Beast: Learning to Breathe Devil’s Blaze Duet

by Jordan Marie

  “Don’t you think it’d be better if you had someone with you? Someone to help watch your back?” Ice adds.

  “Just keep Hayden safe. That’s all that matters,” I tell him, not bothering to look back, dismissing both of them from thought, my mind already on what is ahead.

  “No offense, but if you head out alone and end up buzzard bait, you won’t do that girl in there a bit of good,” Devil says.

  I turn around to look at him.

  Actually, out of all of Diesel’s men I have to say these two are good. They’re no nonsense, and no drama. They look completely opposite of one another. Both are probably in their early thirties, but that is where the similarities end. Ice is blonde with bright blue eyes. He’s bulked up and ripped as hell, but he’s probably five foot ten, maybe eleven. He looks like he’d be more at home in a suit than leather. He’s almost too pretty, if I hadn’t been watching him closely the last twenty-four hours, I’d say he’s just playing biker to piss off his rich father.

  Devil, on the other hand, probably stands around six foot three or four. He’s got green eyes and dark brown hair, cut short on his head, with a beard that looks more like he’s forgotten to shave for a few days. He’s tall and lean, but something about the way he carries himself tells me he could take almost anyone in a fight. He looks like he was born into this life—much like me. I wonder if it will chew him up and spit him out, because that’s sure sums up what I feel like these days.

  “I don’t need a babysitter,” I mumble, annoyed.

  “Maybe not, but Devil has a point. Besides, I got Trace outside watching the perimeter. Between me, him and Crusher, we’ve got this. That asshole shows up anywhere around here, he’s dead. He knows it. He won’t chance it. Fuck, I’d lay odds that he’s half way to Mexico right now,” Ice adds.

  “Never underestimate stupid,” I warn him. “Let’s go if we’re going, I need this shit done, and you better not get in my way,” I growl to Devil, giving in.

  “They warned me you shit sunshine and fart rainbows,” Devil mutters, passing me to go outside to his bike.

  I grunt in response, I could almost like him.

  You can bet I’m going to wake Crusher up on my way for sure now. If I can’t stay in bed and enjoy Hayden’s body, he sure isn’t getting to play with Dani.

  89

  Beast

  It’s close to two in the morning by the time we make it to the Dwellers. Being here makes me sick. Even the air seems to stink in this place, as if Mother Nature knows what kind of filth lived here.

  “Damn, this place is a real shithole,” Devil says when we pull up to the clubhouse and shut off our bikes.

  The parking area is hard-packed earth with stray gravel here and there. You could almost choke on the dust—even with the dew on the ground. The outside of the building is covered in mismatched green and brown tin. It’s been slapped up and cut at angles that don’t line up with other pieces. They’re just butted against each other without care or thought. There are few windows in the building. The ones that are there look like antique, wooden ones. The glass is clouded and foggy in appearance. It’s either from weather allowing condensation to slip between the panes, or years of filth. It might be a mixture of both. Trash is littered around the building. Everything from beer cans and liquor bottles to remnants of fast food containers. Clearly, the Dwellers lived up to their filth in all aspects of their lives.

  It’s harder than hell for me to imagine Hayden here among this shit. Maybe this is why she cleans all the time. Hell, I once caught her sweeping the fucking ground around her front steps—as if she was trying to make the dirt clean. If you were forced to live in this, that would explain the need to be clean now.

  I walk from my bike to the front doors. There’s two steel doors at the entrance and in front of those are two men almost as big as I am—but dressed in suits. Apparently, even Victor’s henchmen have to dress up to his standards. In my peripheral vision, I can see a small building and I know intuitively that it is the place Hayden tried to hide. A fine tremble runs through my body, causing my hand to shake. I clench it into a fist to disguise it.

  “Your name?” one of the men asks. He’s a fucking giant. I might be taller, but this guy is definitely wider. One of his forearms is wider than both of my thighs together. I’ve never thought twice about taking another man on. I’ve never actually met a man I couldn’t take down. He makes me wonder if it’s possible.

  “I figure you already know. Victor is expecting me,” I grumble, refusing to play the game.

  The man looks at his partner, then speaks into a handheld radio. “Yeah, Boss. There’s two men out here to see you. One is scarred and about the ugliest bastard I’ve ever seen in my life.”

  I shrug off the insult. It’s not like I give a fuck. It doesn’t bother me and apparently, my scars don’t bother Hayden.

  “I’d watch who I called ugly. You should look in the mirror,” Devil mumbles, I guess offended for me. I could almost like him.

  The other guy ignores him. He gets the go ahead to let us inside, and he looks relieved we’re leaving. “Go on in,” he orders.

  “Asshole,” Devil tells him, apparently still not over the insult to me. I shake my head at him, trying to tell him to shut the fuck up and let it go—without words. Devil ignores me, continuing to mumble as we pass them. “Dumbass looks like a butt-fuck gone wrong and he wants to talk about someone else. Pathetic.”

  I find myself smiling despite what’s waiting inside. Devil apparently has balls of steel, trying to take on a man who could snap him like a twig. It’s either that or he’s a stupid motherfucker. We walk into a big room. I have to say the inside of this damn place looks slightly better than the outside—of course it would be hard to look much worse. It’s an open space with a bar in the front of the room. A few tables scattered around, some pool tables, poker tables, and big screen televisions. There’s some sectional sofas that are worn to Hell and back. Beside one sofa in particular is a fucking metal cage. A big one, like you would house a Great Dane dog inside…or a person.

  I know instantly it’s the one Hayden talked about, and rage boils through me as I picture her inside that fucking thing for months. Did they allow her clothes? Did they let her out to eat? Did they let her out to use the restroom? Any of that? Jesus, what if she didn’t care for Blade at all, but had some sort of Stockholm syndrome going with him because he saved her? I’m going to burn this fucking place to the ground. Tonight. I don’t want a trace of anything left. It will cease to exist, just like the memories I want gone out of Hayden’s mind.

  I kick the fucking cage with my boot, not feeling better even when it goes back a good five feet. If Devil wonders why, he doesn’t say shit. Victor is standing in the corner of the room surrounded by three other men and in front of him is the preacher. He’s chained to a stripper pole and naked. From the looks of him it appears that Victor has been having fun interrogating him. He doesn’t look so holy now. At least he left him breathing for me. I need something to hit right now. Since Blade isn’t around, the would be preacher is the next best thing.

  Time to get the party started.

  90

  Hayden

  I turn over, stretching, and immediately know that Michael is gone. I refused to mention it, didn’t even ask, but I knew that he would be meeting with Victor about Pastor Sturgill. Part of me wanted to know who the man is and part of me wants to just pretend it never happened. That part obviously won. I have so much more to worry about. My plate is about as full as it can get, and who Pastor Sturgill truly is and what’s going to happen to him, are two things that I’ve decided to ignore. I need to concentrate on other things. Least of all of them, is the fact that I now have no job. Worse, with you-know-who getting whatever is coming to him. I’m pretty sure my side business of selling things to the church is over—or at least cut very drastically. Which means I’ve got to find a way for Maggie and me to survive. A part of me feels guilty for worrying about money after
losing Charlie. But, Charlie…she was a realist. She was truly a bottom line kind of girl, so I’m pretty sure she would understand.

  Looking over at the clock, it reads five in the morning. Michael’s pillow is cold. I have to wonder how long he’s been gone. With a sad, pitiful little sigh, I get out of bed. I jump in the shower after turning on the water and adjusting the temperature. My life has been one emotional crisis after another for so long, I can’t remember normal. Still, right now, I have a smile on my face. My body aches in all the right places and I feel…

  I stop because only one word comes to mind and it shocks me. It might even terrify me. I feel…loved. Well-loved.

  My heart hammers in my chest, and I have to force myself to breathe. It’s too much, with my past life, to imagine that someone as amazing as Michael might love me. Isn’t it? The most I could hope for is that he might truly care for me…and I think he does. That’s enough. It has to be. It’s more than I’ve ever had, and I can be happy with that.

  When I get out of the shower, I throw on a pair of jogging pants and t-shirt, and after towel drying my hair, I decide I’ve wasted enough time. There are two strangers in my house, and Michael is gone. It’s okay. He trusts these men and if he does, then I can. Today is the day I let go of the past. That’s what Michael wants for me and for Maggie. It’s something I want more than I could ever put into words. It’s time to stop living in the past, or at least time to stop letting it affect me and everything I do.

  I have this delicious ache when I walk. Evidence that what Michael and I did last night worked muscles that have been in hibernation. That thought makes my smile broaden. I never imagined that I would have sex again, that I would ever enjoy it. Enjoy might be too tame of word for what happens when Michael touches me.

  I open up the bedroom door to the sound of arguing. I look at my kitchen and there’s one of the men from last night, along with a new man I don’t remember seeing before along with Crusher and Dani. Shit. I know Michael really likes those two, but spending the day with them before wasn’t exactly wine and roses.

  All talking stops the minute I step through my door. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  They look at each other, then back at me. Dani avoids my eyes, and Crusher runs his hand along his five o’clock shadow, and it’s clear he’s uncomfortable. It’s also clear he’s lying When he answers, “Nothing. Are you hungry, Hayden? Dani fixed breakfast. It took her a few years, but she’s finally learning to cook.”

  “Kiss my ass, Cowboy.”

  “I did that last night if I remember correctly.” he smiles at her but it doesn’t reach his eyes like it should.

  “I’m not sure kissing can be used to describe what you did to my ass,” Dani smirks.

  “What are you guys arguing about?” I interrupt them for two reasons. One and most importantly, I don’t want to hear what he did to her ass and secondly, I have a feeling their arguing has a lot to do with Michael.

  Crusher lets out a noise that reminds me a lot of Michael’s grunts, only his is more drawn out. I look at the other two men and they cross their arms stubbornly. It’s clear none of them have any plans of telling me what’s going on.

  “Okay, Dani. You tell me.”

  “Why me?” she appears affronted.

  “Because, us girls have to stick together.”

  “We’re not exactly best friends,” she huffs, but she’s smiling.

  “We probably never will be,” I tell her honestly, which makes her laugh. I wasn’t trying to be a bitch; I just don’t want people in my life. If I could move to a deserted island and live with Michael and Maggie and no one else. I’d be happy.

  “Beast should have been back by now,” she admits, and fear hits me stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before—and with my history that is saying a lot. On the heels of the fear however, is not panic—at least not right now. It’s anger.

  “Do you know where he is?” I ask Crusher, and he shrugs which pisses me off. “Do you know where he is?” I ask again, stressing the words and so help me if I had my gun right now—which Michael took somewhere and hid because he said I’d get myself killed, I’d shoot Crusher!

  “Well yeah,” he says, uncomfortably.

  “Then you’re going to go check on him and make sure he’s alright then, right?”

  “I hadn’t planned on it,” he says calmly, leaning against the counter of my old sink.

  “Why the hell not?” I cry.

  “Yeah, Cowboy, why the hell not?” Dani adds, rising to stand by me.

  “Because this is Beast’s business. He told me to watch you and that’s what I’m doing. He’s probably just taking longer than he planned.”

  “Taking longer?” I ask, shaking my head.

  “Well yeah. It takes a while to get information out of a man when—well, shall we say, they might not be so inclined to give it to you,” he says calmly, as if he was discussing what color socks he is wearing today.

  “So, he’s torturing him?”

  “More like sternly convincing him to talk,” Crusher shrugs.

  “But he’s a preacher!”

  “I don’t think he’s really a preacher, Hay,” Dani interrupts.

  “I know that,” I grumble, “and my name isn’t Hay,” I add.

  “You’re very touchy,” this comes from one of the men standing close to Crusher.

  “I am not,” I complain, rubbing the tension between my eyes, because suddenly I feel a headache coming on.

  “You kind of are,” Dani says, and I don’t turn to look at her. My eyes are on Crusher.

  His eyes practically sparkle and he snorts in laughter, but tries to hide it behind his hand with a cough. He doesn’t hide it very well.

  “Are you going to go help Michael?”

  “I doubt he needs it. Like I said, he’s probably—”

  “Convincing him sternly, I got it. But, he could need help convincing. You need to help him,” I urge Crusher.

  “You do, Cowboy,” Dani tacks on.

  “Damn it, Hellcat.”

  “If something happens to Michael because you didn’t help him, I’ll make your life hell,” I warn him, knowing he probably doesn’t care.

  “Listen, Beast would—”

  “If something happens to Beast and you didn’t help him, I’ll make your life hell, Cowboy,” Dani adds, I turn around and look at her skeptically. She shrugs with a wink. “Girls have to stick together. Besides I owe Beast.”

  I nod, not knowing what else to say. Maybe I could like her.

  “Damn it, Hellcat. You know how these things go. We—”

  “You know that thing I do with my tongue that you like when I—”

  “Woman!” Crusher interrupts her. I make a note to find out later what she does…Michael might like it…

  Her mouth creeps into a smile and she shrugs. “I’m just saying, Cowboy, that could be off the table.”

  “Dani,” he warns.

  “Permanently,” she says calmly.

  “So, what’s your decision?” I ask Crusher, crossing my arms trying to figure out what my next move is if he says no.

  One of the men, I think I heard Michael refer to him as Ice, makes a noise like a whip cracking.

  “Fuck you. If you knew what she did, you’d be scared too, asshole.”

  “Well?” Dani prompts.

  “Fine, I’ll go check on him,” he relents.

  “I’m going with you,” I tell him relieved, already grabbing my jacket.

  “Fuck no you’re not! Beast would cut off my dick if I took you to that damn clubhouse and you got hurt,” Crusher growls.

  “I’m going. Either you take me with you, or I’ll sneak away and go to the clubhouse on my own, since you were nice enough to tell me where Michael is,” I tell him, leaving no room for argument.

  “Son-of-a-bitch!” he growls, but I feel joy inside, because I’m pretty sure I’ve just won this argument.

  “I’m going too!” Dani says, nearly jumping in vic
tory.

  “Fuck no!”

  “But, Zander, honey, I have to. I need to protect your dick in case Beast tries to cut it off.”

  “I doubt he will,” Ice says.

  “Yeah, it’s too wrapped around your finger,” the other guy mutters.

  “I will shoot you,” Crusher growls.

  “Quit your blustering, Cowboy, think of it this way. If I’m with you, then I can’t be hurt. I’ll be with you and you can protect me.”

  “I don’t spank your ass enough,” he mutters.

  “I completely agree,” she says with a smirk, winking in my direction, and it amazes me that with everything going on, I can find a smile. I swear I’m starting to feel like I’m part of a crazy family.

  “Let’s get going. Fuck, I’m going to regret this,” Crusher grumbles.

  We head out the door and the men walk to their bikes. Dani gets on the back of Crushers. I know a moment of real fear. I’ve not been on the back of a bike in a long time and there’s memories there I don’t really want.

  “Ice, you can take Hayden in her car,” Crusher tells him.

  “I don’t think my car will make it to the clubhouse,” I tell him honestly, pushing back my nerves. I can do this. “I’ll just ride on the back of his bike.”

  “The fuck you will,” Crusher argues. “Beast will cut off my dick if he sees you on the back of another man’s bike.”

  “There’s no other choice. I don’t know where Michael’s keys to his truck are. I’m sure it will be fine.”

  “I’m just as sure it won’t be,” Crusher growls, “and Christ, Hayden, you’re pregnant.”

  “Ice will drive careful. It will be fine.”

  “Beast is going to kill me. Fine you ride with Ice, but Ice, man you better baby that motherfucker.”

  “Boss I don’t think I should—”

  “Neither do I, but you’re fucking doing it,” Crusher growls.

  “Beast is going to kill me,” Ice grumbles, as I get on the back of his bike. It’s a little awkward at first, but thankfully my stomach isn’t huge as it could be.