Beast: Learning to Breathe Devil’s Blaze Duet

by Jordan Marie

“Damn it, Beauty,” I growl, having no idea how to deal with an irrational woman. This has to be done. It has to be done for my sanity. I don’t know why she’s opposed to it.

  “Don’t touch it, Michael!”

  “Fuck, I’m glad I’m single,” Ice grumbles.

  “Can’t fucking argue with that,” Devil agrees.

  “Why’s she so fucking crazy over a dog kennel?” Crusher asks, and that’s when I realize all of us are standing around the damn cage.

  “Because it’s not a dog kennel,” Dani whispers. She comes up to stand by Hayden, and I watch as she reaches out to hold her hand. Hayden jerks her hand back and takes a couple of steps away from her.

  Instead, Hayden puts her hand out and finds mine. Something moves inside of me, and I have to swallow to keep from choking on emotion. Her gray eyes are as round as saucers and panic is shining in their depths.

  “Please don’t touch it, Michael. I don’t want you to touch it. I…I don’t want you to touch it,” she whispers, her body shaking.

  I keep our hands joined, but use my free hand and cup the side of her neck. I let my thumb brush back and forth along the bone of her jawline and chin. “Why don’t you want me to touch it, Beauty?” I ask her, my heart physically hurting from seeing the tears falling from her face.

  “Michael…”

  “Tell me why, Beauty and we’ll forget this and move on. Remember my promise? So much good there’s no more room for the bad memories. Give this to me.”

  “I don’t want you to touch it because…I don’t want you to…” she starts and a violent shudder moves through her body.

  “Maybe you should just let it go,” Dani whispers, but I ignore her.

  All of my focus is on Hayden.

  “Tell me, Beauty. Tell me and then we bury it in the past—just like the rest of it. Tell me.”

  “I was an animal. They joked, and mocked me. Sometimes they’d grab my hair through the metal and pull my head against it. They’d spend time telling me what they were going to do to me, and sometimes, they’d promise me freedom, if I just agreed to whatever they wanted. God help me…sometimes I wanted to give in. Just to be done with it all and say what they wanted to hear, so I could get out. There were times they would leave me in there for days, and when they finally let me out, my legs wouldn’t work from being folded up for so long, and I smelled…I…They’d throw food through the holes and I’d grab it up to keep from starving. I should have been brave enough to starve. I should have…Oh God, Michael I was so stupid and weak. It was so bad…I don’t want to remember it. I don’t, but it’s there and if you touch it…if you touch it, Michael that memory will always be there too. Please,” she begs, the tears falling harder as she pleads, her hand tightening around mine so tight it feels like she stops the blood flow.

  “I don’t want that. I don’t want your memory anywhere near…that…Please,” she whispers, completely broken.

  I pull her deeper into me, shielding her with my body. I kiss the top of her head, wishing I knew magic words to mend the pain she’s hiding inside her.

  “Motherfucker!” Crusher screams and Hayden and I both jerk up to watch him. He’s kicking the cage over and over until it begins to collapse in on itself, a bent mess that is in three separate pieces. “Motherfucking-Son-of-A-Bitch!” he yells out, as he picks up each piece and throws it into the fire.

  Once he’s done, I pick Hayden up and carry her back to my bike. The others follow us and we only sit there. Ice, Devil, and Trace are quiet, looking straight ahead. Crusher has Dani in his arms. Dani has tears that make sad, silent tracks down her face. Hayden is in my arms, her head resting in the curve of my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head, keeping our joined hands close, as we watch the clubhouse burn to the fucking ground. I’m thankful the roar and heat of the flames, the crackling of the wood and the sounds of the clubhouse crashing in on itself is enough to hide the preacher’s screams from Hayden. Maybe the smoke got the fucker before the flames did, but I find myself hoping not. I wanted him to anticipate every second of pain before his eventual death.

  95

  Beast

  “You sure you don’t want us to stick around for a few more days?” Crusher asks.

  “Nah, man you need to get back to your kid.”

  “I am missing him,” Dani says, with a smile.

  It’s been a week and there’s no sign of Blade. I can’t keep Diesel’s men here forever. More importantly, I want more time alone with Hayden. She hasn’t said anything, but I know she’s uncomfortable having everyone around. She’s also worrying about something, and I need to get her to talk to me about it.

  “You need to get back home. We have Victor and his men around here and if something happens, I’ll give you a call.”

  “If you’re sure, man,” Crusher says. We slap hands together, pull in and pound each other’s shoulders, before breaking away.

  “I’m sure. Besides if you don’t get Devil out of here, I’m liable to kill the son of a bitch.” I smirk.

  “Oh, Sunshine. You know you fucking love me,” Devil says, laughing, and I flip him off—which makes him laugh harder.

  “Oh! Here,” Hayden calls, running out of the house. “I almost forgot!” she adds, carrying a small cooler and two plastic containers. I had no idea she was doing any of that. It’s another sign to her giving nature. A sign that she’s unlike any other woman I’ve ever had in my life.

  If things were different she would have fit in good in my old life. The old ladies would have respected her; the men would have treated her as one of the family. Skull has been calling, wanting me to come back, but the more I kick it around, I know I can’t. I don’t want to go back—even if it meant giving Hayden a better life.

  “I made you guys some sandwiches and some other things for the road,” she tells Crusher.

  I shake off my thoughts and watch as she tentatively hands them to him. Crusher doesn’t give Hayden a chance to get away, he pulls her in for a big bear hug. He whispers something to her that I can’t hear.

  She looks up at him and smiles, but she’s got a blush on her cheeks. “I will,” she says, and Crusher hugs her again. I barely resist the urge to yank her out of his arms.

  “Please, tell me that has those peanut butter cookies in there,” Ice says, coming up to get the container out of her hands.

  “That’s why there are two batches, so you can eat to your heart’s content, Ice,” Hayden laughs.

  “Hayden, if you give me the word, swear to God, I’ll claim you, cover you in diamonds and spoil you rotten. All you have to do is bake for me and kick Beast to the curb,” he tells her, smoothly getting down on his knees in front of her. That’s about all I can stand, joking or not.

  “You don’t get the fuck away from her, you won’t be able to ride that shiny new bike of yours, or eat my woman’s food,” I growl, pulling her away from him. “I already owe you an ass kicking for letting her on the back of your bike.”

  “Michael,” Hayden chastises, reaching up from her tiptoes to kiss my neck.

  “You’re a lucky, asshole,” Ice whines theatrically, but at least the bastard goes back to his bike—away from Hayden.

  “Take care, Beast. And you better fucking watch your back,” Crusher growls.

  “Always,” I tell him, with a nod. Then I lean down and kiss the top of Dani’s head. “Take care of yourself, hummingbird.”

  “I will. You be happy,” she says, and I shrug. She thinks Hayden will be my miracle cure-all. She doesn’t get that the truth is I’m a fucking bastard who is going to use Hayden to survive. There’s no happy for me. “You deserve to be happy you know,” she whispers, giving me a hug. “Hayden deserves it too,” she adds, and that’s one thing we agree on.

  “I’ll make sure she’s happy,” I tell her, because I plan on doing my best to make sure that happens. Dani stares at me and I see the sadness in her eyes, I’m not fooling her at all.

  “Any other man hugged my woman like that, I’d cut
his balls off,” Crusher grumbles.

  “Any other man tried to hug your woman like that and she’d cut his balls off,” Dani grumbles. “Take care, Hayden,” she adds.

  “You can call me Hay…I guess,” Hayden tells her, and they smile at each other for a minute, as if silently bonding.

  “Women,” Crusher laughs with a shake of his head, before starting up his bike.

  I watch as they head out with a wave. Once they’re gone, Hayden wraps her arm tighter around my back and curls herself into my side.

  “Listen to that,” she whispers after a bit.

  “What’s that, Beauty?” I ask her, looking down at her.

  “It’s silent,” she answers, looking completely happy with the idea that we’re finally alone.

  “Getting tired of all our company?” I ask her, jokingly.

  “Yeah, a little. Do you think it’s okay though? I mean, Blade is out there…somewhere.”

  “You don’t need to worry about that,” I respond, turning her so she stands in front of me, and I let my fingers curl into her hair. “I’ll take care of Blade.” I meant to reassure her, but I can tell that it doesn’t work when she avoids my eyes and looks down the road instead. “What’s wrong, Hayden?” I ask her point blank.

  “Just getting really tired of old ghosts,” she answers, looking a little lost.

  “How about I take you inside and remind you of other things?”

  “Not sure why you want to, I’m starting to waddle here,” she sighs rubbing her stomach. The woman has no idea how beautiful she is. I pick her up and stalk back to the house.

  “I can walk,” she complains half-heartedly, as her head falls on my shoulder, and her fingers are playing in my hair.

  “We’ll see if that’s the case by the time I finish with you in our bed,” I grunt, and she gives me that laugh she does sometimes that I’ve never heard her use with anyone but me. Her laugh rings like bells—almost musical, and the sound makes me feel warm inside.

  Damn.

  96

  Hayden

  “What do you say we go away for a few days?”

  “Away?” I question, looking up at Michael. It’s been a couple of weeks now since Crusher and the others left to go back home. There’s still been no sign of Blade, and though I worry, I’m starting to feel better. There’s no reason for him to come here. Michael is probably right, and he’s in Mexico or somewhere now. I was never that important to him, and he never truly wanted Maggie. There’s no reason to think he would risk his life to get some sort of crazy revenge. It’s right after the day at the hospital, I’ve somehow built Blade up to be even more of a monster in my mind. So, knowing he’s out there is always lingering in my thoughts. There’s always this…fear.

  “Yeah. There’s a lake in Norman. Let’s load up and go up there for a few days, rent a place out by itself and just relax,” he answers.

  We’re on the sofa watching a movie and eating popcorn together. I have my head in Michael’s lap, his legs are stretched out, with his bare feet resting on the coffee table. This is something we do almost every evening together. It usually ends with me falling asleep and Michael carrying me to bed. Sometimes we make love, sometimes he simply holds me—either way it’s perfect. That’s how I would describe my life right now. Perfect. I’m happy.

  Michael seems happy. We talk, we laugh and we…love. At least it’s love for me. I admit that to myself. I love Michael. If I had met him earlier, before life went to complete hell, how different would my life have been. I look at our joined hands that are lying over my baby-bump and I know. Deep down in my soul, I know that life would have been completely different. I grieve that loss, but I’ve come to accept what Michael told me the first time we made love together. He is Maggie’s father in every way that counts. He’s going nowhere. I have no idea how I can trust someone—especially a man, after everything, but I do. Unconditional Trust.

  “I can’t go anywhere, Michael,” I tell him, regretfully. I’d actually love to go away with him, but it’s not practical.

  “Why can’t you?” he asks, and he has that tone. The one that says he’s mildly upset and determined to get his way. Then again, Michael is always determined to get his way.

  “Because, I have things to do here,” I reply, not bothering to look up, trying not to engage. I don’t want to argue over this, because what usually happens is I give in. I find it hard to concentrate on anything when Michael looks at me with his dark eyes and those beautiful lips of his smile at me like I’m the only woman in the world that matters. Heck, I find it hard to breathe when he does that.

  “What kind of things?” he asks, using the remote to pause the movie we’re watching. The remote to the brand new sixty-five-inch, ultra HD television he bought last week.

  Heck, the coffee table his feet are on, he made. He made it with his own hands, and I love it. It’s the most beautiful piece of furniture I’ve ever had in my life. It’s just simple lines, nothing fancy and it’s made out of old barn wood that Michael sanded by hand and then stained it with a dark varnish. He even made two matching end tables. I’ll keep these tables until the day I die. That’s how precious they are to me. When I told Michael that, I was crying in happiness. It’s something I do a lot these days. Michael only shook his head and kissed me.

  He’s always doing things like that. In fact, we’re sitting on the new sofa he bought too, and across from the sofa are two matching rocking recliners. His and Hers recliners. All these things he bought because he said they were needed, especially the rocking recliners. He told me he wanted to make sure Maggie could be rocked and happy when we have family night. Family night. Is there any wonder why I’m not completely in love with him? There’s not a woman alive that wouldn’t fall head over heels in love with him—it’s a physical impossibility.

  Still, he has to quit spending money like that. He obviously has money, and I can only assume it’s from his time with his club back in Kentucky. But, he’s not in that life anymore. I don’t want him to waste his money on me. I’m terrified of him doing that. If he does that and money gets tight, he might go back to Kentucky. He might leave me…or worse. He might expect me to follow him to Kentucky and become part of his life there.

  “I know you’ve been spending money on me like crazy, but Michael, we can’t live like this forever. We have to think of the future, and for me, that means finding a job. I have the bills paid up for another month, and you’ve been insisting on buying the groceries, but I need to have a job before long.”

  “The hell you do. You’re not going to work, Hayden. You’re pregnant. Very pregnant. You have to take care of yourself.”

  “I have to have a job to support myself.”

  “Do I look like that kind of guy?” he growls. Pulling me around so I’m lying on my back, head still in his lap, looking up at him.

  From this angle, I can see the scars that run up his neck and I have the strangest urge to reach up and lick them…

  “Hayden! Stop ignoring me!”

  “I’m not ignoring you,” I defend, with a sigh.

  “Then what are you doing? I’m trying to have an argument with you here.”

  “I’m thinking about licking your neck,” I tell him, with an annoyed sigh. “And what do you mean, that kind of guy? You’re the one not making sense.”

  “You want to lick my neck?” he asks, incredulously.

  “All of you really, but I’d start there. If you’d stop being grumpy.”

  He grunts in reply, and I can’t help but giggle.

  I also sit up, and turn to the side enough so I can place a kiss against his Adam’s apple, then I run my tongue along the groove of the deepest scar there, thankful he let me trim his beard shorter.

  “Fuck,” he hisses, as I use my teeth to bite along the corded muscle in his neck. His large hand covers my breast, squeezing it. “You’re trying to distract me,” he grumbles, and he’s right, but still…

  “I’m feeling needy,” I whisper in
to his ear, my fingers burrowing into his hair.

  “You’re always needy,” he groans, his hands sliding under the nightshirt I’m wearing.

  I’ve given up pajamas lately, opting for Michael’s t-shirts, or nightgowns. They give me more freedom with my ever-growing stomach. When his hand reaches underneath and goes straight between my legs, I’m pretty sure I’ll never go back to pajamas. There’s something to be said about easy access.

  “You’re bare too,” his hoarse voice growls. His fingers dance across the lips of my pussy, before pushing them apart and zeroing in on my clit, teasing it. “Where’s your underwear, Beauty?”

  “I must have forgotten them.” I grin, widening the distance between my legs to give him more access. I’m on my knees now leaning over him to kiss him, while his hand is buried between my legs. His lips devour me, his tongue pushing to own my mouth. He owns all of me. “I need you, Michael. I need you to fuck me,” I whimper when we break apart.

  His fingers glide carefully inside me, and every time, it feels better than the last.

  My head goes back in pleasure, my eyes closing, as my body gives a full-on shiver of pleasure.

  “Motherfucker. You’re already so damned wet, you’re covering my hand in that sweet juice of yours.”

  “Please, Michael,” I urge him, already close to orgasming.

  “I’ll give you what you want, Beauty. I’ll make the ache stop, but then you’re giving me what I want.”

  “To suck you?” I gasp.

  He jerks his sweatpants down, not even bothering to take them off all the way. He picks me up by his hold on my hips. I cry out in surprise, grabbing hold of his shoulders to steady myself, as he positions me where he wants me. Once I’m steady, he pulls the nightshirt over my head and off my body. I’d be self-conscious about my body right now, because at a little over six months pregnant it’s definitely bigger, but Michael never gives me the chance. He always makes me feel beautiful.