The Choices We Made

by Lexie James

  But those looks were exactly the same; I wonder he considered, a slight smile forming across his face, if their tempers are the same too.

  He picked up a glass while he began to accept that he finally had, within his grasp, the bastard that had got his precious little girl pregnant.

  He reviewed again what he had just seen, Emme had looked distraught as she had dashed to hide in her office and he had looked like he wanted to commit murder.

  Patrick’s first instinct was to wade in, have it out with him and at the same time support his daughter.

  He started towards her office then turned round as he reconsidered. For something that had happened so long ago, they both looked so emotional that it was if the event fuelling those emotions had only just occurred. The passage of time had not then fostered an indifference to each other; in fact it was patently obvious that they still had intense feelings for each other.

  A smile played across his face, as he realised, indifference did not generate emotional outbursts, but unrequited love could.

  He continued to consider all the options available to him before he came up with his master plan. Settling himself back down on his comfy chair, he reached for the bottle of whiskey and finally poured himself a drink.

  As he reviewed the situation, a half smile ghosted around his lips again.

  I do believe I’ll just pretend I haven’t seen anything untoward, and let them get on with it.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Oblivious to Patrick’s thoughts, Christos had marched into Lindy’s office and was just closing the door as she whipped around at the sound.

  “What do you think you’re doing in here?” She stormed. “This is my private office, get out of here right now.”

  He noted dispassionately that she was very angry, in fact he had never seen her quite that angry before. Even in the depths of his own fury he could recognise how furious she was and how magnificent it made her look. Not that she had right to be angry, not after what she had done. He watched her stick her chin up in the air defiantly, and as his eyes wandered over her body he noted that she was breathing deeply to try and control her emotions, and her eyes were icy cold as they tried to almost stab him across the room with her rage.

  “You’re angry with me? Me? I’m not the one of us that has had children. No I’m the person who you told, twelve years ago, that you would love for ever. How could you have lied to me? Those children of yours are nearly twelve, so there was someone else, even when you were telling me you loved me, there was someone else. You lied to me! Who was it? I want to know who it was you threw me over for.”

  She pulled herself upright, as tall as her five foot two inch frame allowed her to, and it was the words she hurtled at him that sliced deep into his heart.

  “You demand to know who their father is. Why you contemptuous, jumped up, slimy lying bastard, who the hell do you think you are? What do you think gives you the right to ask me any questions? And what do you mean I lied to you? When it was so patently obvious that you lied to me just to win a bet, I was there I watched as they paid you, did you think I was so ‘in love’ with you that I wouldn’t notice? Did you really think that I was that stupid? So now, do forgive me if I’ve got this wrong but I guess you couldn’t have meant everything that you said to me, could you? Because it seems to me it was all an almighty play act on your part. So now that’s all out in the open why could you possibly believe that you have any right to know what I’ve done and who I’ve slept with. Well you bloody don’t, whatever I’ve done it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you!” She was shouting at him now incandescent with rage.

  His anger was fuelled, not only by her words, but by the memory of his shame that morning and he stormed at her without thinking what he was saying.

  “Oh so you do admit it do you then? You have slept with other men; do you know what that makes you? Just a common little slut, whatever you tried to pretend to me back then. You must have been giving your favours out to just about anyone.”

  And still without really thinking what he was doing and fuelled by his anger at her betrayal he came closer to her and grabbed her arm.

  “Shall we give it another go for old times’ sake; a little quickie here in your office, is that what your father meant when he said you are always available for his guests. What do you offer them? Or is it all part of the service?”

  He had worked himself up into such a grand rage that he wasn’t thinking about what he was saying, he was functioning on an emotional level and his emotions didn’t know what had hit them. From the moment he had seen her again after all this time, that box of memories that he had locked away with all its corresponding pain had shattered, and he found he had no control over the maelstrom of longing and pain. He was furious with himself for caring so much that the picture he had carried in his heart of an innocent girl, was belied by the evidence he had seen before him, with his own eyes.

  Meanwhile she shoved him in the chest and moved quickly away from him to put her desk between them; her eyes looking totally confused as she questioned him.

  “What do you mean what services do I offer? Who to? What the hell do you think we are running here, some sort of brothel? A slut? You called me a slut? How dare you! After what you did? Please, please let me remind you again what you did. You are the one who bet on when you would bed me, so what does that make you? A gigolo? You are the one who didn’t mean anything you said. You are the man who took my honour away from me without a thought for the consequences. You are the one who lied to me; I just hope it was worth it, and I earned you plenty of money. After all, I would hate to think that my sacrifice didn’t earn you enough money!”

  Her voice had been dripping with sarcasm as she had begun but it ended on a strangled sob. As he saw the tears glistening in her eyes and heard the pain that she was trying so hard to hide in her voice his anger evaporated and he concentrated instead on the words she had flung at him. It was then that he recalled how truly innocent she had been; she was right, he had taken that away from her, and then his mates had tried to pay him for his actions out of their winnings. She hadn’t been there to see when he had thrown their money in their faces, she had already run away. In his heart he knew he had no right to call her a slut and yet, damn it, she did have children didn’t she, and someone had given them to her.

  He looked into the eyes of the girl he had always loved, and had deeply wronged all those years ago. Whatever she had done afterwards, he had to accept that he was partly responsible for her actions. Without thinking straight, he moved around the desk, trying to gather her into his arms.

  She slapped his face with such a strong right hand that he nearly fell over.

  “What do you think you are doing? Get away from me, don’t you ever, ever try to lay your hands on me again; if you do I’ll take a gun to you.”

  She was shaking and he saw her fist her right hand ready to hit him again, he took a hasty step backwards.

  “Lindy you don’t mean that! Listen to me, just listen to me for a minute, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to say the things I said. It was just the shock of seeing you again after all these years, and then realising you had children. I’m so sorry please, please believe me.”

  But Lindy was beside herself with rage, and began to shout at him again as soon as he opened his mouth to speak again, advancing on him, her fists continuing to clench tightly, as she backed him slowly towards the door.

  “Believe you! Why should I believe anything you say? You didn’t mean it did you? Well that didn’t stop you saying those awful things, did it? Why should I believe anything you say? I believed you once before and look what that got me, I will never believe a single word that passes your lips ever again. So I’m a slut am I? Because I‘ve got children? Well you’re the bastard that sold my honour for money, so I do believe that makes us even. You want to know who their father is. Why? What’s it got to do with you? I shall never tell who it is, because I’m telling you now,
once and for all, that’s it’s none of your goddamn business! You lost any right to know anything about me, the day you put money in your pocket for services I rendered to you. Now get of here, before I forget you are a guest and call the police.”

  His back against the door he stared into her flashing eyes and wondered how to diffuse the fury he could see there. He remembered how, when arguing with her in college, sometimes humour had helped to ease the tension. He raised an eyebrow, torn between despair that she believed he had accepted money for their night together, and the absurdity of the fact that she intended to call the police for what was essentially, a lovers tiff.

  “And tell them what? I want to know who fathered your children. I don’t think they will be interested in the least bit about that. But I would love to see their faces when you tell them that is what we are rowing about.”

  One look at her face told him that he had erred, big time; trying to infuse some humour into the situation was probably the worst step he had taken. No it was the second; he had already taken the first step by speaking to her in such a high temper.

  “Lindy, please, I’m so sorry. Please let’s sit down and talk. Let me explain to you please; let me stay and tell you how I feel.”

  His eyes silently begged her to listen to him, to no avail.

  “You don’t need to explain anything further, I understand perfectly; you’ve told me in quite explicit terms what you think of me and my behaviour, thank you very much; but do stay and try to explain some more yes, please stay, try and explain.”

  She paused; a brilliant cold smile began to flood her face. “Because do you know what? It’s going to give me the greatest pleasure to be able to prove to you, how totally wrong you are when the police arrive.”

  She picked up the phone and glared at him.

  He stared at her in despair, for years he had planned this moment, when he would finally find her. How he would apologise to her for that morning, tell her how he really felt, then spirit her away to live happily ever after with him.

  And instead what have I done? He thought bitterly. I came in here with such an fury and disillusionment because I saw her children that I didn’t stop to think about what I was saying, now I’ve said some terrible things, and she’ll never listen to any apology I try to make. He felt sick inside again, he knew he had ruined any chance of rekindling their fragile relationship.

  Just as he had ruined any chance of their happiness, all those years ago.

  He had smashed his dreams into smithereens then and now with his stupidity, and he couldn’t think of any way to repair them.

  He stood rooted to the spot, trying to think of a way to retract all that he had said and start all over again. But his mind was so befuddled with emotions that he couldn’t focus his thoughts on how he could begin, let alone how he could possibly finish. In despair he felt that all he could do was to go away and rethink some sort of strategy, giving her time to calm down.

  He looked at her face looking for any sign that he might have a chance, what he saw there dashed his hopes.

  “Lindy, I’m sorry, so sorry for all the things I have said. I know you don’t believe me but I will show you, somehow, how sorry I am. Honestly I will.”

  He walked out of her office with the weight of the world sitting on his shoulders. He couldn’t stand the thought of returning to the dining room but he didn’t know where else to go and regroup his thoughts.

  Looking up he saw the open front door and decided a walk in the fresh air might help him to organise his thoughts and come up with a plan to win her over.

  Patrick saw the pain in his eyes and he grinned, she didn’t need my protection then, did she? He watched as Christos slowly walked outside dejection apparent in the inward slope of his shoulders, yes, by the look of his demeanour he’d been told something he definitely didn’t want to hear.

  So who should I speak to first he wondered to himself?

  While he was considering this, Sophia came out of the dining room.

  “Patrick, have you any idea where Emme has gone? There is something urgent I want to discuss with her right this minute.”

  He turned round slowly, eyeing her speculatively as he considered why she was getting involved, for from the look on her face he could tell she was deeply involved. “Do you now? There seems to be a lot of people wanting to discuss things with my little girl. I hope everyone is remembering how important this weekend is to her. She’s in her office, but I think she might be rather upset. You wouldn’t have any idea why that should be do you Sophia?”

  Sophia looked at him, her eyes heavy with worry. “I have a pretty good idea and I’m going to do my best to sort it out. I promise.”

  She walked swiftly over to Emme’s office.

  With her hand on the door she could clearly hear that Lindy was her sobbing her heart out.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Taking a deep breath she walked in and shut the door behind her. Turning round she saw Emme collapsed on her desk totally dejected, her shoulders shaking with heartfelt sorrow. The last time Sophia had seen her crying like that was the morning she had returned from college; not even Hannah’s death had created this much grief.

  Not knowing quite how to start she walked around the desk and laid her hand gently on her shoulder; Emme stiffened and sniffed. Well this is encouraging, thought Sophia; she’s trying to control her emotions. Wordlessly she gave her a tissue which Emme took and wiped her eyes with, before heartily blowing her nose. Finally she looked up at Sophia with tearstained eyes that shone with hurt and humiliation.

  In the end Sophia spoke, partly because she couldn’t stand the silence anymore, and partly because she felt so guilty. If she had warned Emme earlier on, as soon as she knew Christos was here, they might not now be in this situation. Emme’s distress told her that she would need to tread warily and perhaps not yet own up to the fact that she knew Christos.

  “I saw the looks that passed between you and that young man who was sitting at our table. Then you disappeared, and within five minutes he had raced after you. Now I find you crying as if your heart has been broken. Is there something you would like to talk about to me? You know I’m a very good listener.”

  Emme’s eyes gradually shifted from pain to anger as she silently recalled what Christos had said to her. Shaking with rage again she surged to her feet and began to march up and down the room.

  “Him!” She spat out. “He was. He is.” She turned on her heel, eyes blazing. “Do you know what he dared to say to me? After all this time, as if everything he did last time wasn’t enough; and with not even one single bloody phone call in all these years, do you want to know what he said? Well let me tell you what that so high and mighty, goody goody, butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth slimy bastard said. He just had the temerity to charge in here and demand to know who my lover is. Can you imagine that? What planet does he live on that he thinks he can come in here and ride rough shod over me? I mean it wasn’t me that seduced a virgin and then got paid by his mates for doing it; oh no that was him, I was the wronged one, and now he’s behaving like it’s all my fault and I’ve wronged him! How dare he take that high and mighty tone with me, I’d like to push him off the roof, no I’d like to take him out to the lake, tie his promises round his neck, and then drop him in the deepest part of it. No, no, I’ll take his car and drive it into the lake, men love their cars more than anything else in the world, I should know, I was nothing to him and he made sure everybody knew it too.”

  She sank back down onto a chair and began to sob again.

  “Oh God I hate him so much, how is it possible to hate anyone as much as I hate him.”

  After listening to her tirade and realising how stupid Christos had obviously been, Sophia almost began to feel much the same way about him as Emme did. Personally she agreed with everything she had suggested, in fact there were quite a few suggestions she could add to that list, some of which she would be quite happy to carry out when she got her hands on him.
At the moment, though all she could do was hold Emme, as she had done when she was a child and let her cry out her grief.

  Finally Emme shuddered to a stop.

  “I’m sorry; I don’t know what got into me, I never get angry like that.”

  Sophia hugged her. “I know but then you don’t normally meet again the man you once fell in love with do you?”

  Emme pulled away from her, shock written all over her face.

  ”Love? I never heard anything so preposterous! I don’t love that man; I don’t even know him anymore. In fact, now I think about it, I don’t think I ever really knew him at all. In fact, I haven’t seen him in twelve years and, here’s another bloody fact, now I think about it, I couldn’t care less what he thinks about me because I don’t care anything about him! And, as far as I am concerned, I hope I never have to see again, for as long as I live!”

  Sophia looked and saw the pain in her eyes that were still glistening with tears. “You know Emme I really don’t think you mean that, you can’t rant and rave and cry and then pretend you don’t feel something.”

  “Ok I hate him them! Hate him with a vengeance. There will that do? Are you satisfied now? ”Emme replied angrily.

  Sophia smiled at her. “Not really, because I don’t think you really mean it. Do you know what I think? I believe that you must have loved him very deeply, once upon a time. Truly I think the chances are that you still love him, otherwise you wouldn’t be quite so very angry.”

  Emme looked away and tears began to slide down her cheek again.

  “I did, oh Sophia, I loved him so much. I would have done anything for him, and I did. And he told me he loved me to, but he didn’t really mean it at all, it was all a show just to win a bet. I was just a bet he won and cast aside. I never really meant anything to him. And that hurts so much, and the pain, it never stops.”