The Choices We Made

by Lexie James

  Sophia pulled her round so that she could look her in the eyes and wipe away her tears, she spoke to her firmly.

  “Now you listen to me. For something that happened twelve years ago and for someone that wasn’t interested in you, apart from winning a bet, he’s certainly come in here with all guns blazing. He wouldn’t have done that, unless he was really angry about something. So I would reckon that you meant quite a lot to him, both then, and now. Maybe you’ve got things wrong, now think very carefully what he said, can you think of any reason why he should have been so angry?”

  Emme went over his rant in her head and then the reason jumped out at her.

  “Oh my God, the children, he demanded to know who their father was; he thought I’d slept with someone else.” She paused and began to cry again almost hysterically. “Brilliant! It obviously never occurred to that idiot that they were his children. All this time, I’ve been so afraid that one day he’d turn up, see them, and demand his rights as their father. Can you believe this? When he does finally turn up, it never even occurs to him that they might be his; and to crown it all he called me a slut because of them.”

  She sighed deeply and looked up at Sophia. “Well, if that’s what he thinks, then I did the right thing not to tell him. Now I know they will be safe from ever having anything to do with that lying, deceitful toe rag.”

  She stormed upright, drying her eyes as she did so.

  “Thank you for listening to me Aunt Sophia. I’m alright now, I can cope. I presume he’ll be here all weekend, but I shall keep the children and myself as far away from him as I possibly can.”

  She had walked over to her desk and began to search for the guest list. Finding it she began to scan down for his name, wondering how she had missed it.

  “You know I really don’t remember seeing his name down here.”

  Her eyes ran down the page and Sophia’s heart sank, as she knew in a minute she would begin to put two and two together. “Cervantes, his surname is Cervantes, there isn’t anybody here on the list with that that name. I didn’t miss it. He was sitting at your table.”

  Perplexed she looked at the list again and her eyes swung up contemptuously to Sophia.

  “It says here Mrs Adrienne Jones and Mr Chris Jones, son, well I know he is most definitely not her son!” Her eyes blazed. “Oh isn’t that so typical of men, they must be having a weekend fling and to think I really liked her, and my father liked her, he’s looked forward to her being here this weekend. Now I find she’s having an affair with the father of my children, well now isn’t she the lucky one! And when I think of the things he said to me. How dare he do that!”

  She finally ground to a halt and Sophia took a deep breath knowing she couldn’t let this go on any longer. “I think you will find you are making a big mistake.”

  “Am I?” Furious eyes glared at Sophia. “Am I?” She demanded and then looked into Sophia’s eyes, what she saw there made her catch her breath. “His surname is Cervantes, oh no, Sophia you know them don’t you? I’ve heard you talk about them. Did you know he was coming here?”

  “No I didn’t know he would be here, nor did I know he was the twin’s father and if I had known, well, Emme, I’ve been telling you for years you can’t keep the children away from their father forever, someday they will need to know who he is.”

  “I’ll show them something about him when I think they are ready. I’ve kept a scrap book on him, everything the papers have published, look.”

  She pulled a large book out of her desk and silently turned the pages in front of Sophia. “I just don’t understand why he had to turn up now, a few more years and I would have told the children in my own time, honestly I would.”

  Sophia took a deep breath trying to control her worry.

  “Emme he’s here because Adrienne found you; she’s been looking for you for years, ever since he told her about you. She’s not having an affair with him, she’s is his Personal Assistant, once she met you and the children she put two and two together, and obviously came up with the right answer. Christos came here because he thought they were looking over a property in order to offer to buy it, that’s what they do amalgamate hotels into their chain. Adrienne didn’t tell him about you or the children, and he had absolutely no idea I would be here or his mother.”

  Emme looked aghast at Sophia. “His mother? Your friend, is she is mother? Sophia, how much worse could it possibly get? She doesn’t know about the children does she? Please tell me she doesn’t.”

  Sophia nodded. “I’m afraid she does now, but we only found out this evening when Adrienne told us. Adrienne hadn’t warned Christos, or you, because she thought, romantic that she is, that you would both be so overjoyed to see each other that it would all end happily ever after. None of us considered that when he saw the children he would think they were someone else’s. It’s weird, I don’t know how I could have been so blind as to not recognise them as his children, now I know I can see so much of him in them.”

  Emme’s face crumpled. “I’ve tried to keep them hidden for years, why did she have to bring him here now?”

  Looking at her quizzically Sophia enquired. “Why did you keep them hidden? Like it or not Emme, they have both a father and a grandmother, she at least is desperate to acknowledge them and love them.”

  Emme’s anguished voice poured out her explanation.

  “Why did I do it? Because he didn’t want me, that’s why. He took my virtue for a bet, and to achieve that he told me all sorts of lies. That’s how very little I meant to him, so if he hadn’t really loved and wanted me then, what the hell would he have done when I told him that I was pregnant? Except, I suppose that would have been a wonderful finish to his bet, what better evidence could he have had that he had succeeded with me. I wonder if he would have got paid more money for getting me pregnant! So if he didn’t want me then he certainly did not deserve to be around our children. So you tell me, why should I have put myself through the degradation and humiliation of telling him of his impending fatherhood? I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted them anymore then he had wanted me. Children need loving and protecting from heartache and rejection, so that’s what I’ve done, I’ve protected them from his rejection.”

  She flung her head up defiantly and tried to outstare Sophia.

  “And don’t you dare go and tell Dad because he’s got enough on his plate this weekend, without telling him that the man who fathered my children is actually here. He wanted to take a shotgun to him when he first found out; he certainly won’t feel any different now.”

  Sophia sighed deeply. “Okay I won’t interfere but I’m not happy about it. What are you intending to do?”

  “Do? Just what I’ve told you I’ll do, I’ll keep us away from him, as much as is humanly possible. As long as he keeps thinking they’re someone else’s children, he’s not going to come near us, and that’s fine with me.” Emme informed her coldly.

  Sophia pleaded. “Emme please, what about their grandmother? Doesn’t she deserve to get to know them and spend some time with them?”

  Shocked Emme glared at her. “You’ve got to be kidding haven’t you? Why should she deserve anything? After all he must have learnt his behaviour from somewhere. If she’s anything like him I should think she’d be too proud and nasty to acknowledge them anyway, and I won’t put my children into a situation like that.”

  Sophia’s eyes widened with sorrow. “Emme, you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried, but I can see I’m not going to get anywhere with you while you’re still so angry.”

  Sophia began to walk despondently out of the room.

  “Aunt Sophia, please don’t leave, I’m sorry I forgot for a second that she came here with you.”

  Sophia turned to face her just as Emme’s heart began to sink as she considered all the ramifications of the situation. “Just how well do you know them?”

  Sophia took a deep breath knowing that what she was about to say might mean that Emme never wanted to see
her again.

  “I told you, Maria and I grew up together and Christos, well, he’s my godson and much as I would like to wring his neck at this moment for being such an idiot, I do love him very much. I think, if you would truly look inside your heart, you would recognise that you still love him too. Do you know what he did when he first saw you this evening? He grinned from ear to ear; he ignored us in mid-sentence. I’ve never see such a look of pure joy on his face, never, despite what happened here a few moments ago, I believe he indeed loves you still, very deeply indeed.”

  She turned to walk out of the door, paused as if she was considering something else to say and having made her decision, returned to stand by Emme.

  “There is something I want you to know. Christos was born a twin, they were inseparable growing up, and they had little need of friends when they had each other. A few months before they were due to begin their university courses they went away for the weekend, on a climbing holiday. There was a freak accident, it was no-one’s fault, the rope that was holding Mikolas snagged on a rock and snapped. He fell fifty feet, not far I grant you, but enough to break his neck. Christos got to him as fast as he could, but it was too late. Mikolas died in his arms. Part of Christos died that day too. For the sake of his family business he gave up the course he intended to take and instead took Mikolas’ course. He was in shock and alone for the first time in his life. His father died the day you returned home, since then he has had to take on his father’s businesses and somehow along the way he lost himself. Tonight was the first time I saw the real Christos in years. I thought it important that you knew about that. And Emme, think about it, for someone that wasn’t interested in you; he’s gone out of his way to speak to you tonight. Even if what he said was the wrong thing. If he had truly been uninterested in you he would have ignored you. I love you Emme, deeply, and I will support you in whatever decision you make, but you have to look past your anger and consider all the facts. Not only what you know, but what I’ve told you.”

  She walked out and closed the door quietly behind her, leaving Emme reeling in shock and having to digest the very last thing she wanted to hear.

  It crossed her mind that finally she had an explanation for why he had been so hard to get close to all those years ago. Gradually she began to feel her heart soften with compassion, as she considered what he must have suffered at the death of his twin. Then to have given up his course so that he could step into his shoes, to lose your dreams and have your brother die in your arms, that must have been an emotional rollercoaster.

  Why hadn’t he told her? She could have helped him with his grief, she would have supported him if only he had confided in her.

  And then his father dying the day after the graduation ball, he must have been so distraught, maybe that explained why he had made no attempt to find her and offer her whatever explanation he could come up with.

  But then her mind began to rerun the morning in the canteen, and her heart began to grow icy again, as she re-evaluated the facts. He had lied to her and accepted money for the bets run on when he would bed her. How could he possibly try and explain that? The only explanation was the one that she had seen with her own eyes, for some reason he had been chosen to bring her down because they studied together, that was all there was to it.

  No matter what excuses Sophia tried to make for him, there was nothing anyone could say, that would atone for his behaviour.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Sophia walked across the lobby slowly, head down, buried in thought, when Patrick’s voice stopped her.

  “So tell me now, is everything all sorted? And has my Emme got a smile on her face?”

  Reluctantly, despondently, Sophia turned to him. “Not quite.”

  Patrick looked at her for a while, a serious look on his face. Making a decision, he began to move out from behind his desk. “Very well then I believe it is my turn.”

  “No Patrick, don’t do it.” Sophia exclaimed hurriedly. “Just leave her alone for a while. I’ve given her some things to think about, let’s see what tomorrow brings.”

  Glancing at her he firmly told her. “Well I’m not sure what you thought I was meaning to do. But I was intending to take myself outside with a glass of whisky for myself and the young man that walked outside a little while ago, with the world on his shoulders.”

  Sophia glanced outside. “Is that where he went to? I did wonder. I don’t think that’s a good idea Patrick.”

  Patrick’s face broke into a grin. “Well now, isn’t it a good idea that I didn’t ask your opinion? You have talked to Emme. Now that young man looks like he needs someone to talk to him, and I believe I am the best person to do it. So I would thank you to keep your opinions to yourself, and come and man the desk for me.”

  He picked up two glasses and a half bottle of whisky, then changed his mind and swopped it for a full bottle.

  “From the look on his face, I believe that I might be some time.”

  Sophia was left with nothing to do but agree to step behind the desk; her heart sank as she watched Patrick head out of the door. Could anything get worse than this she thought?

  Patrick stood on the steps allowing his eyes to become accustomed to the dark while he searched in the shadows for Christos. Finally he saw him, sitting on a bench under the oak tree, with his head in his hands. Quietly he walked over to him, but Christos was oblivious to him, until Patrick spoke to him.

  “You look to me like someone who is in dire need of a drink.” He handed him a glass full of whisky.

  Christos took it wordlessly and drained the glass, before indicating that he wanted more; Patrick obliged him and Christos again downed it in one before mutely lifting his glass for another shot. Having filled the glass again, Patrick sat down beside him. This time Christos just held the glass and looked out, pensively, into the darkness.

  Patrick sipped his drink and looked thoughtfully at Christos’s profile. He could see anguish there, etched on every line of his face.

  “You drink like that and you’ll have a hell of a head in the morning. And there was I thinking how much help you could be, a nice fit strong man like yourself, and me such a poor old man as I am.”

  Christos pulled his eyes from the gloom. “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

  “Ah well now, perhaps your mother hasn’t told you how important this weekend is to myself and my daughter.” He paused for a moment waiting for a response.

  “No she hasn’t.” Was all he the reply he got.

  Patrick sighed he felt this was going to be a rather difficult, and possibly mainly a one-sided conversation.

  “So perhaps I’ll be telling you myself then. When my wife, Emme’s mother died, Emme organised a charity event to raise money for the hospice. Each year we repeat it and each year it gets bigger and bigger. She still insists she need no help, and is fine organising it all by herself. She builds herself up into such a frenzy, trying to cope with her emotions. I have to watch her struggling with it, because she won’t accept any help. And here am I, knowing it’s her heart that is breaking, as she is blaming herself all over again, each year, for her mother’s death.”

  Patrick’s words slowly began to penetrate into the depths of Christos’s despair.

  “Why?” he queried. “Why would she do that? Why would she blame herself for her mother’s death?”

  “It’s to do with the stress you see, Emme read up that stress can cause cancer and she’s convinced herself that it was the stress of her getting herself pregnant and giving birth without the father of her children around that made her mother ill. So now each year she tears herself into little pieces, yet she pretends that everything is fine. She thinks I have no idea of the feelings she is trying to hide.”

  Intently Christos looked him in the eye. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “To tell you the truth, I’m not quite sure why I’m doing this. I suppose I thought you might need to know, seeing as how you obviously know my daughter; I thought you might
be interested in why she becomes very emotional at this time of the year.”

  Patrick sat back gazing into the darkness and swirled his whisky slowly around his glass.

  “No I don’t believe I do know your daughter, not really. I thought I did but the girl I knew a long time ago was called Lindy, that’s not your daughter’s name is it? I’ve got it all wrong.”

  Christos spoke in such a dejected tone that Patrick felt a stirring of sympathy for him. His daughter, as he was acutely aware, having had to deal with her on many an occasion, had a nasty tongue in her head when she was angry, one of his traits he was sorry she had inherited from him. Very few people saw it, because she was always so controlled, it only came out when she was seriously upset. Whatever she had said to this young man had obviously hurt him deeply.

  “Well that’s a shame then isn’t it? I just thought that if you did know her, you might want to support her over this weekend. You could maybe do a few wee jobs for me, which would indirectly help her.”

  Patrick glanced at Christos but he was still looking at his glass and hardly appeared to be listening to him.

  “Lindy was the name her mother used for her so please don’t be calling her that this weekend, it will only upset her more.”

  Christos was only half listening; he was going over in his head everything he had said to her and everything she had said to him. Despite it all, he knew he still loved her in fact he had loved her from that first moment he had seen her standing, uncertainly, in the common room. But what chance did he stand of convincing her of that fact now?

  And she had children, someone else’s children, not his, why couldn’t they have been his, that had been his dream for them. Could he truly accept what she had done? Then learn to love another person’s children? He thought honestly and deeply and faced the fact that loving her as he did he could accept her children because they were part of her. As long as he never had to face the bastard that had fathered them. Could he really convince her that he wanted her, and her children? That he wanted to be a part of their lives? After all that he had said to her? He had a horrible feeling that it was going to take a miracle for her to accept his apology.