on the TV, then she went into the kitchen and made herself some chocolate from the sachets she’d brought along with her.

  Today she wore her designer clothes, selecting a pink, slinky, alter neck from Ralph Lauren and tight Armani jeans. Her hair was down with loose curls at the ends she’d created with her curling wand. Amy looked more like the fashionable, tasteful woman she was back in New York.

  Deciding to get real comfortable, she found Ren and Stimpy on MTV and had it playing in the background while she scanned over her portfolio, jotting down a few notes on what she was going to work on.

  Her plan was to finish her dress by next month. Despite her tiredness and frustration last night, she’d managed to get quite a lot done on the detail she wanted on the center back of the dress. It was pleated with rhinestones running down the lines of each pleat. The sewing part was always easy. Attaching the stones was not. It took forever and she had to get it right. If she made a mistake there was a chance of ruining the fabric and that would take her back to square one. The stones had an adhesive on the back that allowed it to be fused onto the fabric when heated with a hot gun that looked a little like a welder.

  When she heard movement upstairs she decided to get herself ready to unleash her plan. It was likely that Josh heard the TV. She’d turned it up loud on purpose. Things would change today, and from now on she was going to put the effort in to make sure everything worked out.

  When she heard him coming down the stairs she put her feet up on the coffee table and got out her nail file to buff her nails.

  His face when he saw her was classic. His eyes were red and his skin was blotchy. He looked worse than yesterday. She could tell that he must have spent the entire night drinking.

  “What the hell is all this, Kansas? Do you think this is the damn spa?”

  She tossed her locks over her shoulder and continued to buff her nails. He marched over to the TV and turned it off. That was fine by her. To infuriate him further she just reached into her bag and pulled out a copy of Vogue. She almost laughed when she saw how furious he looked when he turned and saw the magazine.

  “Kansas,” he snarled, walking back over to her. That was when she could smell the alcohol heavy on his breath. He attempted to grab the magazine from her but failed as she moved it.

  “Can’t have it,” she teased.

  “What the hell is the matter with you? If you don’t do as I say I’ll have you fired.”

  She smiled up at him. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  “Why is the place a mess? You haven’t cleaned it.”

  “Look, your royal highness, things are going to be a tad different around here.” She set the magazine down, along with the nail file. Amy then stood up and squared off with him. Even though she wore six-inch heels, the top of her head only just made it to his shoulders, but she stood with authority, making herself appear taller from the confidence she exuberated.

  “My women will be here soon and I want this place cleaned now.”

  “No. They aren’t coming. You’re going to ditch the skanks today, and a long time for the matter. Actually, I’ll be reasonable and allow you to see them on weekends. Right now, I’m going to get a maid and you’re going to help her clean up this pigsty. Then I’m going to do my PA stuff in my little office over there.” She pointed over to the office.

  “Get out of my house,” he fumed. His eyes blazed with fury and he looked like he was going to explode from it.

  “No.” She shook her head.

  He looked surprised by her answer.

  “I’m sorry, I won’t be leaving. I’m doing a job here, and the way I figure it is you need me.”

  His eyes widened.

  She thought about it all yesterday and realized she’d totally gone about this the wrong way. Amy was being offered some serious money for working with Josh. The reason for that was they needed her. He needed her.

  As anal as he was, Josh was a talented athlete who was worth more to his team than the millions he got paid. They needed him back to play for the next season. And realistically, if he didn’t want to play she’d be long gone. He was just messing with her.

  “Lady, I don’t need you for anything.” He looked slightly thrown.

  “Yes, you do. You can resist all you want, but you know you want to play football again. And without me that’s not going to happen. So yes, you will tell the skanks to take a hike. I’m getting a maid to sort out the house. She’ll be here the same hours as me and you won’t trash the place in the evenings. You are also to be up by eight every m
orning in preparation for breakfast and your morning walk.”

  “What am I? A dog?”

  “If that is what you want to be, then by all means you be that. Just be up and ready for me.”

  “Well look who grew a pair.” He glared at her.

  “Yes. About damn time too.”

  He sighed with frustration and stormed out.

  Good, it worked.

  This was the way to deal with him. A bubble of hope lifted within her, accompanied by relief. She really might just be able to pull this off.

  Amy grabbed her phone and dialed Hilda’s number straightaway, hoping she was still looking for a job.

  “Is he usually this grumpy?” Hilda asked as she came into the office. She giggled and her ponytail bounced as she hopped on the edge of the desk.

  “Grumpy for him is a good day,” Amy replied. It was time to take a little break. She’d been going through emails all morning and her eyes were starting to hurt. They’d have lunch soon and she planned to walk along the beach to relax.

  “I don’t know how you manage to keep such a straight face, the man is gorgeous. Like super gorgeous, and his eyes are like wow.”

  “To be honest, he could look like a badger’s ass for all I care.”

  Hilda started to laugh.

  “What? It’s true.” Amy laughed too. She supposed it did sound funny. “When you get to know him you’ll see what I mean.” Gorgeous though he may be, Joshua Mancini was the vilest man Amy had ever met in her life.

  “Thank you so much for getting me this job.” She nodded her appreciation.

  “You’re welcome.” Amy smiled.

  “Things were starting to get a little rough at home. As in I almost didn’t have one.”

  That was sad to hear. Amy knew the worry of that all too well.

  “I’m happy I was able to help.” Amy smiled. “I hope you asked for whatever salary you wanted.” She’d put her in touch with Zelda, who was ecstatic to hear that Amy wanted her to be Josh’s maid.