13 (The LIST Series Book 2)

by Rhonda James

  I felt my orgasm building, threatening to burst forth at any given moment. I wanted to scream. Laugh. Fire off a stream of obscenities. I wanted…

  I didn’t know what I wanted.

  Maybe I did know but was afraid of wanting it.

  “Hawk…” It was a whisper against his lips.

  “I know, Tiny. I know.”

  As he pulsed inside me, I couldn’t help wondering what would happen to us. So, I closed my eyes, not ready to face that reality. I just wanted to stay here with him inside me and pretend for a little while longer.

  For as long as he would let me.

  When it was over, he carried me to bed and slipped in behind me, where he peppered my back and neck with kisses and sweet words until at long last I fell asleep in the safety of his arms.

  CHAPTER 26

  HAWK

  I was in Blade’s office going over our itinerary for the tour when I caught Sophie’s picture flashing on my phone. I ignored the call, intending to call her back once we’d finished wrapping up, and turned the ringer off. We went back to discussing logistics and stage setup. Which guitars should we take? How many amps should we pack? Who’d be sleeping where on the bus? How many sets of drumsticks would Styx need? Given his propensity for breaking them, I was going to venture a guess and say a lot. There was a lot to consider, but considering we’d just wrapped up a tour six weeks ago, it was mostly just going over the notes we’d made about that tour and going in a different direction to avoid the same mistakes.

  We performed a gear check and took inventory of what we had and what we’d need to pick up at the music store. We made the decision not to perform at the Playground again until we returned, which was fine with me because this would be Sophie’s last weekend in PC, and I’d made plans to take her out to dinner and then go back to the house and watch the sunset off the back deck. Maybe we’d make love on the beach and sleep under the stars. It probably sounded ridiculous that I wanted to keep wooing her, knowing it was all about to end, but I wanted things to end the same way they had started, which had been on a positive note.

  I’d promised Sophie that tonight we would eat junk food and watch a movie. I was certain she would try talking me into watching one of her favorite chick flicks, but I was fully prepared to stand my ground and hold out for one that was action packed. On the drive home, I pulled my car in the grocery store lot and decided I better call Sophie just to make sure I was getting the right ice cream. My phone sprang to life, revealing three missed calls and thirteen text messages, all from Sophie. I read the first three before turning the car around and calling her back.

  Sophie: I need you.

  Sophie: Where are you?

  Sophie: I really need you.

  Her phone rang and rang, but she never answered, so I dialed again, shifting my car into fifth and gunning the gas. Thankfully, traffic wasn’t bad, and I made it home in less than seven minutes. When I didn’t find her in the living room or kitchen, I dashed up the steps and made a beeline for her bedroom. At first, I didn’t see her. She wasn’t on the bed, and the bathroom was empty. Then I found her in a heap on the floor, crying. Mournful, wretched sobs wracked her tiny body. Growing up with three sisters, I’d heard this sound on more than one occasion. The protective side of me kicked in, and I had her in my arms in a flash. I placed her on the bed and rocked her while she cried. I didn’t ask what was wrong, figuring she would tell me when she was ready. I waited her out. Held her. Sang her favorite song softly in her ear. I told her to take her time. I wouldn’t leave her. Wouldn’t let go. No matter how long it took. Eventually, her sobs turned to hiccups that slowly tapered off once she finally calmed down. Then, and only then, did I ask what happened.

  “Mitch called to tell me that someone had leaked a story about me.” More tears fell, and I snagged a box of tissues off the bedside table. I waited while she took one and blew her nose. “I figured the story was about us, you know. But it wasn’t. It was… Oh God, it’s so bad, Jared. Someone found out about the miscarriage, and TMZ ran a story about it on their website, and now it’s gone viral. How could this have happened? I fought so hard to keep that private, and now the whole world knows about it.” Her whole body shook, so I did what came naturally and tightened my hold on her, trying to convey that she was safe in my arms. Wishing I could protect her from all the ugliness in this world.

  Inside I was fuming. “I thought medical records were private. How the hell could anyone get their hands on that kind of information?”

  “I-I don’t know. The only one I’ve ever told was… you.”

  I shrank back as if she’d just punched me. Surely, she didn’t think I would be capable of something so abhorrent. “Sophie, I swear to God I haven’t told a soul. I would never, ever break your trust in that way.”

  “In my heart I knew you weren’t capable of it, but still, I just… I can’t imagine who would do something so underhanded. Or why. What do they stand to gain by spreading my private business?” She fisted my shirt, holding on for dear life as the tears stained her porcelain cheeks.

  “Money. It’s always about money to these sick bastards. Baby, I’m so sorry this happened. What does Mitch plan to do about it?”

  She shrugged and sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. I leaned back against the headboard and stared across the room, feeling helpless. I had no idea what to do. Didn’t know what kind of damage this would do to her reputation, or worse, her career. I couldn’t imagine how this would cause CBS to change their minds. Scandalous news was reported daily, and I knew I’d heard of far worse being reported about other actors and actresses. Plus, I didn’t see how a person suffering a miscarriage would warrant this kind of media attention. Common sense dictated that this was a private matter and not something a person would choose to endure. As far as ‘scandals’ went, Sophie’s seemed ridiculously tame. Then again, what the hell did I know about this shit?

  “He promised he’d handle it, but he also assured me this wouldn’t affect my contract in any way. I guess he spoke with a representative from CBS, and they’ve agreed to get their lawyers working on it to shut the story down. I just worry about the people in my life I never told. People who deserved to hear the truth from me and not some stupid gossip channel.”

  I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back, feeling the need the touch her just to let her know we were in this… together. “If the people you’re worried about are your family and Tori, I’m pretty sure they’ll understand you wanting to keep that to yourself. They love you, baby, and that means they’ll also forgive you. If it’s the father you’re worried about—”

  She shook her head. “He won’t care. At least I don’t think he will. One of the last things he said to me was that he didn’t have time for children. I’m quite certain if he feels anything, it will be relief.”

  For a moment, I thought about how I’d feel if I were the guy on the other end of this scenario. Would I be relieved? Would I want to know if someone I’d given myself to had had a part of me inside them, if only for a short time? The answer to both of those questions was yes. Not only would I want to know, I’d probably feel compelled to go to them and hold them. Tell them how sorry I was for not being there for them.

  I secretly hoped her ex wouldn’t feel that same kind of compassion.

  CHAPTER 27

  SOPHIE

  Yesterday had been rough.

  Mitch’s news had rocked me to my core, and then I’d kept seeing the storyline on television. My phone had blown up with messages and tags and all sorts of snarky comments from Gavin’s female admirers. If I’d have been smart about it, I would have turned off the TV and ignored my phone. But the gravitational pull was so magnetic I couldn’t seem to resist. It was almost as if I’d had an insatiable need to punish myself. After all, I’d been carrying this guilt on my shoulders for a year. The first six months after the miscarriage, not a day went by when I didn’t pick up the phone and think about calling Gavin. But I always stopped myself
because I knew exactly what the sound of his voice would do to me. It would shatter me. Break any resolve I’d built up after I’d watched him walk away. I’d told myself it would get easier—and it had—until yesterday.

  I admired Hawk’s sleeping form. The rise and fall of his chest. The lock of hair that curled over his forehead. He’d come to my rescue last night. Held me. Whispered words of love and affirmation, words I’d needed to hear. He even sang to me in a soft, soothing voice. I didn’t understand how it was possible to feel that safe in someone’s arms. It wasn’t as if his arms could protect me from all the evil in the world. But there was something in the way he held me that said he desperately wanted to.

  I got up and showered and made myself a cup of coffee. I also ignored the twisted desire to switch on the television or pick up my phone. A short time later, Hawk joined me in the kitchen, and together we made breakfast (to clarify, I made breakfast, and he assisted by pouring us both a glass of orange juice—apparently, he had been banned from anything related to cooking due to a pancake incident. I didn’t ask for an elaboration.) After the dishes had been washed and put away, I received a call from Mitch.

  “Please tell me they’ve stopped running the story,” I begged.

  “They were contacted and assured us they would stop covering it on their live programming. As far as digital print, that’s a little bit trickier. We can’t stop viewers from passing the information along,” Mitch informed.

  I groaned into my hand and rested my hip against the kitchen counter. “This is a nightmare. Is there any way we can track down the source?”

  Mitch chuckled, and goose bumps prickled my flesh. “Already taken care of. Seems one of the custodians working the ER that night saw your picture online and recognized you. She was paid a hefty sum of cash for selling you out.”

  “Wow, that’s exactly what Hawk suspected had happened.”

  “Speaking of the husband, how did he take the news of you leaving?”

  I looked over at where Hawk was sitting on the sofa, messing with his guitar. “He’s happy for me. And his band just got invited to go out on tour, so he’ll be leaving in a few days. It wasn’t like either of us expected this to continue. We both knew the end was coming. We just didn’t know how quickly it would sneak up on us.”

  “At some point, we need to talk about how you want to handle the separation. If you’re living in L.A. and he’s back in PC, people will start sniffing around.”

  “I know. I’m just not ready to deal with that part right now. I will soon, though, I promise.”

  Mitch cleared his throat. “There is one more thing. Your location was leaked, so you may want to lay low until Monday.”

  I laughed sarcastically. “Lovely. And here I was hoping to enjoy a quiet Saturday.”

  ____________________________

  Later that evening, I slipped into my comfiest pair of leggings and one of Hawk’s baggy shirts. But not just any old shirt. The same gray one he’d been wearing the night we’d met. I loved the way it looked on him, but what I loved more was the way it felt against my skin. Soft and warm—like Hawk. It didn’t hurt that it also smelled of him.

  We’d planned on spending the evening curled up on the sofa eating junk food and watching movies. Something we’d had originally planned to do last night. But that was before the bomb had gone off.

  It seemed as though the story had faded into the background, exactly as Mitch had predicted, but my nerves were still on edge, waiting for the next explosion. If I’d learned anything in this business, it was the reality that there was always a secondary explosion.

  After my talk with Mitch, I’d swallowed my pride and placed two long overdue phone calls, one to Mama and the other to Tori, pleading my case for why I hadn’t told them. Both had been very understanding and supportive, telling me more than once how much they loved me. Tori even offered to come sit with me, but I’d thanked her and told her Hawk was already doing an excellent job of distracting me. We agreed to meet for lunch the next day to talk further and have the chance to say good-bye before I left for L.A.

  The idea of calling Gavin had crossed my mind, but I’d quickly brushed that thought aside and wrote it off as another mistake I didn’t need to be making. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him, but I had a feeling if he was curious about it, he’d be the one to reach out to me, the same way he had when he’d heard about my ‘marriage.’

  Hawk settled next to me on the sofa and pressed a button on the remote. “Which movie did we decide on?”

  He smirked and passed me the giant bowl of buttered popcorn we’d just finished popping. “You’ll see.”

  I watched with rapt attention as the beginning credits rolled and then squealed with delight when the familiar music began to play. “You rented Ghost? You do know that’s one of my favorite movies ever?”

  He just laughed and pulled me in close. “Of course, I knew that. Anything for you, Tiny.”

  I snuggled under his arm and fed him popcorn. One for me. Two for him. We watched the beginning of the movie in silence, but the moment Sam was killed, I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The kind that made my eyes tear up and my bottom lip tremble. And it had nothing to do with Patrick Swayze lying in a pool of his own blood and everything to do with the man sitting next to me.

  I swallowed hard and tipped my head back to stare into those green eyes I couldn’t get enough of. “I’m not ready to leave you. It’s too soon.”

  I still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that in two days, neither one of us would be sleeping in this house. I loved that we’d both been blessed with opportunities we hadn’t seen coming, but I also longed to go back to the night we’d met.

  He cupped my cheek and smiled a sad smile. “Hey, I know it’s going to be hard. I don’t like it any better than you do, but you have to go. You’re about to go conquer the world. You can’t give that up just to sit and stare at my ugly mug all day.” He kissed the tip of my scrunched-up nose.

  “You’re not ugly,” I muttered against his cheek.

  Our eyes met, and before I knew it, I was stretched out beneath him as his lips kissed and teased my neck. I grabbed hold of his ass, pulling him toward me until our bodies were flush. Craving the weight of his body and the safety it provided. I ground myself against his arousal, showing him how much I wanted him.

  “The guys are in the next room,” he murmured against my lips.

  “I don’t care. I need this. Need you.”

  Our kisses turned frantic. Tongues collided. Hands explored. I felt like a teenager, dry humping on the sofa while my parents slept upstairs. Although my parents weren’t actually here, or together for that matter, but Styx and J.T. were in the next room and could walk in at any given moment. The possibility of them catching us only fueled our desire.

  Hawk’s hand had just dipped below my waistband when the doorbell chimed. Both of us froze, and I closed my eyes, praying whoever it was would turn around and leave. I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to answer the door. And I sure as hell didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I only wanted Hawk.

  On top of me.

  Inside me.

  Worshiping me.

  Owning me.

  Loving me.

  Fuck the door and whoever was on the other side of it.

  When no one answered right away, the person started pounding on the door. Hawk jumped up and stalked over, whipping it open while the intruder was in the middle of knocking.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Hawk demanded in his most threatening voice.

  “Where’s Sophie?”

  I heard the voice but shook my head, certain my sex-induced brain was playing tricks on me. My hands trembled as I approached the door and stood next to Hawk. “Gavin?”

  “We need to talk,” Gavin ordered, taking a step forward and jerking a thumb in Hawk’s direction. “This douchebag your husband?”

  “Fucking right, I am.” Hawk stepped in front of me and clenched his fists
at his sides, eyes filled with pure hatred for Gavin. “Why the fuck are you here?”

  Gavin’s voice thundered. “I need to talk to Sophie.”

  “No fucking way. Get the hell out of here before I call the cops.”

  Gavin scoffed. “I came to speak with Sophie, and I’m not leaving until I do.” He moved his head, so he could see me. “Sophie, please, can we just go somewhere and talk? Preferably away from here.”

  “Um…”

  Hawk’s growled response scared me. “Hell. No.”

  My gaze darted between the two men. Both looked mad as hell, but I knew Gavin, and the only way I’d get him to leave was by giving in to his demands. Besides, I agreed it was time we cleared the air—about a lot of things. “Just give me a few minutes to change my clothes. Stay here,” I said before shutting the door and leaving him out on the porch to wait.

  My stomach churned as I marched up the stairs, Hawk right behind me, furious.

  “Please tell me you’re not seriously considering leaving with that asshole.”

  “Hawk, please. I’m sure he has questions, and I need to be the one to answer them. I owe him at least that much,” I argued.

  He growled and yanked at his hair. “Goddammit, Sophie, you don’t owe that fucktard anything! He walked out on you. Said he didn’t have time for you in his life. How does any of that leave you feeling like you owe him something?”

  I threw my hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know! I just do, all right?”

  He took my hand in his and squeezed. “Please don’t go. I have a bad feeling about this. He’s going to take you out and fill your head with a bunch of lies and probably try hitting on you. You’ll just end up feeling worse about yourself. Don’t give this asshole that kind of power over you.”

  I yanked my hand from his grasp and spun around, facing the wall. “For fuck’s sake, it’s just talking. It’s not like I’m going to have sex with the man.”